Drowsy

I loved this chapter. This is one of those ones for me that starts out one way and ends in a way that I had not foreseen!

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The lair was dark and all its inhabitants were asleep. All except one, that is. One turtle sitting cross-legged in the dojo, his frame illuminated only by dim, flickering candlelight. There was strength and confidence in his posture and in the serene look on his face. Suddenly, his eyelids flicked open and he relaxed. His original intention had been to get in some extra meditation. Unfortunately, he really wasn't in the mood. And just why wasn't he in the mood? Well, he, Hamato Leonardo, felt guilty.

At first he had just put his lack of focus down to having a rather stressful day, but the longer he thought and the deeper into his meditative state he sank, he had realized that he felt guilty. The real reason for his guilty conscience could be summarized by one word: Raphael. Somehow, it was often Raphael who got him to think about things he didn't usually think about. And today, the subject was his free time.

With all of Leonardo's obligations to his Sensei and his brothers, there was very little free time to speak of. Or was that just what I've been telling myself? He wondered.

If Raphael hadn't started this he wouldn't be here right now. Trying to sort through everything he'd seen and heard. Remarkably enough, this time Raphael had managed to plant thoughts in his head without actually screaming them at him. Or yelling, or anything of that kind, really.

They hadn't really been bickering as much lately as they usually did, which pleased Leo. But he was beginning to think that the only reason they hadn't been bickering was because Raphael had been avoiding him, and that did not please him. Raphael was a very pivotal member of his team, and a very loyal one. He needed to make sure he retained their bond in order to ensure that his team didn't fall apart.

Why was Raph avoiding him, though? What reason would Raph have to act that way? Leo knew that his brother wasn't exactly clingy, but still Raph wasn't the type to just avoid them without a reason. Yeah, sure, they annoyed the hothead and made him mad or whatever, but he'd never estranged himself from any of them.

But if Raph was avoiding Leo, why had he approached the leader the way he did? Shell, that was what had started Leonardo on all of this! That was what was making him feel guilty, after all.

It had all started earlier that day when Raphael had trudged into the dojo...

"Hey, Leo! Mikey and Donnie got the old Mazes and Mutants board out. Wanna join us for a couple o' rounds?" He asked in his very offhand manner.

Leo, who was in the midst of a kata, paused and shook his head briefly before resuming his movement. "Can't. Sorry. Lot of training to do today. Want to master this kata."

Raphael's eyes lingered on him for a moment before he finally lowered them with a sigh. He looked down at his feet and turned to leave. "That's what they said you'd say." He mumbled, his voice sounding almost...sad.

Leo stopped mid-step and watched his younger sibling leave. That was when he'd started feeling guilty.

And now, here was hours and hours later, still in the dojo and still feeling guilty. The whole thing made him feel a like an insensitive jerk. After all, Raph wasn't usually the one who came asking him to join them. It was usually Mikey, who if he didn't get his way, would get down on his knees and beg until Leo said yes. Whenever Donnie needed him, the brainiac would come into the dojo and politely request Leo's presence in the lab, or wherever he was needed.

But Raph...Raph would usually wait until he was out of the dojo. Then he'd challenge his big brother to a really competitive arcade game or a light-hearted wrestling match. Raphael approaching the way he did was an unusual experience for Leo.

"That's what they said you'd say." Leo whispered quietly to himself, an echo of his brother's words from earlier that day.

That's what they said you'd say. 'They' was obviously Donnie and Mikey, which immediately meant that Raph had come in to ask Leo on his own. It wasn't just the words, though. It was the way that Raphael had said them. It was a dull, flat tone, a resigned acquiescence. Leo didn't like it. Not coming from Raph, nor coming from any of his little brothers, but especially not Raph. Raph was a rebel whose heart was filled with fiery passion and an inherent inability to take no for an answer. Whatever he wanted, he fought with all his might for it and he never gave up, he never lost hope, he never lost strength. Raphael was incorrigible. Raph wouldn't just let something slide, especially if it hurt his feelings.

