Kapittel 24.1

Vanessa

"Vanessa."

Dad?

Here I was again, lying on the cold, asphalt road as the roaring rain poured. I hopelessly stared at the melancholic, heavily laden horizon. The salty raindrops danced on my tongue, initiating a tango with the metallic taste of blood. I needn't scrutinize further to see where I was. I knew this place all too well. For the nth time, I was in the very place I never wanted to be in.

This place had always haunted me. It was a constant reminder of my sin. Every piece of what happened that day never escaped my memory. Just a small reminder of this place was enough to make me want to rip my heart out and render myself lifeless.

I knew something was wrong these past few days. I had been having peaceful, dreamless sleeps these past few days. I had been feeling unusually okay, too. I was relieved at first, thinking I was getting better again. But there was this irrevocable anxiety within me whispering into my ears that it was the calm before the storm.

I didn't expect that this could be the storm.

"Vanessa..." my spine shuddered upon hearing his voice. It was lonely and frigid. I closed my eyes shut. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed that everything would turn black and for my sleep to go back to being dreamless. I knew it was selfish, knowing the weight of my sin. But wouldn't the heavens be merciful enough to grant me just one peaceful sleep? Or maybe I was just too comfortable with the luxury of it that I wanted more. It was cruel. It was too cruel to give me such a sweet thing and then just take it away.

"Vanessa..." his voice called once again, but I kept my eyes closed.

I didn't want to turn my head. I didn't want to see him that way again. I'd rather kill myself over and over. I could never escape this downward spiral. All the hopes I'd built were nothing but sandcastles that only ended up getting taken down by a tide.

"Vanessa, my love," Dad, please stop. It hurts so much.

I gasped when a warm palm stroked my forehead, surprising me. The warmth was comforting, it felt good. Good enough that it swept away my fears little by little as it continued to stroke from my forehead down to my head. Unafraid, I slowly opened my eyes.

There he was, illuminated by the light shining upon him. I was awe-stricken. I always saw him beside me, bloody and injured whenever I closed my eyes and sleep pulled me under. He was dead in my nightmares, a corpse chanting my name like a curse. But in this dream, he looked so much... alive. He was now sitting with his legs crossed while my head was resting on his lap. The wind blew past us, and Dad's soft and pepper hair was brushed on his face. He chuckled, his hair always tickled him. Meanwhile, the swaying grasses were tickling my back.

"Hey, sport," he greeted me with the same old, tender smile that never failed to make me feel that I was loved.

I couldn't help but release all the bottled emotions into a cry. "Daddy," I replied with a cracked voice. The fear, the anxiety, the heavy guilt. All the emotions that made a turmoil in my bursting chest were all released into one, gut-wrenching cry.

He reached out his fingers to my face and wiped my hot tears, his smile that made my chest lurch remained.

"Daddy, I–" I wanted to tell him how regretful I was. I wanted to tell him all the things I've left unsaid.

"Say no more, I know" he shushed me. His voice was softer than a whisper. I felt my eyes welled up again. "Look," he said, looking forward. I followed his gaze and saw the breathtaking view of the golden sunset over the orange sea. It was beautiful. It was serene.

What could this mean?

Thump! Thump! Thump!

I rose from my bed with a gasp, awoken by the sound of a sudden knocking. I looked out the window and saw Friso, in the flesh. I sucked in a breath, seeing he was sitting on the window sill. The fucking window sill. He knocked on the door a few times before pointing at the lock and mouthing me to let him in.

"What the fuck, Friso?" I swore as I flipped the comforter from my body. Good thing I was wearing casual clothes. If I was in my pajamas or nighties, I'd kill myself out of embarrassment. I hastily ran to the window and opened it for him.

"Hey, baby girl," he greeted with a wink. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. God, I felt like throwing up when he did that. I just hope I didn't jinx our last conversation and he reverted back into being an asshole.

"What time is it?" I groaned groggily and did a small stretch. I turned on my back to check on the clock. It was only 2:05 PM. I stared at the clock, my senses slowly collecting. Then, it struck me.

"What are you doing here?!" I gasped, turning again to face him.

Opposite to my startled reaction, his reply was rather nonchalant. "You must have forgotten, we have a project to finish." He shrugged his shoulders as if implying the answer was so rather obvious.

It dawned on me. He was right. I convinced my groupmates to finish the project at home since the last time was a fucking fiasco. I didn't want to get into someone's home, only to be welcomed with a party held in broad daylight again. If anything else, I didn't want to do the project with Friso being high again. He was literally a liability at that time. I just hoped he didn't bring a bong here or something. Otherwise, he was a goner.

"I know that, but what were you doing in the window? You were supposed to wait in the lounge!" I tried not to raise my voice as I scolded him, crossing my arms and tapping my foot. He shouldn't be in my room right now since he didn't have permission, let alone have a peek!

"Your mom told me that you're in your room and said I can come here though," he replied cluelessly. Oh God, Mom! Wait, no– Mom wasn't the type of person to do that, especially since she knew what happened between us.

"Are you sure, and not because you feel like it?" I glowered at him menacingly.

"She told me to wake you up if you were asleep," he replied with the same level of indifference as earlier. Then, his eyes brushed down from my face. "Also uh... you might wanna take care of that."

I followed his gaze, my sight landing on my chest... with my nipples visibly perking on the fabric of my shirt. Realization struck me hard like lightning. I wasn't wearing a bra!

"Get out!" I bellowed, covering my chest.

"It's okay, Van. I've seen it plenty!" he stated while making his way out.

"Whatever!" I yelled angrily, loudly banging the door shut.

I leaned behind it, soothing my heart thumping vigorously. It was pumping so hard that I could feel the veins on my neck ticking. I didn't need to see a mirror to know how red my face was, just feeling its heat was enough to point out. I was confused about the reason behind it. If it was either because of anger, embarrassment, or flustered because he called me Van after such a long time.

"Hey, mom," I greeted mom upon descending downstairs. The sweet and buttery aroma of freshly baked cookies had me swooning dreamily that my feet left the ground when I headed towards the kitchen. I hoped my senses weren't kidding me and Mom was indeed baking cookies

I peeked from the threshold. My eyes widened like saucers when I saw Mom's figure bending over the opened oven, taking out a tray of hot, steaming, freshly baked treats that smelled like heaven.

"I see that you're finally awake," she commented upon turning around, "Here, I just baked some cookies."

Like a moth to a flame, I scurried to the counter and happily grabbed myself a piece. "This is great, mom!" I exclaimed happily in my seat. Wiggling on my feet, I ran to her to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I love it," I proclaimed, a wide smile on my face.

"Aww, no kisses for me?" an annoying voice asked. I turned my head in response and saw Friso approaching us with pouting lips. He had grown so much that his facial structures changed, but the look on his pouting face never changed. It was the same as ever. Adorable.

"In your dreams, probably." I rolled my eyes at him, thinking about how I thought of him favorably. It must be the brownie points he gained by having a minor character development in our last encounter.

"Watch it, young man," Mom warned with squinted eyes and he apologized. "Do you want some too?" she asked while he took his seat beside me. She raised the tray of cookies and I almost rolled my eyes again as well. It seemed that he got himself into her good side while I was asleep.

"You know I wouldn't pass up on those cookies, Mrs. H."

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