xxi. survivor's guilt
the 48

"Arrived. Level 5."

AN ELECTRONIC voice sounded when the elevator jolted to a stop. Sawyer's stomach lurched at the abrupt motion. Before that moment, she had never been inside of an elevator. She read about them and knew that the Ark had at least one, but she did not have a good enough reason to use one. It was located on Alpha Station and only those who lived there were allowed within its walls.

Sawyer and Clarke exited the elevator on Level 5, along with the guards who rode up with them. They escorted the two girls through the halls, which were also composed of the same dull concrete as the lower level, to a large room that held a number of long tables and chairs. Various knickknacks were placed down the center of the tables, while paintings and other images covered the walls. A mess hall of some kind.

Sawyer gave the room a quick glance, before her attention fell on a group of people crowded inside. She did not know who they were until the woman in front of them began to speak.

"Your packet contains everything you need to know about Mount Weather, which I promise is not as confusing as the map on page one makes it up to look. You came from Level 3, which houses our medical facility."

"Sawyer. Clarke."

Sawyer snapped to where a figure barreled in her direction. She barely had enough time to hold out her arms, before Harper McIntyre slammed into her for a tight embrace. "Harper. Oh, my God," she breathed, squeezing the girl as if her life depended on it.

Harper hugged the Sawyer so hard she was sure to have bruises. She pulled away with a bright smile on her lips. Sawyer did not have time to say a word, before another person replaced Harper in her arms. She sucked in a breath when a head of black hair entered her eye-line.

"Monty?" Sawyer questioned, pulling back enough to see Monty Green for the first time in days. "We thought you were dead."

Monty grinned and shook his head. "I'm okay."

Jasper Jordan bumped his best friend out of the way and yanked Sawyer toward him. She let out a huff, but she smiled and reciprocated the embrace.

"Hey, Jasper," Sawyer exclaimed, patting the boy on the back.

Jasper pulled back with a wide grin. "You're okay."

Sawyer nodded, glancing around to the other delinquents who rushed over to her and Clarke. None of them appeared injured or in distress. She shifted her gaze to her co-leader and found her in the arms of Monty. Her own smile visible.

When everyone got their reunions out of the way, Sawyer and Clarke began to look over their people. The Wesley girl wanted to know who made it to Mount Weather, and who were killed in their war with the Grounders. She took a mental attendance in her head, coming up short to the forty-six, excluding herself and Clarke, Dante said were inside the bunker.

"Who're we missing?" Sawyer asked no one in particular. "The president said forty-eight made it, but I count forty-seven."

"Miller's still in quarantine," Harper stated, pulling the brunette's stare to her. "They said he has another surgery before they'll let him out."

Sawyer's brows furrowed as worry fell over her. "Surgery?"

Harper nodded. "One of the Grounders stabbed him in the shoulder."

At her words, Sawyer remembered the night before and the blood that coated Miller's jacket when he dragged her and Clarke into the dropship.

"Finn and Bellamy?" Clarke asked, looking between the delinquents with a hopeful gaze.

Her inquiry caused all of their expressions to falter. Sawyer noticed, and her own dropped.

"Clarke," Jasper started and glanced between the co-leaders, "Sawyer, they – they didn't make it."

Sawyer's heart plummeted into her stomach. In the chaos of being abducted from their home and taken to Mount Weather, she almost forgot about the violence that ensued because of the Grounders. And with it, what happened to Bellamy and Finn. She did not want to think the worst. Just because they failed to make it into the dropship did not mean they were dead. The same went for Mount Weather.

"We don't know that," Sawyer voiced in unison with Clarke. The two girls exchanged a look, before Sawyer continued. "They're probably in the woods somewhere looking for us."

Clarke nodded and then questioned, "what about Raven?"

No one answered.

That caused Sawyer's blood to run cold. Raven had been in the dropship when the thrusters fired on the Grounders. And from what she remembered, the mechanic was on the brink of death. If she did not make it to Mount Weather, then she most likely did not make it at all.

Before they could say more, the woman, who addressed the delinquents a few minutes earlier, stepped toward the two co-leaders. She smiled as she approached and handed them two blue folders. "Welcome, Sawyer, Clarke. If you have any questions, I'm Keenan."

Sawyer flipped the folder open in her hands, finding a bundle of papers held inside with round metal rings. Her eyes landed on the first page. A map of Mount Weather. She looked it over for a moment and came to one important conclusion. There were no exits. None at all.