But today, Raph had. And now Leo was worried. He tried to think of past situations like this and he came up empty. Over the years Raph and the others had approached him countless times asking to play games, or watch cartoons, or whatever. Sometimes he said yes and sometimes he said no, it really just depended on what his plans were. They all had moments like that, he knew. During more recent days, though, Leo had to admit that his training kept him from spending as much time with his brothers as he would have liked to. And he knew that his brothers felt the same. He knew they missed spending time with him. He missed them too. But this was necessary. He had to do this to make sure that he could be a better leader for them.

The memory of Raph leaving the dojo with his shoulders drooping made Leo frown. "I have to train so that I can improve and take better care of them, but..." The image flashed before his eyes once again. "Perhaps I am doing too much. Yes, I need to train, but I need to be there for my brothers, too. They need me. If all I do is focus on my training, I could lose them. I could lose the bonds we all share. I can't afford that. I need my little brothers." He whispered, his head sagging forward.

"And they need you."

Leo sat up and twisted to look over his shoulder. "Raph. I-I didn't realize you were—"

"S'alright. I just saw the light, thought maybe you were Sensei." The muscular emerald green turtle leaned heavily against the door-frame, looking sleepy.

The older sibling grinned as Raph yawned and stretched like a cat. He could still remember back when they all shared a bed. Raph would always stretch like that and take up as much room as possible. Huh. Bed-hog! He thought with a smile. Out of all his brothers, Raph had probably changed the most since those days. As it became clear that Raph wasn't about to leave, Leo asked, "Were you looking for Sensei?"

Raph shrugged in the way that Leo had come to learn meant yes. "Was hoping to talk to him about something."

"Something that's giving you insomnia?" Leo asked, gently. It was a not-so-concealed attempt to find out why Raph was still up.

Emerald green eye-ridges furrowed in confusion but then Raph grinned, rubbing the back of his neck rather sheepishly. The older turtle couldn't help but smile at his younger sibling. Raph was only this open when he was truly exhausted. Raph slowly met Leo's gaze. "Nah, nah, I just got back. Haven't even gone to bed yet." The hothead gestured to his belt, which Leo belatedly realized was full of equipment.

Suddenly, Leo felt very disturbed. It was almost four o'clock in the morning. When had Raphael even gone out? How could he not have noticed? "When did you leave?" He asked, his hands shaking a little.

"Right after dinner." Raph said slowly as he straightened, obviously a little more awake now. "You seriously didn't notice?" Leo was going to ignore the question, but when Raph took a step forward, he realized that there was a tint of worry in the hothead's tone. Leo looked up and shook his head.

Crossing his emerald green arms over his chest, Raph frowned. "Maybe you've been training too hard."

Leo sighed and shifted, preparing to stand. "Maybe, little brother, maybe." A dark green hand was thrust into his line of vision and he took it, graciously. Raph helped him up. Leo nodded gratefully and Raph grunted in response.

Slowly, Leonardo found that he was really, really tired as well. His eyes threatened to drop closed right where he stood. He hummed and leaned heavily against his sibling. Raphael caught him and frowned yet again, more severely this time. "Make that 'maybe' a definite yes. C'mon Fearless, let's get you to bed."

That snapped Leo out of it, a little. He raised his head and pushed away from Raph slightly. Though, to his credit, Raphael had been expecting this and he retained his hold on Leo's wrists. "Leo, you need to sleep. Your training can wait till tomorrow."

"Not training. You!" Leo mumbled, his mind viciously battling the impending fog of sleep, or perhaps more accurately, given his state of exhaustion, a complete shutdown.

"What?" Now Raph was very confused and Leo was getting frustrated at his inability to think without loud pounding in his head. Master of willpower, Leonardo straightened and managed to put on his hands on Raph's shoulder to steady himself. He looked his younger brother over closely.

"Leo?"

"'R you okay?" He asked, his voice low with sleepiness.

The younger turtle was stunned. "Yeah. I'm fine." Raph responded, hesitantly.

"Y'sure?"

