CADEN

At the dining table, it was quite intense. The room was dull, and the silence was stinging every part of me that I began to wonder if there were any means I could get out of here.

"Kane is out," and boom, Dad let out.

He knows nothing!

"I have no idea."

"Well, my people don't have his exact whereabouts for now, but I am sure he wouldn't come anywhere closer to us," he announces from his position.

Not having the strength to oppose and mostly because I knew he was left behind, I decided to give him the satisfaction he needed.

Agreement.

"You must be correct."

"I always am," he retorted, prideful.

It was embarrassing for a parent.

"Don't be so proud, though," I scoffed.

Suddenly, he wore a tough feature, shooting a dagger glare at me.

His hand slams the table loudly as he grumbled: "Can you repeat that one in my face?"

Panicked, Mad begins just as she grabs my hand under the table: "Dad..." But Martha reappears again. This time fully dressed in pajamas too.

Yes, I know. She wouldn't always be there to save my ass from him.

"I am now fully showered. Can we dig into the food?" She joked, right before she began serving the table.

Midway through the dinner that Martha claimed Dad had helped cook.

He decided to start talking.

Man, how I wish it remains quiet all throughout.

"Maddie, tell me all about your semester. What is your experience about college so far?" He comes off really excited that he cares less about the food in front of him. "Tell me in detail about Stanford. Exciting? Fun?" He inclines closer to her. Playfully winking as he spoke the last two words.

Studying my dad's expression, I felt the heat of her eyes shifted to me and a broad smile is immediately plastered on her face.

"It's worth it." She said. Her hands passionately squeezing mine under the table.

She meant me. It warms me emotionally.

With a smile, dad glanced at his wife then brought his eyes back to Mad, who's chewing on her vegetable salad.

"I am so happy to hear that. It means you've met new people and finally made friends." He responded while shoving sausage into a fork.

Again, Mad tilts her head and smiles heartily at me.

And I immediately understood she meant us.

"Hmm... that part. I have a best friend now. His name is Asher, we go to the same school. He's a psychology major, and he has a nice roommate, Daniel." She explained rather merrily.

"A man psychologist?" Dad sounded surprised as he almost choked on the sausage.

And there we go!

Blinking, Mad boldly raised a question to the man still sputtering coughs on the table: "You have a problem with that?"

She waits with her brows lifted at him while he takes a sip of water to compose himself.

When he was steady, he heaves a sigh and briefly spares me a glance with folded lips. As if he was finding difficulties in enlightening the three people on the table.

"For a man, he needed something that leads to a successful future. He's going to be a father someday. And financial problems are something he wouldn't want coming up to slap him in the back."

He would keep saying that. He will keep belittling psychologists because I choose to be one.

Mad lips curl up, and her head shakes in denial or maybe confusion.

"And who says men psychologists have a financial crisis?" She shrugged and challenged him. "Asher's uncle, for instance: the man owns a health care center of his own. That's where I work and most of Palo Alto's experienced psychologists too. Including even some more from the nearest cities."

Dad sets down his fork and table knife by each side of his plate. Seating back comfortably in the chair when he asks: "How many men are in your class?"

"A lot, even more than the ladies."

"And from your statement, there are a lot of experienced psychologists in Palo Alto and even the neighboring cities but only one was lucky to build a health care center for the tens or hundred or maybe even thousands to earn under him? That's not a success; it's a huge failure, my dear." Dad smirked at me.

Yes, that's to me.

We both know why he was talking that way!

He had hated the idea of not having me under his control. He had drawn my life and expected me to follow each line on the sketch.

It wasn't me. Those things he wanted of me were very opposite of me.

Of course, I've always wanted to become a pilot, but I have the right to make my decision.

And knowing that I changed my mind, Dad decided to question my decision. It is my life, not his. And I am very delighted with my druthers.

I was very happy and grateful, I don't expect him to care or understand.

Although what he said had hit not only me but everyone on the table, so Martha warned her husband by sternly calling his name.

"What? I am trying to have a conversation with my daughter here." He answered her and brought back his attention to sensitive Madison, whose hand held mine tightly.

"Look! Maddie all I am saying is: that major doesn't suit your friend, but you? I can't think of anyone else better for it. You are that one lucky person who's going to graduate and have your health care center because you're very pragmatic, logical, and very careful. You're my smartest baby. I am so proud of you." With my head down and eyes drilling into my barely touched food, I heard him said those sweet words to her.

It was true. At least he saw that in her.

"And what about Caden?" She exclaimed. And I instantly stiffened.

No!

She shouldn't bring that up.

"What about him?" Dad reluctantly retorted.

"We go to the same school, we have the same major. He's even doing better than me." She turns to me with a broad smile and urges: "Caden, tell them about it."

After a brief eye contact with the man who claimed to be my father, he changed the subject:

"Can I have more salad? Honey, you're going to guide me through this recipe. Isn't it the best she has ever done?" He asked Mad.

Instead, she pressed, "Tell them, Caden? Tell them how hard you've been studying?"

I wished she stopped trying, she has no idea who my dad is.

As soon as he set his mind to something, it's done.

And he had set his mind to hate me forever. There was nothing I could do right. I can never please him. He was never interested in anything about me. I was no one to him. I meant nothing.

It was like he was forced to adopt me. It was the only valid conclusion that makes meaning in my head.

"There's nothing to say." I released her hand and dropped the napkin on the table. "Thanks for the food."

"You want some salad, my dear?" Dad asked Mad, paying no attention to me.

