Chapter Thirty Five

Clunking and banging dragged Julia from the depths of a dream, a dream where she was protected, curled up and safe. She woke with that feeling but was angry that she couldn't remember anything more, because she longed to go back to that place. With waking came the reality of the last two days, and yet another breakdown witnessed by Aaron bloody Harding. She'd fallen asleep in his arms, but had woken a little later, on the sofa, cold and sad, very sad. She'd changed into her pyjamas, looking at the large, empty bed, and had done what she had told herself she wouldn't. She'd sought out Aaron, and slipped under the sheets next to him, he'd barely opened his eyes when he opened his arms to her, and she wrapped herself around him. Warm, safe and toasty.

Groaning she rolled on to her back, that was the dream, or partly the reality...Aaron was the security she was looking for.

More clunking caused her to roll into sitting, and she sighed, another night relying on Aaron, she had to sort this shit out.

In the lounge, the curtains were pulled back and billowing in the soft breeze coming thought the open balcony doors. The table was laid with coffee, juice and a basket of pastries, and at the sight and smell, her stomach rumbled.

"Sleep well?" She almost jumped out of her skin when a voice beside her murmured at her ear, far too sexily. At her reaction, he chuckled, "sorry, didn't mean to surprise you."

Sighing she turned to him, "liar, you crept up on me on purpose."

She used to find his shrugs annoying, but she couldn't help but smile as he looked coyly at her, "you are so suspicious, Miss Curtis."

With an arm he encouraged her out to the balcony, "breakfast..."

He nodded, "I told you yesterday that things have to change, and it starts today."

She should be angry, he was stopping her from not eating, one of her very bad habits, "I should punch you."

Aaron grinned, his cheeky grin, "you can if you like, as long as you eat breakfast..."

His hesitation was speaking volumes, "what? What else?"

Running a hand through his hair, he offered, "Abi...she's called and text me relentlessly. You need to speak to her...she knows about the will, about the money...your mother told her."

Julia gritted her teeth, "my bloody mother..."

"Abi's worried out of her mind, she is giving me all kinds of shit, she's thinking that I am blocking you from talking to her."

That made Julia smile, "poor Ab, she spends her life worrying about me. She's had so much shit..."

"She loves you, she doesn't think you're a burden."

She stared at him, how the hell did he know what she was thinking?

"But I AM a burden...to her, to you...to everyone."

Rolling his eyes, he pulled out a chair, forced her to sit down before snarling, "you are not a fucking burden, you need to stop with that. People love you, appreciate you, and want you around, ok?"

Shrugging, she reached for the orange juice, and filled her glass, "I'm sure you believe that, but I don't."

She was almost gloating in her manner as he sat opposite her. She was disappointed that he didn't retaliate, and she could feel the scowl on her face. And hated that too.

It was his turn to look a little smug as she struggled to control her emotions, and he'd poured them both coffee before he spoke.

"You don't have to believe me, I'm not here to battle with you, but I am here to help you get this sorted."

That scared her, she couldn't be forced to deal with things she wasn't ready for, she'd fight him on that.

She reached for a pastry, something with custard in it, and picked at the flaky pastry, slipping some into her mouth, aware that he was watching her, and she felt like a child, and that was probably why she snapped at him.

"See I'm still eating. I'm behaving."

He rolled his eyes, "I'm not your enemy, Julia. You KNOW that."

Her only response was a raised eyebrow, and he dropped his knife to the plate.

"Shit, Jule. I am only trying to help you, that's all I want. And you can protest all you want, but we WILL talk about what happens next."

She ate in silence, her blood boiling, he was pushing her, and suddenly she wanted to lash out and punch him.

He remained silent, eating, drinking, watching her.

Pushing back her chair, she jumped to her feet, ready to storm out – somewhere, anywhere. But a hand snaked around her wrist, restraining her.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, you're hurting yourself. I want that to stop."

Shaking her head, she tried to loosen his grip, "no, I've had enough. You can't keep fording this on me."

