Word Count: 1633

Title: Beyond Myth

Genre: Sci-Fantasy

Blurb: The Obscured World, a plane just above our own, home to creatures, strange and eldritch, and to mechanics, even stranger. There are people who work to contain it, to limit its influence on the over world so that everyone might maintain their guise of normalcy. There are others who seek to unleash it, free it unto Earth so that known science may be married with obscure mechanics.

Adam Whiden and Jennifer Kennedy, students, and childhood friends. Now, will they choose to ally with those that liberate, those that protect, take a different option entirely, or will they fail miserably, thanks to a giant worm thing with spinning teeth and some red fog that eats atoms?

Status: Ongoing

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: Loves it! Okay, a bit too much enthusiasm there, but it's still nice...mostly. My only issue with it is that there's two different text on it and they are both ugly. If they're more bold it can catch a readers eyes and make it look less amateur and bland. Nonetheless, it's still cool.

Title: I like it. Two words, and intriguing. Let's get this on.

Summary: Yikes. Um. Okay.

That is...a lot? I'm really doing a shit job with not not giving summary help to people who didn't specifically ask for it, aren't I? I just can't help it. *Sighs*

-This isn't good. Its badness, however, is kind of odd. It's almost as if the summary shouldn't be bad, but it winded up being shit anyways. Like it's quite obvious that the writer here (or whoever did it) is really trying at first, but then something happened--and this is what we are left with. I don't know. I think. I'm hoping.

-Anyway, there are a bunch of comma splices, which is offensive, and the first sentence is disgusting. It isn't even a sentence because of all of these interrupting commas. Also, the use of "eldritch" isn't used properly and it's redundant since it's practically the same word as "strange". Put the thesaurus down, Kathy. Then, everything gets bogged down immediately with too much focus on the setting of the book, which doesn't even accomplish what it's attempting to do--getting the readers interested in this world and caring for the conflict these two words have with each other. I know that fantasy books need exposition to properly world build and what not, but this attempt is so disorganized and muddled I don't even know what to say. These "conflicts" are so vague to a point that I can't even feel the threat because it's so poorly described and presented. It almost tricks you into thinking it's good, which is criminal.

-Moving on, the last paragraph or section (if you will) is such a horrifying experience that I now want to gauge my eyes out. Particularly, with a disease-coated rod, made with steel. Something that reminds me of this summary basically. I have been sitting here in an almost bewildered state for five minutes. I don't know where my tea has gone and I'm frightened. Help.

-This summary is so bad that I think I need to make my own just so you all can understand why it's so wretched. Or I may just be overreacting. I don't care. Here goes:

{The Dark City Place, the final level of ourselves. If Earth looked into a broken mirror, that is.

It's on top of us, Bat People rule here too, they're weird and idiosyncratic, with biotechnology-- even weirder. The capitalist and fear mongers of things and stuff, try to suppress their intellect, just so they can conceal the creeping fear of subordination they are all slaves to and will never run from. There are others who want to unleash it so it can be jailed. But it won't.

Ronald McDonald and John F. Kennedy, students, pedestrians, friends, and such, since that school enter The Dark City Place. Now, will they choose to ally with those that segregate, levitate, congregate, delete, eat at White Castle, shop at Sears, press the randomize button and see what they get because who knows, or fail because of that monster under your bed when you were six years ago and its eyes lit up, and it had that teeth thing that came out at you in zigzags, and you were sure that it ate your toes and stuff, but it was actually your MOM splitting neutrons? }

-If you're confused, then I succeeded. (-10)

Plot: *Dial tone*

Opening thoughts:

-The book starts off with a rhetorical question stated in the second person, and also starts off falsely thinking anyone cares. (-1)

-Everything about this beginning is just poor. This is like reading something from fanfiction.net in 2007. I clicked on the author's profile just to see how old they are and my confusion only has deepened, and now I slightly feel bad. That won't stop me though!