Raphael nodded gently and began herding Leo to the door. He really wished that his older brother could learn how to take a break. It wasn't that Leo didn't get tired during the day, it was just that he was so busy training that he never focused on how tired he was. Then at the end of the day all the exhaustion would hit him like a tidal wave. Raph had no idea why, but whenever Leo got really tired like this, he'd start talking funny and saying strange things. It had always been a thing Raph had kept to himself since he knew that Mikey would undoubtedly use it for amusement and Donnie would probably start going crazy researching sleeping disorders. There was nothing wrong with his big brother that a good long sleep wouldn't fix. Raph had everything under control. He steered Leo out the door and down the hall. He could feel Leo staring at him, but he just ignored the older turtle.

Finally they reached Leo's room and he dumped the blue-masked turtle on the bed. Raph turned to leave, but a voice called him back. He slowly crossed back over to Leo's bed. The forest green turtle was wiggling his way into the covers and Raph smiled at the sight. "You need something?" He asked.

"What happened?" Leo asked softly, his voice slightly obscured by the covers, which he'd pulled halfway up his face.

All Raph could really see of his brother was a bright blue mask and a forest green head. He quirked an eye-ridge and canted his head.

Leo blinked sleepily, but Raph could see that Fearless was going to force himself to stay awake until Raph answered. Another mumble left the blanket and Raph strained to hear. "Why were you out so long? Danger?"

Rolling his eyes, Raph smirked and shook his head. "Nah. Casey and I went to check out that old abandoned warehouse district he found." Raph scoffed at Leo. That glare was a lot less effective when the leader was sleepy.

"Shouldn't have gone alone. Could have been hurt."

"Yada, yada, yada, I know. You don't have to lecture me, sword-boy. I'm eighteen now, remember? I can definitely take care of myself."

"Still my little brother, still have brother rights." Leo argued, though the last part was spoken through a yawn.

Raph smiled and knelt down. "You can't control me, Leo." He goaded playfully, curious as to how his brother would respond. He was surprised when the older turtle looked at him.

"Don't want to. Want to protect you, keep you safe." A hand reached out and touched Raph's shoulder.

Eyes fixed on the hand on his shoulder, Raph spoke honestly, "You won't always be able to." He jumped a little when Leo let out a child-like whine of distress.

"I know." The leader whispered, sadly. He tugged Raph towards him, and the younger turtle allowed it. "That's what scares me most." He pulled Raphael into a lazy hug. "Love you, bro."

"Right back at ya." Raph murmured, reciprocating the hug as best he was able. He smiled as he felt his older brother's breathing evening out. He removed Leo's arms and gently placed them on the bed. He pulled the covers up over Leo, then he stood and headed for the door. Raphael paused and looked back over his shoulder. "You don't have to be scared, Leo. No matter what happens, I'll always be with you."

"Yur a sap." Came a dull mumble.

Raph stiffened and sent his big brother a glare. "Shut up and go to sleep!"

Leo grinned, his eyes only open the slightest bit. "Yur face is red, Raphie."

"I said shut up!" Raph growled, his cheeks only getting redder.

With a mischievous little smirk worthy of Mikey Leo retorted impishly, "Don't have to listen."

Clenching his fists, Raph bristled. "Why ya little—"

"'M sorry, Raph." Leo muttered, rolling over and putting his carapace to the room. Raph had a feeling that this time Leo was actually going to fall asleep, but before he did Raph had to ask...

"For what?"

"Fer saying no." Raph was still confused, but luckily, Leo wasn't quite finished yet. "Should've played with you. Should've played the game." He echoed sleepily.

"Yeah, you should have." Raph grunted in agreement.

And just when Raph thought Leo was finally done he heard: "Forgiven?"

He blinked and shook his head with a little smile. "Yeah. You're forgiven."

"Good."

And that was end of it. Leo's breath even out once again and Raph relaxed. He left the room as quietly as he could, closing the door behind him. In the hallway he shook his head and chuckled warmly. This was a day he'd remember for a long, long time.

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How was it?

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