Word Count: 1892

Title: Nine Months: NEW~ Expectations

Genre: Teen Fiction

Blurb: "I'm pregnant" I barely heard her say. It was like a whisper of air coming through a window that was left open a bit.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Ried I'm pregnant" She said looking me in the eyes with a serious pleading look and a tint of a smile on her lips.Her eyes were beautiful baby blues, they were the reason I choice her out of every girl in the college.

"It's not mine." I laughed at her watching the small smile disappear and tears showing in her eyes.

I stood up from the chair and started walking from the cafeteria before I even made it two meters away I heard her call out "You were my first." I kept walking.

I know I was her first but that doesn't change a thing for me or her.

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Um. It isn't horrendous, but it isn't good either. The reason it isn't very good is because it looks pretty unprofessional, and looks like all of the images have been copy and pasted on top of each other. However, the worst offense this cover committed was that the preposition "to" is used instead of the adverb "too" in the subtitle. I thought we were past knowing the difference by now, but apparently not. Also, the subtitle is actually a question and isn't a statement because of the word "maybe". Yes, nitpicker M is back and shittier than before!

Title: "Nine Months"--left to live? Oh, I wish! Have you seen the world recently? Can't have a review without casual cynicism, of course.

Blurb:

*Covers mouth in shock*

-There are so many things wrong with this blurb. I actually feel insulted to be witnessing this right now. *Head spins uncontrollably* so much cliches. So much errors. So much sin. So much crime. So inexperienced. So much pain. *Lone tear slides down cheek* *whispers* so much dramatics.

-Okay, anyway, I think everyone gets the point.

-The first thing about this summary that made me involuntarily scream was the sight of the quotes. Why? Because I knew what was to come. *Sneers*

-An excerpt.

-It's not like a tiny portion of the summary is an except, but it is the summary. Actually, from that fact alone this isn't a summary. I don't what it is at all. They are just words on a screen that are making me want to throw them into a fire and never read them again.
I'm
-The crimes that are committed in this excerpt is, one, the dialogue lacks proper punctuation. Two, the grammar and simple mechanics are thrown out the window, which is a blatant warning sign to the reader that this book shouldn't be read because the writer isn't ready, and neither is the book ready for public consumption or dissection. Three, the ridiculousness of the conversation taking place that it is teetering the line of plagiarism at this point because of how much this narrative has been used! I can legit can count all of the cliches that were used in this ONE excerpt, right now:

1) Bad boy that doesn't care about anyone but himself? Check.

2) Naive girl that gave said bad boy her virginity, and is now pregnant? Check!

3) Bad boy denies said girl's unborn child, even though he knew she was a virgin? Check!

4) Naive girl crying? Check!

5) The infamous "I'm pregnant" scene? Check!

-I'm going to hurl. I thought we were past this! *Shakes violently* (-10)

Plot: *Calms down* Crying naive girl's baby daddy walks out on her. *Shuts eyes* that is all.

*Future me buts in*

-Okay, so this chapter's plot is basically a prologue about four guys planning on catching a new "prey" for their entertainment, and the main character gets a blue-eyed girl pregnant. I'm going to S C R E A M.

Opening thoughts:

*Reads opening paragraph*

*Inhales deeply*

-Excerpt: "November seventh was the day it all started I was at a party with my mates drinking and laughing at drank ass people and their ways when my mate Ethan said "It's your turn Ried."

*Crickets chirp*

-I have no words. I actually do, but this review would last far too long. This is a rough start. It just is. There's a period missing after "started" (the grammar is a mess regardless but still), though that doesn't stop it from being a poor opening sentence to a book either. In fact, this entire sentence can be cut down into three. THREE! There is so much telling going on that it makes it impossible for me to care enough to actually read on and be invested. (-3)

-"Drunk" is spelled incorrectly as well. (-1)

-And I bet that they're talking about a girl too. Watch me be right!

-*Sighs* I was right.

- Excerpt: {"Give us a week and you'll have a vitum." Xavier chuckled at his choice of word 'vitum'. I didn't consider them vitums but Xavier knows Cameron hates the word so if the chance to piss Cameron off comes Xavier takes it.}

-When I first read that, I thought the spelling errors were done on purpose. I tried to think they were, but the problem with that assumption was apparent when I read the paragraph over again (three times to be exact. Sleep was messing with my eyes!).