He let go, slumped back in his chair, disappointment clouding his eyes, "I know this is hard, but I didn't have you down as a coward."

That ruffled her feathers and she squared up to him, "I'm not a coward, I have dealt with all this, I have thrown myself into a life despite all that happened, I am the opposite of a coward."

That made him smile smugly, standing to tower over her, "and if I kiss you now...what would that do?"

Her eyes widened, torn between fear, the memories that would create, but the thought of those lips, what they could do, what she knew they did. It was like a rift running through her.

"Exactly." He was staring down at her, but the anger had left him. "You are terrified, terrified that I might touch you, that I might remind you of him. THAT is what you can't hide behind."

Instead of processing her real feelings she turned it on him, gave a knowing nod, "so that's what this is about, you wanting to get into my knickers." It was a horrendously selfish thing to say, he had been so patient, so understanding with her. She knew that he wanted her, in ways that no one ever had before, and that was her kicking him well and truly in the teeth.

He glared at her for a moment, then shook his head, "if that wasn't so ridiculous I'd laugh. I'm going to take a shower, maybe you need to go back to bed and get out the right side this time?"

With that he left her. In a cloud of self-hate and embarrassment.

Aaron let the hot water wash over him, red hot painful needles felt like they were actually puncturing her skin, it was a great shower, and the pleasure/pain line was working, he was calming. He hated that he'd pushed Julia that hard, but she was back to being defensive and argumentative, and that wasn't great. She was so scared, and he knew that anything she did from now on, anyway that she took on her past, was going to hurt, was going to be so hard. But the other option was that she never moved on, that she his herself away from her own life. He wasn't cocky enough to think that he was the answer, but nothing that happened between them had reduced his desire for her, it didn't matter, nothing mattered, he wanted her. But he wanted her healthy more, he hoped that he'd be part of her future, but regardless he wanted her to deal with this, to start to function normally, he just didn't know how to explain that to her without riling her.

It was another beautiful day, the weekend, so he knew that the beach would be swamped with sun worshippers, they wouldn't have the serenity of the previous day. Cliffy and Coco were flaked out with the heat, but if he didn't walk them soon, then they'd not get out until the evening. So, he pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, finger styling his wet hair as he re-entered the lounge.

Julia was sat at the table, staring out to sea, in a daze. His fault. He sighed.

"Sorry, Julia. I shouldn't have said that."

When she turned her eyes were wide, "you're apologising to me? Don't be ridiculous. I'm the one who's sorry." She stood, "I kind of feel that I've been ripped open, exposed..." She gave a nervous laugh, "and I don't know how to deal with that."

She looked so young, so vulnerable that his heart melted, he wanted to wrap her in his arms, take care of her like he had all night, barely sleeping as he felt her warm breath against his neck. She was so strong, so independent, he didn't think anyone had ever taken care of her, not for years, not since the abuse.

"Come here." He opened his arms and she flew into them gratefully. Kissing the top of her head, he breathed into her hair, "we're going to sort this, I promise you. And you can kick out at me all you like, I'm not buying it. Ok?"

That made her chuckle, a watery sound into his chest, "I just feel like such a mess."

He stroked her hair, holding her close, "you're one of the bravest people I know, strong, independent. You aren't used to people caring, but I do care. And we ARE going to sort this, we'll speak to your psychologist, we'll do whatever it takes, but you will rebuild, but this time properly, fully."

She sighed, "I wish I was as confident as you."

"You will be back to that sassy bitch who cut me down like a stone a few months back, but Julia 2.0 will be bigger, better and badder."

Leaning back, she looked up at him, "thank you."

He quirked an eyebrow at her, "no need."

She rolled her eyes, "will you please admit that you are putting yourself out to help me, will you appreciate that I am grateful? Just give me that much?"

Shrugging he whistled to the dogs, "not sure, I'm going to take these guys for a quick stroll before it's too hot for them." Julia looked torn for a moment, but he quickly reassured her, "You stay, get ready for a day in the sun...and call your best friend. OK?"

