five
"I know you want me, Soph. Why keep denying yourself the ultimate pleasure?" Markus chuckled. My arms were still around his waist, even though I knew I was perfectly safe without him, but there was a part of me which, much to my chagrin, enjoyed being wrapped in Markus.
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
"I know women. I know you, Sophie. You don't really hate me, much like I don't really hate you." Markus pulled at the reigns and the horse came to a slow stop. Everyone else had already ridden off back towards the house, meaning that it was just the two of us out here now.
"Pride thing?" I was slightly confused as to why it was a pride thing, just as I was confused as to how he knew that I didn't really hate him. I had always done my utmost to prove that I hated him, and here he was, calling me out on my own feelings because he knew that they weren't real.
"I'm too proud to ask someone like you out on a date, and you're too proud to ever want something from a person like me." Markus grinned and, while I had wanted to accept what he was telling me was true, and I had wanted to tell him that pride was always going to be an obstacle, instead I said the first thing which came to mind.
"What sort of person are you, Markus? Because, when I look at you, all I see is a social screw-up who loves to mess with women's feelings for his own amusement." I knew that I had been too harsh and that I had definitely stepped over a line, but there could never be anything between Markus and I. I simply wouldn't allow it to happen.
"And, when I look at you Soph, all I see is a broken and frightened little girl-"
"I'm not a little girl. I'm a mother," I muttered just loud enough that I knew Markus had to have heard me.
"-who is never going to be able to settle down because she's too hooked on a man she'll never have to actually move on with her life."
Markus' words continued to drift around my mind for the duration of the evening, making it exceptionally difficult for me to want to concentrate on anything—or anyone—else around me. I ended up walking into people more than once and I spent most of the evening apologising to people rather than socialising with them.
I would have rather spent the evening in my room, reading bedtime stories to my daughter, as I always did on a Sunday night because it was the one evening I got off a week. I would have rather fallen asleep with my little girl and whisper to her just how much I love her, as always happened when she fell asleep beside me.
But my mother had insisted that I join the party and she refused to let me do anything other than enjoy myself with the rest of the guests. But, I wasn't enjoying myself and I was missing my daughter, just as I was continuing to contemplate Markus' harsh words.
I wasn't broken, neither was I frightened, and I certainly didn't have any problem moving on with my life.
I had Callie and she was my life. She was my fresh start and I loved her. Just because I didn't have a man on my arm, and I had only slept with one other man since leaving Matt, didn't mean that I hadn't moved on with my life.
"Sorry," I muttered for the thousandth time this evening. I was only trying to get back to my bedroom, to Callie, and I couldn't even manage that without walking into someone.
"Don't be. It was my fault. I should have been more careful." I looked up to see Matt stood in front of me, wearing one of his infamous suits. I am sure that suits were the only thing he ever wore and probably ever will wear, because I never saw him in a pair of jeans or shorts in the entire time we were seeing each other. "How are you, Soph?"
"Oh. I'm just peachy, Matthew. I am stood beside the person I was once madly in love with, the guilt over sleeping him consuming me, as I smile and pretend that I am happy for the bride and groom."
I have moved on with my life. I don't need Matthew. Markus is wrong.
Perhaps, if I told myself that enough times, then it would be true. I would be able to walk up to Markus and tell him that he was wrong: that I had moved on with my life and he knew nothing about me.
"I told you earlier that I still wanted you. We could disappear tonight and no one need ever know where we've gone," he whispered just as people walked past the two of us, smiling and offering their happiness to Amena and himself.
"What about Ca—" I was quick to stop myself when I realised that I was about to ask him how we would take Callie with us.
"What about what?"
"Nothing," I sighed. I knew that I would have to tell him before the end of the trip and I also knew that I had a lot of explaining to do, but it wasn't a discussion which I wanted to have with Matt right in this moment. "If you and I were both to disappear on the same night then I would be surprised if no one worked out that we were together. Do you really think your friends and wife are that stupid?"
"I can't help my feelings for you."
"I can't help that I don't want you anymore either." I had to move on. I had to stop living in the past. "I grew up, Matt. It's time that you did the same thing." I knew that I had tolerated enough of Matthew for one day and that there was no need for me to stand here, engaging him in a conversation which was only going to prolong my pain and suffering as I felt my heart break all over again.
"Where are you going?"
"To my room, Matt. My limbs ache from horse riding most of the day and I am tired." I also want to see my daughter and take comfort in knowing that she is the only person in the world who will never hurt me.
"I could—"
"Matthew?" Amena's voice echoed through the halls and, if it wasn't before, then whatever this was, was now over.
"Could go back to your wife? Is that what you were going to say?"
"Sophie—"
"Please don't stop enjoying yourself on my account. After all, this party is for your wife and you." I took off up the stairs just as Amena appeared behind Matthew, asking who he had been speaking to and muttering that she had been looking for him everywhere.
Anyone could see just how in love with Matthew Amena was. She looked at him as though he was her entire world and, in return, she gained a husband who cheated on her and confessed his love to other women. I wanted to tell her, to warn her, but I could never live with the guilt of being the reason her marriage ended: it was going to be hard enough dealing with it when she finally discovered the truth.
I am sure that, once upon a time, Matt had loved me and had wanted to be with me. But he was the one who did nothing about it. He was the one who let me slip away and didn't bother to come after me when I slipped out of that hotel room.