_______

After Sawyer and Clarke were reunited with their people, the woman who gifted them their welcome packets, Keenan, gave them the go ahead to explore Mount Weather. For most of the delinquents, that meant a trip to the place they were permitted to stay within the bunker. A large dormitory filled with dozens of metal-framed beds stacked on top of one another. Enough for everyone.

Sawyer and Clarke claimed their own, one above the other. They did not want to separate from each other's sides any time soon, especially without Bellamy there. Sawyer perched on the top bed with her back against the metal frame. Clarke sat next to her, holding a map of Mount Weather between them.

The underground bunker consisted of seven levels. All of them different from the next. The first two levels, the ones closest to the surface, held nothing but labs and warehouses. Sawyer already knew what laid within Level 3. Medical and the Quarantine Ward. Dante walked them through Level 4, which consisted of Mount Weather's life support system. The bulk of the bunker's living quarters and other communal spaces were inside Level 5 and Level 6, along with the delinquents dormitory. And the last level, Level 7, held what the map called the Oval Office. An office for the president, Sawyer figured.

But still, no exits. Not one. What kind of structural map did not label the exits?

The rest of the folder did not interest Sawyer. There were emergency plans that related to radiation, fires, or electrical outages, and other things she failed to care about. The only thing she wanted to know was why there were no exits, and why Dante refused to let them leave.

"There's something weird about this place," Sawyer muttered to the blonde pressed against her left side. "Aside from the 'no exits' thing, the president gives me the creeps." She shuddered at the memory of the white, haired man.

Clarke huffed. "Tell me about it. What bothers me is that he won't let us leave to find the rest of us," she voiced with her eyes narrowed toward the map.

Sawyer nodded. "Me, too." She fell quiet for a beat, before a thought flooded her mind. "If he won't let us leave, we'll just have to find a way out ourselves," she stated, shifting atop the mattress to face the blonde. A sly smile on her lips.

Clarke snapped up from the map and met her co-leader's gaze. She pondered the Wesley girl's words and then returned her own grin. "And I know where to start."

_______

Loud chatter and the clink of silverware filled the Mess Hall when Sawyer and Clarke arrived. The Wesley girl scanned the room, looking for the familiar faces of her friends. Several of them were inside, seated at the long tables as they ate the food provided to them. The warm scent wafted into Sawyer's nose as they moved further into the crowded space. It made her stomach rumble.

Sawyer's eyes flicked over the tables until she found Monty and Jasper sat across from each other. At least, they were. Both boys shot to their feet. Jasper reached out to snatch a plate from Monty's hands, but he yanked back to keep it in his grasp. Sawyer could not help but grin at the sight. After everything they been through, the boys were still the happy, outgoing duo who cooked up a batch of moonshine amidst a Grounder war.

Sawyer moved around the left side of the table to approach Monty, while Clarke did the same to Jasper on the right. Once they were close enough, the boys' noticed and halted their actions.

"Sawyer. Clarke," Jasper exclaimed at the sight of their leaders.

Sawyer gave them a small smile. "Jasper. Monty," she replied and claimed a seat next to the Green boy.

"Sit down and pretend you're happy to see us," Clarke stated, sitting across from her co-leader.

Jasper smiled as he sat back down and glanced between the girls. "We are happy to see you."

Monty swallowed his mouth full of food and offered his plate to Sawyer. "You have to try the chocolate cake."

Sawyer looked to the ceramic plate to find a triangular piece of food. It was dark brown, almost black, and had a spongy texture. She sighed and picked up a fork from the table. "Why not?" She started to aim the silver prongs toward the cake, but Clarke's voice stopped her.

"We're not eating their food."

Sawyer lifted her gaze and found the blonde's aimed in her direction. Pointed and tense. Sawyer rolled her eyes and set her fork down. She would eat later.

"Look," Clarke spoke, placing her map of Mount Weather onto the table. "They gave us a map with no exits." She tapped on the paper, before she looked from one boy to the other. "I need you to tell me everything you've seen. Every room, every hallways, every way out."

Jasper exchanged a glance with Monty and turned to Clarke. His brows furrowed. "Way out? Look around you, Clarke. There's no one hunting us here. First time in our lives we're not hungry. Why would we want to leave?"

