A/N Sorry at the delay after such rapid posting, got a lot on this week, but also the next few chapters are the hard ones for me. I am on the case though. Hope you 'enjoy', despite the subject matter, MZxxx

Chapter Thirty four

Aaron watched Julia running along the sand, Cliffy and Coco nipping at her heels. It had been a relaxing day, just what they both needed, not one mention of the last two days. She'd been tired when they got to the house, her residual hangover still lingering, so he left her to settle in and went to the supermarket.

BY the time he got back she looked a lot brighter, she'd changed into shorts and a t-shirt, but sunglasses covered her eyes.

"We're across the road from the beach, the last thing I want to do on a sunny day is mope about."

That had surprised him, but he'd followed her lead, raiding the garage for a beach umbrella whilst she packed a picnic blanket and some drinks into a bag.

They'd sat and watched plane trails crisscross the sky, and a few yachts flutter on the horizon. They didn't speak about anything more taxing than the weather and their observations.

The house, or rather the condo was part of a block of a dozen homes with a roof top pool, his company home was the largest two story apartment that looked out on to the boardwalk that clung to the edge of the beach. It was filled with walkers, cyclists and families enjoying the summer day. The dogs had spent an hour running in and out of the water enthusiastically and were now flaked out in the shade of the umbrella, their fur covered in sand and salt. Julia was asleep, her head resting against his thigh. She had looked so relaxed he didn't want to wake her, but it was getting hotter, and they hadn't been too dedicated in putting on sunscreen.

So, they'd comeback, fed the dogs, then both curled up on the opposite sofas, curtains pulled back, balcony doors open, and fell asleep.

When they'd woke, she had taken the dogs for an evening stroll whilst he lit the barbeque on the small balcony that was above ground level, giving him a view of her splashing in the surf with the dogs.

He liked seeing her so carefree, her long legs dancing around as her hair billowed in the breeze. She was quite a sight, and he only wished he was a painter to capture that vibrancy, that energy, that freedom. It was subdued usually as she tried to deal with the traumas of life. And he felt the overwhelming need to make this her life, to take her away from the shit that dragged her down. There should be a law that made it illegal for her to be taken from this mental freedom. He shook himself, he'd never been this much of a sap, he had no idea what was happening to him, he'd never felt this protective of someone before. She made him into something he'd never been before, made him want what he'd never wanted before.

As if she knew he was thinking about her, she glanced up, her hand shading the sun from her eyes as she picked him out slowly, then waved. Laughing he raised both arms above his head and waved them, knowing that she was the only one who could see him. Laughing he turned to the barbeque, it was almost hot enough to cook their steak and chicken...and whilst he was focussing on food he could forget what a muppet he'd become. He was doing and saying things that he had never done and said before. 

The sun was setting somewhere in the distance, the night was darkening. Julia looked across the table at Aaron. Since dinner they'd sat opposite each other at the small table on the patio, him checking his emails, her reading a book, about Cleopatra. She was one of her heroes and she'd wanted to settle into the book she found in a store weeks ago, but her head hadn't been in the right place to read.

She thought that through, then smiled at Aaron. His head was dropped, his eyes scanning the screen in front of him, his glasses as always perched on his nose, his unruly hair falling into his eyes. Endearing. But in reality, at her worst point she was concentrating on something she'd put off for weeks. He was the positive effect, he made her calm, he made things ok. She wouldn't tell him that, but she would appreciate all that he did, and strive to find a way to repay him. It sounded ridiculous, but she would find something, some way.

"You're staring at me. What's wrong?"

She grimaced at his words, he hadn't moved his eyes from his laptop, but he knew. "Didn't mean to stare...just thinking about how grateful I am to you."

That made him lift his head, "I don't need gratitude!"

Julia rolled her eyes, "you were minding your own business, next thing you've had to come out here with your emotionally crippled lodger."

Aaron closed his laptop and turned to her, "is that what you really think?"

She shrugged, "you have a job, commitments, that don't involve babysitting me."

"I am spending a couple of well deserved days off at the beach, admittedly I wouldn't have done this if you weren't here, but that doesn't mean it's an imposition. Look around you. It's a pretty cool place to be."

She closed her book, "I still appreciate you, making all this right."

He scoffed at that, "hardly. Look, you were in a tight spot, I was able to help you out. You on the flip side are making me realise how little I live my life." When she didn't look convinced, he laughed, "I would never be sat on a beach, embracing life, if it wasn't for you. OK? Up until a few months back I had barely had a holiday in years, too busy, ALL the time. But I like this, I am enjoying doing other things, appreciating life. I have you to thank for that. With every day, you're giving me more back, I assure you."

She smiled, "I'm not exactly convinced by that comment, but beach life suits you...and you do a mean BBQ!"

That made him laugh, "I know my cooking limits. I can do fire, that's about it."

"Joking aside, Aaron. I have to thank you, so much. I needed this today, already things are seeming clearer."

He studied her for a moment, and she felt a blush wash over her, "so have you come to any conclusions?"

"About what to do? I pick myself up, brush myself off and get on with it."

He shook his head, "you can't carry do that, not any longer. You can't go on pretending, living behind barriers. Sort this out, Julia. Use this chance to get over it." Sadness was always so close, and the honesty in his voice ripped those barriers to shreds.