Not that I want. I've been on my own since birth, I am sure.

"I don't want some salad." She sounded exasperated.

I know he was annoying, he can arouse impatience and anger, but I wasn't going to let him take me down.

How can I tell her not to worry too?

It's actually okay. This was normal; it was nothing compared to what he had done before.

"Caden? Will you give me a hand in the kitchen if you don't mind? We can catch up on the past months." Martha quietly offers when I stood up from the table.

"I am just going for a walk."

MADISON

How far did he travel? He said just a walk but it's two in the morning and he still hasn't come home yet.

I've called his phone, but I kept reaching his voicemail only.

It begins to bother me if it's safe wandering around this very cold city at this time of the day.

Maybe coming here was a wrong decision; I shouldn't have dragged Caden into it.

Now he's forced to face dad's hatred and it was overwhelming him no matter how much he plays nonchalance about it.

Snuggled in my cozy pajamas and socks, I sit on the soft bed in my pitch-black bedroom, which is nearly three times the size of my room in Palo Alto, styled with chic decor that Dad picked for me when I first came here.

My legs were folded to my chest while my hands hug them even closer to me. I was cold, but I was even more extra without Caden around.

Every time that passes, it came with fear.

Was he ever coming back? Why isn't he home by now? Was coming here the right thing to do?

Dad's contempt for Caden was only growing every day, it was getting to a point where I doubt anything could change that.

It was abusive and unhealthy to Caden. No child should feel unloved by their parent.

It's so unfair.

The creaking sound from my neighbor's door aroused my cognition and I shoot up on my feet and scamper towards my door.

Gradually turning the doorknob, making sure no one heard any noise from my ninja mission.

I took four careful steps to Caden's door and gently turn it open.

Before shutting the wooden door, I had to look sideways up and down the hall for our safety.

In the room, the lights were off, and it was totally dark, I froze in my stance, not knowing where to drop my foot next.

But a torch from a mobile phone was instantly aimed in my direction.

And there he was, laying exhaustedly on his bed in his hoodie.

"Hey?" I advance.

"What are you doing here? Mad, you have to get back to your room."

"I couldn't sleep, I was afraid you wouldn't come home."

"Where else will I go when you are here?"

I crawled on the bed and join him in my comfort zone, his arms.

He was warm and smells so good.
I missed him so much.

"Can I sleep with you?"

"You know I want that, but Mad, it's risky."

Since when did he care about risk?

I circled my arm around his waist before whispering in his ear: "Please? I don't feel comfortable in that room now. It doesn't belong to me. It's Cara's."

His hand comes to my back and holds me closer just as his lips kiss my forehead.

"But it is yours. You own it. It is my fault, fuck." He expels an exasperated breath. "I am sorry for making you feel that way about a room. She's gone, but you're here, and you're part of this family as much as she was."

"No! Rightfully, it's hers. Is not okay. Not to me either." I inhaled deeply.

"I love you so I won't drag on it but I don't agree with you." He whispered in the dark, kissing my forehead again.

I smiled at the way he sounded. I guess it was because with me Caden has never acquiesced or conceded, so now, having him treat me this way was overwhelming.

"Then let me sleep with you."

"Mad, what if they find us. I can't complicate you."

"No one is going to know. Beside is not like they care to check over you."

Shit! Did I say that out loud?

However, he didn't take it personally; he went on with, "What if they wanted to check on you?"

"It's two in the morning, they're all asleep. They're not the best parents." I point out, wishing he could just relax and let us have some rest.

"Martha is."

Suddenly, I felt my heart stopped. Yes, I recognize that look he had when she rushed over and pull me in her arms earlier, I recognize those stolen gazes he shoots at me when she kissed my head as she served me dinner.

My heart hurt for him.

"She has her flaws."

"It doesn't matter." He exhaled and then worriedly whispered, "It's not safe."

Almost irritated as to why he was pushing me away, I sadly challenge on equal volume while I sat up beside him: "You said you want to sleep together all the time."

"But not here Mad. If dad finds out, he is actually going to kill me and involve you."

That's when it occurs to me Caden was afraid of dad; it was why he has always watched his words around him.

Earlier at the dinner, he had stiffened in the chair and stayed quiet while dad did most of the talking.

"You fear him, don't you?" I questioned, feeling the irritation rising to my throat.

What did that man do to him before mom and I moved in?

"Come here." He pulled me back over his chest. Inhaling and exhaling in my hair.

Then guilt made its way through, and all I thought was how terrible I was for making him come along just to suffer.

"Caden are you okay. About earlier? I mean since we came here. God! I shouldn't have talked you into coming over." I buried my face in his neck and swallowed.

"I am fine. I survived the worst. Besides I wasn't going to let you out of my sight. Remember? It was the deal."

I remain still and quiet while I let myself breathe his tasty scent. It was the only thing I needed. As my voice had stuck in my throat just as that bile that won't go down at all.

When his heart was back to beating normal, I had finally composed myself.

"Caden?" I mumbled.

"Yes!"

"It's our first Christmas together." And from how It's going I don't know if it's going to be memorable.

"Is it already morning?" He asked.

"It's almost three."

"Merry Christmas, baby," he murmured, having me blushing, before suggesting: "We should get some sleep then."

I clasp his torso tighter and whisper, "Good night."

I felt his lips against my hair and the idle touch of his fingertips tracing the scar on my neck. Those were enough to put me to sleep.

He was the rare pill that put me to sleep when nothing could.