Word Count: 2064

Title: Tapir

Genre: Paranormal

Blurb: Kumo, a tapir spirit―known as 'baku' in Japan―devours the nightmares of children for a living. They are what he needs to survive, and the bustling city of Tokyo is the best place to hunt. With his sandman, Suna, they travel through dreams searching for late night snacks.

But when he's attacked by a fellow baku, Suna takes him to a distant village. Kumo feels a strange connection to it; one he doesn't like. His confusion worsens when he discovers that in this town, children aren't the only ones having nightmares. Four adults in particular are plagued by haunting dreamsーand Kumo's what they fear.

Status: Ongoing

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Starting Points: 30

Cover: Not a fan, but that's okay because I'm excited! I've heard great things about this author and I've actually got a book of theirs in my library. I just haven't read it yet because mustering the energy to do things drains my soul. Haha!

Anyway, I still think the cover makes sense with this book and the genre. It just isn't eye-catching is all, but I'm being picky here really. No points lost.

Blurb: Yeah, I've got nothing bad to say about this. This is unsurprisingly original, looks like something I would find in a Barnes & Noble, and is a breath of fresh air. Hopefully I get snatched bald after this. I'm going to start giving one point for great summaries starting...now! (+1)

Plot: Swirly puff of black bullshit comes to have his nightly play-date with his no fun roommate, but gets interrupted by a BITCH, because his roommate doesn't appreciate a good suffocating--I mean a good time! *Sweats*

Opening thoughts:

-*Reads opening paragraph* Nice, nice. One question though: What is this? The writing is clearly good, but some of your descriptions are off. Not only that, but you do this thing where you seem to fill up sentences with too much words and it becomes a mouthful.  I understand this because my writings suffers from this. A lot. Well, the writing I use to do. I can't tell you if I still do this or not because I haven't written anything really since November. My life has been devoured by procrastination, day dreaming, and editing. Save me.

-*Hums* Well, I'm already lost. This will be delved into under inconsistencies.

*Takes a moment to simply read the chapter*

-Huh. Um. Okay. Well, I finally understand what is going on! I think?

-Anyway, onto the the next. So, apparently there's a structure to this world and these Tapirs have to remain in one lace (I guess a town or a city?) for a decade before they can leave. The reason behind it isn't given, but maybe it will be revealed later on. Anyway, Kumo (more on him later), a Tapir clearly is having some mid-life crisis where he wants more from his usual daily procedure and seems to be tired of his routine. Or at least his eating routine.

-*Reads the bit when Kumo and some boy are arguing about straws as they fall in the sky* ... (-4)

Character:

-The little boy/the antagonist. The dialogue for this kid could be a whole lot better, but eh. He's a cardboard cut out of a little kid. He could've gotten gruesomely murdered and I really wouldn't care. This wouldn't be a huge problem (his cardboard-ness), but y'know, starting out with a scene like this kind of helps if there is some type of emotional connection with the readers to this little boy to actually care if he survives this or gets injured. At least give him a proper name. When a character goes without a name, it becomes clear immediately that the character's identity is either being hidden for plot reasons, OR the story doesn't give a shit about said character because they're only filler. They most likely die pretty quickly too. Right now, I'm just watching a very slow mauling. Kill him already smoke-blob monster!

-Never mind, this kid has a name. It's Kyou. Why is it introduced mid-chapter, and could've saved me and other readers the confusion they gathered while reading the author's twisted pronoun game? The question remains unanswered. (-3)

-Kumo, aka a fucking bully. All I have gathered from this character is that the young boy sees him as a guardian angel (he isn't), and he's a inconsistent party-pooper (will be explained later). Kumo seems to be some mystical creature, and so is "the beast", who I'm guessing he has run into its kind numerous times. I'm not sure if I trust the character, and his motivation of being there, but from the summary I'm guessing that he is there to steal nightmares and is a Tapir. However, there is no indication of this in the actual chapter, so if the reader had skipped the summary (some people are super lazy) they would have little to no knowledge of what each character's purpose is in this. But then again, that would've been there fault, so...but then again, not really. I'm stuck in the middle on this one. *Shrugs*

-I'm gonna go ahead and take this anyway just because I can. (-2)

-Dark-dark. The misunderstood protagonist. You're losing points for antagonizing him. (-3)

Dialogue: Could be better. It's honestly the weakest thing, and isn't all that convincing. (-3)

-Excerpt: "Un," Kyou uttered...

-"Un"? Un what? (-1)

"I want to see more. Taste more," he finished in a hushed tone.

-Wow, am I the only one feeling the sexual tension he has for children nightmares, or what? He can't sound more addicted than that.

