Thank you for your lovely votes and comments on the previous chapter❤️

I wish you could know how my heart goes calm when you are with me❤

I wish you could know that you are the warmth needed for my cold soul❤

I wish you could know that you are the colourful rainbow for my pale life❤

I wish you could know how much I love you❤

I wish I could see you...hear you❤

I wish you could be with me forever and ever❤

I wish all these wishes come true❤

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You are in the sunrise
You are in the sunset
You are in the blues of the sea
You are in the river that merges into an ocean
You are in the voice of the wind
You are in the silence of the night

You are in my breath
You are in my eyes
You are in my dreams
You are in my thoughts 
You are everywhere around me
You are everywhere in me❤

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Going to the next page I noticed the page being crinkled and at some points the stain was scattered making the words a little blur...

The thing that caught my attention was the big round blotted impressions on the page...

What was that??

Some kind of water stain??

Tear stains??

He cried while writing this part??

I am tired of being an unprofessional poet...tired of putting my love in words...

I want to be verbal...but I am unable to do that

And you know what is the biggest pain that someone can go through...

Having so much inside you but not having any slightest clue to pour it out...

I am dying to pour my heart out...but I don't know how to do it...

Nothing is helping me...

Neither those sleeping pills nor the wall which is getting hit by my knuckles now and then and has turned red with my blood

Neither these words are helping me nor this continuous water flowing from my eyes...

Nothing is in my favour...

The more I am wiping...the more it is flooding through my eyes...

But I am feeling so much pain right here in my heart...this pain is unbearable...I feel like it's bleeding so badly that instead of blood it's oozing out in form of this uncontrollable tears

Why life is so cruel to me??

Why the hell its playing such shit games with me??

Don't I deserve to be happy??

Don't I deserve to be loved??

Why the stone monument fondly called God has no mercy towards me??

Why he has to send a person in my life who can never stay forever??

Why he has made my life a living hell that no one could stay with me for more than a little while??

Why the hell every time it gives me false hopes??

It's like opening the birdcage and letting the bird flow free in the sky and right at the time when it's about to put its first step out of the cage you hold its legs and put it back

At that moment for the little bird, freedom is just an illusion

If you are not meant to let it fly free in the sky why the hell do you give false hopes and shatters its dreams

Why the hell did God shatter my unborn dreams??

Why???

I am sorry Sona...

Your Angry Bird is again locked in the cage...

How happy I was with my wife...

Everything was going so good...

She added the most beautiful colours to my pale life...

Starting the day with her smile had become my way of welcoming a new day with new hope...

The talks we share at night was like a sweet lullaby to my ears...

She has made the homecoming my favourite part of the day...

After a long tiring day...being welcomed by her smile and eating food made by her is such a delight...

Lingering her soothing words and ruffling my hair she protects me from those nightmares and makes me sleep like a baby...

Everything around me was beautiful...just because of her

And what did I do...

Hurt her as always...

How bad I am...

You don't deserve me, Sona...

As always I ruined everything...

On that day how beautiful the morning was...

How lovely was the beginning of the day

Standing together in front of the mirror we looked too adorable

And my kiss on her cheeks to say thank you in my style...

I wanted to thank her for everything

She thought I forgot my phone but little did she know that it was me who intentionally left the phone on the table only to get it back from her and peck her pink cheeks...

Again it was your plan🙄

But as I said my happiness never lasts long...trying to get a hold of my happiness is like storing water in the fist...the more I try to hold it in my fist the more it slides away

Until Abu met me I didn't even know that it was our 6th month anniversary...and realised that my beautiful journey with her was coming to an end

I had lost 6 months and now I have only 6 months left with her...

I was unable to take it...

I was so habituated to her and suddenly the thought of surviving without her started rotting me...bearing one more trauma of losing someone was not at all affordable to me

And at that very moment, I decided to maintain distance from her...

But when I was back home something happened that I didn't want to happen...

My wife was wearing my favourite black colour saree and the moment her eyes got my sight it shined like stars and her face was glowing with happiness...

She cooked my favourite food but I had to deny it and when I did that she was extremely hurt...but I was left with no option

Later she did something special...something that my heart was dying for

She confessed her love to me and kissed my cheek...

You weren't sleeping😳
Then why didn't you react anything you idiot

At that moment I was swallowing my tears back and struggling not to break down in front of her...

