Word Count: 3162

UPDATE: The cover has (kind of) changed since the review.

Title: Rising

Genre: Teenage Fiction/Science Fiction/Dystopian

Blurb:

B L U E S watched in horror as one of them fell.    O R A N G E S raised arms, defended to no avail.    R E D S cried for blood, justice to be given.    P U R P L E S stood by, silent, only pride driven.    G R E E N S closed off, no solace to lend.    Y E L L O W S wanted peace, for violence to end.

The Deus Initiative was all they knew. With people dying faster than leaves falling in autumn, if seasons even still existed, a solution for the toxic atmosphere had to be found. Instead of finding a cure for the sky, the United States decided to make the new generation immune to the toxins.

Shortcuts, however, aren't always the best route to take.

In a remote facility, kids were tested on with one of six different color serums. The first test subject died. So did the second. After 250 kids killed, the first Project walked out alive, her orange irises twinkling. Sporadically, more of these genetically altered, pollution immune kids were being churned out, far different than anyone could have anticipated.

      These children were predestined to be the saviors that a nation desperately needed. Power, however, comes with a hefty price. Amidst a war of wills and the everlasting lust for freedom, how does one become a savior when they themselves are being torn apart on the inside.

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Really nice! Looks professional and clean; I'd at least read the summary if I see this in either a library, a bookstore, or the recommended list on Wattpad. No points lost.

Title: Super boring and unimaginative. Maybe it's because I'm already biased against one-worded titles in most cases. They're too easy, require the bare minimum, and are generally reductive. I'm sure that it relates to the story somehow, in some way, sure--that can always be argued in its case. However, one-word titles like this one are poop on a platter. Really. With a little more brainstorming something more effective and original could have been the title. At least respect the people whose eyes skim over this book to be rewarded with diarrhea on a platter (served fresh, makes a better impression) instead of poop. Even if it's considered "shitty" at first hand, at least more care is taken to subvert meaning, leaving a greater amount of information to be taken in.

-"Like wow..." Jane mutters in astonishment at her cell phone screen. "Look at all those nuts. Who eats that much?" Do you see that? Intrigue, questions, that's what you want my friend. Get those little minds to stir with curiosity about what that hot watery waste suggests! *Sticks thumbs up*
(-1)

Blurb: It's pretty decent compared to other summaries on here, but on its own it is weak. As is, it looks like boneless chicken, which anyone with self-respect can agree that it's at least disconcerting if not straight up untrustworthy garbage. Okay, I'm getting sidetracked, I seriously just researched boneless chicken conspiracies—I have a problem with restricting distractions.

-Anywho, this summary manages to explain the situation of the world well, but not a lot can be said for the situation of the individual characters. Unless this story isn't focused on any set character, I think a look good tweaking is needed for clarity.

-As an interesting side note, I don't think leaving a set character(s) out of a summary would be such a problem depending on the culture the author and the reader are coming from. (Or the intent of the writer.) Western cultures usually stick to the tribulations of one or a couple of characters that revolves around the self (aka that can relate to us and our experiences) since we're essentially an individualistic culture. Whereas Non-Western culture works more as a collective identity, so a summary like this can be more of a norm than an individualistic take. But this is Wattpad, so I'm putting my bets on this being a simple problem of structuring. If it's not, then oops! 😬

-The last sentence is, in fact, a question, by the way.

-Few questions of my own: why is "Power, however, comes with a hefty price" included in this summary? Seems like it is kind of slapped on there like a piece of old, unwanted Spam. *Grimaces*

-From the descriptions, up until this point, the premise is a clear science fiction dystopian plot in the aftermath and consequences of global warming. There's nothing mentioned about these kids having "powers". (Then again, making the kids "immune to pollution" can be considered as their power if we shift our focus away from the idealized, comic book definition of "power". Is that what it's referring to? It can be taken both ways, really.)

-Going based on the text though, they simply are immune to the toxic air and have various eye colors. Since when did that count as a power? Maybe you forgot to add a significant sentence that would've cleared this up, but as is, it doesn't add up and my finger will continue to wag disapprovingly.

-This sentence might've done the trick "...far different than anyone could have anticipated", but it only makes me think that these kids have an ear on their forehead or something. Getting powers seems like a leap but...alright. Okay, I'll try to take this seriously. I have other points about this but I'm at 1166 words and I've only done three sections. *Slaps self*

-Nitpicking aside, this is an A-okay summary.

Plot: Um...X-Men meets Logan, meets every other dystopian sci-fi YA novel of the latter 20th century and 21st. *Falls asleep on laptop* (No really, I'm exhausted and this plot isn't helping.)

Opening thoughts:

-*Glances at soundtrack* *A deep frown takes over my being* (-2)

-Okay, pausing my bloated nagging for a bit because what in tarnation, if I'll be damned, and some other southern phrase of exacerbated gibberish!--the prelude is pretty darn diggity, bloppa-derpin' good! What I like about it most though is that it establishes a tone, the first person is handled well enough to let the readers lead to a rough hypothesis about the type of person Elijah is and its sneaky way to get away with blatant exposition. Though I've seen it been done this way before, the overall execution helps outweigh the lack of originality.

