xii. bloody heart-to-heart
day trip

"This changes everything."

SAWYER COULD not help but agree with Bellamy, not that she would ever voice that aloud. After the revelation that the barrels shoved into the back of the room were packed with dozens of rifles, Bellamy Blake exuded a new whole new persona. The man looked almost giddy as he strung up one of the blanket for what he called "target practice."

The sight should have worried Sawyer. No one should be that happy because of a couple guns. Although, she decided to ignore it. She never thought Bellamy could smile, aside from that stupid smirk he always wore.

Sawyer leaned against a stack of plastic bins, all of them filled with more expired canned foods. Their flashlights were setup around the room to illuminate the space, along with several glowsticks they found with the blankets. She held one of the uncovered rifles in her hands, wiping off the grease that coated the thing in its entirety. She glanced up every few moments to where Bellamy set up the blanket marked with a large, black X, or where Clarke eyed the rifle in her hands.

"No more running from spears," Bellamy voiced as he strode back over to the two girls, snacking on a package of nuts. "Ready to be badasses?"

Sawyer gave him a blank stare. "Already am."

Bellamy rolled his eyes. He offered Sawyer some of his food, but she declined. She ate plenty earlier.

Clarke sighed, lifting her gaze to the eldest Blake. "Look, I'm not gonna fight you on bringing guns back to camp. I know we need them, but don't expect me to like it."

"It's not like we're gonna hand them out to just anyone," Sawyer told the Griffin girl. "I'm aware that a lot of our people are – unstable."

Clarke scoffed. "That's an understatement."

"We're lucky the rifles were packed in grease," Bellamy said, shifting the subject back to the guns themselves. "The fact that they survived means we're not sitting ducks, anymore." He set his stare on the blonde, pocketing his food. "You need to learn how to do this." He then looked to the brunette. "You both do."

Sawyer wanted to object, but she knew that she needed to learn how to use a gun. Those kinds of weapons were used only by members of the Guard on the Ark. None of them even held a gun, let alone shot one. All of them, except for Bellamy. He did train as a Cadet for a few months, before Octavia's arrest got him fired.

Clarke seemed to feel the same way and lifted her rifle. She set the end against her left shoulder and aimed the barrel at the marked blanket. "So, I just hold it on my shoulder?"

Bellamy stepped closer to her, raising a hand to adjust hold she held the weapon. "Yeah, just a little higher. Now, that end." He nodded to the barrel. Clarke did as he said.

Sawyer eyed the two of them in pure boredom until she noticed Bellamy's hand linger a little too long on Clarke's arm. She quirked a brow. Interesting.

"Yeah. Uh," Bellamy shook his head and moved away from the girl, "that's good." He grabbed for another gun he set on a stack of bins. "Uh, watch and learn." He held up his rifle and aimed for the blanket. His finger squeezed the trigger, but nothing happened. A click sounded in their ears.

Sawyer pursed her lips at the lack of action. "Impressive, Blake."

Bellamy tried again, but ended up with the same result. He huffed and lowered his weapon. "My bullets are duds." He looked to Clarke. "Try yours."

Clarke did and pulled the trigger. That time, a shot went off and ripped a hold through the bottom of the orange blanket. Sawyer could not help but jump at the sound. She never heard anything like it. The Guard tried not to shoot weapons inside the Ark because of the fear that they would break something. Their electrified batons worked better than any gun could.

Clarke lowered the rifle with a wide-eyed stare. "That – was – amazing." She laughed, turning to where Sawyer and Bellamy stood. "Am I horrible for feeling that?"

Sawyer smiled, while Bellamy shook his head.

"Alright, my turn," Sawyer exclaimed and moved to take Clarke's place. She lifted her rifle the same way Clarke did, although on the opposite shoulder. She shut one eye to focus on the blanket. The cold metal of the gun bit into her hands as she closed her finger on the trigger.

As soon as she squeezed, the bang sounded and the rifle jolted in her hold. Sawyer flinched as the bullet ripped through the edge of the blanket, about a few inches higher than Clarke's. Her heart thudded hard in her chest while she lowered the gun to her side. "Huh?" she muttered, turning to face Clarke and Bellamy. "Yeah, definitely amazing."

