Chapter Twenty Five

The apartment was empty when Julia emerged from her bedroom the following day. She was relieved. Her reaction the previous evening had scared her. She'd never reacted like that, never thrown herself at someone like that. All her previous sexual encounters had been at her command, she'd needed something, then she'd gone out and got it, without any comeback, without any questions. That was why she always ensured those encounters were with strangers, in neutral situations where she wasn't threatened or forced to do anything she didn't want to.

She stood in the kitchen and stared at the sofa, when she closed her eyes, she could feel his lips on her, kissing was fine, kissing was safe...but he'd touched her, laid a hand over her breast and it was all it took to almost set off a panic attack. She hadn't had one for years, and that was a good thing. But even this morning her legs were shaking. Reaching for her phone she dialled a number she hadn't needed for a long time.

"Can I speak to Doctor Fleming please?" She asked the familiar receptionist's voice.

"I'm afraid she's with a client, can I take a message?"

She sighed, trying to garner a little strength, "it's Julia Curtis. I emailed her last week and she told me I could call and speak to her if I needed."

The older woman who was always so friendly and accommodating gave a little sigh, "that's fine. Hopefully she can call you in the next half an hour? She has a break coming up."

"I don't want to put her out."

"Pft!" The other woman exclaimed. "If she told you to call, then she wants to speak to you. Keep your phone free for the next hour, if it's going to be longer than that, then I'll call you."

She tackled making chilli for dinner, it was Abi's favourite and would sit in the fridge all weekend until they needed it. They'd agreed the night before that they'd go out and hit the town early. Drinks and then dinner early in one of Aaron's favourite roof top bars in mid-town. He'd been promising her a trip there, but they hadn't made it as yet. They both guessed that the two visitors would hit a wall of fatigue early evening, so they intended to be home by ten to have drinks in the roof garden.

Since her storming off the previous evening she had no idea what the plan was now, so she was covering all options. If she had food, drink and everything they could possibly need for the weekend, she could get on and just chill all weekend. She'd booked an appointment at a wedding dress boutique at one point, and a pamper session in a hotel that Aaron had a discount in. Aaron was planning a round of golf with his brother whilst they did that, but the rest of the time they were doing the tourist thing. Lots of time with Aaron, so she had to make peace with him. But that thought terrified her.

She was just putting fresh flowers into the vases that she'd found in a charity shop along the street, when her phone rang.

Dr Fleming.

"Julia, I was so glad to receive your email. You're in New York...my favourite place. How is that going?"

Julia collapsed onto the sofa and closed her eyes, "I needed the break away from London. This is a great place."

"I saw the news that your Uncle died, I thought that you may have contacted me then."

"I wasn't sure...I went off the rails a little...but this trip was on the horizon, so I knew I could escape it."

The doctor was quiet for a moment before she spoke, "and how are you now? You called."

It was hard for Julia to speak into a phone, in fact it had taken her many months to share anything with the psychologist, but when she did, she shared everything.

"My mother is pressuring me, my best friend has got engaged, then he died..." she sighed.

"You said you went off the rails."

Again she closed her eyes, "there was a man, after the engagement party. The usual. But I got back under control and came here. The distance is good."

The doctor had a quiet voice, but it was assertive, "so you dealt with it. That's a step forward, Julia. We talked about that, you wanted to stop that behaviour. But you called after all that."

"The funeral...they said my family were helping him appeal..."

The doctor was intuitive as ever, "ah. So you lost it at that."

With a groan, she explained about getting drunk, about Aaron helping her, then throwing herself at him, repeatedly...and him rejecting her.

Doctor Fleming was smiling, even though she couldn't see her, Julia knew that, "Julia, don't be so dismissive. It doesn't sound like he's rejecting you, it sounds like he likes you...and it seems as though this might indicate the first relationship you've developed in years."

That made her freeze, "what do you mean?"

