T/W mentions of panic attacks and anxiety attacks

Jimin's POV

Yoongi asked from the living room, "Jimin, what the hell is this app with the 'W' on it? In orange?"

"Oh uh that's Wattpad, I use it for writing some stories and reading fanfiction, mostly chanlix," I answered, hoping that would be sufficient. Yoongi was really cutting into my dishwashing duties.

"But, why? And why do you write such depressing stuff? WHY DID YOU KILL YEOSANG OFF I LOVE HIM!" Yoongi exclaimed.

"Why are you going through my phone anyway?" I asked exasperated.

"Answer the question, Park Jimin. And use honorifics, you're not talking to Taehyung."

"Well I killed off Yeosang because I couldn't fit all 8 members into the fanfic..."

"That's a shit excuse, Jimin."

"Yeah I know, hyung. But it's true," I laughed. It was true.

"Ooh you have a private instagram account? Ooh who's this? Jiminieee, do you have a crush on a boy?"

"What?!? No! Hyung, that's ridiculous!" I complained.

"Wait, you have some good song lyrics here! What's this, titled 'Breathe'?"

"No hyung, don't-" I said, stepping into the living room, but it was too late. Yoongi's eyes went wide as he saw what I'd written. He knew. Oh god almighty, he knew.

"Jimin... I-"

"Hyung don't look through my stuff," I snapped, grabbing my phone and putting it in my pants pocket, before going back into the kitchen to finish the dishes.

I aggressively scrubbed the batter out of a bowl used to make pancakes.

"Jimin, I... I don't understand... Why would you keep this from us?"

"Because. You don't fucking understand, hyung. You don't and you never will, because you've never gone through this." As soon as I said that, I felt a kind of satisfaction. But I was also wrong, apparently, because Yoongi walked away, blinking back the tears in his eyes.

Yoongi's POV

Jimin's words hurt. He might not be considered savage, but damn. He can dig deep when he wants to, and he clearly did.

The worst part was, Jimin was right, in a way. I'd never had a panic attack before, hell I don't even really know how they work. But Jimin had, evidently. I just didn't know anything about it. Well, now I do, I suppose.

The lyrics haunted me for days before I could sneak on Jimin's phone again (I know the password for everyone's phone, computer, or tablet. Jungkook always goes into my studio, so I'm gonna hack into his phone).

The problem was, the lyrics didn't get any better. Just darker. But the lyrics were actually good. I could hear a beat forming in my head to go with the natural flow of the lyrics, but like hell Jimin would let me make this into a song after his outbreak. He'd be angry if he knew I'd gotten my hands on his phone, too. But it was 4am, no one was up, he couldn't know, and so he wouldn't. But somehow, he did. Because by the next morning I woke up with my mattress in the hallway. Jimin must have asked for help from Jungkook or Taehyung, because that sure wasn't a light mattress.

Jimin's POV

I had the screen recorder on, all night, waiting for Yoongi to turn it on and go through my stuff. But what troubled me the most was that he went straight to my absolute darkest lyrics, the stuff no one but me should ever read. Lyrics full of hatred, self-loathing, and triggering topics. I have some lighter stuff, solos dedicated to Tae, Kookie and Jin, all featuring their unique voices. But no, Yoongi went straight to my darkest work. Something that hopefully would never see the light of day, ever since I wrote it in February.

It was terrifying. Yoongi had been studying psychology for a few months now, he'd obviously know I've been having panic attacks, hell anyone would, given my extremely obvious description. I had to do something, and since I couldn't delete memories from Yoongi, I guess the only thing I could do was tell him to not mention it to the other members. Bang PD knew, but only because it was required. Considering they weren't affecting my performance onstage in any way, no one asked and no one cared. Well, up until now, anyway.

Fuck. Yoongi's gonna kill me.

"Hyung?" I asked Yoongi. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

I dragged him into the washroom.

"What?" He asked, like he didn't know what I was going to say.

"Hyung you know what. You saw my lyrics. You... You know. So... Don't tell anyone else? Please? And do whatever you want to, diagnose me with whatever, I already go to the therapist a lot more than the rest of you do, so it's under control. Kinda."

Yoongi nodded. "I'll respect your privacy for now. But if you do have a panic attack I'd like to know how to help you."

"Thanks but... I don't really know, hyung. I usually try to wait it out and do what the therapist tells me, to breathe and focus on something, but-"

"But it's hard. I know, Jimin. You might not think I know, but trust me, I do. Not exactly, but I do know. My social anxiety has, in the past, caused some panic attacks, and they might've been a mix of an anxiety attack and a panic attack, but I do know. I swear I do."

I pulled Yoongi into a hug. It seemed like the right thing to do. He hugged me back, and we stayed that way for a while, breathing in each other's scent. I realized I was crying, I hadn't noticed it before, but then I heard Yoongi crying too. I pulled away.

"You... Hyung, you are a great person. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Yoongi crossed his arms in fake thinking. "You know, maybe once or twice. Jimin, just remember. I'm always here, always ready if you need to talk, or just need someone to sit with you in silence. I'm pretty good at both of those things, I think."

We both smiled. Then I opened the washroom door, and out we went, into the world. Or, the kitchen. It was time for breakfast.