Note: Unrelated to the review, but sorry for the wait to everyone waiting for a review! I'm going to start getting my shit together, for real. I'm not a ain't shit boyfriend, I promise! *Sweats*

Word count: 1679

Title: The Beginning of a New Life

Genre: Action (It's a Tom Cruise fanfiction...sort of)

Blurb: Catherine is the kind of girl that doesn't know how exquisitely outstanding she is. Even though she is a prodigy, she decides to conceal this from everyone she meets and including her closest family and friends. What she created was supposed to help people like the police, FBI, and CIA. Unfortunately instead she got involved with the wrong people and now every killer and special agent want her dead.

Trusting people isn't an option. She'd fallen into that trap one too many times. The trust would only result in abduction or close calls with death.

When Catherine is driven against the wall, she has no choice but to let herself trust again and call a mysterious number left in her mailbox. "Call this # (630) 555-8596 if you want all your problems to go away."

Status: Ongoing

~~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: *Sighs*

I don't really think this warrants a response because it's quite simply, terrible. And I kind of think you did it on your own to the best of your abilities, which is admirable--but you shouldn't have. A better route would have been searching the multimedia threads for an efficient graphic designer. Most people wouldn't click on this. Neither would I. I won't take off points though because you tried.

Blurb:

-Okay.

-So, this is probably the worst summary I've reviewed so far. It's confusing, a bit disoriented, there is not even one hook provided, it's far too vague, and I'm still not sure what this story's direction is or what it's about. It seems like the author wrote this only to get an idea on what they wanted to write about, but for themselves. This is like a rough draft of cliche ideas strewn together to make a story.

-Cliche #1: Main female protagonist whose insecure and "doesn't know how extraordinary she is"? Check!

-Cliche #2: Relatable aspects for readers to lap up? Check!

-Cliche #3: Random, vaguely-worded throw-ins of "the plot" that doesn't make any sense? Check!

-Cliche #4: A main protagonist that has trust issues? Check!

-Cliche #5: "What she created was supposed to help people like the police, FBI, and CIA."

*Stares into the camera*--Check!

-Vague and random sentences that don't elaborate on anything, and are beginning to anger me? Check!

-Cliche#5: "Every killer and agent" wants main protagonist dead storyline? Check!

-Anyway, my biggest gripe with this summary is that, sure, there are a bunch of words on the screen, but I'm underwhelmed. (And that is an understatement.)

-Don't get me wrong, it's great you've got something down! You've got to start somewhere right?

-But that is the problem: You've got something down. That's it. None of it is connecting with the other in a relevant way. It's all falling flat and it isn't cohesive. Either your story will be the same way and you need to do some serious rewriting (and planning), or you need to find someone capable of summing up the plot of your story effectively. Or...you know, learn how to do it yourself. That's always great as well.
(-10)

Plot: *Stares* (-5)

Opening thoughts:

-Okay. So, the story opens on where the summary left off: "Call blah blah if you want to fart glitter rainbows". I guess that could be cute. But, it isn't. I actually frowned. I've been frowning a lot lately, but this frown was a frown of disappointment.

-To make matters worse, this character (Catherine apparently) says the most corny and cliche comment to ever be written/typed: "Well, what's the worse thing that could happen."

*Bangs my head into bedroom wall repeatedly*

-God! That is the single-handedly most nauseating line to ever exist! I've hated this line since I could read! Actually, since I could watch any corny comedy show ever! Immediately, the readers know that things are going to turn sour and "the worst" will happen. Thanks for dampening any suspense that could have been built a cheap, unoriginal ironic moment, Captain-Genius!

*Pauses solemnly*

-I think I'm done. I no longer want to read this book, seriously. I should just take all of the points that are remaining because I can't handle how bad the start to this book is. But...but, I will feel mean (lmao), so now I'm stuck.

-Lord.