The silence once the three of them left was overwhelming, so she turned on the radio, some cheesy pop, then refilled her coffee cup. It was mid-afternoon back in London, she wasn't sure of Abi's schedule now that they weren't living together, but she had to try. Not that she wanted to, Abi didn't need to be dragged down by her once again. She was getting married, life was looking up. Julia as always was the bloody voce of doom in the background.

But Abi would worry, and her imagination was often worse than reality, she owed her friend reassurance.

She hadn't seen her phone since her mini breakdown, or rather maxi breakdown a few days earlier, she wasn't even sure she'd brought it with her. Then there was the thought of messages from her mother...she shuddered. Then sighed with relief when she spotted Aaron's phone on the table.

It was unlocked and opened to Abi's contact page. He really was too good to her.

"Aaron, AARON! Let me speak to her! This has gone on long enough." That was the screeched greeting down the phone when her best friend answered her call.

"It's me Abs."

Her friend moaned as though she was in pain, then sighed as though she was stifling a sob, "Jules? It IS you?"

Julia exhaled, "I'm sorry, babe. I was out of it, in a bad place..."

"Why didn't you call me? Text me...you know nothing is ever more important than that."

She knew, but she was fed up with being a burden to her friend, and now she was a burden to Aaron, she was just throwing her problems in a different direction. She needed to regain control of her life, get over this once and for all. Aaron was right.

"I can't keep hassling you, and I thought...shit, I don't know Abs, I honestly thought I could deal with it...but then really I was never going to. Did my mother speak to you?"

"Yup. Furious over something. What's happened? I really need to know."

Julia settled in to the comfy chair on the balcony and groaned, "have you got time?"

When her friend confirmed she did, she started to explain, about the money, about losing it, and about Aaron rescuing her, bringing her to the beach to recover. As she spoke she could only hear in her own words what a bloody martyr he was being, and it made her feel sick. Her focus meant she missed Abi's response and her obvious anger.

"I bet they were furious, they were probably doing it for the money."

That confused her, "what are you talking about?"

Abi chuckled, "Your mother, I bet she was supporting your uncle's appeal as she thought she'd be in the will, that SHE'D get all the money. Now you have she'll be bouncing. That's why she's so bloody emosh!"

As usual, when she truly got worked up, Abi almost needed a guide to follow and understand. Julia merely sighed, she'd had the same thoughts about her parents' loyalty, and now she was stuck with the knowledge that this wasn't over with her parents, and just as Aaron had hinted, if she didn't take responsibility for the inheritance, then it could default to them.

"Shit. Can't you tell me some wedding stories, distract me from this somewhat? I am fed up with thinking about it all."

"Wedding news is non-existent, driving me insane. Tell me about the beach? So, Aaron has a swanky pad there?"

Once again Julia could relax and talk about the place where she was, the view, the home, the sunshine. Abi was cooing with jealousy when the door open and two exhausted dogs came snuffling in, barely able to lift themselves on to the chair beside her. Aaron watched her from across the room, drinking a bottle of water, his clothes clinging to his slick body. He looked hot, in temperature, but Julia also felt a little dry mouthed as she watched him. He was coming to mean so much to her.

"So, Aaron and the dogs are back, I better give him his phone back, girlfriend." As she spoke to her friend, Aaron's eyes didn't leave her.

Abi sighed, "miss you, babe. I love you, phone me every day until I know you're ok?"

Julia chuckled, "I'm ok now, but I will call. Promise. Love you too."

The phone line clicked to dead and she smiled nervously. "Thanks for leaving the phone...I don't know where mine is."

Aaron was half smiling at her, a lazy look, "no worries. What do you want to do today?"

"What are the options?"

He shrugged at that, "I have no agenda, it's hot. We could go to the pool, beach...walk..."

"I sense an or..."

There was the faintest hint of a nod, before he added, "or contact your counsellor."