seventeen ;
h a l e

"WATCH AND LEARN, BITCHES!"

Elliot skidded across the wet floor from the door to the edge of the pool, disregarding the NO RUNNING sign on the wall, and cannonballed into the water with a huge splash. About half the water in the pool leapt into the air and doused Hale, even though he'd purposefully seated himself as far from the water as possible in order to avoid just that.

Elliot broke the surface of the water and smirked at Hale, who was dripping wet all over again. "Why the long face?" Elliot teased. "Not as impressive as you'd like?"

Hale flicked damp hair out of his eyes and glared at him. "No."

"I don't even get a rating?"

"Minus ten," Hale said flatly.

"Aw, Hale's just in a shitty mood 'cause Lewisham whooped his little Spanish ass in front of everyone," Alec said, waggling his eyebrows with a knowing look. "I bet they heard him yelling in London."

"London?" Dylan sniggered, his own feelings of betrayal at Hale screwing up having long since passed as he lounged on a floatie at the other end of the pool. "More like Africa."

Hale wasn't in the mood to play along. "I'm Mexican, dumbass."

"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to," Alec said dismissively.

Despite Lexus' disastrous defeat in the game that morning, no one seemed hung up over it. Dylan had been the most pissed off, bitching at them after the match in the changing rooms, but he quickly got over it when it became apparent no one else gave a shit. Will proposed they drown their sorrows in cheap beer at his house, and of course, no one would turn down the chance to mess around in his swimming pool.

Hale had just wanted to go home and pretend he didn't exist, but the others weren't having it. Will had somehow managed to convince him to come, and Hale figured it was better than wallowing in his own misery with the questioning thoughts he couldn't shake. The others didn't press him about his foul mood, instead keeping their distance and attributing it to Lewisham benching him. He didn't bother correcting them.

Hale sipped his flat beer and stared unseeingly at the rippling water. Why was he really in a foul mood? Well, let's see. He'd felt irrationally and stupidly jealous ever since he'd seen Bellamy shoving her tongue down Brooks' throat, and then remedied the confusing whirlwind of emotions by kissing Brooks himself. As if he hadn't fucked up badly enough with that, he'd run away straight afterwards like a pussy.

He couldn't even use alcohol as an excuse. He'd been 100% in control of his mental faculties when he made the decision to kiss Brooks, and even worse, he'd liked it. Way too much. But he couldn't be gay. Surely, he would have figured it out sooner if he was into guys. The thought left a bad taste in Hale's mouth, as if his beer had gone off.

He didn't want to believe he was actually gay, but how else could he explain the fact he kept thinking about Brooks, his voice, his smile, his lips on Hale's? The fact that every confusing train of thought simply led him back to wanting to kiss Brooks again?

Will re-emerged from the kitchen laden down with two whole six packs of beers in his arms. "I come bearing gifts," he said wisely, earning cheers from the others. "Oh, and Wendy threatened to staple my balls to the walls if anyone gets pissed and throws up in here. Not naming any names, Alec."

Alec sprayed an arc of water at him. "Oh, c'mon, that was one time."

"Uh-huh. For the sake of my balls, you better make it to the bathroom this time." Regardless of his words, Will tossed one of the cans towards Alec anyway. He raised an eyebrow at Hale. "I trust you to hold your liquor, Pedro. Want one?"

"Pass."

"Are you sure about that?" Will eyed the beer can in Hale's hand with a grin. "We got destroyed pretty badly by Woodway. You're going to need more than one beer to forget about that."

"Fuck Woodway," Dylan said bitterly, flat on his back on the huge green inflatable as he glowered at the ceiling. "They're a shit team anyway."

Will laughed. "Oh, really? Is that why we lost so badly?"

Dylan flipped him the finger.

"Their team is a fucking joke, though," Elliot said, propping his arms on the side of the pool as he caught the beer Will threw at him. "Apparently, one of them is bent."

Hale, who'd been idly tracing a finger along the rim of his can and not really paying attention to the conversation, snapped his head up to stare at Elliot. "What?" he said sharply. "What did you just say?"

"Yeah," Elliot said, his lip curling in disgust. "How fucking gross is that? He probably pervs on the whole team while they're getting changed. It's sick."

Hale's stomach twisted and he lowered his empty beer can, suddenly not thirsty in the slightest. Elliot's blatant homophobia had never made him feel nauseous before and he couldn't articulate why. "Which one is he?" Hale asked, forcing his tone to remain conversational.