Sawyer paused at his words. Although she did not want to think it, Jasper was right. Inside Mount Weather, they were clothed and fed and were not being chased through the forest by Grounders. But, that did not mean they were safe. Since Sawyer's eyes opened in the white room of the Quarantine Ward, everything about the place seemed odd. From the map with no exits to how they were abducted from the dropship, it all caused a knot to form in Sawyer's stomach.

"Because we have friends out there who need our help," Clarke stated.

Jasper sighed. "They're looking for survivors, and they're way better equipped to find them than we are."

"Not really," Sawyer voiced, drawing both boy's gazes to her. "We were out there for a month and know the place better than people who can't even step outside without dying. Besides, this place is too good to be true."

A beat of silence hung over them, before Jasper voiced, "you two're bumming me out." He pushed away from the table and stood. "I'm gonna get more cake."

Sawyer watched the Jordan boy weave through the room and walk over to the tables that held a variety of foods. Jasper stopped next to the one of them, before he changed his course to where a girl sat alone at the edge of the room. And not just any girl, the one from the medical facility. Maya.

"Do you really think this place is too good to be true?" Monty questioned, pulling the Wesley girl's attention to him.

Sawyer nodded without a second thought. "Yeah. I do." She returned her stare to Jasper. To her surprise, she found Clarke on her way toward the boy and mountain girl. Sawyer watched her co-leader speak with Maya for a moment, before she started back across the room.

Sawyer would not have thought anything of the interaction until she noticed something in the blonde's hand. Clarke looked to the Wesley girl and nodded in the direction of the exit. Sawyer kept her expression placid as she turned to Monty.

"I'm gonna go see where Clarke's going," Sawyer told the boy and pushed herself up from her chair. "Don't think I should let her wonder around alone."

Monty nodded, but his eyes were narrowed. "Yeah. Smart."

Sawyer did not say more, spinning on her heel to follow after Clarke. She kept her pace slow and even until she hit the exterior hallway. Her tennis shoes hit the concrete floor with a thud as she rushed to catch up with the Griffin girl. The two of them made their way to one of the bunker's elevators.

Clarke raised something up to the card reader beside the metal doors. One of the actual cards. Sawyer hummed. Impressed. Clarke must have swiped it from Maya. They traveled up to Level 4, hoping there would be an exit of some kind among the enormous machinery. Sawyer made sure no one was around when they stepped out of the elevator. The loud hum of the pipes hit her ears, but soon became drowned out as an alarm began to blare.

"Alert. Code 5," an electronic voice screeched through the bunker.

Sawyer snapped to Clarke. Both of their eyes wide.

Clarke scoffed. "Not prisoners, huh?"

"Did you think otherwise?" Sawyer quipped as the two of them took off in a sprint.

Both girls ran through the room until they came to a hallways that split off in three directions. Sawyer huffed, coming to a stop. Her stare looked down the one to her right and then to her left, finding a group of guards running toward them with guns in their grasp.

"Definitely prisoners," Sawyer grumbled, before she and Clarke took off through the corridor in front of them.

Sawyer arms pumped at her sides as she continued through the room, weaving around the large pipes and machines inside. Her heart pounded in her chest, growing faster and harder the further she ran. She did not dare look back toward the guards, who she knew were right behind them.

"There!" Clarke shouted, pointing to a large, door on the other side of the room.

Sawyer did not have to look at the girl to know where to go. It would be hard to miss a metal door with a red sign that read: Restricted Authorized Personal Only. She maintained her fast pace and reached the door within seconds. Clarke raised Maya's stolen card to the reader, before she and Sawyer pulled the heavy door open. They rushed through its threshold and then pulled it closed behind them.

Sawyer paused when she realized they stood on a platform in the middle of a staircase. It spanned deep into the ground on the right and straight up toward the surface on the left. "Whoa," she breathed.

Clarke took a moment to marvel at the sheer size of the staircase, before she turned back to the door and grabbed ahold of the wires that ran along its surface. She yanked on them until the end severed in a burst of sparks.

Without acknowledging her co-leader, Sawyer kicked off the platform and started her climb up the stairs. It took a lot of effort to the higher she went, causing her chest to heave as they reached the top. Another level composed of the same, dull concrete as the rest of the bunker. Sawyer rushed forward through the corridors until another metal door caught her attention. It was a massive, circular door that stood almost ten feet tall.