Inconsistencies:

-Okay. I have a lot of questions, and I'm only a couple of sentences deep. The thing that is making this extremely hard to follow is the use of pronouns. An overuse I should say. The first sentence of the chapter is fine, I'll admit that. Actually, I think it's safe to say that I liked it quite a bit. The second sentence is side-eye worthy because of one or two words too many, but I dealt with it. The third sentence is when the worrying began. The focus shifted from this guardian angel thing and this little boy, to some weird thing with crimson eyes, heaving from a early morning lap. What's really irking me is that nothing has a name, so I'm running around trying to figure out if there's three people in the room, or if the guardian angel thing is somehow the same thing as the blob of black ogling the other peeps in the room? Help me, I am LOST! Or maybe I'm just slow. Who knows! Whatever the case, I'm confused, upset, and only three years old! (-3)

-"Its claws scraped the hardwood floor..." Okay, at first this didn't annoy me, but then I turned on my brain and realized that this monster thing has had contradicting descriptions this entire time. It's kind of hard to get a cohesive solid image of it. First it was some dark smoke fog thing that was everything in its darkness, then it had red eyes, now it has claws that emit black goop... (-3)

-"The boy waddled over, clinging to his pillow with averted eyes." *Pinches nose bridge*

-What the fuck? Do you mean to tell me *SPOILER* (since when did I care about spoilers? Oh well.) that this kid already knows of this creature's existence before Kumo's arrival, and even has given it a name? That this creature literally lives in his room and blames himself for Dark-dark's anger? That this creature is the equivalent of the boogie monster? That the kid only bothers to share this piece of information when Kumo gets covered in monster goo? What in the hell was the point of even making this kid seem completely naive of what it is when he already knew?! Sure, he would be still terrified, but why does he seem so shocked? This seems like a normal occurrence? He mentions this so off-handily that it comes off like the two are roommates that don't get along (the other roommate is a bit sadistic and a little murderous, but SO?!I think if he wanted to kill the kid, his ass would've been dead a long time ago. Dark-dark is clearly just playing!) I feel like me and Kumo's time has just been wasted. Fuck this kid! (-5)

-Excerpt: "He would chase Kyou until the boy ran out of breath, then took his time suffocating him. Now, however, something was in his way." Exciting stuff, truly, but why hasn't Kumo made an appearance in these previous *clears throats* choking sessions? Seems like he's shit at his job, doesn't it? What the fuck was he doing? Turning tricks for a couple of nightmares? Huh, huh? Am I right? Doesn't seem implausible... *Eye emoji*

"Kumo watched the sleeping Kyou squeeze his teddy bear closer." Now I'm really confused. Kyou isn't his name?! What is a Kyou then? Human children? Explain please! (-2)

Writing Style: The most enthralling thing about the writing has to be the descriptions. The way that everything is strung up together in such an addictive, intriguing picture in my mind is fucking amazing. Also, you mix discreet exposition into the narrative correctly, which is greatly appreciative. Bravo!

Likes/Dislikes:

-The descriptions are close to great.

-Originality for the win!

-Dark-dark! *Winks*

-Kyou can choke, and so can Kumo.

-Sometimes things were a bit too foggy to follow at first, which made it a bit hard to read.

-I love that whatever Dark-dark touches comes to life! That's pretty cool, and it reminds me of Beauty and the Beast haha. Except that I'm pretty sure none of the furniture actually begins to talk.

Grammar/Punctuation issues:

-Excerpt from chapter two: "--glaring at his somewhat full [stomach]." (-2)

-I haven't seen any glaring mistakes that made me twitch in any manner, so thank you!

Where you need to improve:

-Establishing things as simple as character names, and not over-doing it with the pronouns will go a long way.

-Being consistent.

-Hopefully Dark-dark gets the justice he deserves because Kumo is literally a murderer. Fuck him! Wait, never mind, he'd probably would in exchange for children night mares. *Sneers*

-Improving your dialogue. At times it was bordering the line of the corniness of modern Disney Channel. I think the dialogue suffers more in chapter one because in the next chapter there's a clear improvement, but it still has its dips so I would work on it.

-I would be careful on how you kind of graze over key elements of this world (e.g. the importance of the moon and their straws, Lady Senpai--I mean Tsuki, and does every Tapir has a sandman?) , without explaining it to the audience. It gets extremely confusing at a point, and I want to understand what it all means, but I'm not given enough. I'm sure you'll answer these questions some time in this book, but it can throw off your reader if there is too little information provided. Try to incorporate it as smoothly as possible early on so the readers can understand the basis. Sometimes giving exposition for fantasy/paranormal books like these are okay (just not an overload of it, just sporadically distribute it).

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading at the falling off the cloud part. It was getting a bit too ridiculous, and I need to go watch The Magicians. RIP.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get............................................

*Drum rolls*

A CRACKHEAD GUMMY BEAR HUSTLING FOR SOME ROCK!!! AKA KUMO (in his final form)!!

Anyway, this was originally just going to get gummy bears and a couple of votes, because it isn't perfect, but for me it kind of shines in its own little way. The originality is far too endearing and leaves something to be admired to not give it praise for that alone. I think this book needs a little bit more of admiration for its childlike imagination as well. Something about it feels nostalgic. This definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're fishing for something strange, and have a kink for untold fairy-tale type stories, and like the paranormal genre, do check it out. Anyway, you're being added to The Stars of BHR PRL! Congratulations!