(so i know that we all struggle with body positivity, so here is some with a twist <3 love you and remember your perfect in ur own way)

i stand in front of the mirror in only my sports bra and running shorts, as i had just come out of training with the maximoff twins. my forehead was dripping with sweat, hairline looking like i had just come out of the shower. the friendship bracelets on my left wrist jingled as i slowly pulled my hair out of a ponytail, letting it drop down my back. 

my eyes traveled up the body standing in front of the mirror. there was extra fat, moments away from becoming rolls. it already rolled on my back, so i straightened my posture. there were red marks from where the fat sat.

 i looked up to my face, and ran a finger slowly across my jawline. its not great, there is a bit of extra skin that prevented my jawline from being sharp like my boyfriends. 

my hand dropped, and rested on my leg. i felt a small ripple throughout my leg, which brought tears to my eyes. i grabbed my thigh, expecting no less than what i held in my hand.

 my hand was filled with skin and fat. i slowly let go and trailed my fingers up to my so-called v-line, where there was only stretch marks and cellulite marks. the tears spilled from my eyes, as i continued to run my hands all over my body. 

to get my mind off it, i decided a shower would do me well. i turned the tap on and slid my clothes off, only to reveal my wider hips because of my weight.

 stepping in and letting the warm water drench me felt nice, but i still had the sinking feeling in my stomach. 

what if i wasn't good enough? bucky's body is perfect, not to mention literally everyone else on the team. 

it was true. bucky's got toned abs, shaped to perfection, even his fucking metal arm looks ripped, and his v-line is perfect. pretty much every other detail about him was perfect. perfect, perfect, perfect. everything about him. and then there's me. 

the tears came again, but this time with a wave of guilt. i was full on sobbing. i shouldn't treat myself like this, this is wrong. no you're wrong. there is so much wrong with you. did you see yourself in that mirror? disgusting.

the tears kept coming, mixing with the water that dripped into my mouth as i cried. 

three taps on the door and a voice. "doll? you alright in there?" 

i sniff, and did my best to sound like i wasn't crying. "y-yeah i'm fine, thanks bucky. just leave me alone please." so much for sounding like you weren't crying. 

all i could hear for the next minute was the door closing, the rustle of something that sounded like clothes, and then the shower curtain opened and bucky stepped in, fully naked. 

i took another minute to just rack my eyes over his body, and then my eyes met his. his hands slowly moved to my face, and held me in place. "whats wrong baby." its as if he was demanding to know what was the matter.

 my eyes moved to his abs. perfect. v-line. perfect. dont even get me started on the thighs (of betrayal). they quickly moved back up. we just stood there in silence.

 "your so perfect." i whispered. "and so are you." and there i was, a crying mess in the shower in front of him. he immediately pulled me in, holding my waist with his metal arm and my head with his flesh arm. i wrapped my arms around his godly torso, and just cried. i let it all out. 

"i just want to be perfect like you. look at you." i said, head still rested in the crook of his neck. 

he pulled my head back a little and looked at me. "doll, you know your perfect in my eyes, right? in everyone else's eyes too?" 

i just shake my head in response. "okay. tell me. what parts of your body make you feel as if your not perfect?" 

i slowly remove my hands from around his neck, and point to my jawline, and then my stomach, and try and run my hand down my back. he watches with a sad smile as they travel down to my v-line and thighs. 

he merely looks me in the eyes before attacking my jawline with kisses.

 my arms instantly wrap around his waist as he holds my head in place, moving his head to to reach every angle. when he starts to suck on my skin, a few whimpers get caught at the back of my throat. he pulls back, satisfied with his work. 

"your just gonna leave me like that?" i whimper. "oh im not done with you, dont worry. but thats for another day."

 he grabs the bottle of shampoo and puts some in his hand, carefully rubbing his hands together to lather the soap then running them through my hair. 

my eyes flutter shut as his hands massage my scalp to spread the soap. he pushes me under the water, still holding my shoulders, and attaches his lips to mine. 

its not a rushed kiss, its just, a slow, love-filled kiss that found its way into the moment. 

his lips pull away as he grabs the conditioner and repeats the process, kissing me again. he grabs the bar of soap that sits next to my shampoo and conditioner and starts to rub it between his hands, slowing trailing them all over my body.

 my teeth grip my bottom lip at the contact, and my eyes flutter shut. his fingers press into my thighs, massaging slowly. my eyes remain shut as im pushed under the water again, and his hands rise the soap from my skin. 

"come on sugar, time to get out." i open my eyes to see him pulling the shower open, grabbing two towels off the hooks. he wraps one around his waist, then turns to me.

"m'lady?" he holds out his hand and bows, and a giggle leaves my lips as i try to step out with elegance. 

but of course, i end up tripping and falling into his arms. 

i look up at him, still in his arms. a small chuckle leaves his mouth, and then another giggle leaves mine. and soon, we are both howling with laughter. i wipe a stray tear from my eye as i wrap the towel he gave me around my chest, and another towel from the hook around my hair. 

"can we take a nap?"

"yes."

"in your bed?"

"yes."

i squealed a little and yanked the door open, flying down the hall into his room. i ran to the dresser and pulled out my favorite shirt of his, a plain white tee (lets just talk about that for a sec 😩). i slipped it over my bare chest as he walked in, eyeing me before reaching into the bottom drawer and pulling out a pair of shorts. 

i got onto my knees and opened the other bottom drawer, which he insisted be fully dedicated to me. clean underwear and bras, pads, pretty much anything i needed when i stayed in his room. which was most nights. 

i pulled out a fresh pair of underwear and slipped them on before leaping onto his bed, leaving my towels on the ground.

"you're not four. pick them up and at least put them in the laundry basket."

"no. its too warm in your bed."

when he was done tying his shorts, he picked up all the towels, his and mine, and dropped them in the laundry basket. 

he crawled in next to me, his right arm immediately went around my waist and other arm underneath the pillow as i scooted in towards his chest. 

"we dont do this very often, but we need to." he pointed out. 

"i know buck, i know."

we layed there in a comfortable silence, just listening to the sound of each others breathing and occasional sigh. 

"i love you doll."

"i love you too bucky. more than you will ever know."

it seems im very good at ending stories with a conversation instead of an actual ending :)

idrc tho 

drink water, eat something (mangos 😩)

xx, 

emma