Bellamy grinned, gesturing to the blanket. "Try again."

"No," Clarke spoke. "We shouldn't waste the ammunition."

Sawyer nodded. "She's got a point. We don't know how many bullets survived. A few of yours were duds."

"You both need to practice," Bellamy argued as he took Sawyer's place with his rifle raised. 

"No, we need to talk about how we're gonna keep guns around camp, where are we gonna keep them, and who has access," Clarke proceeded.

Bellamy shot toward the blanket. Sawyer hummed when the bullet hit near the middle of the black X.

"You left Miller in charge of the Grounder," Clarke voiced when Bellamy turned away from the blanket. "You must trust him."

Sawyer huffed when her ex-best friend's name was mentioned. She wanted nothing to do with the boy after he betrayed her. Miller went against her wishes and teamed up with Bellamy to torture a person. Safe to say her trust in him no longer existed.

Bellamy turned away from where he set his rifle down. "I'd say for you to keep him close, but I don't think the others listen to him, anymore," he said and shot a glance toward the Wesley girl.

Sawyer met his gaze and gave him a tight smile. "Well, that'd be your fault. You're the one who convinced him that torture was the answer."

Bellamy scoffed. "I didn't convince him anything he didn't already think himself."

"I should keep him close," Clarke broke up their argument, drawing both of their attentions to her. "Bellamy, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day." Her eyes drifted from the eldest Blake to his bag set on the ground. "All the rations you took. You're gonna run."

Sawyer snapped toward the man. Of course. It all made sense. Bellamy had been strange ever since they left camp. Add in the amount of rations he took that morning, and everything led to a prompt runaway.

"You were gonna load up on supplies and just disappear," Clarke continued.

Bellamy's expression faltered, confirming the accusation. "I don't have a choice. The Ark will be here soon."

"So, what're you gonna do?" Sawyer questioned as she faced the eldest Blake. "You're just gonna leave camp, leave Octavia?"

"Octavia hates me," Bellamy shot back. "She'll be fine."

"You don't know..."

"I shot the Chancellor," Bellamy cut the brunette off. "They're gonna kill me, Sawyer. Best case scenario, they lock me up with the Grounder for the rest of my life, and there's no way in hell I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction." He shook his head and stepped away from the two girls. "Keep practicing, I need some air." He stormed toward the exit, which was covered by the marked blanket, and shoved it aside to leave.

Sawyer did not blame Bellamy for his outburst, or his decision to leave their camp. They all knew what would happened when Jaha made his way to Earth. All crimes were punishable by death, and shooting the Chancellor certainly made the list. What Sawyer had a problem with was that Bellamy wanted to leave without so much as a warning to his sister. The person who he did everything for. The whole reason he even stowed away on the dropship. He needed to at least tell Octavia.

"Can you believe him?" Clarke questioned the moment Bellamy disappeared from view.

Sawyer sighed. "Yeah, actually, I can." She turned to find a narrowed stare aimed in her direction.

"You can't be serious." Clarke faced her with a bewildered look.

"Well, I am," Sawyer said, causing the blonde's expression to remain furrowed. "What? He doesn't want to die. Can't blame him for that." She set her rifle down and headed for the exit. "I'll go make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Sawyer pushed the blanket out of her way to reach the entrance of the Aid Depot. She climbed the stairs and out into the darkening landscape. They would need to head back soon or have to trek through the forest at night. No one knew what lurked around with the Grounders.

The ground crunched under Sawyer's boots as a light drizzle of rain started to fall from the cloud covered sky. The weather phenomenon did not affect her much when they first landed on Earth, but it begin to grow irritating as winter approached. She shivered as the wind shifted and sent pinpricks of water against her cheeks. She already hated the cold season.

Sawyer scanned the clearing for Bellamy, but she did not see him anywhere. Leave it to him to storm off in the middle of unknown terrain filled with territorial Grounders. Not the smartest idea. She figured someone to find the man before he got himself killed.