He reached out, placed a hand over hers, "it hasn't worked to date, sort this so that it can't bring you down again."

"You have any idea how much counselling I've had? I've talked through everything, I have every 'tool' known to psychologists to deal with stress." She was angry, yet again she was being questioned, pushed and she hated it.

"Do you do everything? Really?"

Again, Julia shrugged, "I'm good, Aaron, I've battled to be good."

Shaking his head, he leaned towards her, "being 'good'? What the fuck does that mean?" When she didn't answer, just shook her head, he pulled her hand towards him, "NO. Don't think that this is just 'how I goes'. You don't have a role here, you don't have to follow instructions, be what a psychologist tells you to be, or what you family tells you to do. You have to be YOU. Happy, funny and sexy Julia. The Julia I've seen so many times. That's what you deserve."

She stared at him, his big, honest eyes staring at her, studying her, SEEING her. "I don't think..."

He shook his head and almost shouted, "don't. Don't say that it's to be normal. Since I've met you, there's always been a dark bloody cloud, somewhere, in the distance. I knew it, I just never realised what it was. You can't let that carry on."

Grumbling under her breath, she reached for her bag, then tossed a letter at him, then without another word, she walked away. Storming to the bathroom.

Aaron looked at the folded paper in front of him and sighed, he only wished he knew what the outcome of opening that piece of paper would be, He lifted it, held it for a moment, then opened it slowly.

Reading the words, he fought the instinct to let his mouth fall open, instead he slowly looked up at Julia, who'd returned from the bathroom and stopped in front of him.

"Two million pounds? He left you that?" He blinked several times, then looked up at her, questioningly.

She shrugged, and he hated the tears in her eyes, "everything he thinks that makes it alright."

He shook his head, turning his chair to face her, taking her hands in hers, "that is a phenomenal amount of money. If it was fifty k, then I'd say fuck it, give it to charity. But this is life changing...not just for you, but for a world of abuse victims. Imagine who you could help, but also yourself."

"It should have been more; but going to prison ruined everything he had. That is actually the value of his house. All of his other assets disappeared."

"If you don't accept this, then what happens? The state gets it? Your family?" He didn't miss the shudder that washed over her, "maybe that was why they were supporting him, for the money."

She stared at him for a long moment and he could see her trying to calm herself, "I can't take a penny, surely you can understand that?"

He sighed, she wasn't getting it, she was so scared, he wished he could take this away from her, but he couldn't and her fear was going to dictate everything. "I understand that you can use this money to absolve everything, to make your life what it SHOULD have been. To get him out of your head once and for all." He sighed, she could tell that he found this difficult to discuss. "You told me that you loved living here, this money could ensure that you get what you want. Help others, but also help yourself."

She nodded slowly, studying his face, "and I accept even a penny then it justifies what happened, what he did. All that..." she shook her head, "it means that it's all ok. This is my payment for all that he did. My payment from the man who wouldn't even apologise. He STILL has the upper hand, even now from six feet under he is controlling me, he always ruled things, he has dictated...this means he'll ALWAYS be there, everything I see and do will be because of him."

He sighed, "that's not true. He was scum, that much is a given, but you have the chance to do whatever you want. To take charge of your life, to do what you heart wants, what you feel is right, make yourself TRULY happy. Since I first met you, I don't think I've seen you truly content, relaxed...now I know, then free. This can do that for you. Free you."

She balked at that, he could see it, the elevated shoulders, the frown, "I am."

He shook his head, "last night dictates you aren't. You deserve to be over it all, happy, special. Instead, you're emotional, you're hiding from it...for fuck's sake, Julia, you're still broken!"

Those word weren't meant to leave his lips, they were his inner thoughts, as he said it, he felt sick. He watched the pain spread across her face, the pain reach her eyes. Pushing back the chair, she stood, moved backwards, hurt, distrust in her every move.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Julia." Aaron jumped to his feet, moved towards her. But she lifted her hands defensively.

"Don't touch me." She backed away as though she needed to keep her eyes on him, couldn't risk turning her back on him.

"I don't mean that, not as it came out."

She scoffed as tears rolled down her face, "I really thought you were different, I thought you got it...but obviously I was wrong, again!"

He reached for her, ignoring her flailing arms and wrapped his arms around her. She fought for a moment, but then as quickly as it started, she collapsed against him, sobbing like a baby. He wished that he could take it all away, but he couldn't. And he knew that she couldn't pretend any more.

He placed his lips on her head, burying into her hair to kiss her, "we're going to sort this, we're going to make it right. But you can't pretend it isn't right." She started to protest but he stroked her hair, "you can't do this anymore, hide behind a wall. We're going to sort this out, together."

He could feel her tears soak through his t-shirt and groaned, he hated that he'd upset her, but he couldn't let her slide back in to the way she'd coped for years. She deserved more, so much more. He just wished that he knew how to change it.

After a minute of two, he led her to the sofa, then sat down, tucking her in to his side, holding her close and it was a long time until she spoke.

"I can't think about it, I can't do this."

Lifting her head to meet her puffy red eyes, he smiled at her, "you can, and you will. But you have to be honest."

She mumbled something he couldn't make out, then leaned in to him, and within moments she was fast asleep in his arms.