INT. BULLPEN - DAY.

AMY, ROSA, SCULLY, HITCHCOCK and GINA work at their desks. Jake walks up to Terry.

JAKE: I got Killdozer to talk. I know where they're getting the meth. But, it's at an event, so we're gonna have to go undercover.

TERRY: I love going undercover.

JAKE: At the Elf-Dor LARP!

TERRY: LARP?! Oh no, I'm out.

Rosa looks over from her desk.

ROSA: What's a LARP?

JAKE: It's Live-Action Roleplaying. It's like Dungeons and Dragons but you do it in real life, in costumes, in the woods!

ROSA: That sounds awful.

TERRY: It is awful! LARPing turns kind, gentle nerds into rude, condescending nerds. And they throw bean bags.

Jake looks over to Rosa.

JAKE: They stand in for fireballs and when you throw them you yell "fireball"! So fun!

TERRY: Isn't this more of a Boyle thing?

JAKE: Boyle's at home looking after Nikolaj, so I needs me some Terry.

TERRY: Rosa?

ROSA: I'd rather kill myself. Or you. Or both of us.

Terry looks at Amy, who's at her desk laminating something.

TERRY: What about Amy?

JAKE: Terry, she's laminating a folder right now, she's not meant for a fantasy world.

ROSA: I'm surprised she hasn't laminated her gun.

TERRY: Come on, she's a great cop.

JAKE: But she doesn't know anything about roleplaying or nerd stuff. Amy!

Amy looks up.

JAKE: What's the name of the most famous sci-fi franchise in the world?

AMY: The Star War?

TERRY: Really?

JAKE: What's the one on tv where they fly around in ships?

AMY: The Star Journey?

TERRY: She's getting worse.

JAKE: What's the name of that movie we just saw, the one where the group of hobbits travel up a mountain to drop a ring into it.

Amy wracks her brain.

AMY: The Lord of the... Planet of the Apes?

Terry jumps up from his desk.

TERRY: Come on! There aren't even monkeys in Lord of the Rings!

AMY: I may have fallen asleep.

JAKE: (aside to Rosa) She was laminating on the couch.

Holt comes out of his office.

HOLT: What's going on?

TERRY: Amy mixed up Lord of the Rings and Planet of the Apes and I was telling her that there are no monkeys in Lord of the Rings.

HOLT: There are no monkeys in Planet of the Apes. They're a different suborder of Primate.

JAKE: Wait, you saw Planet of the Apes?

HOLT: No, but the title is very clear. Why are you discussing this in the precinct?

TERRY: Jake is trying to convince me to go undercover with him at a fantasy live-roleplay event.

HOLT: That's a fair request with Boyle at home. Do it.

JAKE: YES!

(back to Holt)

JAKE: You won't regret this sir.

Jake turns to Terry and whispers excitedly.

JAKE: I already spent three hundred dollars on costumes!

Holt heads towards his office, then stops at Amy's desk.

HOLT: Good work laminating the folder as well. In the case of a nasty spill, it's not just the paperwork that's at risk.

AMY: Sometimes I wish I could laminate my gun.

HOLT: That would cut down on liquid-based misfires. This idea could be worth testing.

AMY: I'll bring my laminator!

She grabs it and follows Holt into his office.

ROSA: Ugh. Gross.

INT. THE BREAK ROOM - MOMENTS LATER.

Gina sits at the table, and tries to take a selfie while a fan blows her hair back dramatically. Her phone rings. She picks up.

GINA: You've reached the Goddess.

Intercut with Charles, who is on a phone in his living room.

CHARLES: Gina, it's Charles.

GINA: I have caller ID Charles, I'm not Hitchcock.

Gina looks over her shoulder into the bullpen and sees Hitchcock holding his phone in front of his face.

HITCHCOCK: WHO IS THIS?!

She goes back to her call.

CHARLES: Gina I need a favour. As your former lover -

GINA: Ugh.

Gina hangs up.

CHARLES (O.S.): I really need a favour.

GINA: Aaaagh!

Gina turns to find an IPAD taped to a pole ATTACHED TO A SEGWAY! Charles's face fills the iPad screen.

GINA: Charles, what the hell?!

CHARLES: I knew you'd hang up so I got Hitchcock and Scully to put this together.

GINA: I'm shocked they didn't tape themselves to their big gulps.

CHARLES: They're pretty capable if the price is right.

Scully looks at Gina gleefully from the doorway.

SCULLY: We're getting a pizza with hamburgers on top!

Scully sips from a Big Gulp taped to his hand.

GINA: (deadpan) You're a garbage fire.

(back to the ipad)

GINA: What do you want Charles?

CHARLES: Nikolaj is sick, and the only thing that makes him feel better is Latvian Potato Soup.

GINA: Is it made of potatoes and sadness? Because you've got plenty of both.

CHARLES: No, he only likes the kind made by the Kurš ārsts. That's Latvian for Witch Doctor. She makes the best Latvian soup in New York. You can really taste the hoof!