"Not a clue," Elliot shrugged.

Alec popped the tab of his can. "I think it was the Asian one. What was it, something Zhang? Liam, Logan? Cora pointed him out to me."

Will said something in response, but Hale wasn't listening anymore. The Asian one. Brooks had been talking to a Chinese guy, getting all chummy and buddy, when Hale had found him. Alec and Elliot had to be talking about him because he was the only Asian player on the Woodway team, and Hale suddenly hated him way more than he already had, with his stupid patronising  smile when he pretended he wasn't totally gloating about his win.

Hale stood up and clenched his fingers, crushing the can in his hand. The others were still marvelling at the fact someone who was gay, meant to be girly and obsessed with shopping, could possibly play football. Really, that was the last conversation he felt like listening to, forget taking part in. He'd end up snapping at someone again, leading to unwanted questions and accusations.

If they wanted to talk about dumb stereotypes, fine. Not his problem. 

Hale retreated to the kitchen and failed to convince himself he wasn't hiding. He was hiding. From his friends, and from Brooks. He leaned against the counter and fished his phone from his pocket, pulling open a new text message. In the background, he could hear laughter and splashing as Will no doubt did whatever dare the others had thought up. He stared at his screen for too long before actually typing something.

hale :
can we meet up?

He pressed send before he could regret it and resisted the urge to throw his phone in the sink. He hated it when people ran from their problems and he wasn't about to become one of them. If he wanted to sort this mess out, his best bet was Brooks, who was the only one who had any idea what was going on. There was also the fact that he instinctively trusted Brooks, even though they didn't really know each other all that well. There was something naturally trustworthy about him.

Wendy entered the kitchen at that point, dressed in leggings and a green oversized hoodie. She walked past Hale with little more than cursory glance and pulled the fridge open, scanning the contents. Her absolute lack of interest in his presence was unusual and yet entirely refreshing. Most girls expected something from him, whether it was attention or a date, but she couldn't give less of a shit.

She was like her brother in that sense.

"I'm sick of you Neanderthals raiding my entire food supply," she muttered, chucking an empty juice carton into the bin. "For fucks sake, someone ate my ginger cake. I swear to god - did you eat my ginger cake? Hale?"

Hale was so preoccupied with staring at his phone, waiting for a response, it took him a couple of seconds to realise Wendy's indignant demands were directed at him. "What? No," he said, eyeing the empty plastic tub she was waving. "Pretty sure you have your own twin to thank for that."

"Jackass," Wendy growled under her breath. "I'll kill him. I'd do it now, but blood in the pool is a nuisance to clean out."

Hale gave a non-committal hum. "Have fun with that."

Wendy settled on a half-eaten fruit tart, and turned her attention to rummaging around for a fork to eat it. Brooks still hadn't replied. Hale frowned at the screen as if he could silently will a response from it. Why wasn't he replying? Maybe Brooks didn't want to talk to him. Maybe he'd seen the text and decided to ignore it. Hale had walked out on him without an explanation - that would have pissed him off if Brooks had done it.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Hale looked up to see Wendy had her fork pointed at him in accusation. There was a piece of fruit tart speared on the end. "What?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "That's an interesting way to start a conversation. Try something a little less direct next time and you'll make more friends."

"I'm serious," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "You'd normally have hit me with at least one shitty pick-up line, along with shamelessly futile flirting."

"Oh, I see." Hale felt his lips curling up into a smirk. "I can fix that. Okay, here's one Alec's been saving for a while: you must be medusa because you make me rock hard."

"That's disgusting," Wendy said flatly. "Tell Alec he'll get arrested if he's ever dumb enough to use it."

"You asked for it."

"No, I definitely didn't." Wendy folded her arms across her chest. "What are you even doing in here? The other idiots are defiling my pool and running around despite the sign I very clearly displayed on the wall."

Hale glanced at his phone. No new texts. "Oh, you know," he said vaguely. "Just rethinking my entire life. Questioning all my life choices. The usual."

It was supposed to be a joke but it fell a little flat, and Wendy was smart enough to pick up on it. She speared anther piece of tart and popped it in her mouth, scrutinising Hale as she slowly chewed it. Hale prided himself on not easily losing his cool but it was impossible not to feel a little uneasy under Wendy's stare, as if he was little more than a bug she was examining pinned under a microscope.