-The quality of the writing, and all of the tropes I see being used point to the fact that this writer must be an amateur. An amateur that belongs in 2007. *Shudders*

Characters:

-I-I don't know if they're human, paper, frogs, or anything really. I just know they move, legs, have sarcasm, and arms, and give out "huggles", consume "eatsies", and all come off extremely suspicious to me. I don't trust any of them. None of them are distinguishable from the next which is why I'm talking about them in a clump. They're just a clump of twigs...and such. *Backs away slowly into a dark corner and sits there* (-5)

Dialogue: The author doesn't understand how to punctuate dialogue, or how dialogue tags work. I'm not going over that again because Google exists and so many of my earlier reviews consisted of mini lessons of that. (-2)

Inconsistencies (if any):

-Excerpt: {"Just remember to review the chapter and you'll pass the test next we meet. Dis-missed." He said that with a pause after 'dis.' Brown's weird like that.}

-This isn't really a inconsistency, but I kind of just wanted to scrutinize this....art. Properly, of course. Here is a small sample of similar delectables you can find in this chapter, named: Unnecessary Details No One Asked For. I just don't understand how anyone can willingly type that out, read it over and decide, "Yeah, that'll work out just fine, yes? So it will!"

-If you're confused, then you also understand. (-2)

-Excerpt: {She replied as she looked back up at me. Well now if you couldn't already tell, she and I were--or are--friends, and we've been so since grade school. Just friends though, this was a purely platonic hug. Pretty sure she like-likes me, but that's for another time.}

*Rubs eyes* *Stares at keyboard for five minutes* (-2)

-Excerpt: {Then, like any good horror movie extra, I trip.}

-Actually, the people who usually trip in horror movies are the main characters. (-1)

Likes/Dislikes:

-This chapter is far too confident, and the reason why I can tell is because it's ten minutes long (if I could write this in the Goose Bumps font, I totally would). Never make a first chapter that long! It will scare readers away, especially if there isn't an ounce of plot in sight and the characters are poor. It's ten minutes of pain that I won't endure. (-2)

-*Looks at the clock* I've been at this review for ten hours in total (not straight) and I'm only at the two minute mark. Save me.

-The thing I hate most about this book is how all of the descriptions are told, so therefore hold no atmosphere. I'm just reading words that are awkwardly strung together...trying to do something. I'm not sure what it is, bu--wait! Wait! I-I think one is...jiggling around in a booger costume?!

-Confused? Good. Now you understand. (-3)

Grammar/Punctuation issues (if any, or if they're noticeable to me): Sometimes the grammar is incomprehensible, sometimes it's decent, and sometimes I want death. You can switch "the grammar" and "it's" with "life" and the statement would remain valid too! (-2)

My Takeaway:

-I tried to finish the rest of the chapter, but I began to fall asleep. This book is just a mess. Or at least the opening chapter, or the portion of the first chapter I read is a mess. All I know is that I couldn't do it anymore. If I can say one (semi) positive thing about this, it's that I'm only one person and it seems like everyone else in the comments really enjoyed it! That, or they're lying and don't want to be mean. Here, you ask for honesty, so I have to give it (even when I want to drawback, and trust me, a lot of these reviews are the "clean" versions of what I'm actually thinking. I just make it look less harsh with humor, aka glitter!). I could make this a bunch of encouraging blabber jabber, but I won't because really, sometimes people will hate your work. Maybe because it isn't their cup of tea, it needs work, or it's a pile of garbage. All of these options are okay though because all of them are plausible and most writers have experienced it. It's just a matter of time and growth, I think.

-Fuck, this still has a encouraging tone to it. I should take points off of myself. *Frowns*

Why/When I stopped reading: I suffered long enough and all of your points went down the toilet. I don't want to recall it.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get..........................................................

*Drum rolls*

*Audience chants*

DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST! DUST!

*Techno rhythm starts as I vogue to the beat*