Chapter Sixty

Julia felt dazed as she stepped out of the doctor's office. She was miles from home, and she couldn't have felt further from reality.

Dropping onto a park bench, she held her head in her hands for long moments. Was Anna right? But even as she tried to digest all that she'd said, she knew that she was right. She didn't trust Aaron, and she didn't show him any respect. She'd taken what she wanted from him. Did he know that she cared for him? That she wanted more than they had? She hadn't told him, in fact she'd made every opportunity to avoid those conversations.

Because she was too scared.

She was dreading him leaving her, abandoning her....like everyone else. And instead she'd driven him into someone else's arms. Literally.

She thought about Aaron and his closeness to the other woman the previous night. Whilst it had looked damning at the time, Julia was unable to admit whether she was angry, jealous or just felt inadequate. But what she did know, in her heart of hearts, was that he wasn't the type to string her along. If there was someone else, he'd have told her, ended their relationship...and then moving on. But only a few nights ago he'd confessed to missing her, to wishing she was back there, it had been what had precipitated her journey home early.

And at the first test?

She groaned, it wasn't the first test, she'd avoided all reference to him whenever challenged. He deserved so much better, so much more than she was able to offer.

Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out her phone and dialled.

"Hey, girlfriend."

Slumping back against the bench, Julia sighed, "hey, Abi. You OK?"

"I am, but I'm wondering how you are."

She groaned, "you've heard."

Abi sighed, "I've heard nothing, but Aaron called Luke asking if I'd heard from you. Funnily enough I hadn't heard a word since you buzzed off early. For reasons"

Julia paused, silent for a long moment, then groaned, "I've been sleeping with Aaron."

It took everything in her to say that, and was met with a laugh from her friend.

"No shit?"

Julia froze, "you knew?"

"Well, I wasn't sure. But you're different, and you and him seem so close. Let's just say I hoped, because you deserve SO much more than you've had to date."

"You think?"

She chuckled, "I like him, he's good for you, and last week....you being home here....you're different. And I hope that you're starting to find happiness. Do you like him?"

Julia groaned again, "I....I think I've blown it, Abs."

"I heard Aaron's message from last night, I doubt that very much. What happened?"

She explained about coming back early, wanting to surprise him....and how it failed.

"You haven't blown anything. By coming back....he will see that as a gesture, and knowing you, darling. That's a huge gesture."

Julia felt as though she was on the verge of tears, "you think?"

"I know. Go back, see him. Tell him how you feel."

"You think it's that easy?"

Abi chuckled, "it can be. Three little words. Not that hard for people who've had love, I get that its so foreign to you, But I have to say, that from my eyes, for what that matters, he completes you. You may be scared, but it's better to have tried, isn't it? Better to have fought for what you want?"

Julia could feel tears flowing unrestricted down her face as she tried to formulate an answer.

"It's disgusting that you doubt yourself, and others so much. You can't let that bastard of an uncle and your woeful parents keep running riot over your life." She sighed. "You OK? You've gone all quiet on me."

She took a few steadying breaths, "I just don't know how to do this, Abs. I have no clue."

"The hardest thing is being honest with someone, opening your chest, exposing that heart, babe. But it is honesty, that's all you've got. He's going to be honest back, and it's worth the risk. I know it."

She it her lip, trying to ride through a sob, but it escaped in a little pant, "you do so much for me...."

"Right back at ya, it hasn't gone unnoticed that Aaron has already taken over the flowers and cake for the wedding...all thanks to you darling. You gonna be OK?"

"Yup. Just wish I had your strength."

Abi chuckled, "you've got it in bucket loads. You can do it, I have every confidence. Call me...."

Not a question, but an instruction. A face up to what you've done comment. Do it, then face the music.

Looking at the now silent phone, Julia sighed. This was it. Now or never.

Aaron hit the accelerator button on the treadmill and sped up to a full run, feet pounding, arms pumping, body screaming. But nothing seemed to block out the pain, the anger, the frustration. He rarely used the basement gym, preferring to run the streets. But today he needed the mundane, needed the punishment of it all.

Because it saved him from processing the shit hole he'd made of his life. Why hadn't he told her how he felt? Why had he let Melissa worm her way next to him? Why was he screwing this up? Because she had come back...to be with him, to support him. That meant something, didn't it? And he'd blown it.

The pounding in his head still defeated the pounding in his heart, run. It was all he could do.

After what felt like an hour but could as easily been three hours or just five minutes, he turned off the machine, the weight benches grimaced at him. He didn't lift a lot of weights, but the pain they promised seemed like heaven, so he threw himself into a workout.

Julia had detoured to a coffee shop a few blocks from the doctor's office, and opened her laptop. Then, she did what she should have done weeks, if not months ago. She googled Aaron's name. Almost immediately, a page opened with hundreds of hits. Images, news articles, web pages.

She clicked the most recent, and it was a link to the previous evening. The City's biggest charity donator, Softech C.E.O. Aaron Harding rewards charity givers at Annual Mayor's Ball.