It took a little under three minutes for Sawyer to rethink her decision. She started away from the Aid Depot, only for the world to spin in front of her eyes. Her legs wobbled, almost dropping her onto the ground, but she somehow regained her balance in time. Sawyer shook her head and blinked, hoping to rid herself of the dizzy spell. Instead of relieving her of the sudden affliction, it seemed to make it even worse. Trees swirled in circles of green and brown, spinning faster and faster until they blurred into one thick line.

The motion made Sawyer fall to her knees. Her stomach bubbled as its contents tried to escape. She gripped the grass between her fingers, while she vomited everything she ate since that morning. Spasms racked her body until her stomach emptied.

Sawyer coughed and wiped at her mouth with her jacket sleeve when she finished. She pushed away from the pile of her sick, sniffling as she rested on her hands and knees. It had been years since she experienced anything like that. The last time it happened was when a virus swept through her home of Factory Station. She hoped she would never have to go through something similar for a long time. She was obviously wrong.

Sawyer waited for her stomach to settle, before she attempted to climb to her feet. Her legs were a bit unsteady, but she managed to stay upright. Night crept up on her all too fast, plunging the forest into darkness. She began to wonder if she passed out.

In that moment, Sawyer neglected to see the figure rush in her direction. Pain blossomed across the left side of her face when something slammed into her jaw. Sawyer staggered backward, tripping over her boots and onto the ground. She groaned, spitting a mixture a blood and saliva from her mouth. While her head buzzed, she looked up to find no one or nothing in front of her. Sawyer blinked.

"What the hell? I'm losing my mind," Sawyer muttered under her breath and stood to her feet, again. She raised a hand to rub her sore jaw. Her fingertips brushed a spot that stung, sending shocks up her cheeks. She pulled away to see bright, red on her skin.

Before she could form a coherent thought, Sawyer paused when a voice sounded not far from her spot. Her brows furrowed as it registered in her head. Bellamy. Who would he be talking to in middle of the forest?

Sawyer followed Bellamy's voice, pushing tree branches aside to reach him. The closer she got the louder it became. Worry pooled in her gut when she heard distress in his tone. Her pace picked up, and she crashed between a couple trees to another clearing. Sawyer stopped short at the sight of Bellamy laid on his back with someone stood over him. A gun aimed in his direction. Sawyer did not recognize them, at first, but she realized who it was when they spoke.

"Nothing personal," Dax voiced, before he squeezed the trigger of his rifle.

Sawyer went to tackle the boy, to prevent him from taking the shot, but a click erupted in her ears. The bullet never left the barrel. She would have sighed in relief, if Dax still did not have a gun pointed at Bellamy.

She guessed she found out who hit her and blooded her cheek.

"What the hell is going on?" Sawyer questioned. She hoped that her presence would cause the boy to falter and lower the weapon in his hands.

Although, it did the opposite.

Dax whirled on his heel and lifted the rifle toward Sawyer. His grip tightened. "Should've stayed down, Sawyer. I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said, 'no witnesses'."

Sawyer held up her hands in a form of surrender, while her brows creased at the spoken name. Shumway was the Commander of the Guard on the Ark. Why did he want Dax to shoot Bellamy?

Right then, another person joined them.

"Put it down, Dax," Clarke exclaimed as she stepped out of the trees.

Sawyer looked to her right and found the Griffin girl with a rifle in her hands. Her skin appeared pale and covered in a sheen of sweat, a lot like Sawyer's.

Dax shifted his weapon to the blonde. "Walk away, Clarke."

Sawyer shook her head, lowering her arms to her sides. "No. Not yet. I wanna know what Shumway's got to do with this?"

Clarke shot the Wesley girl side-eyed glance. "What about Shumway?"

Bellamy breathed hard from where he laid on the ground. He looked to be in the same shape as Sawyer and Clarke. "Shumway set it up," he huffed. "He gave me the gun to shook the Chancellor."