-*Future me chides in* the prelude is actually a complete throwaway. It only makes the timeline confusing, raises continuity questions when the reader progresses, and doesn't add much but tell the audience that the serum is painful. K, carry on! *Future me leaves*

-I read chapter one with an only one interruption from the statement above, which is what I call impressive! The entirety of chapter one is pretty neat. There's a healthy bit of exposition that's knitted into the narration, and the sentences are all relatively the same length (can be a problem...and it kind of is) which makes it easier to read the action in a concise manner. For the rest of the chapter, I feel like most of it has to do with the characters so I'll continue about it below.

*Reads on with a smile *

*Gets past chapter one*

*Smile falters*

*Gets past chapter two*

*Smile falls*

*Gets past cha--* This goes on until the first line of chapter four...

-It's time for me to complain about this further.

Characters:

-Elijah Risinger. Our narrator and main protagonist is a telekinetic with blue eyes. He seems like a pretty reliable main character with sturdy and prevalent conflicts he's dealing with (e.g., insomnia, The Deux program whatsit, needles/syringes, the color blue, you know, the whole lot). This guy's got the whole world on his shoulder! He has to get...strong--uh, so he can fight?-- and shoot with the guns, and oh right! The simulators! What will the trainees(?) for some fight(?)--no, the resistance--I mean the war--shit, maybe Armageddon?--do without those glorious simulators! (Which are painful! Ouch! So real...to the bones.) Those things! Great training tools for some tough science project? Also this Elijah kid and his comrades/fellow test subjects all glow! Like glow sticks, maybe? Yeah, that works I suppose!

*Blinks*
*Shrugs*

-He's also an okay shot, and there's some evidence between his relationship with his roommate, Essien, that he has the ability to care about other people. So him being a sociopath is ruled out. And we all know how overplayed that is (and how it is stigmatized most of the time). Thank the heaven nymphs for that one, eh?

-Ignoring the missing puzzle pieces for now, he's kinda bland. Besides from having believable emotions, there's not much there for the audience to grapple to and he's narrating the story.

-Essien. Sleeps a lot, a bit whiny, hasn't gotten his powers, but glows a teal blue when he's sleeping. Awww. How cute.

-Despite from his relationship with Elijah that I'm predicting will be endearing at least, this character is boring and I truly do not care. Chapter one isn't a good introduction for the both of these characters now that I rethink it. It's weak in a non-climatic sort of way.

-Here's a tip on how to strengthen the scene with both Elijah and Essien (Chapter one): Fix the syntax. This is kind of a problem I caught onto while reading may be the prelude even (?). Though the writing is mostly clear there are some bizarre syntaxes that muddles up the descriptions. When it isn't to a distracting extent, I try to ignore it (for the time being) so I don't lose sense of what's being done correctly. Where I'm getting at is that these bouts of wonky syntax disrupts the continuity and strength of any atmosphere that's holding up the scene. On top of that, there's a bit of white-room syndrome possibly resulting in that same syntax issue.

-Cheyenne. She is like some metal mage? I don't know, don't ask me. She can materialize chains in thin air and make them do tricks?! *Crickets chirp*

-Anyway, I don't know how to take this character since both Elijah and Essien show a strong distaste for her, her presence is filtered through Elijah's POV as if she's a nuisance, she beat Elijah's ass with a rifle in the past (what the fuck?), and seems tad unhinged. But then she's also introduced as a "longtime friend", bubbly, and super smiley? It's obviously put there to be jarring, since she continues to smile like a madman throughout the scene, but instead it becomes the heavy-fisted "I'm-actually-a-bit-unwell" trope for the usual "bad girl" character. What's a YA dystopian society without one?! Can you hear me yawning?

(-5)

Dialogue:

-The dialogue shines its brightest during the shooting scene with Cheyenne. Overall, it's readable and not too shabby.

Inconsistencies (if any):

-Quick question: Is Elijah a "Marshall"? The scientist at the beginning called him that, people seem to just walk around calling him that shit, but also not in a respectable position type of way either? So is it a nickname? Lord, this looks ridiculous. I promise this questioning is not pointless yabbering guys, he's called "Marshall" a handful of times (if my rickety memory isn't forsaking me) and there's no reasoning for it. It's making me rethink that Marshall is, in fact, his first name, and Elijah is really his middle name. Make this clear, dammit!

-The way Elijah's relationship with Essien is introduced is rapidly crumbling for me. In fact, it's probably where everything began to smell like manure. At first, it came across endearing and as a nice change of scenery, more isolated, all close and personal type of feel to it. But then it kind of became an obvious "waking up scene" and I realized that I don't care that this character has insomnia and that the other one doesn't have his stupid powers yet. Boo hoo, bro! There are people supposedly dying outside of this facility that isn't immune to the shitty air, and it's barely even thought of by the narrator!