Sawyer ran for it with Clarke at her side. She searched for a way to open it, finding two possible options. A lever sat on the wall to the left, and round wheel in the center of the door. Clarke went to the lever, while Sawyer went for the wheel. She strained to turn the wheel as her hands wrapped around the dark, cold metal. The rough surface bit into her skin, but she ignored it and continued to pull.

Clarke abandoned the lever and helped Sawyer with the wheel. Their combined strength forced the thing into motion, turning to the left as the gears inside squealed. When it eventually came to a stop, Clarke dropped her arms and moved back over to the lever. She raised her hand to grasp the thin metal. Before she could pull it down, a voice boomed through the air.

"Clarke, no!"

Sawyer whirled around to see Jasper skid to a halt in front of her and Clarke. How did he get to them so fast? And how did he know where to find them?

Jasper shifted his stare from Sawyer to Clarke, keeping it on the blonde as he said, "if you pull that lever, these people will die. Even a little radiation can kill them."

Sawyer paused. The radiation. If she and Clarke opened the door, everyone inside Mount Weather would die. She did not want to do that. She could not live with herself if she killed an entire bunker of people just to get outside and maybe find the rest her people.

But, she still did not trust them. Not the least bit. They took them from their home, would not let them leave to find their friends, and deliberately left the exits of their bunker from their maps. Why would they do that? Why would they force them to stay if they wanted to leave?

Sawyer could not stay, knowing that her people were out there with the Grounders. She could not leave them out there.

Before Jasper could utter another word, Maya rounded a corner behind him with a rifle in hand. She moved around him and aimed the weapon toward the girls. "Don't make me shoot you," she commanded.

Sawyer's eyes went wide. She should have realized the girl was there. That made sense as to why Jasper found them. "Okay, let's hold on a second," she told the mountain girl.

Jasper own gaze snapped to Maya as he rushed forward with his hands raised. "Wait. Wait." He turned away from her to his co-leaders. "Clarke, don't do this."

Clarke flicked her stare between them, keeping her hand on the lever. "I don't believe them."

Sawyer ignored Maya's presence and faced her friend. "Clarke, hey," she voiced, capturing the blonde's attention. "I don't believe them, either, but we can't kill them. This isn't the way, okay?"

Clarke did not move as her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Guys, listen to me," Jasper spoke and forced both girls to look to him. "We're safe here because of you. We're safe."

Sawyer wanted to believe him. She really did, but too much did not add up when it came to Mount Weather.

"Not all us," Clarke squeaked out as her tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

Sawyer's chest constricted and her own tears threatened to fall. She shook her head. No. They were not dead. Not all of them. Bellamy and Finn could still be alive. They could have gotten far enough away to escape the thrusters.

But then, Sawyer's thoughts drifted to Raven. How the mechanic most likely bled to death on the dropship floor. Alone and afraid. Soon after, the others who were slaughtered by the Grounders emerged in the forefront of her mind. Those she could not save. Those who died in the worst possible ways.

"I'm the one that fired the rockets," Jasper said, his eyes watering as he looked from Sawyer to Clarke. "Should I not have done that?" Neither girl answered. "Clarke, when you and Sawyer pulled that lever, you saved lives. Don't throw that away by pulling this one."

Clarke still kept her grip on the door's level, but her hand began to shake.

Sawyer stepped forward and held the girl's gaze. "Clarke, I know, okay? I know you that you feel responsible for what happened, but we don't know that Bellamy and Finn are dead. Not yet. But we can't do this, okay?" She moved closer, lowering her voice so that none of the others around them could hear. "We'll find another way."

Clarke held Sawyer's stare for a long time, before she slowly removed her hand from the lever and dropped it to her side.

Sawyer did not get the chance to move a muscle as the Mount Weather guards rushed forward and grabbed her and Clarke by the arms. They shoved them to the ground, almost knocking the air from their lungs, and cuffed their hands behind their backs.

_______

As soon as Sawyer and Clarke were subdued, the guards escorted both girls through the halls of the Mount Weather. They rode an elevator down to the lowest level it could reach, before they transferred to another and continued to farthest reaches of the bunker. Every cell is Sawyer's body wanted her to fight and run back toward the door at the surface, but she forced herself to remain in the guard's hold.

When they reached Level 7, Sawyer knew exactly were the guards intended to take them. The president's office. Of course Dante would want to speak with them after the stunt they pulled at the bunker's entrance. After all, they did almost kill everyone inside the mountain.

