UPDATE: The author has changed cover since the review.

Word Count: 1776

Title: Love Happens~~~~New title: Memory of Lips

Genre: Romance

Blurb: Dr. Meredith Grey has her life planned out for her. After losing her husband to a car crash three years ago, she has finally got her life together. However, everything changes one night when she meets a guy named Adrian Cooper. What's so special about this guy? Nothing, except he looks exactly like Meredith's dead husband.

~~~~~~~NEW BLURB~~~~~

   "He couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't finish his sentence because I cut him short by flinging my arms around him and crashing my lips against his.        Our tongues duelled for power and control as he held me close to his body. His left hand was now tangled in my hair, and his right hand had slipped under my shirt and was splayed on my bare lower back. Our mouths were fused together, fitting perfectly into each other like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I couldn't get over the feeling of kissing him again, of tasting him again. It had been so long. Far too long. I had even forgotten what it felt like to kiss him - what his sweet lips tasted like. But, boy, his lips tasted sweeter than I remembered. They were soft, warm, moist and compliant, yet hard and demanding and controlling at the same time."        **************        This is not your typical love story. This is an out of the box story with lots of romance, fluff, drama, twists and turns, intrigue and suspense, and obviously sex thrown in! Not even remotely similar to the movie of the same name.   

Status: Ongoing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover:

-It's horrendous. I can go on all day on how bad it is, but it's pretty horrid. The last one was pretty ugly as well, but this one isn't any better. I don't know what's worse; the fact that it looks like an ad for12 Corazones on Telumondo/Spanish soap opera, or that your name (at least your username) isn't on it OR that even the title of the book isn't on it??

-Really?

-I suggest throwing a can of "whoop ass" to whoever tried you with this cover. (-8)

Title: Personally, I much preferred the original title. I'm really failing to see the relevance to "The Memory of Lips," it's not bringing any positive thoughts to mind. (-2)

Summary: Oh my god...

-This isn't even a summary, it's just an excerpt from a scene of two characters making out, and then a disclaimer saying that the story isn't a "typical love story."

-Um, you aren't giving a good argument to lead anyone to believe that...

-I didn't even know there was a movie with the same title, but that really makes me want to see if yours really is alike. This really isn't a good first impression, there are red flags being thrown everywhere at possible readers. Why would you do this to yourself?

-There's even a spelling error in the excerpt, I'm cringing really hard right now.

*Dueling*

-Anyway, I just read your old summary, and it was so much better! I want to shake you, man. Stop this foolery, and put the old one back! The old summary actually gave people what the plot is going to be about, and replacing it with a poor excerpt made your story a basic fanfiction/romance. Love yourself. (-8)

Plot: Looking at the new summary I have no idea what this story is about, aside from it being a romance/fanfiction. From the old summary, I know that this is a zombie love story. I can get behind that.

Opening thoughts:

-Note: Okay, I'm kind of shook because the story has been changed completely (from the outside at least). The author has gotten a new cover, new title, and new summary. It's a bit overwhelming. Taking off a point for at least not notifying me of this, it's confusing. (-1)

-Yikes, here comes the cheesy wording of every sex scene ever. Now, I have to sit through people kissing "fiercely."

-Okay, I was wrong, it's not a sex scene (rats!), and two characters are just making out.

-The narration isn't bad, but you're kind of telling too much when you can easily show it. It sort of works for now, but not really. (-3)

- "But...I was not a fool."

-Ellipses should be used sparingly. A comma or "However," would have sufficed. (-1)

-There's tension everywhere, and I am uncomfortable. It's working, holy shit!

-"I sat at the bar, swilling the amber liquid around in the glass."

-I'm pretty sure you meant swirling. This is a small offense, but it's kind of ridiculous you haven't lost all of your points yet. Oops. (-1)

Character:

-For some reason, I still don't know the MFC's name yet. I actually kind of like her, so don't ruin it. I need a named woman! Okay, mystery main female lead is pretty cool, only because she isn't afraid to show her sexual needs, and doesn't seem to care about others judgment of her. Andddd I love that, so yay! A negative aspect of her though is that she's toxically still hanging onto her dead husband, and pushes anyone away who tries to be more than what she allows them to be...

-She seems very human, so yay for humans!

-Amelia. I don't know much about her, besides from her having a perfect life, and MFC hates her ass. Well, she's envious because and a bit pathetic. Let's be real here...

