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(A/n: Thank you so much for 51k reads, it means so much to me, thank you, once again! I hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day! ☀️🌈💕✨)

Requested by: @i_like_you_a_lot

Song: "Change" piano cover by Smyang Piano

• This is an AU! •
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M/N's P.O.V

I always observed him from afar. Scared that if I approached him, he would shun me and push me away like everyone always did. I knew he wasn't like everyone else, he had always been different, but that didn't stop my pessimistic thoughts to assume the worse. What if he was just like everyone else? What if he didn't accept me for who I am? What if he didn't like guys?

Pessimistic thoughts ran throughout my mind, killing my hope slowly yet painfully.

He was utterly gorgeous, with his honey-toned skin that shined beautifully in the warm sunlight, his blonde, soft-looking hair that was always puffy, his dark chocolate eyes that sparkled when he talked about his music or something deep and philosophical, and his dimple that would show when he smiled; they were simple things about him, but they always made my heart skip a few beats whenever I looked at him. He was special in my eyes, unique and beautiful inside and out.

I had always felt my heart quicken when he suddenly came around and my eyes would automatically find themselves on him, observing him in all of his glory. I would always wonder what life would be like if I wasn't the weirdo who coughed up flower petals, would I be his friend or possibly more? I had wanted to say something to him, maybe even possibly try and become friends with him, but what would you say to someone you've known since middle school but you've never actually talked to them?

Kim Namjoon, the boy who probably didn't know I existed. It hurt to know he probably didn't know who I was, but maybe it's better off that way. I mean, who would want to date someone who randomly coughs up blood and flower petals?

It all began this year, I had seen around six doctors, but they always tell me the same thing: "You have Hanahaki disease, I'm sorry." I tried to block out their words, trying to convince myself that it wasn't real, but it only got worse over time... It disgusted me that I constantly coughed up flower petals. I didn't want the pitiful glances in the hallways or while in class, but no one dared approach me since I began coughing, they avoided me like I was a disgusting monster.

Am I a monster? Maybe.

"(M/n), are you okay?" A deep voice asked, drawing me out of my thoughts. "You sound sick."
"Huh?" I asked, letting out a wheezed cough before glancing up at the voice. "N-Namjoon?" A lump seemed to form in my throat as the taller male stood in front of me, his eyes studying me.
"I asked if you were okay, you keep coughing, and you don't sound too good." He repeated, his dark brown eyes filling with worry as he sat down next to me. "Is that a flower petal?" He added, seeing the light pink petal in my hand.
"Yeah... Why?" I asked, showing him the two petals. "I coughed them up, surprised?" I glanced up at him as his eyes widened at my last statement.

"You... Y-You coughed them up?" He stuttered, his beautiful brown eyes filling with awe. "(M/n), do you understand what this means?" He added, sitting down next to me on the table.
"Yes. I have Hanahaki disease." I stated, fumbling with the hem of my yellow sweater. "A one-sided love that will eventually suffocate me to death, unless, I get surgery," I added, not daring to peer up at him. "A surgery that will destroy the love I feel for that person."
"But you want to live, right? You'll have to get the surgery." He asked, gently grabbing my hand and holding it in his much larger one.

"I'm surprised you know my name," I remarked, changing the subject. "This is our first time talking to one another." I gave him a weak smile as I glanced down at our hands that fit perfectly with one another.
"I've known your name for years now, I was just scared to talk to you because of all the rumors about your disease." He explained, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Oh, I forget I grabbed your hand... I'm sorry about that." He let go of my hand, making me lose the warmth I once held in my freezing cold hands.