Chapter Fifty Nine

Julia glanced at her reflection in the darkened window of the limo. Her hair was passable, but the dress didn't fit well. She had much bigger boobs than Carrie, so a classy halter neck dress ended p looking a little too slutty on her. Carrie disagreed, but she was feeling self conscious. This was the elite of New York, and she was entering the lion's den dressed in a second hand, ill-fitting dress. At least she had great shoes, her go-to black heels were comfortable and as elegant as she got.

Patrick was humming away in the driver's seat, and she presumed he could feel the tension emanating from her in waves.

"So this is a big thing then?"

He chuckled as he turned right and slowed in front of a large imposing building, there were stone pillars flanking a floor to ceiling glass doorway.

"Could say that ma'am."

She rolled her eyes catching his eyes in his rear view mirror, "call me Julia, please." When he inclined his head in agreement, she sighed, "don't think I can do this."

That made him turn in his seat to look at her, "not seen Mr Harding look as tired as he did today, he could do with seeing a friendly face."

She groaned, "way to play me, Patrick."

With another doff off his head, he jumped out, and then held the door open for her, "knock 'em did, Ma....Julia." He corrected himself with a cough, then directed her to the door.

Julia faced the steps feeling like Cinderella, outclassed at the ball. But despite the quaking legs, she climbed steadily, her confidence not growing, but not completely wavering either.

A liveried man met her at the door, and opened it, letting her in. That was the first barrier. Taking a deep breath, she followed directions along a corridor, then another man blocked her path.

"You have an invite?"

Damn, she didn't.

Taking a deep breath, she offered, "I'm supposed to be meeting someone here, I'm late."

The man raised an eyebrow, almost in disbelief, she expected him to utter that's what they all say. Instead he pulled an iPad from his pocket, "and whom might that be?"

She rolled her eyes at the attempt at pretence, before offering, "Aaron Harding."

She didn't mistake the man's eyes lighting up like beacons, "Mr Harding. Ah, why of course." The change was almost a one eighty. "He didn't explain that you were coming later."

She inclined her head, "I wasn't sure I could make it. But here I am."

He nodded, "the dinner is just about finished, but the presentations are about to start. He's at table four, but there are no spare seats. I can get one set up when the speeches are over."

Smiling genially she followed the man to the opening to the ballroom, and slipped through the door.

Aaron had drunk too much, he'd felt far too many emotions, and he was exhausted. He hated these events, they were far too pompous, far too frequent, and other than maybe half a dozen people, there was no one there he wanted to spend time with. He'd intended to turn up, smile at the mayor then disappear, unfortunately, and annoyingly, said mayor requested that he stay to present an award for fundraising. He was nothing if not dutiful, he donated a lot, and appreciated that trait in others. But when he was seated at a table at the front of the room, he groaned when a familiar blonde slid into the seat beside him. The certifiably crazy and vengeful ex Melissa.

She leaned into him purring, then gave a wounded look when he brushed her off. Sat opposite them, the mayor grinned, and for the first time in a long time, he felt trapped in the gilded world of the upper echelons of New York society. Tom was meant to be there, but Adele was unwell and he'd had to head home. This was a night that seemed worse than hell.

Finally he had the chance to excuse himself. It was later, dark, and rather than call Patrick, he wandered to a bar across the road, and ordered top shelf whisky, straight. He'd been CEO of the software company he'd helped set up after university for years, and it had never been a chore to him. Until the last six months. He wanted to say that his brother getting married, his family, that those were the factors that precipitated the change, but he knew wasn't the case. His lodger, it had all started with Julia, making him feel, making him see and do things that he hadn't been bothered with before.

He'd spent most of the last three months shedding himself of responsibility. No one could or would take on his position, so all that left, now that he'd dealt with the industrial espionage and fraud, was to sell up. He'd make millions selling his share in the business, and Tom had already found a small import/export company that he wanted them both to take on as a new smaller venture. He had been undecided, not fully committed until tonight. The hell that was a society dinner, the bullshit he'd endured the last three hours...never again. That meant turning his back completely. Stepping out of the limelight...the very limelight he'd fought tooth and nail to avoid.

Reaching for his phone, he called Tom, sighing when he answered within a few rings. He should've enquired after Adele, but he was too fraught for that.

"Let's do it...sell the lot and go for IMPEX. I cannot got through this again."