A set of glass doors greeted Sawyer and Clarke at the end of a long corridor. The Wesley girl could see through the clear material, finding the white haired man within the four walls. His back to them as he faced something in front of him. One of the guards opened the doors for them and led the girls inside.

Without the glass between her and the room, Sawyer got a better view of the office. Trinkets, filing cabinets, paintings, and other things covered the room in its entirety. A stark contrast from the white interior of the Quarantine Ward. The guards forced the girls to stop close to a wooden desk set in the center of the room. Sawyer set her attention on Dante. She realized that the thing he stood in front of held a painting, one that he proceeded dab color on himself.

"Lose the handcuffs," Dante voiced without looking away from this work.

Sawyer did not move as one of the guards came up behind her and released her hands from the metal cuffs. Once they were gone, she pulled her arms up to rub at her wrists. She hated those stupid things.

The guards filed out of the room when the cuffs were removed from Sawyer and Clarke, leaving them alone with the mountain's president.

"There's a blank canvas if you'd like, Clarke," Dante said, gesturing to the white rectangle placed on a wooden stand next to him. He then pointed to a set of books atop his desk. "You're welcome to my private collection, Sawyer. They're great for an analytical mind like yours."

Sawyer glanced toward the books and back to the white haired man. It was a nice offer, if she did not find him so creepy.

"I used to paint the ground, too," Clarke told him as she recognized the subject matter of his painting.

Sawyer followed her gaze to see the trees and sky. A landscape.

"It's not just the ground. It's a memory," Dante said, dabbing more paint onto the picture.

Sawyer's brows furrowed at that. "You've been outside. How?" she questioned.

"Yes. Fifty-six years ago. For five minutes. I was seven when the first of what we called the Outsiders appeared. Before that, we thought we were all there was. Imagine our surprise."

Clarke pressed her lips together. "We don't have to imagine."

Sawyer silently agreed. No they did not.

"My father, this was his office, at the time, believed it meant that the Earth was survivable again, and so, he opened the doors. Within a week, fifty-four people were dead from the exposure. My mother and sister among them. Loss, pain, regret. Time eases these things, but the only time it's ever truly gone is when I'm painting," Dante explained, before he set down his paint brush and turned away from the picture to face the girls.

Sawyer did not know why he told them so much of his life story, unless he meant to tell them something just as bad. "You're about to give us bad news. Aren't you?" she asked him.

Dante sighed. "I'm afraid I am. Our patrols have swept the area and found no evidence of survivors, either at your camp or from the Ark."

Sawyer froze. How could that be possible? There had to be survivors. There was no way they would let the Ark plummet to Earth if they thought everyone on board would die. And for her friends, she knew they would not let anyone they did not know spot them. Not after everything they had been through on the ground.

"How can they be sure?" Clarke questioned. Her expression hard.

Sawyer did not think the Griffin girl believed him, either.

"They can't. I've ordered them to keep searching," Dante stated.

"We want to see for ourselves," Sawyer replied. She had to try one more time to get the man to let them leave. Although, she knew he would decline her request.

"I'm sorry. I can't allow that," Dante said, his expression falling into an apologetic one. A fake one, Sawyer could tell. "I'm doing this for your own good, girls. It's not safe out there."

"Radiation has no effect on us," Clarke argued.

"It's not the radiation I'm concerned about."

"Well, if it's the Grounders, we've dealt with them before, we can do it again," Sawyer exclaimed, not at all amused by the man's concerned attitude. She went her entire lives without adults caring for her safety. She did not need, or want, it anymore.

Dante raised a hand and waved, before the door to his office opened and his guards filed in. "You need time to grieve. These men will show you to your room."

Sawyer's jaw clenched, but she followed the men as they escorted her and Clarke out.

When they reached the door, Clarke stopped them and turned back to the man. "And if we try to leave?"

Dante kept his expression placid, even though his voice was anything but. "Please, don't test me, Clarke."

Sawyer withheld the urge to roll her eyes. They would probably do more than test the man. She and Clarke were not about to stop until they were outside Mount Weather and found their friends. Whether they were alive or dead, that was still up for debate.

<January 26, 2020>

And to think, there was a time when I believed Dante was going to be the villain for Season 2. Ha! Clownery at its finest.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

-Jordan

P.S. Unedited chapter.