If he wanted me, I mean really wanted me, he would have listened to me. He would have told Amena that it was over and that he was in love with another woman. But he couldn't do it.
He couldn't do the one thing I asked him to do, and that's where I drew the line.
I didn't want to be second best. I didn't want to be the dirty little secret that he phoned when he wasn't getting any from his wife. I didn't want to be the idiot who fell in love with an older man: a man she could never have.
Especially not when I had Callie to think about as well. I knew that I had to tell Matthew before the end of this that he was a father, but there was still a part of me which remained adamant that him not knowing was for the best.
"Soph! I've been looking all over the place for you." There was a panic to my mother's tone which made me worry that something had happened to Callie, and for a moment I was frozen and unable to move at the fear of Callie being in danger. That was until my mother stumbled down the hall towards me.
"I was downstairs. Where you told me to be." I could feel my hand clenching at my sides and my blood was boiling, and I was trying to ensure I kept my temper in check because I didn't want to say something I would regret.
"I couldn't find you. I thought you had left me. Just like Logan did." There was a sadness to her tone which did nothing to quell the anger which was waiting to burst. I was fuming. My mother had one job, one fucking job, and she got herself drunk instead.
"Where is Callie?"
"Who?"
"My daughter, Claire. Where the fuck is my daughter?" I knew that I should have stayed in my bedroom as I had planned and that I should never have allowed my mother anywhere near her, especially not when there was alcohol and she had never been able to resist the temptation to get drunk.
"Oh. Callie. I know who you mean," my mother giggled to herself as she slumped against the wall, unable to support her own weight, but that's when the anger got the better of me and I stalked towards my mother. My hands were on her shoulders and her back was shoved against the wall before I even knew what was happening. "Why so tense, baby?"
"Where. The. Fuck. Is. Callie?" I made sure to punctuate every word so that her drunken brain could comprehend just what I was asking of her.
"I don't fucking know. I left that brat screaming—" My hand made contact with my mother's cheek before she had the opportunity to finish what she was saying. I couldn't believe that I thought she had changed and that she could accept my life, least of all accept that Callie was my baby. "The little shit is with Matthew."
"I think you mean Markus."
"He was young, sexy, and fuck—"
"I know you mean Markus because Matthew is downstairs with his wife." I didn't need to hear my mother's opinions of Markus, and I certainly didn't need to hear anything else from my mother's mouth now that I knew who my daughter was with.
"Sophie. Sweetheart—"
"Just, don't. If you were going to do this, you should never have forced me downstairs and you should never have said that you were going to watch Callie." I could feel the tears pricking the back of my eyes as I realised that, once again, I had been taken for a fool and I had fallen for someone's lies. Just because I was desperate for someone to accept me.
"You know I love you, Sophie. I just can't accept Callie because, as far as I am concerned, she ruined your life."
Those were the words which tipped me over the edge. They were the words which sent my anger into overdrive. They were the words which caused everything to come pouring out.
"Fuck you, Claire. Fuck you. Callie is my absolute world and I love her more than you could ever understand, because you were incapable of loving your own fucking daughter. Callie didn't ruin my life, she gave my life meaning and purpose, and she gave me a reason to keep living. I fucking hate you, Claire, and I wished you had stayed out my life." I had noticed Markus walk out of my room a moment before, and I almost appreciated that he was there in that moment to catch me before I fell the floor and he said nothing.
He simply wrapped his arms around me and held me close while I cried, and snotted, all over his shirt. My arms embracing Markus in return as the reality of everything finally hit me and I allowed the emotion to overwhelm me.
I had tried to make my mother proud of me, to make her love me again and to be the mother I had never had when I was younger. I had tried to get over Matthew, to pretend that I had never loved him, and that I didn't need him in my life. And I had tried to be the best mother I could to Callie, to give her everything she deserved, and to be the mother to her Claire never was to me.
But Markus was right. I was broken, and a lot more than I had ever realised until this moment. I was stuck living in the past and I don't think there was a way for to ever get past it.
"Sophie—"
"I think, perhaps, it's for the best if you head to your room, Claire." There was a calmness to Markus' tone which betrayed the grip he had on my body, and I knew that he was pissed off.
"Please—"
"Claire." There was a warning in his tone and I was relieved that there was one person on my side in all of this, and I was silently happy that it was Markus who was there for me in this moment. "Callie heard everything you said. So, I am going to take Sophie to her daughter, and you are going to return to your room so that you can sober up—"
"I'm sorry," my mother mumbled but it made no difference to the shattered heart which was, just about, continuing to beat in my chest.
"—And then you are going to stay away from both Sophie and Callie for the rest of the trip. Because, if I catch you around either one of them, I will personally see to it that you are escorted from the premises and back to London."
There was no more to be said as Markus pulled me from the hall, his arms never moving from around my body, and into my bedroom where I found Callie passed out in the middle of the bed, tear stains on her cheeks and her teddy cuddled into her chest with her thumb in her mouth.
"Thank you, Markus," I muttered into his chest and I tightened my hold around his waist, inhaling the faint smell of the cologne which he had been wearing this morning. "I'm glad you were there for Callie, and for me too."
"Perhaps you could show me how much you appreciate me." I looked up, half expecting to see Markus' infamous smirk, but instead all I could see was a genuine smile which almost made my heart melt. "Spend the day with me tomorrow?"
Sooo, what is happening between Sophie and Markus? Is there a connection or is Markus just playing Sophie?
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