1. the keychain I have is this picture of Jimin.
2. I bought a replica of the striped shirt he's wearing. It fits me big but I'm not giving it away. Imma keep it and wear and sleep in it and pretend Jimin is hugging me........what?
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"How do I look?"

I was sitting on my bed as I admired Jimin in the outfit he chose. I couldn't smile but I had to force myself.

"You look nice", I said.

"Great", he smiled and turned back to my mirror to make sure.

He was going out on a date and I was not okay with it. Not gonna tell him that but it sucks to see the person you were once with go on a date with someone else. But I didn't want to start an argument with his manager and the company so I had to let him go. That was over a year though. They wanted him to go out with another idol, someone 'famous'.

We heard the doorbell and Jimin immediately fixed his shirt and ran out of my room. I can hear him greeting the girl he was going out with. I found it weird how she came here instead of Jimin going out to pick her up. I didn't want to meet her so I closed my door and laid down on the bed.

A few minutes go by and I can still hear them in the living room. Aren't they supposed to go out and have dinner or something?? I grabbed my pillow and covered my face.

For the next hour or so, I had no choice but to listen to them have fun. I couldn't just put on my headphones and watch some movies on my phone but I accidentally stepped on them.

I grabbed a few of my magazines and placed them in front of me. I turned to page 17 and paused when I saw the girl Jimin is dating. Her name is Kaia and she's from Thailand. She moved here almost two years ago and got a job in modeling and acting. She's very beautiful. I can see why everyone wants them to be together.

A knock interrupted my thoughts. When I opened the door, Jimin was standing there with a smile on his face.

"Done already? I thought you had reservations at a fancy restaurant or something", I rolled my eyes.

"Jealous?", he smirked.

"No!...just curious", I said.

"There were paparazzi outside so she waited them out. We watched movies and talked instead. You should've joined", he said, walking into my room and sat down on my bed.

"I didn't want to be a third wheel", I said.

I crossed my arms over my chest and bit my lip. I noticed him watching me so I looked down and hoped he didn't see the link on my cheeks.

"Can I ask you something?", he asked.

"Sure", I said.

"Are you really okay with me going out with Kaia? Tell me the truth", he said.

"Why would you ask that?", I asked.

"I noticed you never showed any interest in meeting her even though you said you were gonna support me. Do you still have feelings for me?", he asked.

"It doesn't matter. That won't change anything", I said.

"I wanna know if you do have any feelings for me. Because I don't want to be the only one who still has feelings for the person they were once with. I can't go out with her knowing I still have feelings for you. And the only way I'll be able to move on is if you tell me you don't feel anything for me. Tell me even if it sounds cruel. I want to hear the truth", he said.

I was feeling pressured. I knew if I said I still had feelings for him, it would cause a lot of problems with his managers company AND Kaia's managers company. I don't want him to be miserable.

I sat down next to him and waited a few minutes before replying.

"I don't have any feelings for you. I feel nothing. I've had feelings for you for months after we broke up but now I don't like you that way. You should stay with Kaia. She's seems nice. I promise I'll meet her next time", I said, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Okay. I didn't want to make our situation weird. I needed to ask. So have you met anyone?", he asked.

"No. I'm not really focusing on that", I said.

"Well that's good I guess. Hopefully one day you'll find someone who will treat you the way you're supposed to be treated. Like a queen. But they have to go through me so I could find out if they're good for you. It'll be hard since I still like you but I'll try anything as long as you're happy", he smiled.

"And I hope Kaia is the one for you. You don't get to meet a lot of girls who like you for you and not for your money", I said.

"She's a little strange. She's already talking about having kids. I don't think she's the one but only time will tell me which girl is perfect for me..even if it's the person sitting next to me", he nudged me.

"Yeah I think our time is done. Let's just stay friends. I don't want anything to ruin our friendship. I cherish that", I said.

"Ouch. Friend zoned. Not a good feeling but better than pretending I never met you. Now that's torture", he laughed.

I smiled to myself and put a few strands of hair behind my ear.

Months pass and surprisingly Jimin's relationship with Kaia actually worked out. He moved into her place and even post pictures of themselves on social media. It did hurt to see them together but he looks happy so I guess I shouldn't complain.
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If someone asks you if you're okay, it's more than fine to say that you're not because lying to others and more importantly to yourself will only cause emotional problems. The more you tell yourself you're okay when you're not, the more you'll be comfortable with hiding what you truly feel. It's best to let people know what you're feeling because it literally feels like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. From experience, locking up your feelings will only build up until you eventually 'explode'. It's like an emotional bomb. You're not gonna be able to handle it anymore. Yes I do admit that I tell you guys I'm okay even when I'm not. I'm not okay, emotionally or physically. I tell you guys how I feel and what I've been through and I tell me girlfriend what I'm feeling and her feedback helps a lot along with all of your sweet and funny comments. Y'all know I have anxiety and depression. I've had it for years. Its not easy to handle. So if any of you think that no one cares about you or that you're alone, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. There are people who care about you. There are people who love you. Don't push them away. Talk to them. Talk to someone. I want you happy and healthy. All of you make me happy. I had to get this off my chest since it's been bothering me. I'm not okay. And I know some of you aren't also. All of you are my medicine. I love you guys❤️