But that night I couldn't keep my heart to myself

Late-night when she was sleeping peacefully I went to the kitchen and ate the carrot halwa that she specially made for me...

Her hands have the same taste as Badimaa...

You ate it😚

And later when I returned to the room and knelt in front of her the tears that I was swallowing back rolled down effortlessly

She loves me...

The feeling itself was encouraging my tears to flood more

But when I took her hand tenderly in mine her words attacked my mind "I want to spend my whole life holding your hand till eternity" and made me take a firm decision

Even now I am holding your hand...see

I knew my heart could open up at any moment of time so directly I decided to stay away from her...

The next day she was broken when I spoke harshly to her while I was masking up my emotions and tears both...

But when she held my hand and asked me to come back soon I almost lost myself...she was looking straight into my eyes and it was making it difficult for me to move away from her...those tears forming in the corner of her eyes were pricking me...

My hands were itching to hold her waist and feel her warmth on my lips and hug her tight and scream...I don't want to go away from you

Then why did you leave😡

But the roots of fear are pierced so deep into my heart that I had to go away from my love

I hated that moment...it was so painful and heart-wrenching

And here in this bloody hotel, I am fighting with myself

All these days in this hotel room that kept me alive is her memories...

The Mundan ceremony where my girl was all bald and looked cute with her round head and now and then she would roam her hand on her scalp realising a change over there

The ear-piercing ceremony where her delicate pink ears were hurt by that pointed metal piece and her tears stabbed my heart multiple times that in anger I pierced the same metal piece into the man's hand who hurt my Jasmine and was saved by Badimaa again

The naming ceremony where I was angry with Badimaa for not naming her as Jasmine for which she clarified that it was Dada's decision and as I was scared of him I couldn't dare to talk to him...

The day when I heard my name from her mouth for the first time...she was 3 when Badimaa made her recite my name and with her sweet baby voice she mumbled 'Alljun' instead of Arjun

Her first day of school...her first stage speech...her first teaching experience when she became a science teacher on teachers day...and for that she made a huge fuss for practising the lesson where Badimaa was her student for a big 5 hours...Wearing a baby pink saree she looked so pretty on that day

The day when from a girl she grew as a woman and I would give chocolates to her through Badimaa...

Her first day of college...

First day as a Doctor...

And the most special memory...

The day when we had our first ever encounter...

She was 4 when once she was crying for a flower as it had gone dry and to stop her crying I drew a flower on the birthmark on her wrist with a pen saying this flower will never leave you

Later post that incident I stopped meeting her as she had started recognizing me and I didn't want that

But I came to know that even if physically I am not there with her...I  was always with my Jasmine in the form of the flower on her birthmark...Badimaa told me that since that incident Sona had begun drawing the same flower on her birthmark now and then and keeps ranting my words...she was fascinated with her birthmark

And I found it so funny...being a 4year kid it was natural for her to do such things but Badimaa was thinking so much filmy

Hold on...

That day when we had a rain dance I drew the same flower and you kissed me...your eyes were moistened and you demanded carrot halwa...you seemed so happy

Because of this memory??

I covered my mouth realising how deeply connected are we and tears made their way down my cheeks...

I couldn't utter any word further...

I realised why Maa always said that we both are meant to be together

But your flower left you, Sona.. it's dying here

Recalling all her memories I am assuring my heart that Sona is right here with me...

But this is not helping me too

Now after being together with her for a long 6 months new desires are growing up in me....

And it's not my heart this time... it's me who is craving for her...

I am dying to be with her...

I feel safe when she is around me...

Being in her arms gives me a heavenly feeling and I don't want to step out of that heaven

I want to feel the warmth of her hands and lips on my head again and again

Just by looking at her, I get peace and I am in extreme need of that peace right now

I want to make more and more memories with her... a big bunch of lifetime memories with her

Wiping out the roots of all fears I want to sow myself as a new seedling in her heart and grow a healthy plant of fruitful memories

But why I am unable to do that...

Why am I still stuck??

What's wrong with me??

I honestly don't the answer

And I hate myself for this...

I am good for nothing...

I only hurt her...

The only thing I give her is pain...

She doesn't deserve me...

I am a demon...

No, you are not baby...You are an angel

Help me, Sona...

Hold me in your arms...

I need you...

I need you very badly...

The depth of his words and the tear stains were enough to convey his pain

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To be continued...

Arjun's childhood story must be illogical and filmy but love has no logic...love has only emotions❤

Hope you enjoyed❤