"Why are you rethinking and questioning?" Wendy asked. "I didn't pin you as ever wasting time on that sort of thing. You seem like someone who has their shit together."

"Thanks. I try."

Wendy jabbed her fork at him again. "You didn't answer the question."

"Have you ever considered becoming an interrogator?" Hale said randomly, seizing the first topic to avoid what she was asking. "You'd be good at it, with the whole take-no-shit vibe."

"Damn right I'd be good at it," Wendy said matter-of-factly. "I'm also good at knowing when someone is trying to change the subject, Hale. I'm your best bet for spilling your dark secrets to. I don't even talk to any of the blockheads you call friends, and I'll probably have forgotten it by tomorrow."

Hale sighed, unable to stop himself sneaking another glance at his phone. Brooks had to be pissed at him. He was considering sending an apology for ditching him earlier, but Wendy was still waiting for an answer. What the hell, he thought, I don't have anything to lose. It was just Wendy. Who knows, maybe she'd actually know what he was supposed to do.

"I kissed someone I shouldn't have," he said finally. "And I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."

It was the vaguest possible answer he could think of that wouldn't give too much away, and Wendy seemed to take whatever she could get from that as she seemed to genuinely consider it. "Do you like this person?" she asked.

Did he? Generally, kissing someone meant you liked them, but it was all so confusing with Brooks. "I don't know," Hale admitted, turning his phone over and over in his hands. "Yes. No. Not really. Maybe. I don't know?"

Wendy's eyebrows went up. "Huh, that's the most uncertain I've ever heard you sound before. Is it possible a girl has actually managed to capture your heart, rather than just your mouth and dick?"

"How poetic," Hale said, deciding not to mention that the someone in question wasn't a girl. That was a conversation for another day, if he was ever ready for it. "No, really, did you come up with that one off the top of your head?"

"Shut up." Wendy pulled a face at him. "I'm trying to help you here, you twat."

"Okay, okay," Hale said, raising his hands placatingly. He was desperate enough to actually need this. "Let's hear this life-changing advice, then."

"Well, I'm no love expert," she said, "but if you like them, what's the problem? It all depends on why you shouldn't have kissed them."

"Nope, confidential."

"Jeez, okay. Like I give a shit if you've been cheating with someone."

If only his problems were that simple. He was wondering how to explain to Wendy that no, there was no cheating involved - unless that Zhang guy really was dating Brooks, which was an issue he'd deal with when it came - and that it had more to do with the fact he didn't understand his own feelings. Did he like Brooks? If so, then what? Did that mean he was gay now?

"Here's my advice," Wendy said, licking her fork clean. "Just go for it. Whoever she is, you obviously care about her more than all your other flings. You'll regret what you never did if you don't at least try to make it work."

"Wow," Hale said, amused. "That was deep, Wendy. Since when did you become even remotely romantic? I always figured you were dead inside from too many calculators to the head."

"That's the thanks I get for offering my services?" Wendy shook her head with a scoff. "Dumbass."

Hale chuckled, but then he almost dropped his phone in surprise when it chimed with a new text, lighting the screen up.

brooks :
when do you want to meet?

Hale chewed his lip and replied immediately, ignoring Wendy's questioning look.

hale :
how does now sound?

brooks :
yeah okay

brooks :
i'll meet you at ashfield park?

Ashfield Park was right around the corner from his house, but it was just over a twenty minute walk from Will's house. He didn't really mind. The walk would help clear his head and he could figure out what the hell he was actually going to say to Brooks.

hale :
see you there

"Well, I'm off," Hale said, slipping his phone back in his pocket. Wendy had finished her random midday snack but was still lingering in the kitchen. "Time to implement your questionable advice."

"Seriously?" She looked surprised. "You're going to go for it? That was quick, but then again, I forget who I'm speaking to."

"We're just going to talk," he assured her. He purposefully avoided having to use any pronouns or names, so he wasn't technically lying; he was simply omitting the truth. And not correcting her when she was misled. "Nothing more."

"Well, I'm obliged to tell you it was just my personal advice, and I don't know how well it'll work," Wendy shrugged. "Don't come crying to me if I fucked your love life up, or some tough dude breaks your face for getting with his girl."

Hale grinned. "Ah, that's always reassuring to hear."

