Word Count: 2804

UPDATE: The cover has been changed since the review.

Title: A Twisted Christmas

Genre: Fantasy

Blurb: Every Christmas Eve, King Santa Claus soars through the skies to deliver presents in a sleigh pulled by eight flying reindeer. But until midnight, if you listen closely, you can hear his merciless whip snapping across their backs.

Krampus, the goat demon and punisher of naughty children, was once the king's most trusted advisor, and even named heir to Santa's throne. However, when he began to question the North Polian monarchy, he was exiled to the outskirts of Antartica.

Now, after spending a century in solitude, Krampus is finally summoned back to his home. Upon his return, he learns of how tyrannous the king has become in his absence. It isn't anywhere near the holidays, but it looks like Santa won't be the only one working overtime this year.

Status: Completed

~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I prefer the cover the author had before, but this "new" one isn't bad either, it sets a tone and I guess that's something? *Blinks*

-No points lost.

Title: Has a certain amount of intrigue. I don't really have a smart remark about this either, so moving right along.

Blurb: *Frowns and crosses arms*

-Welp, this blurb is close to perfect. It establishes the tone and lets the reader know that this isn't an ordinary Christmas tale off the bat, provides exceptional worldbuilding and backstory without overdoing it, introduces the main characters, and states the conflict.

-Quick grammatical correction/suggestion: Krampus, the goat demon, and punisher of naughty children was once the king's most trusted advisor and even named the heir to Santa's throne. 

-Can't say anything else but: Look to this as an example, my bronies! No points lost.

Plot: Krampus "the movie" but less campy...perhaps.

Opening thoughts:

-*Clutches my jorts*

-The first line and paragraph are just as effective as the blurb. *Wipes a lone tear*

-Anyway, the opening chapter starts off with our lead character walking around the North Pole (or wherever Santa's workshop is located) being hated by everyone and their grandmother—so its quickly established that he's an Outsider—and then he goes to Santa's workshop where he finds Santa engaging in an unethical S&M sesh with his reindeer because he's a furrie on the low. Krampus, however, is not aware of "Saint" Nicholas's newfound kink and butts in and I can't remember exactly, but I think Santa turns the whip to him since he's been a very naughty bad boy and what have you. 

-Anyway, Krampus wakes up from his stupor to the audience's surprise because "iT wAs AlL a BaD dReAm HaR HaR!!1" mess and none of that was real (or maybe it was, who knows!). He finds a female Wheezy from Toy Story sleeping on him and its weirdly sexual... (I think the author is a furry, one too many coincidences). ANYWHO, the chapter ends after Krampus frees himself of the sexual tension and chapter one finally ends. I guess I just ruined the first chapter for anyone who wanted to read it. Even though the first chapter is essentially a dream scene (*future me whispers* AND a flashback scene), it's not as bad as I'm making it out as and it establishes some maybe main conflicts, characters, and setting, so that's something? It is engaging enough so I call it a win. No first chapter is without its faults though so of course I stabbed at my keyboard for a good while underneath the infamous inconsistencies tab!  

-Onto chapter two! 

*Slips into an accidental two-week hibernation*

-Chapter two allows for some more character development by introducing characters (the audience can assume because of their dialogue) he had an impact and relationship with before his 200-year exile. It gives Krampus' character more bearing onto the world he exists in and his effects on it. Welp, at least I think so. *Takes a bite out of an oatmeal cookie*

Characters:

-Prince Krampus. A decent guy from what I can tell, an exiled outsider that lacks a connection to any place, kink-shamer, probably would think about joining FATIFA if he could but his hopelessness won't let me commit to the idea, probably a Pisces....and is an engaging lead character that seems promising so far. 

-King Santa Claus or whatever the hell. A fascist cuck: according to Krampus' dreams, Simon the reindeer, and uh, the summary too. Let's just assume that he's a cuck in some shape or form, for the time being since I haven't given a reason why he is the way he is.

-Female Wheezy From Tory Story—is nameless at the moment but I do hope she makes a reappearance because she is amusing, so yay for that!

-Simon the Talking Reindeer. My son, as real as a talking reindeer with wife and kids—who is not allowed to speak because of speciesism, elitism, and fascism— can get. *Wipes a tear*

Dialogue:

-Welp, I've been charmed to hell. The dialogue is fucking great and establishes a natural flow in setting, relationships, and distinct personalities. 

Grammar/Punctuation issues:

-Excerpt: ...he walked into the lounge that was doused in mint chocolate...