The Commander of the Guard aided in the attempted murder of the Chancellor. Sawyer wished she could say it surprised her, but it made a lot of sense. It only enforced her belief that no one on the Ark could be trusted.

Dax kept his hardened stare on the two girls. "Both of you walk away, now, and I won't kill you."

"Put it down," Clarke demanded, holding her rifle steady.

"Your choice," Dax retorted.

Clarke pulled the trigger before Dax. Instead of a shot, a dreaded click sounded.

Sawyer's eyes widened. She reached out and grabbed Clarke's arm, dragging the girl with her behind the closest tree. Bullets hit the truck, skimming the bark and narrowly missing either of them. Sawyer's heart pounded in her chest as her back rested against the tree. Clarke struggled with the rifle, trying to dislodge the ruined bullet from the chamber.

"No!" Bellamy shouted.

Sawyer listened as the gunfire stopped and were replaced by harsh thuds. She glanced toward Clarke, seeing her still fail to fix the gun. With a short breath, Sawyer peered around the tree and hoped that she did not get shot. To her surprise, she saw Bellamy and Dax on the ground. The latter straddled the former. Dax shoved the rifle against Bellamy's throat, choking the life out of him.

Sawyer reached into the pocket of her jacket to where a knife resided. She did not want to use it on Dax, but the boy was hellbent on wanting Bellamy dead. And if he did manage to kill him, Dax would come after her and Clarke next. Shumway said, 'no witnesses.' There was no other option. None that ended with all of them alive, anyway.

"Screw this," Sawyer hissed, before she gripped the knife handle in her palm and moved out from behind the tree. Dax still sat atop Bellamy, whose face was covered in blood. She ground her teeth together, ignoring the pain from where Dax hit her in the jaw, and rushed toward them. Sawyer raised the knife and stabbed toward the boy's neck.

The blade sunk into Dax's skin, causing him to sputter as blood gushed from the wound. Sawyer ripped the knife out and stumbled back, watching as the boy fell off Bellamy and onto the ground. Dax coughed as more blood poured out of his neck. His eyes glazed over, soon after, and his body slacked on the grass.

Sawyer breathed heavily and stared down at the dead boy. Her began to tremble, but she kept the knife in her hand. She shuffled away from where Dax laid. When her back hit something hard, she bent her knees and dropped onto the roots of a tree.

Bellamy pulled himself from the dirt to stumble to Sawyer's side. Both of them heaved as they tried to calm themselves.

Sawyer looked to where Bellamy sat on her right. His gaze fell to his lap as tears gathered in his eyes. She did not expect that. "Hey, you're okay," she told him, reaching out to set a hand on his leg.

Bellamy shook his head as a tear slipped through the blood on his cheek. "No, I'm not. My mother – if she knew what I've done, who I am – she raised me to be better, to be good."

Sawyer paused, hearing Bellamy Blake, the arrogant and narcissistic man she came to know, break down and cry. After what happened with the Grounder, she did not think he held an ounce of emotion or regret. Sure, he loved his sister, but she thought that was the extent of his ability to care. Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe he did care about more than just Octavia and himself.

"Bellamy..." Sawyer tried, but Bellamy cut her off.

"And all I do is hurt people," he exclaimed with a large sniff. "I'm a monster."

Sawyer removed her hand from Bellamy's leg and turned to face him. "You're not a monster," she said, bringing him to lift his head and meet her gaze. "You've made mistakes. We all have. And I hate to admit it, because I'm me, but I couldn't have led this camp alone. Without you, I don't even want to know where we'd be, if we'd even still be here."

"And you may be a total ass half the time, but – I need you," Clarke spoke, pulling Bellamy's attention to her. "We need you." She nodded to Sawyer. "None of us would've survived this place if it wasn't for you. You want forgiveness? Fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, okay? But, you can't run, Bellamy. You have to come back with us. You have to face it."

Bellamy sniffed, but no more tears fell from his eyes. "Like you faced your mom?"

Sawyer pressed her lips together. She knew Clarke avoided all conversation with her mother, Abby Griffin, since they established a permeant communication channel with the Ark. In all honesty, she did not blame the girl. Her mother did turn her father in and got him floated.