-I found NO logical reason why the writer would purposefully decide to misspell them besides from them being an actual demon, or simply not knowing how to use spell check. I can take "victim" being spelled wrong once, but three times? THREE?! *Internally screeches*

-I can't believe this is happening. (-3)

Characters:

-Reid. A fucking disease that needs to be eradicated from the (fictional) earth. This character is the most pointless, hollow, cardboard cut out of a human being. He is a vacant, unused cupboard. One that needs Jake Gylenhaal's character from Demolition to teach it a lesson. One that needs a fucking chainsaw through its ASS! *Breaths heavily*

-Fuck this "character"! (-2)

-Ethan, Xavier, and Cameron. This fuckwad's friends (how does he have them? Good question.) that the readers are suppose to care about, and believe are actual humans.

-Funny.

Dialogue: All of it is lifeless, unbelievable, and is giving me a migraine.

Inconsistencies (if any):

-The conversation this book opens up with is really irking me. Not only is it misogynistic, the narration doesn't seem try to condemn it or address it as so?

-Okay, I'm going to try to understand this group of guys' mindsets. I may just die, but wish me luck:

-Why would Ethan tell Reid (*vomits and pants*), "It's your turn", when he didn't even have a readied group of girls for Reid (*vomits violently*) to even "select" from? How it's presented, it seems like sort of a long jump procedure before they can make a decision, right?

-Reid (*vomits violently everywhere*) was only then going to ask him to get his response (I'm paraphrasing), "Ask us in a week"? What the fuck? What was the point of that string of dialogue even existing? The only reason it exist was for the writer to have a rushed transition into a flash forward.

-Mind you, this occurred within the first three paragraphs of the book. It's almost like the writer got bored, and decided to hurry it up to get to the "good part". Fucking hell. (-3)

-The first thing the reader sees in this chapter is the bold date stamp, "NOVEMBER 2012". I'll admit, it did annoy me. I'm not sure why, but maybe it had to do with the year, or the taste of that "summary" still in my mouth like rotten molasses.

-Anyway, it wasn't enough to take off a point for, but then I realized a reoccurring theme: "November seventh", "A week later", "Later that day of November fourteenth", all showing up within the same chapter. For some odd reason, the writer has a strong need to inform the reader when all of these flash forwards are happening. The exact date. I don't know if it has anything to do with the plot as a whole, or if it's because they just don't know how to start the sentence in any other way. OR if they're just bored with their own story and want to move on to the next thing.

-Whatever the case, it is annoying because the reader isn't even given a chance to feel stationary in one time slot with the characters they have just been introduced to. Pick a spot you want to start the story off at, and calm down. The pacing is off the rockets. (-2)

-I find it odd that a guy (Xavier) who chooses to be friends with a group of dudes that "takes turns" choosing "victims" (aka girls to hook up with), is worried about "Justin's baby sister" getting played by Reid (*convulses into my own vomit*)? Everything that has been showcased about these characters points to immature, misogynistic, horribly raised Cretans? I can understand trying to make complex characters, but this is so shewed in, it feels like it's only included for dialogue filler, and to make the main character look less like a raging asshole who only cares about his own agenda. This could have worked, maybe. But the outcome of this has been given away, so this no love beer works. It's just cheap and makes him unlikable. (-2)

Writing Style: There is none, and at this point, I don't really care. I'm exasperated by this book.

Likes/Dislikes:

-I do not like ANYTHING. I'm refraining from being mean here, which is *Donald Trump voice* SAD! The fact that this review is a watered down version of what I'm truly thinking makes me feel bad, but I don't wanna get reported for like...harassment. HA. *Takes an aspirin* (-1)

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me):

*Sighs*

(-3)

My Takeaway:

-Give yourself time.

-I'm being real here, this book isn't good. It's actually quite shit. I could say that's just my subjective, but I feel like it holds no merit here. There is not one lick of originality, or one redeeming quality that is saving this book. It's almost like you want me to hate it. My advice? Delete this book. Pretend it never happened, and just start over. In fact, take some time off to figure out if writing is for you, or if this is simply for fun. If you seriously want to write a book with a chance, actually take some time to plan it out accordingly, flesh out real characters, with real problems, that are layered with good and bad. A story without compelling characters, isn't a story. And a story without a purpose for being one, falls completely. No one will want to read it. These are facts.

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading at the end of chapter one, but you lost all of your points at the horrendous summary, however, I decided to give you a chance and spread them out. (Which is why some parts seem to not have "enough" points taken off. For example, my vomiting bit ha.)

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get....................................................

*Drummer crosses arms* :(

You get a dust storm bro.