GINA: In potato soup?

CHARLES: Of course! It also includes sheep's bladder, goat lung and three different kinds of anus -

GINA: Enough! Charles, I'll do whatever you want if you never say those ingredients again.

CHARLES: Thank you. Thank you! Find the Witch Doctor and get the soup.

GINA: Got it.

Gina turns off the ipad, and yells into the bullpen.

GINA: Rosa? Amy? Charles needs your help!

INT. HOLT'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER.

Terry and Jake enter Holt's office.

TERRY: Captain? You needed us?

Holt's chair faces away from them. It slowly turns around to face them, revealing Holt who looks deadpan as usual.

JAKE: Nice chair turn.

HOLT: I wanted to demonstrate my flair for the theatrical.

JAKE: ...As we can tell from your complete lack of facial expression.

TERRY: Captain, we were about to head to the LARP.

HOLT: I know, but I think I should join you.

TERRY: I'm not sure this is really your strong suit.

HOLT: That's where you're wrong. I've been LARPing with Kevin for years.

JAKE: No way! Are you a mage? A cleric? Or is this one of those trick things where you have a boring version?

HOLT: Kevin and I attend an annual gathering where guests re-enact a formal dinner at the 1893 Chicago World's Fair.

JAKE: It was the trick thing.

TERRY: Sir, the people at LARP-con are going to be pretty wild characters.

HOLT: I've been on the wild side of roleplaying. Last year, I presented H.H. Holmes, an era appropriate serial killer.

JAKE: Okay, that's cool!

HOLT: I spent the night before studying the DSM-V criteria for anti-social personality disorder.

INT. FANCY ROOM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT.

Holt stands in a Victorian Gentlemen's outfit surrounded by OTHER ROLEPLAYERS in similar clothing. He speaks to the WOMAN beside him.

HOLT: I am superficially charming but struggle to maintain real personal relationships.

A GENTLEMAN approaches with a LITTLE GIRL who's pretending to be blind.

GENTLEMAN: This is Hellen Keller.

HOLT: No, it isn't.

(to the Woman)

HOLT: I believe my own lies are true. If they one day invent a lie detector I will not be caught by that method.

INT. HOLT'S OFFICE - BACK TO THE SCENE

HOLT: It was a harrowing look into the mind of a madman.

JAKE: Captain, I want nothing more than to see you spend a weekend roleplaying with a bunch of librarian nerds.

(to Terry)

JAKE: I've never been to a library, but nerds go there right? We'll talk about this later.

(to Holt)

JAKE: But Terry already knows everything about the Skyfire Cycle.

HOLT: But the Elf-dor LARP isn't set in Skyfire.

Holt produces a massive binder.

HOLT: These are the rules and history of the world of Elf-dor.

JAKE: Holy Crap!

HOLT: Terry, do you know the name of the King of Elf-Dor?

TERRY: No.

HOLT: It's Ulgor Magnifico, their currency is the binaric uno, there are 14 schools of magic, and the by-laws of the event itself are quite specific. You two need me, and I'll provide my own costume.

TERRY: Terry is impressed. And afraid. Mostly afraid.

JAKE: You're cool with him coming?

TERRY: If we don't bring him the nerds'll eat us alive.

JAKE: Captain, I never thought I'd say this, but welcome to team sexy geniuses.

TERRY: I still doesn't like that name.

HOLT: We'll complete this quest for Whispery Dan!

TERRY: Who?

HOLT: The Elf-Dorian God of Justice.

Jake turns to Terry, suddenly nervous.

JAKE: Am I dead?

(with growing excitement)

JAKE: Because this feels like heaven!

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - LATER.

Rosa and Amy approach an apartment, Amy checks the number.

AMY: This is it.

ROSA: How'd you find the place?

AMY: A CI.

ROSA: You have a confidential informant?

GINA: Is his name Google?

Gina approaches from the other side of the hall.

ROSA: Hey Gina.

AMY: No, his name isn't google. I used a Bing search.

GINA: Bing? Oh girl, no.

ROSA: I bet you use Microsoft Edge, don't you.

AMY: They wouldn't make it the default program if it wasn't the best!

GINA: Enough. We have work to do.

Gina opens the door and walks in.

AMY: Wait!

INT. APARTMENT - CONT'D.

Inside the apartment a MAN and WOMAN in their 30's stand in shock.

MAN: Who are you?

GINA: You can call me Goddess Gina, and those are "the others".

AMY: Sorry, we're police officers.

WOMAN: (enraged) Of course!

ROSA: This isn't official business. We're here for soup.

MAN: Really?!

GINA: Are you the Witch Doctor?

MAN: No. The Witch Doctor's our grandmother, and she was just arrested for murder!

Dramatic music swells.

GINA: So, like, do you guys have soup in the freezer we could take?

COMMERCIAL BREAK