Jeon Jungkook

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TRIGGER WARNING: this one shot covers issues on SELF HARM

Please know that I don't want to offend anyone with this story and if I did, I'm terribly sorry. I can take it down if any of you want.

For those who are going through an extremely hard time, from experience, I know it's hard to ask for that help you need. But please, try to reach out, you are not a burden. There are so many people that love you. You may not believe it, but there is. So many people care about your wellbeing. They love you. So please, I urge you to take that big terrifying step.
Here are some contacts if you guys ever need to talk to someone:

Lifeline: https://www.lifeline.org.au/
kids helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
Headspace: https://headspace.org.au/

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(y/n) - your name

The car ride took longer than usual, the festivities for the new year crowding every street with civilians letting off fireworks. You had fallen asleep in the back seat, curled up tight and hugging your knees to your chest. Jungkook had finally driven up his driveway, turning the engine off and turning around to wake you up. He pursed his lips, deciding to not wake you as he saw you shiver. Taking his seatbelt off and exiting from the driver's side, he opened the back door to pick you up. He noticed the tears running down your face and the soft whimpers that escaped your mouth like you were trying to hold them in. Jungkook picked you up bridal style, your head on his chest. He was shocked as you barely weighed in his arms, feeling how cold you were.

Worried, he quickly closed the car door, locking the car and running towards the house. He unlocked the door and quickly head upstairs to the extra guest bedroom, placing you down on the bed and covering you with the blankets. You were still shivering and Jungkook slowly pulled your hoodie over your head and getting extra blankets to cover you. Jungkook sat down beside you, moving away a lock of your hair behind your ears. Jungkook was worried about you, a so-called criminal, but a young girl who was scared and shivering. He needed to find out why you were stealing so he could help you. Without noticing, you had woken up. Your eyes dead and staring at the balcony window on your right that showed a clear view of the harbour with fireworks lighting up the night sky.

"(y/n)." you spoke out.

"AHHHH!" Jungkook was frightened, falling off the bed. Though that amused you, you couldn't laugh. You physically couldn't. Jungkook stood back up, clearing his throat. "I'm-"

"Jungkook. I know." Jungkook sat on the bed beside your legs.

"Why did you do it?" he asked softly and you duck below the blankets, inviting the darkness.

"Why else. Survival." your voice was muffled by the blankets but Jungkook heard you clearly. He sighed, knowing that more than half of the younger criminals he catches and reports have the same reason for their doings.

"Did you do it by choice."

"Yes and no."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I only chose to steal by completing other people's request. I don't keep anything I steal." Jungkook nods, knowing that he will be able to clear your name, just as long as you tell him who you worked for.

"Who was your boss?"

"Many people. I stopped counting ever since I was 9." Jungkook almost stumbles over the bed. You were doing this since you were nine, ten years of doing other people's work. Jungkook hears you let out a shaky sigh.

"Why are you still doing this? Wouldn't you have enough money by now?" you let out a dead laugh.

"Every man for themselves. Kept getting ripped off or I owe people money." the room embraced the silence between the two of you, each trying to understand the situation at hand. "I only wanted to be able to go to school, get a job, a house. That's it. I just wanted to be happy. Why bother now." Jungkook was about to reply back but stop short, not knowing what to say. He stared down at your hidden figure in sadness. He was about to rub your back to comfort you but decided not to, leaving the bedroom knowing you needed space. Closing the door softly, he went to report to his commander.

"I'm sorry (y/n)."

You stared wide-eyed at the blankets over your head as you laid on your back, not blinking once. You had the tendency to space out quite a lot and you were shaken out from your trance by a loud exploding firework. Sighing, you sat up, the blankets falling down on your lap. Taking a blanket, you wrapped it around yourself and sat on the floor, uncomfortable in the bed. Back against the bed and your knees up to your chest. You watched the fireworks show, knowing it was almost time. You stared at the alarm clock on the bedside table, showing that it was 11:59 pm. Unknowing to you, you had started crying. Everything you held in for the past 9 years escaping, your tears being endless. You couldn't control the tears and the loud cries that escaped your lips. You were just in so much pain. Your chest hurt from the bottled emotions exploding within you, your head pounding loudly. You wail out louder letting out everything you held in. You gripped your hair, your vision blurred from the endless tears as you continued to cry out.

"3."

"2."

"1."

You cried out harder when you heard the countdown, signaling the new year and your birthday. With shaky hands, you took out the glass cutter, filled with sudden fury.

"One year wasted! One year full of memories lost! One year added to the many past ones that I will never get back! And one year closer to death. Why not just make that today." pulling your sleeves up, the old marks stare back at you, two familiar words etched into your skin mocking you. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday (y/n)." placing the knife on your left arm, you recut the word, doing the same on your right. Blood seeped down your arms, the pain being the only thing felt, the only thing that occupied your mind. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" you grunt out the written words, one on each arm. You stared at the words, your arms shaking in pain. You drop the knife from your hands, letting your arms fall down beside you. "Happy birthday to you." you whisper out, the fireworks continuing to explode in the sky. You stare at them, your eyes dead and blank, everything gone from inside you, making you a hollow shell. You bend over, tired as the blanket falls from your shoulders. You let out a soft breath, weak and tired, like the weight of the past years had fallen from your shoulders. You felt relieved, empty, but relieved. Closing your eyes, a few tears fall out. You open them again, your body weak and exhausted. Your vision blurred from the blood loss, your body falling to the side. You lay on your side, your arms in front of you, still bleeding. Letting out one more breath, you close your eyes.

