Mew's POV

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I went back right after eating breakfast, the moment I stepped into my place I fell down, my heart was beating so much in my chest, my head was a mess, I felt my fever was rising and all the feelings I kept suppressing while acting normally are going to explode, I was so shocked and embarrassed that I started trembling.

Just what the hell did I do to Gulf yesterday and the other time too?!! My brain was sending me all the forgotten memories to the front of my brain, that's right, I somehow remember everything this time, not just about yesterday but also everything I said last time, not only I told him to be my boyfriend but also gave him a ring to make him my fiancé and kept blabbering about our marriage.

I even blurted it out in front that stalker, the news will surely will be spread on the internet and even the news, I don't care what others thinks but this will cause a huge problem to Gulf both at work and outside and with his parents, not just that... how am I supposed to act in front of him again?! I actually... I KISSED HIM, not once, not twice but many times and even left a hickey!!!

Now I understand why he kept telling me it's better that I don't remember but today's medicine and shower helped me recall everything slowly, I even thought of leaving at one point but when I saw Gulf looking frightened and anxious I lied to him and he looked relieved when I said that, he must be afraid that he will lose me as a friend because of what happened during my drunken state, he even lied about the hickey and acted normally.

I'm so stupid, I must stop drinking or next time I may do smth more... even now I still can hear myself confessing to him and complementing him, brushing his hair... his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his smell, I even kept hugging him to sleep, Gulf is really amazing, he even didn't blame me for anything knowing that it all happened because I was drunk, some other man would have kicked me out and cut al contacts with me... well except for that perverted stalker

There is one thing I don't understand from all this, why am I feelings embarrassed and bashful instead of feeling disgusted? I did kiss a man and held him so many times, I should be feeling bad about this, yet no, I'm only blushing and my heart keeps pounding loudly.

"it can't be" to be honest I felt like this once before, it was during the time I was dating Kanya, usually I'm so calm and nonchalant and rarely I get shy, only once I felt like this, it was during our high school graduation party, she put on her best dress and wore her make up so beautifully that made me be surprised by her back then and ended up feeling awkward but never again felt like that.

Now I'm having hard time calming myself because of Gulf, leaving the matter that he is a man, it's not like he is super handsome or beautiful or whatever it is... or is he? Wait, if I have to compare him to other men I know, he is very attractive and good-looking, his captivating smile always makes me more cheerful, he is very kind, friendly and forgiving obviously, responsible and trustworthy... he is perfect

"aaaahhhhh" I ruffled my hair in irritation, I wasn't supposed to think of him like that! Gulf is just my friend, Gulf is just my friend... I kept repeating that while heading to my room, suddenly I heard a voice from deep inside me

'he is NOT just a friend' I gulped sitting on my bed, maybe I got affected by what happened yesterday, why did I act like that in the first place? I got drunk many times with P' Atid and my other friends mumbling stupid incomprehensible things or passing out quickly but never behaved like that, is it because I... nononono! Impossible, Gulf is a man and I used to date a girl, there is no way I have- the words that I tried to convince myself with got stuck and refuses to reach my heart, I'm going crazy.

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"so what is this urgent matter you wanted to discuss big brother?" Rune asked, I felt like talking to someone and my sister was the only one I could think of

"actually, yesterday during the party I got so drunk, I called Gulf to help me but..." I told her about how I blurted out that he is my boyfriend and the fiancé thing, about the marriage, also about me hugging him and going to sleep but decided not tell her anymore than this, I was surprised when she burst in laugher

"you're so funny P' Mew, good thing it was with Gulf and no one else"

"but I feel so guilty and ashamed by what I did, he may even get in trouble because of me"

"did P' Gulf say anything?"

"no, he acted normally, actually, he doesn't know that I remember, he kept saying that it's better if I don't"

"he must be afraid to lose you as his close friend because of few stupid things you did when you wear drunk, honestly I think you should forget about it"

"but... I should at least apologize"

"if P' Gulf himself who was your victim didn't say a thing about it and keep acting normally means he does not think anything of it yet if you keep acting like this it's better if you stop seeing him and break off your friendship" she stated looking serious stunning me, I looked down thinking about it

If I try to bring the matter out even a small detail we may start acting awkwardly around each other, he may begin avoiding me, and slowly we will lose touch and return to strangers... no more visits, no more Gulf's cooking, no more playing and teaching Kusa

"no, I don't want that" I said glancing to her with determination, I won't ever tell Gulf that I remember, I don't want to lose him, I can't imagine not meeting anymore, tasting the food he makes, hearing his laugher, sharing his childhood stories and even exchanging messages