-Also, what are they training for? Does a version of the UN exist in this world?

-Another question while I'm on this: where are these kids families? Do they have any? Are they all dead? Is everyone outside this facility dead? What is the state of the outside world? What is the state of the world outside the USA? Does Elijah not care at all about this fact except that he's a blue-semen-filled-syringe's bitch? Does anyone in this facility realize that they might be the "privileged" ones in this situation?

-Besides the evident pain that occurs when they're infused with this rainbow semen, I cannot care about these kids' strife. Sure, Essien, Elijah, and all of these other glowing jelly beans here are prisoners(?), and get shot up with doohickeys, but who cares? Better question; why should I? I don't really know what's going on and the heavy duty exposition hasn't helped at all but gives me a run-down of a humdrum schedule.

-This is the same issue that continuously comes up with books on here. No one seems to have a grasp on why their audience should give one shit (let alone two) about their characters and their worlds--beyond the fact that "their situation sucks, so feel bad for them!". Everyone solely relies on the social norm that you should feel bad when "bad things happen to good(?) people".

-That's cheap manipulation; more effort needs to be put in into the ideas and issues you want to present to your audience so they can have the chance of feeling empathy in order to begin asking questions.

-I can see the flimsy "immorality" that are poorly expressed here through events and (baseless and confusing) flashbacks, but I don't give a shit. Now, I'm not telling you to start hammering morals down your readers' throats to get them to care (which, again, won't work), but maybe making your characters relatable will help alleviate this issue (for you). The only things that I can see that make for example, Elijah, relatable is that he steals comfort food, has a frenemy(?), has a stash, and he's an insomniac. That's it.

-This leads me to another question: If Elijah can't even remember what color his eyes were before he got into the facility, how hasn't he lost other aspects of his actual sense of self over the past four years? Does this serum only affect how someone recalls their physical appearance? If this defect is occurring because of the serum, why isn't it affecting other memories within their self-schema, etc? What stops it? Shouldn't this be something he's fearing? He states it so nonchalantly, and it makes zero sense. To the average person, that's a justifiable reason to begin panicking.

-Another question: Why would Elijah ask "Is this going to hurt?" when he states that he knows the answer already, and even IMPLIES that he's been injected before? I know he is scared, but that only makes me question his intelligence.

-MAJOR inconsistency: I have yet to find out if any of these kids signed up for this program themselves and there's no way out of their contract because of so and so, OR if they are truly prisoners that got kidnapped for this program. What is the truth?! Make this known. Without this information, the context of their situation is a goTdamn mystery for no good reason that benefits the story.

-If the author doesn't know the answer to these questions, then it's time to go back to the drawing board (and to hand over 1-2 hours a day, filled with nap detours, from the past week of my life back).

(-10)

Likes/Dislikes:

-Easy to read.

-The characters have believable, functioning emotions.

-Essien's and Elijah's relationship seem cool.

-Everything being said and done seems a bit too safe for me though. I've seen this similar plot time and time again and it's stale now. There is no attachment for me towards these characters, this fictional world, and its groggy conflicts. I can easily say that this entire book bored the hell out of me. (-10 )

-Nonetheless, this is salvageable.

-To someone else, this can be seen as a breath of fresh air for likable enough characters, possibly believability, and for the writing's quality. It's a matter of finding their own audience. (Sort of.) Particularly the type who has never seen these tropes done before. Or simply rewrite the chapter.

-This book (or what I've read of it) is falling into a runt. If something doesn't happen soon, the reader is going to lose all interest and stop reading altogether. Quicker than myself, probably. Right now, all that seems to be happening is a long-winded "training montage" scene that every YA or action movie has.

-Announcement to screenwriters and all writers alike: kill readers and viewers instead. Anything is better than putting them through that god-awful nonsense! I've read what is essentially five chapters of it, and it's my own damn fault for not calling it quits sooner really. (-2)

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if noticeable):

-The grammar is close to great, but there's a couple of autocorrect(?) errors that needs some fixing. Nothing really to moan and groan about here, overall.

My Takeaway:

-From the beginning, the writer showcases some merit and maturity to their writing. They seem to understand getting emotions across and making it seem genuine to the readers, and understanding basic tone (and the importance of it).

-Starts out as a bit promising (even though the premise is common), right? Turns out that would only go to (semi) last for chapter one. It takes little time to understand that almost everything is actually exposition and filler. Two horrible things that shouldn't be the opening chapters to a book.

-All of the questions posed throughout this review can be fixed with ease if the essential factors are explained for world building matters, but are peppered throughout the text/chapters rather than in a pile of word vomit surrounded by tedious schedule.

Why/When I stopped reading: I skim read chapter three, and completely gave up at that point. Too bored to carry on, the plot is never put into the ignition, and I only get that far because I did not have enough ammo to start shooting jizz haphazardly. At the end of it all, I only read four chapters (even though I didn't like that I did) and that's fucking crazy when it comes to me. Call it a semi-win,I'll say.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get........

*Drum rolls*

Dust bruv.