-I don't know about anyone else but what I am picturing is a room dripping with actual mint chocolate from the floor to ceiling; correct? If not, the author needs to revise it. (-1)

-Other than that though I have nothing to moan about here (that's distracting or noticeable, at least). Moving along!

Inconsistencies (if any):

-Excerpt: "As the snow continued to bite at the man's bare hooves--" 

*Pops my imaginary collar and chews on a toothpick because I'm fucking gross*

-Well if I want to be technical, goat-brahs usually cannot wear shoes anyways, therefore, that portion of the sentence is nonsensical. Also I'm pretty sure "goat boots" don't exist in this universe, unless if that's what the author is trying to get across here, but I doubt it since this raises the question of why Krampus decided to trot his goat-ass out his lodge...or whatever, and into the freezing cold that is winter? Wouldn't that be unusual for him to do? Or is this winter one that isn't oh so freezing? Or perhaps, does Krampus have a kink for freezing hooves? Is Krampus a hippie? Is bare hooves his aesthetic? Huh. So many questions that this brings. I've worked myself a great lot over something so small, unsurprisingly enough, so its only deserved that I snatch these points away. Huzah! Or maybe some other outcry of joy. I feel like "Huzah" isn't the right word here. Maybe: Jibbly goop! Nah. Blackberry! Hm. Question By Arthritis?! Getting warmer. A Tongue Full of Carbs! Warmer. My Neck! Oh. My Back! Lick My P—okay, that's enough of that. (-2)

-This is merely for my entertainment, so ignore that gibberish above. Ha.

*Resumes the load of pestering questions that usually lead to nowhere or opens a can of interdimensional worms*

-Excerpt: So he turned away from the girl who played with him when he was a kid and headed to the ice castle that stood past the clouds.

*Tilts head*

-Huh. The lore of this world isn't made clear and it's bugging me, perhaps a bit too early on but I have to fear the worst. I guess it can make the argument for itself that it's laying down the "eggs in the pan" so it can later add "the bacon", or, whichever order people do that...I'm not a cook. Anyway! Where I'm getting at is that Krampussy either has been birthed before or at one point in time was a child—apparently? Or whatever "kid" in this universe means. (Ha! I just got the pun that I accidentally made. Amazing.) If that's the case then, is there an entire legion of other Krampuses waiting to be born whenever one dies so they can step in? (Is this like that one Tim Allen Santa movie?) Or did some other goat-woman/demon thing birth him...and he just became "the punisher of children" by chance or maybe a little more deterministic like fate? Was he a human before he had this form? If so, how did that metamorphoses (or was it a quick change like Cinderella's Fairy Godmother type of magic) come to pass? Did he eat Zeus' breadstick's and that didn't go well with him because he specifically told everyone at Mount Olympus that the breadsticks at the back of the fridge were for him and for him only and if that anyone wants breadsticks they can buy their own with their breadstick money?—Wait, I don't think Zeus and Krampus' lore ever had a crossover episode. Anyway, I think I made a point here. I've lost my train of thought.

*Zones out through a two months hiatus*

-Right! My point is—I've got it now—when writing about nonhuman characters do not confuse readers about their intricacies by avoiding an explanation or giving a reason why they even exist. If they always belonged to said world, and were not introduced by some other event outside (or part) of the story, then I'll advise the writer to add things to the physical features of the place that they occupy that support this notion (e.g. vehicles that can be used by said creatures, furniture or products made for them, storefronts, types of convenient stores if that exists in this universe, media, education, government). And if nonhuman characters have been shunned by society for a length of time even if they "belong" there, all of these features should reflect that prejudice. For this story (not all of them), I think this applies since I feel like it's trying to get across, at least in this particular scene, that Krampus is a well-intentioned and ostracized being. This can be done quite easily and up the world-building as Krampus trots throughout town, but the readers only get a straightforward "people don't like me because of my job" and that's about it. (-5)

-Since I'm part of the minority (I'm assuming) who is aware of the mythical creature named Krampus, I think it's a bit weird not to mention why everyone hates him in this town so much so that he can't even walk down the street without getting verbally assaulted by some waiting crowd ready to give him feeble heckling for the day? A bit ridiculous when you actually try to imagine it. I'm now getting Netflix's Bright vibes (last year's Suicide Squad) from that scene. *Shudders* *decorates a baseball bat with barbwire*

-Anywho, maybe stating or showing that he eats children in that scene might give some context to the town's hate for him.—However, I don't know this Krampus from Adam and I have a feeling that he might actually sue me for libel, but who knows with whatever is an actual thing in this universe since the author hasn't distinguished him from it either...so, what gives?! (-3)

-Krampus is a prince. WHY isn't he enforcing his authority when it comes with the blatant harassment that he receives from fucking elves of all things?! What is the hierarchy in this society? "King Santa", elves, THEN, Krampus? I'm not comprehending the logic of Krampus' behavior here, at all. Beat some elf-ass, dumbass! (-2)

-Excerpt: "He had no intentions of dying, for he could survive solely on the sins of children ."

