My Heart | Namjoon

Ahhh..it's been a while since I updated.Sooo..here you go.An angst just for you~

Enjoy !

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(Y/N)'s POV

I still remember,last 2 years.He still with all those sweet smiles that clearly show his dimple.He couldn't stop smiling whenever he's with me.We used to cuddle in each other's embrace all night long.

But...that was 2 years ago.

My back made a hard contact with the wall me as he pushed me with full of force.His face is full with rage,hatred and disgust.I cring in pain,due to the bruises that already covered my arms and my face.

"GET UP YOU WHORE!!" He grabs my hair pulling me up.
"Arrghhh!! Namjoon-ahh it hurts!!! Pleaseeee!!!" I plead.

"Why don't you open the door,huh?!!! I've been waiting out there for like ages you know?!! " He screams right infront of my face.Tears were all over it.

"I-I'm sorry.I was sleeping."
"You were sleeping?!!!! Don't you hear I banged the door?! Are you deaf or what? HUH?!!!" He forcefully push me to the floor.I try so hard to not fell flat on my stomache - instead I land hard on my back.

He comes closer and grab my face." What have I done untill I had to marry a misfortune bitch like you?! I realize! Past 2 years were just a mistake for me acted amicable and lovey dovey with you! The fuck?!!!" He yells.

"No! No Namjoon...no.You're drunk.You have no idea what were you talking about.Let's clean you up and get you some sleep.I know you're tired." I reach his hand,but he dodges it.

"I'm not drunk and stupid!"
"I didn't say you were stupid,honey."

"DO NOT EVER CALL ME HONEY!!"

He once again slaps me with his big and hard palm.

"Please..Namjoon.Please..."

"I am out of here.I can't bear anymore with a moronic whore like you! You make me sick!!" He spat.

Then,he turns his heel to the front door and slam it shut as he exit the house.Not coming home ever since then..

* * *

It's been 3 months since he left me here.No news about him since that night.I miss him.I miss him so much.

The wounds on my arms and the bruises on my face still not fully recover.It still hurt,but no pain could ever beat the one in my heart.

He used to call me with sweet names.

Pumpkin,cutiepie,jagiya,honey, sweetheart...

Eventhough,we were married for about 3 years,he still call me with those sweet names.

But,those didn't last long untill that one night.He came home with the smell of alcohol lingered all over him.He started to beat me with no reason.He yelled,called me with horrible names.No more pumpkin,jagiya and honey..

My phone ring,distracted me from those painful memories.
I reach my phone and see the dialer's name.But,it's an unknown number

"Yeoboseyo?!" I answered.

"Hello? Is this Mrs.Kim (y/n) speaking?" The voice from the line asked.

"Erm,yes.That's me.May I know who's this?" I carefully ask.

"I'm Officer Lee Hwangjae from Ilsan Civil Force.I'm here to tell you ma'm that your husband,Kim Namjoon were shot by a maniac this evening.He's now at the hospital for further treatment.I was told that he's crytycal now."

I instantly drop my phone on the floor.Not believing what I just heard.
I quickly grab my sweater and car keys,immediately off to the hospital.

* * *

It's 3.43 in the morning.And it just me,alone in this waiting area.My head buried down in my palms,tears slowly flow on my cheeks.I can't believe things like this would happen to Namjoon.I won't blame that maniac.They already insane.They probably got excited to have the gun in their hand.Who knows?

I immediately get up as I hear the door squeak and the doctor walk towards me.

"Doc,how's my husband? Is he gonna be okay?!" I bombarded him with questions.Anxiety overwhelmed me.

"I'm sorry,ma'm.The bullet hit through his heart.I'm afraid he only has 50/50 chances to keep alive.He needs a heart transplant immediately,or he would die in any minutes from now." He explains.

My body lost it balance - and I immediately fell on one of the seats behind me.

I can't believe this...

I look up to face the doctor again...

"I would like to check,if mine will match with his.Please..."
I plead.

"Sure,ma'm.Let's get you some medical check up first.Then,we'll decide to proceed the surgery."

I nod and he escorts me to the medical room to check me up.

* * *

"I'm truly sorry ma'm but,we can't proceed the surgery."

"And why is that?! I saw the result and it's matched.Come on,doc! My husband is dying.And we're wasting more times than we had.Please..save my husband." I cried out loud.

"I'm sorry ma'm,we can't! The surgery surely would effect the baby! We can't do that.It's too risky." He argued.

