Word Count: 981

Title: Falling *summary help!*

Genre: Short story

Blurb:

  She thought that wings  would allow her to fly.   But, she didn't know it stings  to have it spread across the sky.   So, she finally took a step  away from her own héll.   With a smile that wept  the girl silently fell.      ~    A short story of a girl and her demons.   Be careful of what you wish for.

Status: Completed

~~~~~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I don't like it. I wouldn't open it if I saw it on my recommendations list, but who am I? Someone else may like it. Just isn't my cup of tea since it doesn't look very professional, but we all know I'm being difficult here. I still don't like it though. (-3)

Title: There isn't much to this title either. It's a one word title, and I usually don't like them. The same goes for this one. You won't lose points for it though.

Summary: Okay, so you requested for summary help! Problem is, I'm struggling to see why...and now I feel bad. You know what, I may just create a new system for summary help where the person can get accepted or denied if I think they truly need it, or if I think I can be of help. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. Don't kill me. Your summary isn't outstanding, I just simply think it works for this genre and for what this books seems to be encompassing is all? Like seriously, I don't see how I can help to improve this. We can brainstorm in PM if you want though, I'm always willing to help.

-Ew, I sound nice. Anyway, moving on!

Plot: Um....."A short story of a girl and her demons"?

-This doesn't sound the least bit of interesting to me. (-3)

Opening thoughts:

-*Sees a definition of a word as the first line in the book* *Frowns*

-Here we go again. (-2)

-So, this chapter is a poem. Um. I didn't sign up for this...haha. Seriously, I barely know anything about poems.

-Okay, I'll just give you my basic standpoint of this. Easy.

-This is corny. Like really corny. It descends onto the path of corniness at the line "The birth giver calls me whore."

*Pinches eyes*

-*Mariah Carey voice* Suddenly, I can't read. Suddenly, I want to close this book immediately. (-3)

-Those last three lines are horrendously bad. I'd suggest coming up with something actually emotionally jarring because all I did was roll my eyes. (-3)

-The next poem's only good line is the last one. Everything else is causing me to give myself a headache with all the eye rolling. It's just so unbearably melodramatic and unbelievable.

-Okay. So, the poems seem to be getting worse and I'm finding it more difficult to keep a straight face and to continue.

Characters:

-Cliche, nameless, faceless abused girl. The author is trying desperately to make me feel something for this girl, but all I'm getting is a paper thin character that doesn't have any other characterization besides getting abused by her parents. It is literally her entire identity, so she is as stale as the rest of this story. (-5)

Dialogue:

-There isn't any dialogue. Can be a good or a bad thing deepening on the reader, but I feel like it may have made this slightly more interesting and with the right dialogue it would have given this some depth. But alas. *Huffs*

-So, I just read some dialogue and it involved all caps and heaps of over-dramatizing. *Stares* (-3)

Inconsistencies (if any):

-I'm really confused as to why you requested this book in particular for me to critique. there isn't much here for me to latch onto....and I'm bored. (-4)

Writing Style:

-There isn't much to really comment on here. It isn't bad or anything, it just blends in with the millions of other poem books on Wattpad. There isn't anything outstanding about the writing, nor diction that really impresses me or disappoint me. It's just...okay. (-3)

Likes/Dislikes:

-Um, some lines are nice, but I'm generally not a fan of these cliche abuse story lines. I'm all for it if it is done particulars well and if it's done in a original, gripping way.

-I dislike a great portion of everything I read. That is the nicest way I can say that without lying. I'm trying here guys.

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

-This is probably the best thing about this book right now. There is little to no grammar errors. Mostly everything is up to par, so yay!

Where you need to improve:

-Off topic (sort of), but I think you should watch the movie Candy (2006). It's a small indie film, but I feel like the tone you're going for in these poems match the ones in that movie so it can possibly help steer you in the right direction? Or, you know, it can probably just get you in your feelings, which usually works for me when I want to tap into my emotions for a emotional scene. That can possibly help your writing have more of an impact for a broader audience.

-Anyway, despite my predominantly negative comments about this book I don't think this is a bad poem/short story book, it just doesn't seem to differ from the rest. That is the true problem.

-You can definitely try to work on removing yourself from that stigma most poem books on Wattpad suffer from because right now you're caught in it.

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading at chapter six and you ran out of points.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get..................................

*Drum rolls*

WORMS!!!!!!

I almost gave you an eye worm, but then I almost vomited.

Happy late-as-fuck Halloween!!! :D