Clarke's expression wavered, before she nodded. "You're right. I don't want to face my mom. I don't want to face any of it. All I think about every day is how we're gonna keep everyone alive, but we don't have a choice."

Sawyer understood the worry Clarke carried around. She felt the same way. Back on the Ark, it did not bother her as much. There were others who stole and distributed goods throughout the stations to make sure people were feed and clothed. But on Earth, there was no one else. The only thing that stood between the delinquents and starvation, or slaughter from the Grounders, was her, Clarke, and Bellamy. It was a lot to handle.

"Jaha will kill me when he comes down," Bellamy stated.

"Fuck Jaha," Sawyer exclaimed, gaining both Clarke and Bellamy's stares. "You can either be afraid of him and be on the run for the rest of your life, or you can take matters into your own hands and do something about it. He's not killing you." She sighed and fell back into the tree, resting her head against the rough bark. "We'll figure it out."

Bellamy let out a breath and followed her lead, leaning on the tree behind them. "Can we figure it out later?"

Clarke did the same. "Whenever you're ready."

_______

After a long while, Sawyer, Clarke, and Bellamy decided to gather themselves and head back to camp. With the sun already long gone from the sky, they worried the delinquents would start to wonder about their whereabouts and do something stupid while they were gone. They gathered up as many blankets and rifles as they could carry, planning to go back for more the next day, and began their long trek to the dropship.

No conversation transpired between them, but the tension from earlier no longer remained. The anger Sawyer held for Bellamy evaporated after their little heart-to-heart, leaving them in a much better place. She realized that he did not want to torture the Grounder any more than she did. They were all under a lot of pressure to keep everyone alive. And while what Bellamy did was not right, it did save Finn's life. It forced Sawyer to come to the conclusion that they would sometimes have to make tough choices to survive.

By the time they reached the outskirts of camp, Sawyer could hear loud chatter from inside the walls. She figured that a lot of the delinquents would be asleep, not having a loud and collective conversation. Her arms were sore from the weight of the rifles slung over one shoulder and a bundle of blankets on the other, not to mention the swollen and cut mess of her cheek from Dax. She did not want to deal with anything else that night.

Sawyer, Clarke, and Bellamy strode through the unguarded gate of camp, which someone would get reprimanded about later. The Wesley girl could hear what many of the delinquents said as they approached.

"What if he brings other Grounders back?"

"He'll kill us all."

"Or worse."

Sawyer guessed that meant their captive Grounder escaped. A problem, but they could handle a Grounder attack with the discovered guns. At least, she hoped.

"Let the Grounders come," Bellamy called out as the three of them made it to the center of the gathered crowd, capturing everyone's attention. "We've been afraid of them for far too long, and for what? Because of their knives and spears. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being afraid."

At that, Sawyer, Clarke, and Bellamy slung their collections of guns around them for them all to see. Some people ooh at the sight, while others gasped.

"These are weapons, okay? Not toys," Clarke began. "We have to be prepared to give them up to the Guard when the dropships come. But, until then, they're gonna help keep us safe."

Sawyer nodded, meeting as many stares as she could, and added, "these are not even a fracture of the guns we found. There are more, enough for everyone, along with plenty of ammunition. And like Clarke said, they're not toys. Only those trained to handle them will use them, and they will be kept under close watch."

Bellamy finished the address to the entire camp. "Tomorrow, we start training, and if the Grounders come, we're gonna be ready to fight."

<December 24, 2019>

Merry Christmas Eve!

It's been a hot minute since I last updated this story.

Anyway, I know the last two chapters haven't been the most original, but the bonding between Sawyer, Clarke, and Bellamy needed to happen. Now, they're the most powerful trio of leaders.

I also wanted to do something different for Sawyer's reaction to the Jobi nuts. Everyone usually makes their OC see a dead relative or someone else. I mean, not all the delinquents reacted the same, and I find it hard to believe not one of them puked from eating some rotten nuts.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

-Jordan

P.S. Unedited chapter.