There were so many thoughts running through my mind as I lay on Markus' chest and none of them were particularly good thoughts.

I was, mostly, questioning what the hell had happened between the two of us and why I had even allowed it to happen in the first place.

I had just slept with my ex's brother, and for what? To prove that I was over Matt? Or to prove to myself that Markus wasn't all that he seems?

It was never meant to be this complicated, and I was never supposed to have this many questions running through my mind. Not when I was still to tell Matthew that he was the father of my daughter, not when I was in the middle of some disagreement with my mother, and not when I had told myself that Markus was never going to own my heart.

He was everything I thought I hated and this was never going to go anywhere. He was going to brag to his friends how I had, finally, succumbed to his charm and I had given him what he had always wanted from me.

Though, in my mind, I didn't want him to prove me right; I didn't want to be another player in his game. Not when he had defended me to my mother and not when he had been there for my daughter, and he had been the father figure she had been desperately waiting for.

I just wanted this little piece of happiness and I wanted it to last longer than I knew it was going to. But, as always, there was that overriding fear that, just as I had used him, he too was using me. And I didn't like the way my heart cracked at the possibility of Markus not fulfilling the expectations I had in my mind.

"What's wrong, Soph?" Markus' body was towering above me and I felt his thumb wipe away a tear I didn't even know was there.

"This. This is what's wrong."

"Soph—"

"This should never have happened. This is all wrong and I don't want to confuse Callie." I could see the hurt in his eyes and I could see the moment my words hit him as the hurt became shrouded with anger, but there were no better words I could have used.

"What? Is it that wrong for someone to show you that they do care about you and want to be in your life for the long run? Or, was it just wrong because I was me, and not some cheap date you took back to your place?" I flinched at the bitterness in his words but, while he thought I was thinking about myself, I was thinking about my daughter and the confusion this would bring to her life.

She would think that she had finally found her father and that she was going to get her happily ever after, only to find herself disappointed when it didn't last longer than five minutes. No matter the pain I caused both Markus and I, Callie would always come first and I would always put her happiness before my own.

"There was no ne—"

"Yes, Sophie, there was every need for what I just said, because I don't know how many fucking ways I have to tell you." I blew out a breath I didn't know I was holding, not daring to take my eyes away from him, as I waited in anticipation for what he was going to say. "I. Fucking. Love. You."

Of all the things I thought he was going to tell me, that's not one of the things which crossed my mind.

He could have told me that I was a bitch who was never going to be happy and I would have taken it better than hearing those words. Mostly because he was never supposed to admit that.

No one loves me. The only person who has told me that they love me, and has stuck around, is my little girl, and I doubted that was going to change. All the people who told me that they loved me had left me and didn't want anything to do with me: just look at my mother and Matthew for proof of that.

I didn't, or more like couldn't, accept that there was someone who could love me. I didn't want to believe that there was someone who wanted to be with me and could accept everything which came with being with me, especially Callie.

"Look, I need to go," I sighed. I was sure that Callie was wondering where I was, since I had told Amena that I would be back for her nearly two hours ago now, but instead I had found myself going three rounds between Markus' sheets.

"I'm not going to apologise for telling you that I love you, because it's the truth. But, if you can't see that, then perhaps you're better off on your own." Markus pulled his shirt over his head as he threw my dress and underwear over to me from beside his head, and there was a part of my heart which fell apart at the pain I knew I was inflicting on him.

But I couldn't make him understand. I didn't really understand myself. I mean, I told myself that I was doing it for Callie, but there was a part of me which was doing it to protect myself from the man I knew Markus was capable of being.

I couldn't be with Markus, at least not romantically, not when I didn't even know what the hell I wanted from my life.

The one thing, the only thing, I knew was that I needed to get the hell out of here. I needed to get back to the house and I needed to see Callie, because then I would feel almost normal, and I could tell myself that I did have my life together.

Even though that would be the biggest lie I tell myself. And I consider my hatred for Markus to be at the top of my list of lies.

But I needed to move on with my life. While I had Markus willing to risk everything to bow down at my feet, I was still trying to convince myself that I was totally over Matthew and that I would never have my shot with him again. I knew that Markus could give me the world, if I just gave him the chance, but instead, I was continuing to lust after the man who broke my heart and walked away when I needed him the most.

Perhaps it for the best if I acted the adult I am and left this place. I needed to stop punishing myself in the worst possible way and I needed to, once and for all, move on with my life. I could get on a plane home and I could simply forget what had just happened between Markus ad I.

I could tell myself that I had made a mistake, a silly and foolish mistake, but who would I be trying to convince?

Markus? Or myself?

"I don't want you to apologise, Markus. I just want you to understand."

"Understand what, Soph? Yesterday, you were telling me just how much you hate me, but today you're sleeping with me and screaming my name. So, please tell me, what do I need to understand?" Markus had every right to be pissed off with me. I was acting a total bitch and throwing everything back in his face, and I wasn't even explaining what he needed to understand.

"I just, Markus, I don't know. This is all wrong. I hate you," I sighed and turned my back on him, running my hands through my hair, already knowing that I was wording this all wrong and I was digging myself a hole which I might never be able to get out from. "Actually, I don't hate you, I just hate the person I know you are. You use women and fuck with their emotions for your own amusement, am I to trust that you won't do that to me? Especially when you have told women that you love them and then demand that they never contact you again. You come across as everything a woman needs when, in reality, you are everything they should avoid."

And, just like that, I knew I had just thrown away the best thing which could have happened to both Callie and I. Just because I was too fucked up to accept that there was someone who loved me and to accept that there was someone who wanted to be with me, and to be a father to Callie.

"I am trying, Sophie. You have no idea just how hard I am trying. But, when you invade my thoughts, my fantasies, and even my dreams, I have to do something to forget about you and to pretend that I don't feel anything towards a heartless bitch. But nothing seems to work." I could hear both the anger and the frustration as he tried in vain to make me listen to him. I knew that he wanted me to understand that he did have a heart and that, of all the women he had been with, I was the one who now owned it and it would never be open to anyone else. "I don't know how you want me to say it, or what you want me to do, but I can't stop myself from being attracted to you and I sure as hell can't stop myself from loving you."

"You just had sex with me. Why couldn't that have been enough?"

"I don't know how to make this anymore simple for you. I am not lusting after you. I don't just want your body and I sure as hell don't just want you in my bed. I just want you."

Do you think Sophie is justified in her reasons for pushing Markus away? Or do you think she is just playing him to take her mind off Matt?

Also, this chapter is for the lovely @KellyGe and you should, if you are looking for something to do, check out the Hidden Ge-ms Awards. They're bigger, and better, than in previous months, and also a lot of fun.

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