Kapittel 24.3

Vanessa

"Excuse? Yeah, right. Do you have an excuse when you left the boys' bathroom with Blake da Silva, all red and sweaty? I saw that one as clear as day too!" He replied, scoffing loudly. "Do you have any idea what people were talking about when they saw two walking out high as a kite? Everybody's thinking you guys had sex!"

"Those were rumors and I was just trying things out! I was upset, he found me and offered stuff to lift my spirits. I didn't know it was drugs and I was too sad to care. Guess whose fault was that? I was sad because you were so cold to me when I tried to talk to you! Even when you were at fault! Why would you believe the rumors about us having sex anyway?!" I replied with a raised voice, my lips shaking from all the words I have released in one instant. My chest was pounding furiously as if my heart wanted to get out of it.

"Blake himself also bragged about you two getting freaky!" he replied. God, I could feel that he wanted to point a finger at me.

"And you believed him?!" I knew that we broke up a long time ago, but the thought that he believed another guy over me stings. I was wrong about the old scars healing and reopening all fresh. They never healed in the first place, I was only deluding myself that they've healed.

"What else? Who knows if you'd lie if I asked you!" he snapped back, now his gaze changed into a heated glaring. It pierced all over my entire being. His words, along with that burning gaze hurt me even more. Did this guy even love me?

I huffed a breath. My face was heating and my head slightly spin. I felt like hyperventilating. How did I get here? Why are we having this conversation? Why are we going down the thorny lane when we were starting to get along? Or was I the only one who thought that we took a step about getting along?

He keeps on pursuing me. But for what reason exactly? A payback because I left without saying anything? For not working on us when we were having a fallout? But I did approach him, and what did he do? He shooed me away in front of his friends! Or was he still not over when I ignored him when he tried to explain himself? Did it hurt his pride that much?

"Wow, so your girlfriend was Blake and not me then? You seemed to believe him and those exaggerated rumors more than you'll believe me!" I let the pain out in one breath. It hurts. It hurts so much, knowing the guy who you believe to love you doesn't believe you. "Did you even love me Friso?" I croaked, my throat dry and my eyes threatening to release the long-restrained tears. My gaze at him was pleading, begging for an answer.

His gaze changed as if he snapped from something, the heat of his gaze expunged.

He was about to open his mouth, but I spoke first. "Did you really believe them that much more than you believe me or did you believe the twisted image of me inside your head more? Because I don't see any other reason why you wouldn't trust me."

"And just so you know, I wasn't having sex with other guys when we were dating. Even when we were falling out. I could never do that to you. Yes, maybe I thought about it to get back to you. But it disgusted me, I couldn't afford to hurt you. I was saving myself for you! I was all yours!" That was the last straw. A tear left my eye and was followed by another and another.

To be honest, it felt better when I saw him all gloomy like a lost puppy when guilt-ridden. But now, I felt much worse now that I have unloaded my baggages with him.

"That's... how much I loved you." God, here I was, overexplaining myself. I wasn't a sinner who had to explain the reason behind committing such a sin, but I felt like one. I felt dirty and had the strong urge to scrub myself raw until all dirt was voided, although I wasn't.

"I avoided you because I was hurt. Seeing your face reminded me of what you were doing with her. The scene of your lips locked, how your clothes were dangling from your embracing bodies... I hated it! I didn't want to end up despising you that's why I turned away every time you approached me. I was bracing myself to hear you out and whether to forgive you or not. But you decided to hurt me further because you thought my actions were hurting you.

"You had no fucking clear excuse as to why you were about to fuck her, especially that you were dating me. Unless you were still in love with her and you were using me as a cork to fill that empty hole in your heart." I stared at his mellow eyes with my moist ones. The warm tears were dripping on my chin and wetting my neck, but I couldn't care less. "And if you are, then why are you coming after me right now? Why have you been tormenting me since I came back? Did it hurt when I left so suddenly? We could have talked things out, cleared the way if you were trying to reconcile with me in respect of our broken friendship!"

"Who's the one who thinks their anticipations and thoughts matter compared to communication and understanding more than anything now?" I asked, a weak smile hanging between my cheeks.

"Um... guys?" A voice called.

"What?" I hated that we both said the same word in unison and responded the same way by turning our heads in the same direction.

Maxim stared at us with a confused expression painted carelessly on his face. "Oh, was I interrupting something? Sorry, I'll just... head out." He slowly took a few steps back and went away. I looked the other way, hastily wiping my tears.

"No... no, you weren't interrupting anything," I immediately replied, running to the threshold to catch up to him. "Something got caught in my eye and Friso tried to help me. He ended up stinging my eye instead."

Maxim only stared at me. I could tell he knew I was lying, but I was hoping I was perceiving his gaze wrong.

"We've got the things too! I think we should head down and start with the project!" I cut him off before he could say anything else and sprinted downstairs. God, all I wanted to do right now was bury myself and rest in eternal peace. This throbbing angst in my chest was killing me.

It took a few minutes for Friso to join us on the patio. He returned with a bleak aura and a drooping frame with his eyes slightly swollen. Since there were only three of us, he got to sit beside me. I bit my lower lip, trying my hardest to mask the lurching pain. I dared not to look at him and immersed myself in work, forcefully turning off my emotions. However, the more work was done, the more the project was close to being finished. I liked it since I'd have one less problem and Friso would be gone, but deep down, I also didn't want it to be over since that'd mean I'd come to face my repressed emotions again since I had nothing else to do after this.

"Oh, Tade, look! The children are here!" I looked up and saw old Mr. and Mrs. Harbinger materializing before us with smiles brighter than the sun itself.

"Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Harbinger. It's been a while," I greeted them, rising from my seat as they approached the fence.

"Well, ain't you a tall, young lady. I still remember when you were this tall," Mr. Harbinger said laughingly and leveled his hand lower than his waist. The fence was made with loose spaces so I could see his wrinkled hand on his knee. He said that I was tall, but my head could only reach half of his face if he wasn't leaning on his cane.

I giggled, thinking about how many times people in this place talked about how I looked or how small I was when I was younger. Sometimes, it makes me roll my eyes but I couldn't do it or feel the same irritation at them. I have a tender heart for these people.

"And so was this young man!" he said, laughing and slapping the fence lightly, pointing at Friso.

Although I didn't look at him, I sensed that Friso lit up when his figure rose and he replied to the old man. "Oh come on, Sir. You know I was a bit taller." Through my peripheral vision, I could see that he was shaking hands with him.

"Oh no, I think you were a bit shorter than her."

"Ah, ah, we ain't talking to this boy. Makes me upset. He didn't come for a single visit, even a single time!" Mrs. Harbinger playfully waved off her hand between them, making them untangle their hands.

"I'm sorry about that, Mrs. H. I've been busy with school." He leaned to her for a hug. "Please?" he pleaded when they pulled away and made puppy dog eyes, which made me roll my eyes up to the back of my head.

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