When you are born into a brown family, there is this one topic that kinda haunts you forever. Okay, maybe not forever. It actually starts at a certain age when the society believes you are ready for it and ends only when the society witnesses you achieving it — willingly or unwillingly doesn't matter for them as long as the deal is done!

Based on my dramatic introduction, by now, you must have guessed what it is. And you are right — it is what you think it is.

MARRIAGE.

I truly don't understand why brown folks hold such an unconvincing place for marriage in their lives. They treat marriage like it's the top compulsory step to survive life — when it is clearly not! Parents, older siblings and even random aunties, uncles, cousins and neighbors try to hunt down marriage proposals for you after a certain age like it's the only thing you are born-to-do-slash-capable-of.

I mean, I understand why most of them do it. For them, it's because they would like to see you "settled in life" just like they are. They want to see you reaching "a prestigious milestone" like everyone else of your age. They want to feel assured that there is a "better half" to take care of you for the rest of your life. Above all, they want to see you embracing "motherhood" and giving birth to someone of your own.

Now, family, friends and whoever thinks like this, first of all, THANK YOU! As single women, we appreciate the concern. We appreciate the voluntary work. We appreciate the efforts.

But here's something that you need to know.

Before you dive into this overrated topic, why don't you take a step back and ask women, "Do you even want to get married?" because it is the only right thing to do.

I mean, it is true — many girls really like the idea of getting married and starting a family of their own. Some fall in love and expect support from the family to make it work and some others simply wait for an arranged marriage to take place. Either way, good for them! And you certainly need to help them "tie the knot" because that's what they like and that's what they want.

At the same time, what you need to understand is that not all of us are the same.

Not all of us view getting married as "settling down". For some of us, we have better things to do than just achieve a "milestone" to please the society. Some of us don't even believe in the idea of "better half" because we are almost whole by ourselves lol. And certainly not all of us women want to become mothers either.

Each of us — we are different. We have our priorities. We have our own goals. Our own dreams. Our own milestones. And we wish to achieve those at a pace that we want. Truth is, some of us are too messed up to even know what we exactly want. We are still struggling to figure things out. So, amidst all this, how can family and well-wishers expect us to get married and make things work?

I mean, I don't know about you, but I see marriage as nothing but a black hole. Now, if you are an already happily married person or even a girl that dreams of marrying a Prince Charming some day, you probably hate me for saying this but I can't help it. This is my opinion and I don't think it will ever change (at least for now, I believe that).

Men are turning out to hopeless, creepy, lousy and disgusting as ever, and my dislike for them keeps growing on a daily basis. It's like they are the most inconsistent creatures on earth. One moment they sweep you off your feet and you are so in love that you decide to get married and then a few months or years later, they are completely the opposite of what they promised to be.

Every time I speak to a married friend or family member, I hear majorly negatives about their married lives. Of course, some of them do mention a few positives too but almost always, the cons overpower the pros.

As women, we leave behind our carefree and pampered single lives to share it with the man we love, and BOOM! he changes. And when I say "change", it's not always about lying and cheating only. It's a lot of things. The bond and connection gets weaker with time, communication becomes lesser and lesser and sometimes women even start feeling like they are falling out of love. And mind you, this happens with both arranged marriages and love marriages, which makes it more disheartening and scary! I mean, it's not fail-proof either way 🥴

Now, I know, people of the brown community would not agree with me. They would probably tell me that relationships are not perfect but they are still a necessity and blah blah blah. Some of them might even say that I would eventually change my mind, get married, have babies and these words are going to be pointless then.

HA-HA, cool prediction! Maybe I will or maybe I won't. After all, nobody knows what the futures holds, right?

All I know is that, for now, I'm entitled to hold this opinion of mine and nurture it the way I want. If like people say, I do change my mind some day, well then, I'd go to my family directly and ask for support. Luckily for me, I believe that I have a family that would never force me into something that I don't like and I also hope that they would be open-minded enough to allow me to take significant life decisions on my own.

In the meantime, people of the brown community, here's a tiny request to you...

Learn to respect single women's feelings and emotions, try to understand our reasons behind our dislike for marriage, empower us to first become stable (mentally, financially, physically or whatever it takes) to make healthy choices in life and don't ever expect us to become baby-producing factories just because our bodies support the function of progeny.

And please please, for the love of God, consider asking the question, "Do you even want to get married?" before wasting your time on useless projects because I repeat once again, "NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME! NOT EVERY WOMAN HAS THE SAME DREAM AS YOU!"