UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

TW: Jon Green hate below.

Title: Like Hurricanes

Genre: Teen Fiction

Blurb: Black cigarettes, lilac skies and poetry at 3 am: Pit's life is far from ordinary. Losing himself in the chaotic adrenaline of wild youth, he always feels misunderstood. Everyone knows him as the cute goofy idiot who hangs out with the popular crowd, ignoring the intelligent, caring boy beneath the surface.

After failing sophomore year, Pit is afraid of losing his friends. So he pushes himself to the extremes, always feeling like he needs to prove himself. But there's a quirky rebel girl who doesn't seem so eager to give up on him. Maybe she could be the one to remind him that he isn't as average as he wants to seem. That if he wants, he can be a hurricane.

~NEW SUMAARY~

Cigarettes, lilac skies and poetry at 3am: sixteen-year-old Pietro ''Pit'' knows the adrenaline of feeling empty and infinite at the same time. With the reputation of a goofy idiot who doesn't care about anything at all, getting held back doesn't seem like a problem. But it is. Because Pit cares about everything, and he always cares too much.

With the return of his best friend's childhood friend, Pit starts to feel replaced. Afraid of drifting apart from the group, he loses himself in hangovers, drugs and bad decisions. However, his new classmate Noemi Defelice knows that's not who he really is. Inspired by her hunger for knowledge and adventure, Pit wants to dive into a new life, but leaving behind bad habits means also leaving behind his friends, who now more than ever need his help.

Among thousands of questions that float through his mind, Pit starts to wonder - is fixing broken friendships more important than finding himself?

Status: Completed

~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Absolutely dreadful. This couldn't be a more teen fiction cover. I don't know why you all do this; stop disrespecting this genre and get better covers. I know damn well you can get a more interesting cover—get it together. (-5)

Title: Very dramatic. Much corny. Very teen fiction. Much vomit. I think it works!

Summary: This is a pretty well done summary. But, of course I have things that are annoying me. The last one made the story look a little unappetizing, and seemed incomplete, but I'm not here to correct that one, so I'll move on.

-First problem: the opening sentence. Okay, it's not a huge problem actually; I'm simply picky.

-Suggestion: Cigarette buds, lilac skies, and [reading or writing?] poetry at 3am: sixteen year old, Pietro ''Pit'', knows the adrenaline of feeling empty and infinite at the same time. With the reputation of a goofy idiot who cares about nothing, getting held back doesn't seem like an issue—but it is. In reality, Pit cares about everything, and he always cares too much.

With the return of his best friend's childhood friend, Pit starts to feel replaced. Afraid of drifting apart from the group, he loses himself in hangovers, drugs and bad decisions. His new classmate, Noemi Defelice, grows an interest in him and has a feeling that's not who he really is. Inspired by her hunger for knowledge and adventure, Pit wants to dive into a new life, but leaving behind bad habits means also leaving behind his friends who need his help more now than ever.

Among thousands of questions that float through his mind, Pit starts to wonder: Is fixing broken friendships more important than finding himself?

Plot: Pit needs to get it together or he may fail sophomore year (which is odd as hell? Where I live you can't fail any grade in high school. You just need to have all of your credits and requirements to graduate by senior year—or you don't lol).

(*Future me clears throat* I found out that this is taking place in Italy, and a load of things make sense now.)

-Meets some rebel new girl who has a positive influence on him and makes him start seeing the light and questioning his life. Dude has the actual easiest decision ever: "Should I get it together and focus on me, or should I let my busted stupid friends (that I will most likely never speak to and see again after high school—because spoiler alert: the student body is irrelevant as fuck) ruin my life?

-It's a bit ridiculous, and I do kind of hate it when the answer is obvious already from the summary, but it does seem promising. For today only, I'll give this the benefit of the doubt.

-Feel blessed.

-Let's get this on!

Opening thoughts:

*Sees chapter dedicated to a playlist/trailer* I am not surprised, but it doesn't erase my cringe.

-Oh my god, for some horrible and unexplained reason I clicked on it, and I'm offended. It was the epitome of white Tumblr and Youtube kids being annoying and lame. Now, I have a permanent sneer on my face, so thanks (just kidding, it was always there). (-3)

-Playlist isn't too bad though. However, it's starting to make me think that this story may take its self too seriously and the characters may or may not be pretentious. If you had Tame Impala or The Temper Trap on there, I may or may have not looked over the trailer. Sucks.

-Anyway, so I think your opening line would've been neat if it was referring to his lack of progress behavior and mentally-wise (in this case it would've been:  I took two steps forward, and somehow I was five steps back from where I came.). Like some immediate characterization, but oh well, the chance was messed. The one you have now is good though, so ignore this if you wish.

-The second sentence has some small=grammatical errors and it was a bit wordy. Suggestion: [...] I attempted to feel if there was still some sand left in my Vans. [Then you could insert where his whereabouts were] (-1)

-Watch your tenses. Correction: Italy might...this autumn weather fit[ted]... (-1)

-Excerpt: September breeze carried the salty scent of the sea and mined with the melancholy of wet orange leaves.

