I was lying down on my bed with my two year old son, Mason. My ex boyfriend left me when I was six months pregnant because he said he's too young to be a father. I'm only 23 years old and had to take responsibility to be a mom. I met Rap Monster a couple of months after I had Mason. He's been really sweet and Mason has seen him as a father figure ever since.
"Mason can you please go to sleep?", I asked him sweetly.
"Nooooooo", he said.
"No? What do you mean no? You're not tired?", I asked. He shook his head. Rap Monster came in and carried Mason.
"Hey buddy, ready to sleep?", he said to him.
"Noo",he said.
"No? Looks like someone doesn't want his toys anymore since he doesn't listen", he said.
"I'm tired", Mason said.
"That's what I thought", he said before putting Mason to bed. A while later he came back and lied down next to me.
"Hey bubba", he said hugging me.
"I told you not to call me bubba", I said.
He started falling asleep until I got on top of him.
"I'm tired", he said closing his eyes again.
"But I'm not", I said kissing his cheek. I heard him snore and got a little upset. Then I had an idea. I went towards the walk in closet and changed into black laced bra and panties. Over that, I put on a black sheer button up.
"Bubba? Where'd you go?", I heard him say.
"I'm changing into something comfortable", I told him. I looked at myself in the mirror and walked out. I went towards the bed and lied down. Seconds later I felt Rap Monster's arm wrap around my waist and started kissing my neck.
"I thought you said you were tired", I told him.
"Not anymore", he said as he started unbuttoning my shirt.
"Hmm well too bad for you because I'm exhausted", I said before pulling the blanket over me.
I woke up in the middle of the night and felt pressure on my lower region. I opened my eyes and saw Rap Monster thrusting into me. I moaned his name after realizing that. I wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss him. Minutes later we both came and fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up and Rap Monster wasn't next to me. I got dressed and went to Mason's room to wake him up. When I entered his room, I saw Rap Monster sleeping next to Mason on his bed. I smiled and closed the door.
After I made breakfast, I heard Rap Monster and Mason coming towards the kitchen.
"Mmmm food", Mason said. He sat down and I served him his food. Rap Monster fed him before eating his food. When we were done, I washed the dishes while Rap Monster played with Mason. I sat on the couch as I watched both of them.
"Can I ask you something?", I said.
"Sure", he said.
"Do you like doing this? I mean, spending a lot of time taking care of Mason. You don't have to you know. I feel like you could've done so much in your life. I feel bad because you go to work with the other guys and you come back to take care of Mason", I told him.
"I don't regret any of this. I know I don't have to do this. I want to. I made the decision to start a family early. It wouldn't make a difference later on in my life. I would still go to work and no matter how tired I am I would still make time to play with my child. Mason is my child", he said.
"I love you", I told him.
"I love you too", he said.
"I love you", Mason said. I just laughed and told him I love him too.
Hours later Jungkook took Mason to the park while me and Rap Monster stayed at the house.
"I'm so tired", I said as I lied down on Rap Monster.
"Can I ask you something personal?", he asked.
"Yea", I said as I looked at him.
"What if we have a baby?", he said. I was surprised at what he just asked.
"What? Why bring this up all of a sudden?", I asked him.
"I thought it would be nice to have a baby around. And Mason would love a baby sister or brother", he said.
"But it's gonna be exhausting for you. Having to work and taking care of two kids? Won't it be to much for you?", I asked him.
"I don't care if it's too much for me. I just want our family to grow", he said.
"Do you think now is the right time?", I asked. He nodded.
"Well...it wouldn't hurt to have another baby. But can we wait until you come back from tour?", I asked.
"Yeah, after tour we're gonna be taking a break anyways so I'll be there for you", he said. I smiled and kissed him.
Two weeks later, Rap Monster had to leave with the guys on their tour. Mason cried for about an hour and calmed down when Rap Monster called on video chat. It's gonna be a long two months.
A month has passed since the guys left. Rap Monster called Mason on video chat every night. But it seemed like he wasn't interested in talking to me.
Two more weeks pass and Rap Monster calls less. I began to worry but kept telling myself he probably got caught up at work.
Another two weeks pass and he hasn't called since the last time.
I heard the door open and saw Rap Monster. Of course Mason ran to him to give him a big hug.
"Hey buddy. How you been?", he asked him.
"Good", Mason said.
"Alright. I brought you something", he said as he took out a stuffed animal from his bag.
"Rawr!!", Mason yelled.
"That's right it's a lion", he said as he gave him the lion. Mason ran to his room to probably play. Rap Monster looked at me but it wasn't the way he usually looks at me.
"Hey", I said smiling.
"Hey. I really need to talk to you about something important. But after Mason falls asleep", he said. I nodded. Rap Monster spent his time playing with Mason. He didn't look at me, he didn't talk to me. He just ignored me. Like I was invisible. It hurt that he was acting this way towards me.
Later that night, Mason fell asleep so I carried him to his bed. I went to my room and saw Rap Monster sitting on the chair. I closed the door and turned to him.
"You wanted to talk?", I said.
"I can't be here anymore. I'm going to leave", he said.
"What?", I said as my heart started to beat quickly.
"I had time to think and it isn't the time for me to be thinking about parenthood. My career is starting to become something big and I have to focus on that", he said. Tears already fell from my eyes.
"Do you know how much this will hurt Mason?? He loves you so much! And I love you so much! Why did you tell me that you wanted this if you're just gonna bail??", I said trying to contain my tears.
"Sorry. I didn't know my career would turn out to be so important", he said.
"Fine. Just go. You know I never thought you would be just like my ex boyfriend", I told him.
"Look I'm sorry it had to be this way. I really do love you but I don't want you to be stressed about me leaving all the time for tour. It just wouldn't work", he said.
"Leave", is all I said. He grabbed his bags and left out the door.
"By the way.... I'm pregnant", I whispered. I cried the whole night and thought about what I would say to Mason.