"then that's it, it's easy, you will forget about the accident and he already refuse to tell you thinking that you forgot, that's how you both can keep being close"

"you are right Rune, but what should I do about that stalker, he may try and spread rumors"

"smth like this happened before with a very famous idol, he got stalked and was seen getting in and out of a man's house many times so rumors started going around about him being gay and already in relationship, before it got more serious, he officially came on TV and stopped all the rumors by introducing that man as his step brother... so P' Mew, it's better to go officially on TV and explain everything, the sooner is better"

"I agree with you... thanks Rune, I'm glad I came and talked to you, even though I'm older"

"what are you talking about? age has nothing to do with matters like this, it's better to get advice from others or you may do smth you will regret for life"

"I'm really feeling way better and calmer... btw how is things between you and our father?"

"surprisingly good, he told me to invite my boyfriend on his next day off which will be next Saturday, ah, of course, you have to come"

"sure, he need someone to back him right?"

"absolutely" once I got back, I found that Gulf had sent me a message

I think I did a great job acting surprised and all, it must have been hard for him to contact me about this yet I'm sure he did because he was worried about me, did he forget that he may get caught up in this matter too? I chuckled throwing a change of clothes and few other things in my hand bag and left.

I don't care about anything anymore, Rune was right, either I keep thinking about yesterday incident and lose Gulf forever or to forget it and keep being close to him... I definitely choose the second option and it seem it's the same for the kind teacher who still welcomes me to his place and even let me stay over.

Once I got there, he welcomed me with his usual warm smile, we sat eating dinner and talking about random things, watching a movie and laughing and enjoying ourselves, we both were relaxed, I'm glad I hid everything this morning or else I would depressed at home by now.

When we went to sleep, there was an awkward silence at first, laying back to back, I only slept over at Gulf's place twice before, and during those two times I hugged him tightly to sleep, remembering this makes me a little shy, suddenly there was a movement behind me, I slowly turned to peek at Gulf to find him already asleep laying on his back.

He is completely comfortable with me, seeing him sound asleep like this confirm that he thinks nothing of yesterday's accident and letting his guard like this means he also trust me and it's making me so contented, this is how things should be, I'm happy, he is happy and that's what matters.

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"... so Chef Mew, you said you have an important thing you want to say on live today" the female interviewer said, I arranged an interview with some TV station after I heard that some rumors started traveling around

"yes, I actually have something to explain before a huge misunderstanding may occur" she looked confused

"is it about the rumors that started going around a couple days ago?"

"yes, well let me start with the stalker who have been following me for three or four months now, I kept seeing him whenever I go to and of work and he kept following me all the way to my place"

"oh, that's so creepy, what kind of a crazy person is that?"

"I don't know anything about him, he is just a big man who kept staring at me from a distance however, a few days ago, during a party, I got a little drunk and wanted to leave but that man came closer to me and started harassing me"

"so he was a perverted man who tried to get to you"

"unfortunately, yes, but because I was a little drunk and he was way bigger than me I couldn't push him away neither had the strength to yell at him, it was then when a friend of mine came to save me, being both drunk and irritated I blurted out an embarrassing thing that that friend was my lover... I only wanted to make that stalker back away at that time but he must have started spreading the news he heard from me thus I wanted to explain everything, I actually don't have a lover" the female smiled nodding

"I understand, I would have done the same thing to keep away the perverted stalker, thank you for explaining everything chef Mew"

"I have to, one more thing, for the stalker who is surely watching this, stay away from me or next time I'm dragging you to the police"

"not just him, for anyone who is doing this crazy disgusting thing, stop following people and harming them or else you will be judged severely by the law" she said looking serious.

Soon after the rumors died down and disappeared completely, Gulf who was still worried told me not to go out alone for a few weeks just to be sure, well my family who also watched the interview told me the same thing... for a moment I was worried about people's reactions to the rumors about me going out with a man but I was astonished by what they said, even some customers told me that they support me no matter who I'm going out with, even my friends teased me and asked me to introduce him to them.

I'm so glad that people's thoughts about this matter changed and same gender dating became more normal and welcomed nowadays, I personally support those couples too and wants everyone to be happy with the one they love yet I'm a little envious that they finally found their partner, when will I find mine?

The moment I asked myself that, a picture of Gulf's face came to mind stunning me for a minute, I'm not sure if I got influenced by what happened that night or not nevertheless, I can't keep ignoring those burning feelings that are engulfing my heart, the strong sweet warm feelings that I developed for my supposed friend... the feelings that I must hid and lock them away so I won't lose Gulf.

🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋🎂💋

Can Mew keep his feelings locked? Of course not ^^

What about Gulf? How is he doing by now?!!

Find out next chapter ;)