"You've avoided anything more than minimal superficial contact, with all men, and most women. But this man, you've spent time with, and you haven't run away, you haven't had a panic attack, and he seems to care about you."

That gave her food for thought, "but I'm not ready for this, I'm not up to a relationship. I can't do it."

"It won't be easy. It may be the greatest challenge. But Julia, you deserve to find something special, with someone. This man, he might not be it, but surely this is a start. This could be the last piece."

Julia felt her breathing rate increase, and she used her best control techniques to avoid the panic, and the heat seemed to ease from her face, "I couldn't let him touch me. I ran away...again."

"We also discussed this, repeatedly. You have to trust someone before they can break some barriers. Your uncle caused damage, in so many ways, and at the moment you associate any sexual contact with what he did. You won't change unless you can replace those memories with positive experiences."

Julia shuddered, "no way. I can't see that ever happening."

Dr Fleming sighed, "I'm going to email you details of a good friend and colleague based in Queens. She is brilliant, and I want you to contact her if things change. This is too much to deal with over the phone, but know that you are making huge strides. This man seems good for you, and I hope it goes on. Promise you'll keep in touch, and look up Anna Garcia."

"I've got a lot to think about."

Again she could hear the smile in the doctor's voice, "maybe, but also a lot to reward yourself for. Try to see if you can trust this man...it could be the greatest thing you ever do."

Half past one. Aaron glanced at his watch in frustration, he was supposed to be home, but as usual he was encountering ineptitude in his staff. If he wasn't so desperate to sign off for the weekend, he wouldn't be dealing with the shit, he'd been rolling heads.

Instead he dealt with what he could, delegated what was able, and was finally running out of the office. Patrick was on stand by to drop him home, though he was driving Julia to the airport himself. So, as he threw himself onto the back seat, he pulled out his phone and text Julia. He should be angry at what happened the previous night, but he was concerned than angry.

But he hadn't spoken to her all day.

Late leaving, but will be home in ten minutes, just checked and the flight is due to land on time. We'll be at airport by three. Ok?

They were almost at the apartment when the phone bleeped a reply. Before he checked it, he climbed out.

"Take the rest of the weekend off, Patrick. No matter what any of them back in the office say, none of them deserve a ride today. Ok?"

"Thanks, Mr Harding..." when he lifted an eyebrow he chuckled, "sorry, Aaron."

Aaron nodded, "good. Look after Carrie, she's had a bad day because of me!"

They both still denied that there was anything going on, but he could read the signs. As he reached the lift, he opened his phone and read Julia's message.

I called a cab, thought you'd forgotten.

He sighed, bloody impatient woman. He wasn't going to waste time with a text, instead, within moments, he marched into the apartment.

"Cancel the cab, of course I didn't forget, he's my bloody brother. Give me ten seconds to change and then we can leave."

He continued past her stunned face, and up the stairs to his room, without another word. But as he threw off his suit, he could hear her on the phone cancelling her ride.

Good.

She was silent all the way to the airport, fortunately his sporty saloon was large enough that they weren't physically on top of each other. But there was traffic, breakdowns, bumps and Friday afternoon traffic.

"So, are you going to ignore me forever?"

Julia was playing with her nails, which he noted when he glanced down, were painted turquoise, he'd not noticed her nails before, anxiety oozed out of her every pore. It was a long moment before he felt her eyes on him.

"I need to forget last night."

Forget? As if.

"Not sure that's possible for me."

When he glanced at her, she was glowering, "why are you so bloody annoying?"

He shrugged, eyes back on the road, "I fancy the pants off you, despite the mixed messages, is that annoying?"

Her gasp was audible as she took in her words, he wasn't someone who was ever this open with his feelings, but despite what she said, he wanted her, badly. And he wasn't going to hide from that. He DID fancy her like hell, and he'd had the worst case of blue balls for the last two weeks...or so it seemed. There was something there, something that meant he couldn't let go.