He made his way out of the kitchen but paused in the doorway, glancing back. Wendy was back to ransacking her fridge for something to eat, and was grumbling death threats under her breath at the lack of food. "Hey, Wendy?" Hale said, and waited for her to turn around. "Thanks. For the advice, I mean. Even if it does end up breaking my best asset."

"It's cute you think your face is your best asset," she replied, but she was smiling. And it was a genuine smile, not the sarcastic I-hate-your-presence smile that she usually graced him with. "Now go and get the girl, you hopeless asshole."

Hale had to return to the pool room to grab his clothes, and his attempt at sneaking out didn't go unnoticed. "Where are you going?"  Will called, shoving Dylan off the floatie as he clambered onto it. "You can't leave now, Hale! We're about to start floatie wars and Dylan's going to drown. In defeat, of course."

Dylan burst up from the water. "Asswipe," he spluttered, and Will just grinned deviously down at him from atop the floatie.

"Of course," Hale repeated, shaking his head in amusement. "Sorry, Will, more interesting engagements came up. I'm calling a raincheck."

"Man, you suck," Will complained, but he was still grinning. "Who am I supposed to team up with to put these dickheads in their rightful place?"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"Hold up," Elliot said, and Hale reluctantly paused with one foot out of the door. So close to freedom. "Who're you ditching us for?"

Hale swallowed the nerves and reminded himself Elliot had no idea where he was going. It was just a curious question, not an accusation. "Why?" Hale joked. "You jealous?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "We just wanna know which chick was good enough that you'd actually go out of your way to see her. You've never done it before."

Obviously, they would assume he was secretly hooking up with a girl too. Why wouldn't they? It was the most plausible explanation, and it was the one he was going to roll with. "Sorry, but that's confidential information," he shrugged, ignoring their complaints.

Hale left before they could pester him with anymore questions about this mystery girl. February was drawing to a close but it was still bitterly cold outside, and he was regretting the decision to walk to Ashfield. "If I could fucking drive, this wouldn't be a problem," he muttered under his breath, stuffing his hands into his pockets to protect them from the chill.

Brooks was waiting for him in the play area when he finally arrived, swinging lightly on a swing. The place was understandably deserted; who the hell would willingly go to the park when everything was covered in frost and freezing? Brooks didn't notice him as he approached, too busy struggling to use his phone screen with gloves on.

"They have special gloves for that, you know," Hale said.

Brooks looked up in surprise and dropped his phone. Hale instinctively reached out to catch it at the same time Brooks did, and there was an awkward moment when their hands met. Hale quickly pulled back before offering the phone out to Brooks, cursing in his head for letting himself get flustered over something so stupid.

"Thanks," Brooks murmured, his cheeks pink as he hastily took it. Hale didn't miss that he avoided further contact between them when he did. "Uh, quick reflexes. Must be good for sports."

Hale dropped down onto the swing next to him. "Yeah, it sure is. Do you always scare that easily?"

"I don't scare easily," he protested. "You just...startled me."

"Sure," Hale chuckled, unable to contain his amusement at Brooks' indignant expression. "And Maxy just startled you, too?"

"Anybody would be if that beast attacked them."

"A beast, seriously?" Hale grinned. "He's a golden retriever, Brooks. They're known for their sweet and friendly temperament."

Brooks turned red again. "Shut up," he grumbled.

A silence settled between them, not necessarily awkward but not exactly comfortable. As much as Hale would have loved to keep the conversation lighthearted and unimportant, they did need to talk about the real reason they'd both come here. Hale just didn't know how to bring it up, and he would much rather just sit here in Brooks' company, scuffing his trainers against the floor.

"So," Hale finally said, "we should talk."

"As long as you don't walk off before we can even talk about anything."

"Okay, I deserved that one," Hale admitted, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just kind of panicked, and my brain seemed to think bolting would be a good idea."

Brooks smiled. "And you say I scare easily."

Hale rolled his eyes, but it was impossible not to return his smile. Hale randomly noted that the beanie pulled over his brown hair was the exact same shade of green as the flecks in his eyes, and idly wondered whether he planned that. Focus, he told himself. He wasn't here to marvel at the delightful spectrum of colours that Brooks' eyes presented.

"I don't know if I'm gay or not," Hale blurted out.

Brooks eyebrows shot up. "Um...what?"

