Word Count: 1463

Title: The Aftermath

Genre: Fanfiction

Blurb: The unconquerable Wonder Woman had lived in disguise as civilian Diana Prince for over a hundred years. The story of World War had long left behind, though not once ever forgotten. For all the life she had in the world of mankind, the princess of the Amazons had transformed into a modern woman, taking Louvre's antique dealer and historian as a perfect undercover. Every day was another day, working and saving people in distress. That, before the man walked in.James Turner, the second-in-command of DTRA deputy director, had to show up in that very day. It wasn't his will to fly from DC to Paris, but a task had been filed in and must be done no matter what. Thus, it brought him to encounter Diana. At first, it seemed nothing like a big deal. However, the should-be-easy-work became 100% opposite since James Turner was a 100% duplicate of Steve Trevor, Diana's long lost love.So, what could possibly happen next? Would Diana find a Steve in James?She wouldn't dare to think so.

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Simple, but Gal Gadot looks cool and since this is a fanfiction--it's expected that she would be on the cover. Anyway, it's doing the thing, so there's that. No points lost.

Title: Very on the nose. Ha. I don't hate it so I will ignore it.

Summary: Besides the mishaps in grammar here and there (a couple of sentences were indecipherable), it's one of the fairer summaries I've read in these reviews--considering the author's background. It's quite decent, really. I'm not blown away by it (the summary that is), but I'm pretty sure someone would want to read the book because of it. I call that an accomplishment. However, there's one glaring problem I have with it--or two, I should say. It doesn't seem to have a hook, or show a sign of a real conflict. Also, I may be going out of left field saying this, but I think the summary also gave away its twist...does reincarnation have anything to do with the events? I'm probably wrong though.

-Anyway, back to my point: The summary ended on a lackluster note of, "Would Diana find a Steve in James? She wouldn't dare to think so." Like....I don't get what reaction you were expecting to get out of that, but I can certainly tell you it wasn't much. (-4)

Plot: Will Wonder Woman fuck James Turner, aka Steve Trevor 2.0, or will she not?

*Sighs for three minutes*

Opening thoughts:

*Scrolls down to see the cast* *Is met with Chris Pine who plays Steve Trevor in the movie, but is playing James whatsitsface in this fanfic*

-By god. I was right. (-3)

-Anyway, the book doesn't bother wasting time and gets right into what it was trying to sell us on in the summary, which I appreciate to some extent, but foreplay has never hurt anybody? (-1)

-*Steve/main male character says something to female main character* Excerpt: Soon, she found herself struggling to breathe*

*Deadpans into the camera like I'm on The Office* (-1)

-From what I've read so far, it doesn't have the emotional punch it's suppose to, and that is taking me out of believing it and really caring about this start. This is why dramatic starts in a book can be tricky to execute. The tone and mood is too weak. (-2)

Characters:

-Diana Prince. I'm indifferent to her, at least the way she is depicted in this fanfiction. It's not even because she doesn't feel like the Diana Prince in the movie it's based on (she actually does read a lot like her), but because there isn't enough emotion in this opening scene as much as there should be. The writing isn't hitting all of its marks, and it's noticeable, at least for me.

-James/Steves/Stames. All I can tell about this hybrid humanoid is that he is shitty at his job. Horrendously shitty. It's shocking that he even has a position in a US cabinet, unless...unless this story is taking place in our universe where Donald Trump is president? Or a Trump-like president? If so, then make that clear. That would be super interesting and would make sense why he's trying to get information about chemical weapons and whatnot.

Dialogue: It's used too much for exposition. Cluttered and hard to follow exposition at that. (-1)

Inconsistencies (if any):

-Now that I'm starting to get my footing in this scene, it only becomes more confusing. I think the first mistake was not showing the setting these characters are in. It makes it difficult to imagine anything physical happening. You have to construct the scene around these characters in order to actually have a "scene". All that was shown was two characters floating in nothingness while one character reiterates prior (vague) events that happened in a movie. in their head. It all seems to fall horribly flat because of it. It gives me a sense of detachment to what I'm reading and then I have to go back and read the same thing over again to try to get something out of it. (-10)

-Anyway, once Diane snaps out of her memories and shock she invites Stames to her office, and it's only then that the audience knows that these two didn't just bump into each other, but actually had a scheduled meeting? What makes this worse is that how could someone of her stature, a proficient antique dealer/historian that works for a "world-class museum", possibly not know the face of the man she is meeting with? (Sure, you could've guessed that Stames was some high-calibre criminal, but I doubt a criminal who doesn't have any known photographs out there about him would just meet up with people face-to-face.) Especially, when soon after we find out that Stames is part of the US Department of Defense? I find it highly implausible that neither of these professionals know what the other does, the face of who they're meeting, their names, and that this Stames guy just showed up without prior notice to Diane. Her secretary telling her she has an unscheduled visitor is weird as hell, and if the US Department of Defense wants to meet up with you, I'm pretty sure they probably would have known some information about her, and this meeting would have been scheduled. If Stames has to convince the female protagonist that he is who he says he is, then there is something severely wrong. When you're writing about these things (e.g. foreign affairs, government shit, facts), heavy research is required man. You have to sell this scenario to your readers hard, and if one person already suspects that this doesn't make any damn sense, then I'm sure others will too. (-5)

Likes/Dislikes:

-For some reason, I don't hate this. Something about it has heart, or maybe because it's Wonder Woman so I'm being biased.

-Too much abrasive exposition punching me in the face. Calm down and be a little bit more discreet please. (-1)

-You need an editor. *Kardashians' voice* "For sure..."

-Everything I complained about above.

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

-The author's first language isn't English so I'm not shocked at the abundant of errors, but it can get a bit hard to read in some areas. I strongly suggest you to get yourself an editor in the IYWC thread so someone with pretty stellar grammar skills in English can help you out. It'll help out your Indonesian audience that can read in English with their grammar as well.

-Any one else who doesn't notice grammar errors that much or mind them could easily read it with barely any issues, but it's kind of difficult for me to read. In summary: I gotta take em bro. (-2)

My Takeaway:

-You know what, I don't really have anything insightful or truly negative to say here on this one. There's only one chapter so far, and I'm not disgusted with it. I think if you just do some more research on how these people would handle business trips, meetings, everyday work, while incorporating human struggle and true emotion, and focusing on the narrative/direction you want to go in...this might be an interesting alternate storyline from the movie.

Ew.

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading because it ended and had to fake take off points since it was so short. Haha.

Gummy bears or Dust: You get..........................................................................

*Drum roll*

GUMMY BEARS WITH A LITTLE BIT OF DUST ON THEM!!

Hopefully, it doesn't affect the taste. *Donald Trump's voice* "Enjoy!"