It was so wrong that she didn't know that he was the CEO of his business, that he donated so much to charity, that people looked up to him. She knew NOTHING about him, not really, and that was because, just as Anna, Abi and even Taylor told her, she didn't tell, and she didn't ask. He deserved more, she should have given so much more.

Her eyes dropped back to the screen, in all of the pictures he looked tired, a little sad, but genial. He had posed with at least a dozen groups, all who'd donated to the city based charities. To most he'd look the elegant and handsome man that he was, but Julia could see the redness in the whites of his eyes, despite the shield of his dark rimmed glasses. There were bags under his eyes too.

That woman wasn't in any picture. No where to be seen.

She'd got it wrong. SO wrong.

He missed her, he'd called around looking for her. That had to mean something.

She thought about going back to look for him, but she was still terrified that he didn't want her in the same way.

This was what Anna and the undeniably worldly Abi were telling her, she had to decide if she wanted to take that risk. Open herself up to that. What would happen if he didn't feel the same? What if he rejected her?

She'd rush off with her tail between her legs, head back to London....the thought scared her, but she would survive, she'd carry on. The alternative was not telling him, never knowing. That was worse, she had to believe that.

The beautiful and caring CEO wanted her, he'd done everything for her, it wasn't a Mills and Boon romance title. He had shown her in so many ways how he cared, she had to do it, but her heart on the line. It was the only way to show him how she felt, to let him in. It made her heart race, made nausea rise in her throat. But she had to do it, the alternative...well it didn't bear thinking about.

Aaron's clothes were literally stuck to him. He had no idea how long he'd been in the gym, but he was still wired. His brain was still overactive, despite his body being exhausted. With a groan, he cleaned up the mess he'd made, then headed upstairs in the elevator.

To an empty apartment.

He'd called his brother in desperation when he couldn't think of where Julia could be, he only wished now that he'd pried more into her life, her work, the people she spent time with when she wasn't with him. He should have stopped, taking his head out of his arse and been more than just a lover to her, he'd failed as a friend. And that was his job, first and foremost.

Frustrated he tossed his sodden t-shirt across the kitchen, in the direction of the laundry hamper, then climbed the stairs to the shower, usually that was enough to relax him, to help him switch off. All else had failed, so he could only hope that this worked. He hadn't slept all night, he'd battered his body all day....he just wanted to sleep. Oblivion.

The waterfall shower head and the multiple body jets were invigorating, and as he stepped out of the cubicle he finally felt that level of relaxation he'd been craving. His bed was inviting, and he just managed to pull on a pair of shorts before he collapsed on top of the duvet.

Aaron had barely closed his eyes when he heard the door to the apartment open, Carrie had the dogs, she was dropping them back after a trip to Coney Island. He should get up and greet her, but he wasn't in the mood. The dogs would find him, Carrie would understand. So he stayed there.

After about ninety seconds he realised that neither Coco nor Cliffy had run up the stairs to find him, and they weren't scratching around downstairs. Groaning, he dragged himself to his feet, and by the time he reached the top of the stairs he realised he hadn't picked up his glasses, everything was a blur.

"Give me a sec, Carrie. Can't find my glasses," he offered as he returned to the bedroom briefly. "are the dogs OK? They are very quiet."

He was halfway back down the stairs when he realised that Carrie hadn't answered. The lounge was empty, but as he looked up he stopped dead in his tracks. There in the doorway from the hallway, was the person he'd longed to see for over a week.

"Julia." He offered, his voice little more than a whisper.

Walking into the apartment had felt physically difficult to Julia. To find it in silence was both anticlimactic and disappointing. She had stood there, frozen for a long moment, but was about to kick off her shoes and throw her bag on the sofa when there was a noise upstairs. She presumed it was the dogs, until a voice called out. He thought she was Carrie...that made her freeze once more. She'd envisaged a million scenarios, but this wasn't one of them.

Then he was on the stairs, putting on his glasses, and then....he was staring at her, and breathing her name.

"Aaron...I...."

He held up a hand to silence her, "why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I was hoping I'd be a good surprise."

He was crossing the room towards her, his eyes studious in their attention, "you would've been the greatest sight."

"I was delayed, I should've been here for the funeral."

He groaned, running a hand through his hair, "it was hell, you were better being free of it. But I'd have liked you by my side, against those bastards."

"That bad?" She knew that Kitty's family would be horrendous, a huge reason why she wanted to be there.. "That's why I wanted to be there."

Aaron was in front of her now, distracting her with his blue eyes and his bare chest, "that's the reason....you came back? The only reason?"

There it was, the question, the point, the moment that she'd dreaded. Dropping her head she took a deep breath, "part of it."

His eyes lit up, really lit up, "Oh yeah?"

Truth time.

Julia's heart was pounding, if it burst through her chest she wouldn't have been surprised. She stared at him, and he gave a nod, inviting her to speak.

She had to close her eyes, she couldn't see disgust on his face, or rejection, but she had to say it, she had to be honest. "I came back for you, to be with you, to support you...and because I missed you more than anything else in my life, ever."