Title: In Pain and Blood

Genre: Fantasy/ LGBT Romance

Blurb:

For twenty-nine years, Dylan's life in the spellster tower of Demarn has been one of endless magic lessons, frequent dalliances with women, and staying just far enough on the side of good to avoid being singled out as a threat to the overseers. He longs for freedom, but his only chance lies in becoming a leashed weapon for the king's army. A chance he readily takes.

But it wasn't meant to be like this.

When a routine scouting mission goes awry, Dylan is left unleashed and alone. Terrified he'll be branded a deserter and prey for the King's Hounds, he struggles to make his way back to the safety of the tower. But as the whispers of a strange armed presence in the north grow the closer he gets to the tower, what was once a scarcely-imagined threat to his home may be all too real. If home is no longer the haven it once was, is anywhere safe anymore?

Status: Ongoing

~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I really, really like it. I remember the first time I saw it, and thinking it was corny and poorly made. Looking at it now, it reminds me of the Goosebumps series or like....old Disney channel movies haha. The words are easy to read, and it looks professional enough. Anyway, I think it's great. No points lost.

Title: Reminds me of another book I reviewed here. Besides that, it sits the genre, and it's decent.

Summary:

*Stares*

-Huh. This summary is pretty good. For once. What I really admire about it, is that you seem to have a very strong idea on what you're writing about, but—there is always a but— I'm finding it hard to follow, and more importantly, care.

-For starters, you start off with introducing the protagonist, Dylam—which is always a good way to start, but then then you introduce this place called the "spellster tower of Dansmen". My interest has piqued, but other than the fact that we're given information about Dylan being quite frankly, a hoe (his business, I don't care), getting to trouble, and going magic, no information is given about the tower. To me, that's a bad start. If the tower was given a name I'm sure it has some importance to the story or character, so a little background should be given for clarity...or something.

-Another thing that is weakening this summary is the seemingly meaningless things that are thrown in to build around this character you're presenting, and then you decide to throw in the conflict. It just seems forced, rushed, and it leaves me not caring about any of this.

-For example, this excerpt seems to be thrown in without context or an actual reason. It almost seems random. Where did the army come from? Freedom? Does the spellster tower of Dansmen restrict his freedom: "He longs for freedom, but his only chance lies in becoming a leashed weapon for the king's army. A chance he readily takes."

-I think these ideas are pretty well thought out and all, but I don't know...I think a sentence or two can help tie these in more smoother, and give some type of emotion before we get the actual hook in the second paragraph (the best part).

-This was a lot of rambling. I'm sure most of this will be answered once I open the book, and I'm being difficult for no reason. Really, your summary is the strongest pone I've seen as of yet. I'm still taking off points because I feel like it could have been slightly better with a couple more sentences. (-5)

Plot: Casanova (the one who wasn't rapey) now can do magic tricks, loses his (mom)army at the mall, and now he has to play cat and mouse with an unknown presence? Hm, sounds familiar. I'm ready!

Opening thoughts:

-Strangely enough, I'm disappointed to not see a prologue or introduction of some sort. Since this is a fantasy, I think they should always have something to lead the reader into the story, but I guess not. It can be done though, so I'll be optimistic!

-Okay, so we're following Dylan as he's trying to find this girl he....likes called, Ness. At the moment, he hasn't done anything that makes me dislike or hate him. I'm getting suspicious, but I'll let it slide, for now.

*Cringes*

-God. I'm amused. I'm actually enjoying myself. *Sighs*

-I hate this. Why am I amused, you say? Well, the characters are really cute, and the dialogue is flowing so naturally. The chemistry is infectiousness, and I think I now have gotten some type of disease. A terminal one.

Characters:

-Dylan. A male character who has been deemed the charming trait and actually has it! How surprising. Even though he's a cliché womanizer, I don't find myself not liking him. He's a bit amusing at the moment, and this little game he has with Ness is entertaining to the say the least. He gets a pass. Wow.

-Ness. She seems to be a free-spirited person, with the casual hookups, and her and Dylan's friendship that also includes time-to-time "no other option" hookups. I really like this. Also, her sexuality is ambiguous at the moment, which is even better.

Pulin. A whining little bitch. Enough said.

-Overview: Uh....okay, so now I want to see Pulin and Dylan make out. Apparently Pulin has a snake tongue, and Dylan finds it arousing. *Stares into the camera*

-Hehehe.... *Coughs*

-Moving on!

Dialogue:

-Sometimes you need to press enter after a sentence. The dialogue needs to be separated in some cases. (-5)

Excerpt: What was she working on? [Press enter] "Is this so she can test her theory about the dog metal?" [Press enter] That'd been the rumors, he was sure of it...

Inconsistencies (if any):

-None at all.

Writing Style:

-I can't really explain it, but I think it's great. You've blended descriptions, exposition, rhetorical devices, and dialogue in a way that doesn't overwhelm and it just...is.

Likes/Dislikes:

-The characters are surprisingly great, and are sexually ambiguous! God is so good. *Wipes away a tear*

-I'm loving that you're not explaining things like the infitialis metal to us in a surge of info dump. Instead the information is given in a reasonable amount of doses where it doesn't interfere with the story. Also, everything isn't as confusing as I thought it was going to be. Nice job!

-This chapter is kind of dragging on. (-10)

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

-You have a fair amount of comma splices. Most of them can be found in the dialogue, so definitely look for them. There are many different cases where commas can or should be used, and I rather not list them all. Guys, Google is a wonderful tool for writers, so please, please, utilize it. (-10)

Where you need to improve:

-Um.

*Itches arm*

*Sweats*

-Okay, maybe you should think about cutting each chapters into two parts? I think they would look more appetizing for lazy readers.

-Also, you need to research some simple grammatical things like commas, etc.

*Crickets chirp*

-I got nothing else. *Frowns in shame*

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading at the ending of chapter two. You actually still have points, but since I thought that was ridiculous I went back to subtract crazy amount of points just so it could take all of them away. Because I could. Also, because I would have spent too long on this review. Oops, I cheated.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get...............................................................

*Drum sadly rolls*

A melting gummy bear. God, I hate giving gummy bears away.

So, your book was fairly good with a very little issues. At least to my eyes that is. Do what what yo wil with this review, but do know that you have received not one, but TWO votes from me and you are added to The Stars of BHR PRL! Congratulations, bro!

Your story definitely deserves more attention, so this is my way in helping you! I'll continue reading whenever I get the chance, good luck pal! :)

*Slithers away to go cry some more*