Suga
Requested by breezybrezz
If you are not comfortable with self harm, I suggest you skip to the next part!
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It was a very loud morning. Jin invited Yoongi and I for breakfast with the rest of the guys. The table was filled with food and the guys kept filling up their plates. I was still on my first batch of food. The thoughts of repeatedly chewing and swallowing, going down your throat and turning into fat on your skin.
"(Y/n), aren't you gonna eat?", Yoongi asked.
"Uh..I ate enough. I'm full", I lied.
I grabbed my plate and threw away the food. I placed the plate in the sink and began to wash it. When I went back towards the table, they continued eating. As I looked at the food, my stomach began to feel upset and I felt nauseous.
"(Y/n), try this. It's good", Yoongi pulled me over and sat me down on his lap.
He took the fork in his hand and carried a small amount of food on it while putting it in front of my mouth.
"I..I don't want any", I said.
"Come on. Just try it", he said.
"I said no", I pushed his hand away and walked away towards the living room.
I plopped my body on the couch and stared out the window as I had my head resting back. I sighed and tried to ignore the rumbling noise that came from my stomach.
I started to feel a bit cold, despite the fact that I have Yoongi's sweater on, so I curled up into a ball, slightly getting warm.
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When we arrived back home, I went straight towards the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I took off Yoongi's sweater and my shirt, staring at my body in the mirror. I've lost a lot of weight but not enough for me to feel comfortable.
I looked through the drawers in the bathroom and found the little razor blade that I always hide from Yoongi. I've used it so many times yet it's clean as a whistle.
I sat down on the toilet seat, blade on my right hand. My fingers traced the small cuts that were on my wrist, noticing they were healing. I slowly slid the blade across my wrist with no expression on my face. I became numb when it came to cutting my wrists but it does hurt emotionally.
I watched the blood go from my hands down to the floor. As soon as I felt a little dizzy, I grabbed one of the gauze I had placed near the sink and wrapped it around my wrist. I cleaned up the blood and stared at myself in the mirror again, feeling disgusted with myself. I put on the sweater around my body and went towards the living room where Yoongi was watching tv.
I cuddled up next to him and felt sleepy so I nuzzled my head against his chest and fell asleep.
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A few days later, Yoongi had made dinner for us. He wanted it to be special so he told me to wear something nice. I didn't want my arms to show so I put on a wool sweater with long sleeves over my dress.
As we sat down on the table, the atmosphere was quiet. I kept moving my fork around the plate, hoping to get full so I won't eat anymore.
Yoongi noticed I was quiet and hardly eating the food that he made.
"Is it not good?", he asked.
"Hm?..no it's not that. It's great..delicious even..I just..my stomach hurts is all", I mumbled as I looked down at the plate.
He got up from his chair and went over to the kitchen. While he was gone, I placed some of the food in a napkin, turning it into a ball and throwing it away in the trash near the table.
When he came back, he was surprised that I had 'eaten' almost half of the food. He placed a bowl of soup in front of me, moving the other plate away.
"Try this. It might make your stomach feel better", he said, sitting back down on his chair.
I stared at the soup, moving the spoon around. Once again, my stomach started hurting.
"I-I don't want any", I said, pushing the bowl away.
"You hardly ate today. I suggest you eat that soup. Maybe that's why your stomach hurts", he said.
"No. I ate too much", I said.
"Fine", he said a little too harshly.
For the rest of dinner, it was silent. Even when we were finished, no one talked. It was my turn to wash the dishes so I turned on the water and drenched the sponge with soap.
I was too invested in washing the dishes that I didn't notice Yoongi coming into the kitchen to clean the stove.
I had an urge to puke out the food that I ate, feeling a bit nauseous as I thought about it. I tried to think of some way to not make my stomach hurt but I don't think there's anything.
As I was lost in my own thoughts, the sleeve from my arm was raised a little bit. When my wrist was exposed, the small cuts made contact with the water, making me hiss in pain.
"(Y/n), are you okay??", Yoongi asked, making his way towards me.
He noticed the way I was holding my arm so he lifted up my sleeves and gasped at all the cuts that I had on my wrist, new and old.
"(Y/n), what is this??", he asked.
I pulled my arm away and took a few steps back, feeling more dizzy then ever. Usually I would regain my balance but I felt my body become light. All I heard was Yoongi's voice until I blacked out.
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When I recovered from unconsciousness, I noticed I was on a hospital bed. As I looked to my left, I noticed Yoongi's head was resting on my arm.
"(Y/n), you're awake. You had me worried", he sat up and kissed my forehead.
He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed, looking deeply into my eyes.
"Why? Why would you do something like that to yourself?", he asked, eyes welling up with tears.My lips began to shake as emotions ran through my body.
"The doctor said you were starving yourself. Why? Look at you. You're like a skeleton", he said, tears streaming down his face.
"I wasn't happy Yoongi", I said, trying to contain the tears.
Hearing those words hurt him deeply, as if he was blaming himself because he thought he wasn't doing his job as a boyfriend.
"(Y/n), I love you so much. I don't know what I would've done if something worse happened to you. Please, don't do this again. I promise to always be there for you. To always cheer you up when something is wrong. But please don't starve yourself. You're gonna get sick", he said, caressing my hand and leaving small kisses on the wrist that's covered with gauze.
"I don't know if I can do that", I said, looking away.
"Then let me help you. The last thing I want is for you to end up at the hospital again with a tube connected into your stomach", he pleaded, eyes shining and red.
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A month later, I gained a few pounds. It really bothered me but I try not to let it. Yoongi does all he can to show how much he loves me and makes sure I never harm myself again. I'm starting to love him more and more everyday.
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I don't wanna go back to school. Someone kidnap me and keep me in their basement forever. I'll go along with you as long we talk about kpop all day every day. And feed me.
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