She huffed at his answer, turning her eyes back to the road, and they were both quiet for a long moment. When the traffic eased up and the car ate up a couple of miles, she asked, "how far is it?"

He changed lanes before offering, "about six miles, but that can take anything from fifteen minutes to an hour."

Julia's nod was of acceptance as she went back to playing with her nails.

"I meant what I said."

He felt her tense at his words, "leave it there."

He wanted to laugh at her indignation, but he knew that would inflame him, so he bit his cheek, "this weekend, I'll agree to it. But once Luke and Abi have gone, we will discuss this again, we can't not."

She started to panic, he could hear it in her voice, "I don't want it, that's not what this is about."

Suddenly signs for JFK came into view and he sighed with relief. As he pulled off the highway towards the airport, he finally replied.

"This 'thing' whatever it is, has happened three times by my counting, and each time I've let you run off like a scared cat. Next time the outcome will be different."

"I'm not interested."

He laughed softly, "you keep telling yourself that, but you are only kidding yourself. There's something between us, and I want to see how it works out. But it won't be a drunken fuck against a wall, it'll be everything. I get that you are avoidant of that, I'm not sure why...but..." he shrugged. "Let's just say you can't control everything, no matter how hard you try."

She was silent as he turned into the carpark. And the moment he pulled into a space, her phone bleeped, at the exact time as his.

"They're here," he offered.

Julia's legs were shaking as she crossed the car park, as they approached the stairs she swayed a little, and Aaron reached out to steady her. Taking a breath, she shrugged him off, his words were dangerous enough, she couldn't deal with his touch too. Her body was a quiver and he'd taken away her every thought. Except for those from her psychologist – that he could be the person to help her get free of all this history, of all her traumas. But just the thought of getting any closer to him made her feel sick. She couldn't do it, she was broken. Simple as that.

Lifting her head, she increased her stride length through the stairwell, until they were in the arrival hall. She had no answers for him, and the appearance in the distance of her best friend almost made her cry, she had missed her so much, she was like a mirage. They'd only been in the arrivals hall for ten minutes when she was running across the room, scooting through the crowds to throw herself into her best friend's arms, and when she pulled back from such a welcoming and familiar hug, she spotted the tears in Abi's eyes.

"I've missed you!" they both spoke at the same time, the same words, in tune as ever. Then both burst into laughter and hugged again.

It was coughing from the brothers that finally pulled them apart. Then Julia gave Luke a hug, "glad to see you're looking after my BFF."

Abi punched Aaron in the arm in welcome and offered, "snap Harding Senior."

Aaron rolled his eyes then reached to help his brother with the bags, and the two girls entwined their arms then wafted in the direction of the car.

They sat in the back, talking, and talking. All Aaron could do, was look at his brother in wonder whenever the car slowed to a stop...which was often.

"This is nothing...they can talk like this all night when they've been together all day. God knows what they'll be like after so long apart."

He chuckled. It was nice to see his brother again, he'd been neglectful in the past, and he felt guilt over that. Since Julia had come into his life, he was judging family, or rather his relationship with his own, differently, presumably because she was so distant from hers, and seemed so vulnerable for it. He had a family, unlike Julia, and to some extent Kitty. He had to make more effort.

"So, wedding planning?"

He glanced at his brother, who grimaced.

"We have two Mumma Bridezillas, Abi and me are hiding out most of the time." He turned in his seat to glare at Aaron. "Would be a bit different if you, Golden Balls had done this first. All my life I follow in your footsteps, then the one time I am the first...it's fricking hell."

Aaron couldn't stop the laughter that burst out of him with a snort, "I'll make it up to you this weekend, I promise. We've got SO much planned."

At that moment, Julia leaned forward to tap Luke on the shoulder to say, "don't listen to him, he's a boring, old man. I've got the key to the city so to speak."

As she leaned back to cackle with her best friend, the brothers looked at each other anxiously.