It was his biggest mistake, letting you walk out on him. He knew he messed up, the minute you were gone. But it was too late. You were never coming back.

The thing is, he was going through a rough patch at the time again after that one incident in the field. There was a big black hole forming in his life and he just didn't want to drag you down into the darkness alongside him. When in the end all he did was end up hurting you more and make things worse for himself. And he knew that. It was his fault. He admitted that with ease.

You tip toed into the kitchen to find him there. He hadn't even said good morning. That's the way it had been a lot lately. It seemed like you were just two separate people living in the same space but not together.

"James." You sighed, leaning against the bench and watching the back of him as he made himself breakfast. "I want to talk to you."
"Not right now (Y/N)." He mumbled in a low tone not even turning around to acknowledge you.
"Please James." You insisted as you stepped around the bench to get closer to him. "Just tell me, is it me?"
"No, it's not." He huffed.
"Then tell me what's wrong." You insisted. "I want to help you. I know that mission was tough but you can get through this. It wasn't your fault."
You waited but he didn't reply.
"James?" You whispered, tears pooling in your eyes.

Tears of sadness for seeing him this way, unnecessary guilt eating away at him. Tears of frustration for him treating you like this.

It was like talking to a brick wall.

"This is only going to get better if you let me help you." You continued.
Still nothing. He just went about buttering his toast, seeming to pay you no attention.

"Hey, please talk to me." You said softly, snaking your hands around his neck and leaning up to kiss him.
But he turned away from your lips and shrugged you off.

A sharp pang of hurt hit you right in the chest and your mouth dropped open as you stepped away from him. That was it.

"You know, I don't deserve to be treated like this." You said coldly. "I could've easily left so long ago when things went bad. But I stayed and I tried to help you. Did you ever think that things were hard for me too? Watching you suffer like this. I love you Bucky but I'm sorry, I'm done. I'm tired of waiting and hoping that you'll let me in and only being disappointed over and over and over again."

His metal hand slammed down on the stainless steel bench top making a loud clang and causing you to jump. His eyes closed and his brow creased and his fists clenched.

You waited for his answer. Hoping it would come. Hoping he would beg you to stay. Because the thing is you would. You would go running straight back into James Buchanan Barnes's arms because you loved him. Had done since you first met two years ago.

You waited but nothing came, he just glared down at the floor. That was all the reassurance that you needed.
"Fine. I guess you don't want me here then anymore. Well then, don't worry. I'm gone. Sorry for ever bothering you!" You cried, your voice raising and the end and tears rushing down your face as you walked out the door.

That was four years ago now. The last time he saw you. And there wasn't a day since that he didn't wake up and wish he had just said something, anything to make you stay. It was his biggest regret.

He loved you. He needed you. You were the best thing that ever happened to him. But he took you for granted. And the truth was that he was being selfish. You were better off without him. Everyone was.

All he wanted was to know that you were okay. A phone call, a letter, a text. Something to let him know that you were happy. Something to help him sleep at night. That at least it would bring him some comfort.

He hated the thought that he hurt you.

So many times he thought he saw you in the street and went to rush over to you only to realise he was imagining it. So many times he picked up the phone and ghosted his fingers over the buttons that made up your number.

But he never called. Always too scared. Didn't want to bother you.

He just wanted to tell you he was sorry. That he hoped you were okay and that you were happy.

Even though things got better for him in his life again, without you he just wasn't complete.

----

He stood in the line a few people in front of you next to an equally tall, equally built man. The blonde one wearing a cap, glasses. The brunette one - a little over dressed for summer you thought to yourself - was wearing a black bomber jacket and even went to the extent of wearing fricken gloves. Seriously? A little weird in your opinion. You couldn't see their faces but as they chatted you thought there was something familiar about the brunette ones voice but you just couldn't put your finger on it.

Not thinking much of it, you looked down and twisted the ring on your wedding finger impatiently. All you wanted was your damn coffee so you could get out of here and get to work.

----

"I think we need to sort something else out for your outfits Buck. It's getting a little too warm to be wearing a coat and gloves at this time of the year." Steve mumbled in Bucky's ear.
"You're telling me." Bucky huffed and grabbed the collar of his shirt, fanning it to try and make a breeze. "Stark better hurry up with this masking technology thing he's talking about."

They stepped up to the counter. Finally. This small, crowded place was taking forever today.
"I'll get an iced coffee thanks." Bucky said. "And how about you Steve? You want a cap-achino?" He asked with a snigger.
"Shut up." Steve groaned and nudged him in the ribs. "Can I please have a vanilla latte."
"Oooohhh, fancy." Bucky teased.
"Shut up Buck or I won't pull my punches in training this afternoon." Steve said through gritted teeth.
"Then I won't pull mine either." Bucky shrugged with a smirk.

----

The two large men paid and stepped to the side to get out of the way of the cue. The brunette one accidentally brushing against you.
"Oh, sorry." He mumbled as he carried on.
But you grabbed his arm and stopped him. You knew you recognised that voice.

"Bucky?" You gasped.
He turned around confused, but when he saw you his face dropped and, you couldn't tell if it lit up or went a little paler.
"(Y/N)?" He asked his shock equalling yours.
"Oh my god! Bucky!" You chuckled and pulled him in for a hug.
He hesitated but soon you felt those familiar, strong arms wrap around you.
"That explains the outfit." You mumbled into his shirt.
You felt his chest shake as he laughed beneath you. There was only one man you knew who wore long sleeves and gloves in summer.

"Fancy seeing you here." You grinned charmingly as you pulled away.
"Yeah, I didn't know you came here?" He asked you, a smile playing at his lips but pain in his eyes.
"Oh I don't normally." You explained.

"I thought you looked familiar." You laughed after a while. "Just a little bit of a change though I see." You giggled pointing at his hair.
"What? Oh, ah, yeah. I guess you could say that." He chuckled sheepishly as he reached up and ran a gloved hand through his now short hair.

"You remember Steve right?" He asked, turning to his best friend.
"Of course I do. Hey Steve." You beamed as you leaned in to hug him wearing his typical incognito disguise.

"So how are you?" You asked, turning your attention back to Bucky.
"I'm good. Yeah. I'm doing good." He smiled modestly.
"That's good. I'm glad." You offered him a smile in return.
You really were. Although you no longer talked you had forgiven him a long time ago.

"How about yourself?" He asked you in return.
"I'm great actually." You gushed. "I ah, I actually got engaged just last month."
"What?" He gasped.
But he no longer looked sad. He looked genuinely happy for you.
"Oh my god (Y/N), that's amazing! Congratulations!" He exclaimed seeing the joy in your eyes. "I'm really really happy for you."
"Thank you Bucky, it means a lot." You smiled.
He smiled in return.

"Buck, we better go. Our coffees are ready and we have a meeting back at the tower." Steve interrupted guiltily.
"Oh, um, yeah, right. Well, hopefully I'll see you around again. It was really good seeing you." He sighed as he pulled you in for a hug and squeezed you tightly before walking out and saying goodbye with a simple wave.

Although it didn't go the way he had imagined, didn't get to say the speech he had prepared over and over again in his head to say to you about how he was sorry and he hoped you were okay, hat loosing you tore him apart, it didn't matter now. You were happy. That was all he needed.