*Stares into the camera*

-Pit has heightened sense of smell, of course. This is probably one of my main problems with first person. It's hard to be descriptive in narration about normal things humans wouldn't notice or hear, so it gets a bit comical for me. *Looks at you* I'm taking a point off because I laughed unwillingly. (-1)

-Anyway, this is so small, but I think it works better. 

-Suggestion: September['s] breeze carried the salty scent of the sea and mixed with the melancholy of wet orange leaves.

-Excerpt: Geona without rain was like teenage angst without cigarettes.

*Random migraine knocks me out*

-Wow. That was John Green level corny. (-3)

Character:

-Pietro Rossi aka "Pit". Despite Pit having an impressive sense of smell, he doesn't have anything else going for him. There are a bunch of annoying roaches like him at my school, and he has zero substance at the moment. No one cares that people don't fully understand why you smoke Marlboros—you know what? I'm cutting this rant short because I don't have time for the sad/wannabe deep and reckless teenage boy narrative. I might vomit. I dislike him greatly is all you have to know. (-5)

-Dario doesn't seem very smart...He's coming off as an idiot at the moment. Literally, from one sentence.

-Gaia. Only decent character that I've seen so far. She is rude (or blunt) dragged Pit, and seems to be the only one giving them criticism (except she still hangs out with them and isn't much better), so she gets a pass in my book. Mostly for dragging Pit.*Blows into a party horn*

Dialogue:

-Note: The first dialogue you introduce should clarify who is speaking. (-2)

-Funniest thing I've read in the book, by far:

I shrugged. "It's not like I'm gonna learn something today. I already know the whole school program."

"Well, apparently you don't," she said. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be here repeating 10th grade."

"Maybe."

"Maybe," she echoed.

*Wipes tears away*

-Lord.

-First thing that's weird about this is that Pit says, "I already know the whole school program".

?????

-What does that even mean? I'm crying. Besides that, the blatant Jon Green influence here is quite appalling, and a bit of an amusing eye sore (since I hate myself) all at once. The repetition of "Maybe" makes little to no sense that it's funny.

-"Maybe" what, man? Maybe what?! (-1)

Inconsistencies (if any):

*Sifts through all of this "prose" and excess of information that isn't moving the story along in anyway*

-Where are the parents? (-1)

-At some point you say that Dario is "rolling a cigarette" and I'm lost. I'm not really educated about cigarettes and whatnot because they are irrelevant and ugly, but since when did you have to roll a cigarette? Are they smoking weed? If so, cigarette isn't the word you're looking for.

Writing Style:

-Um. It isn't bad, but it isn't eye-catching. In a way, it mixes in with most writing styles on here. There really isn't much to say here.

*Crickets chirp*

-This is probably the most awkward part of these reviews. Yikes.

*Sweats*

-Moving along!

Likes/Dislikes:

-The amount of times smoking, and cigarettes have been mentioned and I'm only three paragraphs in the first chapter. (-3)

-How pretentious/corny everything is coming off. (-1)

-John Green's crust self (most likely) wrote this.

-How lame this possum named Pit is. I'd fight him.

-Your summary is cool.

-Seriously, cigarettes are being glorified (and mentioned) in this book to an excessive amount. I feel like I'm on Tumblr in 2012. *Swats at imaginary cobwebs*

-Great setting!

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

- This didn't flow well. Excerpt: The rain battered the grey asphalt and green window shutters, and in the morning left tear drops on palm and olive trees. (-1)

-Correction/Suggestion: [...] shutters. At sunrise, the rain left behind tear drops on the palm and olive trees.

-Correction: I [still] had summer in my lungs... (-1)

-Excerpt: After three months of distance, I glanced at her with curiosity like a nervous kid, trying to camouflage how much I missed her. (-1)

-Correction/Suggestion: [...] I glanced at her with eyes of a nervous child trying it camouflage how much I missed her.

Where you need to improve:

-Toning down unnecessary mentions of smoking and how "cool", and "reckless" these kids are. It got tiring quickly.

-Reading over your work for awkward sentences that can easily be re-worded.

-Creating a variation between your work and other people's work. Having influences is fine, but don't make it so blatant. At the moment, the clichés are a kind of warped in another, and then another, and so on.

-Creating a much more stronger opening chapter.

Why/When I stopped reading: You didn't last long at all. You ran out of points after one minute. However, I did read the rest of the chapter since I'm so generous.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get.....................

*Drum rolls*

A little tiny dust...thing. Isn't it so cute?!

Anyway, even though the only thing I liked was your summary, keep writing. I am only one otter, and you seem to be doing fine popularity wise. This maybe something just for fun for you, and I'm not sure what your motive is, but be your own teacher so you can keep improving. Not everyone has the ability to write well, but you do have something there and it can definitely be built on with more work. Good luck to you in the Wattys bro!

*Goes to eat Frosted Flakes*