-Yikes, I just found out Amelia is Derek's (MFC's deceased husband) sister. This is getting awkward very quickly.

-MFC's sex toy—um, I mean a friend with benefits—Nathan, doesn't really have a personality right now. Except for his penis that MFC uses occasionally. (-2)

Moving on!

Dialogue:

-I'm impressed. I haven't seen any incorrect dialogue punctuation, and the dialogue runs naturally. Everything seems to be running smoothly!

Too smoothly though.....*eyes narrow*

-Anyway, I haven't seen anything to take off points for, and I'm kind of getting annoyed now.

-Yay, something to complain about! There was a point where Matt: The Bartender Guy, told her he was going to make her night or something along the lines, and MFC acted as if she shot her.

"What?!?"

-In my opinion, that's a serious offense. Don't ever overuse exclamation points/question marks, you're making your writing look very amateur.

-This is visually pleasing, and efficiently gets the job done:

"What?" I exclaimed.

-You don't have to add anything else to the dialogue tag since you already made her confusion clear in the lines before it.

-Another excerpt: [...] tonight," Matt said, beaming, "It's the bar's 15th anniversary."

-There's a lot of errors throughout this.

1) The sentence should have ended after "beam[ed]."

2) A comma shouldn't be before "beam[ed]." And "tonight" should have a period following suit, not a comma because "beam[ed]" isn't a dialogue tag.

3) The period at the end can be swapped out for an exclamation point.

4) "Said" isn't needed.

5) Lastly, "15th" should be spelled out.

After product: [...] tonight." Matt beamed. "It's the bar's fifteenth anniversary!"

-You should edit this chapter. Before some dialogue tags, you insert periods, when it should be commas, but I'm pretty sure your finger just slipped. Yep, that works for me!

(-3)

Inconsistencies:

-I've got nothing.

*Bottom lip trembles in shame*

Writing Style:

-You have a tendency to repeat words, and it isn't a typo.

-Excerpts:  "had had", or "And now, now" etc.

-For me, using double words are horrible. I catch myself when I use them by accident, it's really a personal preference, but you do use them properly, so that's good. People on Wattpad either don't use them well or not at all.

-I also noticed that even though you tell most of the story, it feels like I'm watching someone write in their diary, and I truly do feel like I'm inside the character's head. Even though you don't paint the settings and give much descriptions, you do have the ability to make people relate and connect to your characters easily. I strangely like it, and I think it works for you.

Likes/Dislikes:

-This story idea. I haven't read a romance in a while, and this is going really well. I'm kind of disgusted with myself.

-I'm really enjoying myself and you've managed to keep my attention.

-I'm pretty sure you practice voodoo.

-You need to add more descriptions.

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

-There isn't really any problems in this department (thank god). I might actually cry.

-However, there were some minor errors. This needs correcting:

"Hello, everyone!" he spoke into the mic.

-Again, the comma isn't needed, and "he spoke into the mic" isn't necessary, just combine it with the next dialogue, it just ruins the flow. (-1)

Where you need to improve:

-Drawing the reader more into the story by introducing sensory descriptions. I think if you can accomplish that your story will be even better.

-I read the old summary again and just realized the MFC's name is Meredith. You really need to mention her name more in the chapter.

-Uh, *sweats while trying to think of bad things* finding a cover maker that loves you??

-Um...edit some more?

*Stares*

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading because I've got other reviews to get to, and took away the rest of your points in retaliation. Kinda lazy, but oh well.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get..................

*Drum rolls*

*Sighs in defeat*

GUMMY BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I literally have never watched Greys Anatomy in my life. However, I have watched Scrubs, and I actually enjoyed it after my teacher forced my class to watch it for no reason at all. So, the only thing I know about it is that people are always talking about the hot doctor dude and Jesse Williams is in it.

*Lady boner starts to grow*

Anyway, all of that is irrelevant because you don't really have to know anything about the show to read this story. Nothing crazy happened in Chapter One, but it was so refreshing and the characters were so real and normal. It was hard to hate on.

Overall, you have a great story here, and I actually want to read on...so, I bless you with two comments, two votes, and adding you to my Private Library!

This is the biggest reward yet, congrats!

I'll add you to my PBR when you get your cover/summary together. I'm not claiming you publicly with that...

*Jimmy Neutron's voice*

Gotta blast!