*Scratches temple*

-I'm having trouble gripping the meaning of this sentence. My bad if I'm a bit slow, but to use the phrase "no intentions of dying" correctly doesn't there have to be a believed risk for death or possibility of a threat to the subject? I think that's agreeable enough, right (if not, go ahead and throw in something different)? Right, so why is the narrator and Krampus' experience making me think that he's mortal and experiences everything like a living being would...which he isn't, right? Last time I checked "demons" are not exactly alive, but don't quote me on that. If I have any readers who are into the "occult" do correct me on demons. Thank you very much.

-To be fair though, it does mention right after this hiccup that Krampus can survive "on children's sins". But I ain't sure what that means...what if there's a shortage in supply of children? What if there's a WW and it wipes out most of the children in the world? Or, how about if there's worldwide infertility or/and sterile men and people can't get pregnant anymore? What happens when the remaining children grow up then die? Will Krampus' diet adapt to this sudden change or does he like...combust into a pit of death entirely? Does it even matter if all the kids died or somehow became saints overnight? What real stakes does this character truly have in the regards of physical, or animal-like survival? The same way that he somehow is getting affected by the weather seems a bit strange so does this. Where I'm getting at is that the mythology here doesn't make enough sense for me to take it at face-value and that's an issue that needs to be resolved. Boop! (-5)

-Like, apparently, Krampus knows the feeling of freezing to death but can't technically die?? What's the point of that? To remind him who's in charge (Dark Santa, assuming he has something to do with his wonky biology), perhaps? Am I the only one who see's this as a problem?!

-Get this sorted. 

Likes/Dislikes:

-Aside from the questionable lore, since the dialogue is handled pretty well I am able to get immersed in these characters' interactions with one another. 

-I haven't seen something like this on Wattpad before (but I don't know, I'm pretty sure there's a Christmas fandom that y'all sleep on and only join when it's that time of the year).

-I like the characters.

-The prose is easy to read. 

-The chapters are at a good length.

-I'm not bored. 

-The pacing seems legitly consistent, mostly.

-The lore is a HOT MESS, so I advise the author to organize their ideas. I've provided a google doc that has several links regarding tone, world-building, and non-human characters via the external link below that may help anyone struggling with these elements. (-1)

-Turns out my complaining about Krampus' food source proved relevant after all! I would advise showing how the change to his source is physically affecting him besides blatantly stating it. How it's handled is a bit too careless for it to be okay. 

-The author may or may not be a Deviantart furry at this point. I'm onto them. *Frowns while narrowing eyes* (-2)

-The tone though...the tone got some issues. This may be subjective. (-2)

-I don't have too many problems with this really? (-2)

My Takeaway:

-I will say though that none of the characters, aside from King Santa, seem to have a negative quality about them that isn't superficial and not easily bypassed? Also, King Santa seems to have no redeemable quality at the moment or believable backstory, which can give him a poor first impression as a villain. At this point, he might as well have been turned evil by some Dark-Fairy Godmother and it wouldn't make a difference. It can be a problem since it seems like the narrative is portraying King Santa as the picture of evil and the faceless crowd that hates Krampus as "bad/mean". Perhaps there needs to be at least some type of subtext about why Krampus is hated or something that truly is negative and has the power to affect the plot.

-Krampus' motivation is unclear, too. Take note of the fact these issues may come off as disingenuous to some readers by leaving things like this out.

-I'm not sure if the author's intention with writing this story is to comment on totalitarianism or fascism, or for the sake of writing a spinoff Dark Santa/Krampus, but if they are intending on writing something "serious" its important to have a balance in tone as well. Becauseeee sis, I'm not sure if the book wants to be a shy but kinky Christmas fanfic, a means to an end for an (or possible one) allegory or some tale made for entertainment purposes only. None of these routes is the wrong or right way either. All, I'm saying is pick your fighter wisely but maybe I'm speaking too soon.

(-5)

Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading at the end of chapter two because finals yo and I ran out of points to take away.

Gummy Bears or Dust: You get........................

*Drum roll*

That Weird Direct-To-DVD- Gummy Bear Movie That Shouldn't Be Considered a Positive  Reward! Hooray?

Also, I'm still interested in what this book has to offer so I decided to give them a vote as well (and keep their book in my library)!