-So, this is the worst opening I've ever read to a book in my life. Do you want to know why? Well, for starters, nothing--and I mean nothing--has yet to be established about this story or the  characters. We are basically dropped into a book that is substituting "structure and plot" with cliches spitting in your face at every turn. I want to cry.

-Not to mention the opening sentence is this: "I walked down our long driveway, down to the mailbox."

-That actually happened. I'm starting to feel that this story is really just for fun, and I'm completely wasting my time reviewing it, and that sucks. That or the writer is a beginner and doesn't know that this isn't...the greatest.

-Anyway, so "the man" picks up her call and immediately a subplot is being thrown at the reader. A vague subplot at that too. What makes this atrocious though is that there doesn't seem to be a fleshed out plot in the first place, so now I'm thrown out of the story entirely and I couldn't give a single shit of what may happen. Already.

-That is a huge issue.

-Jesus Christ. If I speak about this any longer, I may just die of an overload on my dramatics and exaggeration alone. (-5)

Characters:

-Catherine is made out of cardboard. There is nothing else left to say. She isn't human. She is simply a cardboard shaped human, with the words "cliche" scrawled all over it, and I want nothing to do with it.

-"The man". This character seems to have knowledge of whatever the hell situation Catherine is in, so he thinks he can help her. This character is simply a plot device to push the story along (at least at the moment), and deliver vague exposition. This is so disheartening because the author doesn't even bother to hide the fact that they are doing it. It's so clear to a degree (if I hadn't shaved my head a week before) that I wanna rip my hair out right now. No fucking games, my scalp would be gone.

-In a way, that is ballsy and a bit admirable. But this is wattpad, so I'm pretty sure this wasn't done for artistic or a clever reason. This was done because the writer doesn't know better. Now I have to suffer. (-5)

Dialogue: None of it sounds natural. I don't even know what I'm reading. The anger in my asshole is starting to boil. Or maybe that is a fart. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. (-2)

Inconsistencies (if any):

-The entire portion I've read is an inconsistency. *Twitches*

Writing Style: There really isn't a writing style. Aside from the collection of weirdly worded, choppy, and passive sentences, there isn't much to comment on. (-3)

Likes/Dislikes:

-I hate everything, even the pacing for this first chapter is a mess. I'm shocked.

-That is a lie. I'm suppose to be honest. Oops. The only good thing that is saving this book right now is that the grammar isn't completely horrible. It's actually decent. Aside from the fact that some commas are needed in certain areas, and the sight of a questionable sentence here and there--this is pretty easy to read, mechanically speaking. Everything else is a heaping pile of "No".

-Another complaint: I'm a bit perplexed that there is not one attempt at giving the reader context of what is going on. The writer just simply writes and expects the reader to understand what is being said, why this is happening, and simply "go with the flow"! It's infuriating. This isn't even a story. It doesn't even feel like an excerpt. What the fuck.

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

*Rubs temples*

-Please, just keep reading. I already went over this and I don't feel like copy and pasting it to its designated section. I'm that drained.

Where you need to improve:

-Okay, so this author hasn't been on wattpad in ages (four or five months). They most likely will never log back in. If they do, great! If they don't, my blood pressure is already rising.

-If you happen to read this (or ever) and want to improve, please
remember to on sit down and plan out what you want to write and focus on in a story. Whether it's a organizational chart, an outline, etc.--it doesn't matter! Whatever works best to organize your ideas into an actual story will work.

-Once you've got that down, start to create complex and real  characters. Characters that make sense in the story you're putting them in, and characters that seem real like you and me. Make sure to not write for your comprehension only, but whoever your audience is as well.

- I can go on and on, but I don't want to get too preachy, so I'll leave it at that.

-Please make use of this.

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading a few paragraphs in. I could not do it. I'm not strong enough.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get......................................

*Frowns at drum sticks*

*Breaks drum sticks*

You get dust. I think we all know this.

Bro, it had to be this way. You know it, I know it. This isn't the end though, there will be--Okay, bro the review is over. No "pat on the back" speech today, this sucked my soul out.