Tom chuckled for five seconds then shouted, "go to bed." Before hanging up.

Closing his eyes, Aaron waited for his speed dial to collect to Patrick.

"Can you come get me...."

The black limo pulled up within fifteen minutes and Patrick jumped out, but as Aaron settled his tab and moved out of the bar, the younger man looked around studiously before his eyes landed back on Aaron.

"Where is she?"

For some reason Aaron found himself copying his driver, looking around earnestly, though he had no idea what he was looking for. "Who?"

Patrick rolled his eyes, "Jul....I mean Miss Curtis."

Aaron stared at him, "she's in London. You know that."

He shook his head, "she travelled back early, Carrie told me she was delayed cos of the storm last night, she was trying to get back for the funeral."

Aaron staggered, literally, almost falling against the side of the car, she came back to be there with him, for him. She left her best friend....for him. His heart surged, pleasure washing through him, it was a sign, it was her sign.

Grinning, from cheek to cheek, he turned to Patrick, "so where is she? What have you done with her?"

Patrick grimaced, "that's what I'm asking. I brought her, to the hotel....about two hours ago. She went inside to find you."

Aaron stared at him, "she didn't come in. I haven't seen her."

"I waited until she was inside, and disappeared into the hotel. She came to see you...when did you leave there?"

He wasn't listening, as Patrick talked, Aaron was sprinting across the road back to the hotel, and the dinner.

She was nowhere to be found. He'd checked the ballroom, the refreshment room, even burst into the ladies bathroom. He was running, like a banshee, getting loads of attention from the exact people he was trying to avoid. Finally the manager found the man who'd been on the door and remembered someone matching Julia arriving...and then leaving within fifteen minutes.

"Shit!" He exclaimed lashing out a fist in the direction of the nearest wall. Why hadn't anyone told him? Why hadn't she called him? Groaning he hung his head for a moment, then almost exploded when a voice to his right spoke.

"You came back Aaron? I knew it."

Slowly he turned to glare at Melissa, who was standing beside him wearing her best 'sultry' pose, with a pout to resemble a trout. He felt sick, then he thought back to how she'd managed to wangle the seat next to him, then she'd collared him on the dance floor...if Julia had walked in on that.

"When are you going to take no for an answer, Melissa? This has been over for almost a year."

Before he could even register the look of shock on her face, he had stormed out of the hotel and in the direction of Patrick, his phone connecting to Julia's answerphone for the umpteenth time since he knew that she was missing.

"Jules, it's me. I don't know what you think you saw, what you think is happening....but it's all bullshit. Call me. Let me know where you are? Please. I miss you so much."

In the back of the car, he ran his hands through his hair in despair, angry, worry, frustrated....and so much more.

"I spoke to Carrie," Patrick offered. "she called around to yours...she thinks that Julia's been there since, taken some things. The dress she borrowed is there."

"Fuck!"

All that he'd achieved, had been undone in two minutes. Why didn't she find him, to talk to him? Why did she have to run away again? Would she never change? Was this the way it was always going to be?

Julia tried to open her puffy eyes, then grimaced at the light, and the unfamiliar surroundings. Then moaning collapsed back on to the pillows beneath her.

"Wake up, sleepy!" It was the voice that had woken her.

Opening an eye again, she saw Taylor stood across the room sipping coffee and looking at her in a bemused fashion. "You look like shit, boss."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not your boss."

"But you look like shit."

Julia gave a half laugh, "I feel it."

Lifting a waste basket from beside her, she shook it and several bottles rattled, "that's what tequila does, Ms Curtis. You know that."

"Indeed I do." She pulled herself up to sitting and stretched out her limbs, and then her spine awkwardly. "That's a good sofa."

Taylor moved into the small adjacent kitchen and poured her a mug of coffee, "it's no bed, but I like it. So...."

She walked back and handed Julia the mug, then perched in front of her against the wall. "...are you going to tell me why you turned up here, upset and halfway into a bottle of said tequila last night?"

When she was silent, Taylor rolled her eyes, "I just want to help, Julia. It was awful seeing you so upset....but you are such a...I don't know, closed book? Make yourself at home, I'm meeting Jerome for breakfast, you can have anything you want...I'll see you later."

When she left, Julia knew she was pissed off, another person that she was pushing away, another person trying to get close to her. Was there something wrong with her?