"That's why I dragged you out here." Hale blew out a long breath and watched it cloud in front of his face. "I don't have a clue if I, you know..." he paused and forced himself to finish the sentence, "...like dudes. And you seemed like the best person to ask. I mean, how did you know? That you're...?"

"That I'm gay?" Brooks asked dryly. "I don't know. Wanting to kiss guys was the first clue. Not wanting to kiss girls was the second one. I put two and two together pretty quickly after that."

"Well, that's clears it up," Hale said sarcastically. "Isn't there something you can do to make sure, so you know it's not just a phase? Some sort of test?"

"Being gay isn't a phase." Brooks looked at him and his expression softened at whatever he saw on Hale's face. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help you with this, Hale. It's something you have to figure out yourself."

"That's great."

Hale tried to ignore the inexplicable swell of disappointment. What had he been expecting? Brooks would have all the answers he wanted? Well, yeah, now that he thought about it - that's exactly what he'd been expecting. That Brooks would present him with some perfect solution that would resolve everything, proving it was all an accident, and then he could continue with his life as if nothing had ever happened.

"Although, I do feel obliged to point something out," Brooks said hesitantly, looking a little embarrassed. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but you did kiss me first. Both times. That seems like a pretty strong indicator for "wants to kiss guys" to me."

Hale opened his mouth, then closed it in defeat. "Damn, I hate it when people use logic to back up their arguments," he said. "It makes it difficult to prove I'm right."

"I'm not saying you're right or wrong. I'm just making a case for one side, I guess."

"And the other side?"

"You've made out with at least half the girls in our year," Brooks mumbled, and glanced away, but not before Hale saw his pained expression. Something in Hale's chest tightened at the sight of it, at being the cause of it. "And probably slept with a quarter of those. Sounds like a pretty straight guy thing to do."

"I've not."

Brooks blinked. "What?"

"I've not slept with a quarter of them," Hale sighed. "In fact, I've not slept with any of them."

Brooks looked confused. "Well, okay, but it still counts even if they don't go to our school."

"Jeez, you're going to make me spell it out, aren't you?" Hale shook his head in disbelief. "I'm a virgin, Brooks. Never slept with anyone."

Brooks' eyes widened in shock, and Hale couldn't really blame him. Anyone would have reacted in the same manner. Everyone at school assumed that he'd gone further with all the girls he'd hooked up with that, that while everyone was drunk at parties, he'd been busy in the bedroom. The truth was, he'd never let it get that far. He used the excuse of never having protection and on the off chance one of them did, which was his worst nightmare, he claimed he didn't want to take advantage.

Hale never bothered correcting anyone when they talked about how he slept around. It probably gave him a reputation of sleaze and manwhore that only Alec could rival, but it was easier than having to explain why he'd never had sex.

"That doesn't make sense," Brooks said, looking at Hale incredulously. "I've heard people talking about...you know. That. Trust me, I tried not to, but no one knows how to whisper in our school."

"You've heard people talk about me in bed?" Hale questioned, and smirked when Brooks blushed in response. It was amusing how easily it was to make him turn red. "Well, they're either delusional or lying. I can assure you no one has gotten that close to my dick."

Brooks flushed even deeper. "Alright, I get it! No need for the details," he grumbled, sinking lower on the swing when Hale started laughing. "Shut up, dumbass, or I'll start charging your tutoring sessions."

"Okay, okay, got it." Hale's laughter faded away as another thought occurred to him. "Are you one? A virgin, I mean?"

"Uh, yeah," Brooks murmured, tugging his beanie down self-consciously as if he could hide behind it. It was such a cute gesture Hale couldn't help but smile. "I've been too busy pretending to be straight to even think about it."

"What about Calla and that brown guy you always hang out with? They don't know?"

"Hassan?" Brooks rolled his eyes when Hale shrugged. "Yeah, as far as I'm aware, they have no idea. It's just easier that way."

Hale didn't even want to think about how his friends would react if he told them. He didn't think the girls would care that much, but the guys were another matter entirely. Based on their responses whenever the topic was brought up, Hale doubted they'd be particularly loving or accepting. He was more bothered by how Will would react. Will was his best friend, and it would be a lot worse if their friendship was wrecked over something like this. Hale didn't want to risk it.

Not that you're even gay, Hale reminded himself. Not necessarily. Not yet.

"Yeah," Hale replied, glancing at Brooks. "I guess it is easier that way."