And that,the realization hit me hard.I touch my tummy and remember that I'm 3 month pregnant.I was totally forgot about my baby.

"Oh my..." I sighed.

After a while..I decided.

"We proceed with the surgery.It's okay.My husband needs this more than I do.It's fine if I lost the baby.Namjoon really need this." I hardly said.
Knowing that I'm gonna lost my first child.But,it's fine.

I would do anything for Namjoon.I love him.

"Are you sure,ma'm? Because the risk tha-"

"I'm very sure doctor.Just proceed the surgery.I'll be alright." I slowly smile as he nod.Soon,he urges the nurses to arrange everything about me and to set the surgery room.

Namjoon-ah..you'll be fine.I promise.

* * *

Namjoon's POV

I slowly open my eyes,and the white lights flashed around me.I feel the tight grip on my hand,and notice my mom's presence.

"Ugh..wh-where am I?" I mutter.

"Mm,..oh! Namjoon-ah! You're finally awake! Aish,my son.Oh my..do you know how worried I was when I was told that you were warded and you're currently critical?!! Aih,Namjoon-ah!"
She blabbered then pull me instantly into a tight hug.

"Eomma..what happened?" I ask.

"What I was told by the doctor,you were shot by this maniac,and the bullet hit straight through your heart.."

"Then how the heck I'm still alive?!!" I intterupt

"Calm down,honey! You had the heart transplant surgery,due to your critical circumstance."

What? I-I had a surgery? Wait...the heart transplant?
So,that means..I have someone else's  heart..in my body now.

But..who?

Before I could speak a word,the door opened - reveal the doctor.

"Ah,Mr.Namjoon.I see you're awake now." He speaks.

"Doctor! May I know who's the donator?! Please!" I desperately ask him.

He sighs heavily before look at my mom with a guilty face.

"Tell me!!" I lost my patient.

"It's..your wife,Kim (y/n).She donated her heart to you..."

(Y/n)...heart...donate..me?

"W-what? (Y/n)? Sh-she..she's the donator?" I stuttered.

"Yes,sir."

"How is she?" My heart start to beat rapidly.I don't know why but I feel so scared.

The doctor sigh heavily as he looks down.Along with my mom.

"Ya-yah! Where's (y/n)?! How is she?! How's my wife,doctor?!!!" I yell

"I'm sorry,sir..but.She couldn't make it.She didn't survive after the surgery..along with the baby."

Wait...what?

"B-ba-...baby?!"

"Yes,Mr.Kim.Your wife was 3 month pregnant.But,she sacrificed her life and the baby just to proceed the surgery to donate her heart for you.I'm sorry for your lost sir.." He speaks

He pats my shoulder gently before he walks out of the room.

"(Y/n)? Pregnant? B-baby?" I mutter.Still can't process the words from the doctor earlier.This is unbelieveable.

"Eomma..(y/n).."

"I'm sorry honey.She's gone.."

"No! She's not!! She's a strong woman! She has our child.She has our first child.Please...she has to alive!"

"Kim Namjoon! Please listen to me! (Y/n) is gone! Your baby is gone!"

"I-I want to meet her.Please,eomma! Let me meet her,please!"

* * *

There she is.Laying soullesly on the bed,with her white, pale and calm face.I walk towards her slowly,as my mom hold my arm to guide me walk properly.As we get near to the bed,she lets me on the chair next to it.

Tears already drop on my cheeks.My wife is now right infront of me, not breathing.

"I leave you two alone.I'll be outside." My mom hugs me before she exits the room.

I grab (y/n)'s cold hand and kiss her knuckles.Already bursted into tears.

"Why,(y/n)?! Why...why did you leave me?! Why would you do such a thing like that?! I'm the one who supposed to die! Not you! Not our baby!"

I place my palm on her flat tummy and caress it slowly.

"I'm sorry,baby.Appa failed to be a good husband,to be a good lead for eomma,to be a good..father.I'm sorry,baby.Appa mianhae!"

I get up and kiss (y/n)'s forehead.After a while,I pull away and kiss her cold cheek.

"I'm sorry,jagiya.I'm sorry for beating you,called you with names,mad at you.I'm terribly sorry.I love you,jagi.
I love you so much.May you live well up there.Don't worry about me..although you're not here,but your heart are with me forever,untill the day I die.That's more than enough,jagiya."

I snuggle in the crook of her neck and once again peck her temple..

"Thank you,honey.I love you.."

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DONE!! 😪

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