Terrible Truths

Right off the bat, I wanna let you guys know that this is not my usual style. This is, in my opinion, quite a bit darker than I usually go with the turtles. But I wrote it out and I liked it so, hey, let's put it out there. 

It's short and bitter. Absolutely no sweetness to speak of in this one. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

Instead of being about Brotherly Bonds, it's more centered on a bond shattered by jealousy.

P.S. Warning! Contains some use of foul language. 

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It was just a normal fight, another run of the mill argument with Raphael. The same mundane argument that they had every night about whether or not Raph should leave the lair alone had escalated into something larger, as per usual. This time Raph was pushing it. They'd scraped with the Foot too often for Leo's liking lately and the last thing he needed was for Raph to go off half-cocked and land them smack in the middle of another jam.

Fearless even said as much, but of course simple-minded, hotheaded Raphael had only plunged further into an argument! Grrrr...sometimes he was just so unbearably frustrating! What would it take to get through that thick skull that Leo was trying to protect him.

"I don't need your protection! I can take care of myself! I ain't a damn child, Leo!"

Oh, of course, he'd forgotten, Raph was just too damn prideful to let go and admit just for once that Leo was right! The leader's eyes narrowed, his posture straightened and he ordered Raphael to stay in.

"I don't listen to your freaking orders just because you're my older brother!"

"I'm the leader! Splinter chose me—"

"Fuck Splinter!"

SHING!

"Aaaah! Fuck!"

For a few moments, Leonardo stood, breathing heavily, until the realization of what he'd done fluttered slowly down upon him. He felt cold, horrified. Bewildered eyes traveled down to his hand where he clutched a shuriken between his fingers. The red liquid that slid down it, staining his wrappings wasn't his own.

The light in Raphael's bright green eyes shone more than ever. Leo stammered to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come. Raph seemed to understand that they weren't going to.

A choked call of "Raph," escaped Leo's lips, but died in the open air.

Terror—horror—filled him. He was repulsed by what he had done. The pain he had inflicted on his own brother was massive. He could see it. He could see tears of anguish wetting the corners of Raph's eyes. The red-masked turtle's mouth was set in an ugly grimace. Yet, something eerie and disconcerting tinged the expression, as well: a twisted, rueful smile.

Leo shuddered.

"I said fuck Splinter, Leo! I'm amazed you finally cracked. I was wondering how long it would take you. Welcome to the other side of the line, big brother. Or should I say, welcome to the edge. It's all down from here."

Leo stared at his brother, his anger welling up inside of him once again.

Raph rubbed salt in the wound. "Been wondering a long time: How long before the Fearless leader cracks? Before the first of our blood is spilt upon his hands."

"Shut up, Raph. It'll never happen again." Leo said, determinately shaking his head.

"Sure it won't." Raph sneered.

Leo didn't break. "It won't. I won't hurt my brothers."

"You just did."

A long shiver traveled down Leo's shell like a cool, icy breeze.

"How long before you yield yet again to your nature, hm? Revert to--baser instincts? We're all just animals, after all. How long before you hurt Mikey or Don, or your precious father? How long, Leo?"

Leo said nothing. He bowed his head to evade Raph's accusing eyes. That wasn't a good enough answer for the hothead.

"HOW LONG?"

Leo's hand shot out and grabbed the lip of Raphael's plastron, shoving him backwards. "SHUT UP!"

His eyes were drawn, once again, to Raph's bleeding face. His fight evaporated, but his anger continued to boil. In a quieter tone he said, "Do you hate me so much that you feel the need to treat me like a monster!?!"

"Is that what I'm doing?" Raph asked.

Leo's fists clenched. "You are so crude. I'm your leader, you should damn well respect me."

"And you drill it into me by slicing my face open?"

"Stop it." Leo growled.

"Stop what?"

"Trying to psyche me out."

"Oh, right, because feeling guilty for literally wounding me in a fit of anger is so unheard of, so completely more than I deserve." Raph said, his voice caustic as a red-hot branding iron.

"Shut up, you're deliberately fussing over this. You want me to be the bad guy in your play for attention."

"Attention? Attention?" That queer smile was back. Again, Leo fought the urge to shudder at Raph's coldness. Suddenly, where Leo was expecting a raised voice, Raph's voiced dropped a few decibels. He scoffed. "Maybe I just want you to know what it's like."

Leo frowned and raised an eye-ridge. He didn't have to await an explanation for long, however.

"A monster to your own family." Raph paused, looked up at Leo and asked, as one might ask the time of day, "How's it feel, Fearless? How's if feel knowing that you let down your Sensei and your two little brothers?" Something in Raph's grim intonation changed and a melancholy note replaced it. "Bet it's nice knowing that even after all that, you'll still be his prized student that can do no wrong. How does it feel knowing that he'll call it an accident and let it slide? How's it feel, knowing that he'll still love you?"

An odd feeling swept over Leo at Raph's words, bringing some of their earlier words back to mind. 'Your father'... Raph couldn't mean—

"He's your father too."

Raph chuckled bitterly. "Is he? I'm not so sure."

"He deserves your respect." Leo said, his anger rising once again.

"What for? It's not like he ever gave me any."

Leo snapped. "Oh shut up! You always used whining to get your way. Grow up! Sensei's our father he raised us, you should respect him for that! He loved us, cared for us, nurtured us—"

"He loved you. He always loved you, cared for you, nurtured you! It was always about you!" Raph's voice cracked and he looked away. There were tears in his eyes. He blinked them back and turned back around. "It still is," he whispered.

Though his mind cautioned against it, Leo reached out and put a hand on Raph's shoulder. He didn't know quite what to say.

Eventually he settled for: "He loves you, Raph."

That forced chuckle returned, only this time Leo could hear a tinge of sadness in it. Raph shook his head.

"No, Leo. Only thing Splinter ever loved was you."

Leo opened his mouth to protest, but Raph cut him off.

"That's why all he's ever wanted was turn me into you. And as you so kindly point out: I'll never be good enough for that. You'll always be better...and I'll never be enough."

Leo's heart leaped into his mouth. He couldn't say a word. He was in emotional shock. He'd always suspected that Raphael had a persecution complex, but he'd always thought it was a paranoia Raph would eventually get over. He was wrong, so, so very wrong.

"How can you say that about yourself?" Leo asked, breathlessly.

"It's the truth," Raph said. "I can't be more than I am. I'm a mutant monster, a freak." His hand rose and his fingers brushed over the cut on his face. He stared down at his bloody fingers and smiled. "I live for moments like this, big brother. Times where I can convince myself you're as much a monster as I am."

"I think you should go to your room," Leo said.

Raphael smiled. "Whatsamatta, Fearless? Can't take the heat?"

"Go to bed." The leader ordered.

Raph tossed up his hands and headed for the hall. He turned back to Leo.

"Incidentally, next time, ya might wanna use yur katana."

Leo's eyes flashed. "I just might."

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Like I said, not my usual style, but it's good to try a hand at different things.

So what did you guys think?

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