Jungkook was reporting everything to the commander, your situation and your name. The commander applauded him and had asked him to continue interviewing you. Jungkook heard the countdown for the new year and smiled at the exploding fireworks. He greeted the new year as he head to the kitchen. Thinking of you, he started cooking, thinking that you may be hungry. The house was eerily quiet and Jungkook was worried. Turning the stove off, he headed to the bedroom you slept in. Sighing softly, he contemplated whether or not he should wake you up. Rolling his shoulders back, he opens the door. The lights from the fireworks illuminated the bedroom and Jungkook gasps. Jungkook breathes heavily as he stares at you on the floor, a small pool of blood next you.

"(y/n)!" he runs to you and lands on his knees next to you, picking you up in his lap. He tried to wake you up but you didn't open your eyes. He stares down at your arms, the words shocking him as they continue to bleed. 'No more. I'm done.' he remembers your words and looks back down at you. "Wake up goddammit!" Jungkook picks you bridal style and enters the bathroom, kneeling down in front of the bathtub with you in his lap. You had gone awfully pale as your head lolled to the side. Jungkook held you to his lap, taking your arms and hovering them over the side of the bathtub. Taking the removable shower head and turning it on, he cleaned your wounds, wiping the blood away. "(y/n)! I'm begging you! Please wake up!" tears brim Jungkook's eyes as you stayed motionless, not even flinching from the stinging pain that would be felt from a cut being rinsed with water. Lucky that he took first aid classes, Jungkook was able to inspect your wounds. He let out a shaky breath as they weren't as deep as he thought they were to cut through a vein, but still deep enough to need stitches. Rinsing the bathtub of the blood and turning the shower head off, he slowly stands up with you in his arms, bridal style. He takes you to his bedroom, placing you on the bed as he searched for his first aid kit. Once he found it, he wrapped the gauze around both your arms, covering your wounds from sight. Securing the gauze, he put the equipment back and covered you with the blanket. Jungkook doesn't realise the tears falling until he tasted something salty. Wiping away his tears, he waits for you to wake up. He wonders why you would give up, what you had gone through just to make this decision. Jungkook takes out his phone and calls for a home doctor, needing you to be safe and awake.

Whispers and murmurs were registered in your mind, the sounds becoming louder as you started to gain consciousness. You were afraid to wake up, your eyelids too heavy to open. You tried to lift your arms but they didn't cooperate. Giving up, you tried to open your eyes, them fluttering from the blinding light. Turning over, you tried again, your eyes finally open and registering the room you were in. You didn't recognise the room you were in but didn't panic, your mind and body still exhausted. You sat up on the bed, sitting still for some time. Tears had welled up and started to spill, you still staying motionless. You look down at your arms, your heart beating fast to a point you could feel it shake your chest. Your eyes burn at the sight, tears streaming down as you snarl at the wounds, them mocking you once more for the unachieved goal. You lifted your arms, your hands shaky. You were furious to why you were alive, why you were living again. You had planned everything to end it that night, now gone to waste. You screamed out in pain and anger, feeling the same thing you felt back years ago.

The fact that you were a burden to everyone, that you deserved to be punished and in pain. You clawed at the gauze, trying to rip it open. You cried out in sadness and from the plain feeling of emptiness. Why were you alive? What reason was there for you to be alive? You had no purpose. You stand up from the bed, looking around for something sharp. Anything. You fall to your knees, clawing at the gauze till you were able to rip it off, the wounds reopening once again to bleed. You stare at the wounds, relishing the pain. You fist your hands, bending over as you cried out in agonising sadness. You didn't notice the door slam open as you screamed out in tears. You clawed at your wounds, making the wound bleed more when a hand held your wrist, stopping you from doing so. You lifted your free hand to wound the other but that was held as well. Both wrists were trapped in someone else's grip and you look up. You notice the figure before you through your tears was Jungkook, looking down at you worried. You try to pry your wrists away from his grip but he tightens them. You let your body slouch forward, screaming at Jungkook.

"Why am I alive!? Why am I such a burden to people!? What purpose do I have!? I'm a waste of space! I don't deserve anything but pain! I don't deserve to be alive! I'm useless! A coward! A burden! Why am I here!? Why!!!? Why!!? Why!? Why?" you whisper, crying heavily, your voice hoarse from the yelling. Jungkook doesn't do anything but stare at you the whole time. You were surprised when he suddenly hugged you after your breakdown. You cried harder then ever, your cold body taking in the warmth of Jungkook's body. You hated the comfort it gave, missing the feel of it but also the meaning behind it. "Let me go Jungkook." Jungkook shook his head and he hugged you tighter. "Please! Just let me go!" you cried out, gripping his shirt. Jungkook holds you tighter, his head in your neck. "Jungkook. I'm begging you. Please let me go." you cry out softly before giving up, letting Jungkook hold your shaking body. "Jungkook-"

"I don't know what you went through, what made you do this to yourself. But there is no way I will let you go."

"I'm a bad person, sick to the head. Just charge me of my crimes. I deserve it."

"No, you don't. You were a victimised person of someone controlling you. Your crimes against you have been removed." you stop short, tears welling up as you hit Jungkook's chest.

"WHY!?"

"The people you worked for, all behind bars. The stolen goods in their possession all point towards them being the ones guilty of theft. Not you." Jungkook mumbles in your neck.

"Why?"

"I want to help you."

"Why?" you lifted your head and Jungkook looks at you, determination and care in his eyes. Jungkook wipes away your tears, smiling softly down at you. He holds your face in his hands, making you look straight in his eyes.

"You deserve to be happy. I will help you begin again."