She'd been so optimistic, so happy. Then it had all gone so wrong. She'd walked into that ballroom the previous night, her confidence growing against all the odds....and he'd been there, so beautiful, so strong, everything she wanted. And then a woman draped herself around him, giggling in his ear, before dragging him to the dance floor.

The sight of him with the beautiful woman, so familiar, so perfect together....it was like a knife to her gut. She'd fumbled out of the hotel into the street, disorientated, confused....devastated. She'd taken a deep breath, tried to process things, but all she could see was the woman, tall, slim, elegant...all the things she'd never be. She was an imposter.

Her phone ringing, dragged her from her reverie. She couldn't remember turning her phone on. But as she grabbed it, she saw Dr Vasquez's name on the screen.

"Anna?" She asked with surprise. It was Saturday morning after all.

"I'm so glad that you've finally answered, Julia. Are you OK? I was so worried..."

What had she done?

When she was silent, the doctor continued, "you left me a message last night, you sounded desperate. I have a clinic this morning, I've cleared you an appointment. Be at my office at midday."

It was an abrupt end to the call, but she knew that the doctor was extremely busy.

It took almost two hours to get out to her office, but fortunately, she burst into the reception to her office at five minutes before twelve. The receptionist smiled, welcomed her, but before she could sit down, the office door opened, and Anna beckoned her inside.

They shook hands, but Julia could feel the scrutiny from the doctor as she sat in the armchair in the corner of the room.

"That was a scary message you left for me."

She grimaced, "I'm sorry....I don't remember calling."

Anna nodded, "I thought that you'd stopped hiding in alcohol. Just two weeks ago you were telling me how that wasn't a thing. What made you regress?"

Julia recapped the previous night, all that had happened, the delays, the funeral, then seeing Aaron with another woman.

By that point silent tears were rolling down her face.

Anna was quiet for a long moment, all the time studying her, intently.

"So how did you feel? Seeing him with this woman."

And that was the million dollar question.

"I was jealous...."

Anna nodded, "of what?"

She thought for a moment, "of him, with her." When Anna merely nodded again, she added, "of her mainly."

"I thought as much."

Julia lifted her gaze to meet Anna's, "what does that mean?"

Anna shrugged, "think you need to work out what you want, what you're scared of."

"I'm not scared...."

A long silence filled the room, and the image of Aaron the previous night flooding her senses. What was she scared of?

"Not being enough....not being good enough."

Anna gave a half smile, knowingly, "what makes you think that you're not good enough, for anything?"

She shrugged, "I never have been."

Instead of picking apart the issues with her family, Anna changed angles, "tell me about Aaron."

Julia sighed, "Aaron. Things have been good."

She started to tell Anna all about their life, she had an honesty with this therapist that she meant she could talk about the way Aaron had coaxed her from her sexual isolation to such a wonderful place.

"So the sex is good...is that it? Is that as far as it goes?"

Julia chewed on her thumbnail, "I don't know. I thought there was more. I don't know any more."

"SO go home. End your contract, go back to your best friend."

Julia's heart pounded, anxiety threatening to overwhelm her, "I can't. My job...."

Anna laughed, but it wasn't humorously, "your job yourself, your life..."

That made her eyes snap open, "what do you mean?"

"Do you love Aaron? Is that why you're in such a mess after seeing him with another woman?"

Thump, thump, her heart threatened to explode, in panic she jumped to her feet and rushed towards the door, when her hand hit the handle, Anna spoke again.

"You can't run forever, Julia. You have to face up to things."

She turned slowly, "what?"

Leaning back in her chair, legs crossed, Anna sighed, "I can't answer questions for you, Julia. I just need to make you explore things."

"You think I love...." she swallowed nervously, "Aaron?"

Again she shrugged, "do you?"

Julia was speechless, feeling as though her nerves were held together but the thinnest strands of cotton.

"Does he even have a clue how you feel?"

Julia shook her head slowly.

"The problem with life, Julia, is you have to give as well as take. It seems you have a man who wants and is willing to go to any lengths to give to you, to be that for you. But to give, to open up your heart, your life, to love....first you have to trust. And that is a horrendously scary thing to do. If you want to truly want this man in your life, you have to let him in. You have to trust him. If you can't. Then he isn't the man that you need."