Yufa

It was nearly 8 in the evening when Arriane decided to go home. I can see it in her eyes that she wanted to stay behind and spend a night with me but I refused. She needs to go home to her husband and. They needed her more than I needed her to be. Of course, being alone scared me a lot more than it did before but I can't afford to be selfish right now. Besides I had to take care of some things on my own. It needs to be done without plenty of eyes poking at my back.

"Is it ready, Martha?" I asked the old woman. I haven't gone upstairs yet. We spent the rest of our day in the garden and talk about wonderful things, careful not to touch any sensitive topics.

"Yes, Señorita. It's ready." She said.

This is it. A moment of silence all to myself. I gathered the bundle that contained the stained dress and carried it towards the pyre I've had Martha prepared.

I laid the bundle carefully  atop the silver platter. The bundle was physically light but it weighed more than anything on earth. The bundle carried all my failures, heartaches, the loss that won't be able to be filled, and my child. Now that I am alone, I felt my failures came down on me all at once. I failed to protect my child. I failed to give him everything that he deserves. I failed him in every way possible.

My selfishness had taken away the most important gift I have ever received in my life. I had take for granted the gift that not everyone is blessed to have. Now, my child is gone. I will never ever hear his heartbeat racing against my own. I won't be seeing him grow inside my belly or even see his body taking shape inside me. I won't be hearing his laughs and his cries. I won't be able to see what he likes and dislikes. I even lost the opportunity to name h, to choose the most beaitiful and most fitting name perfect for an adorable baby just like him. I won't be able to feel his weight against my arms or even nurse him. My poor baby was gone too soon.

The tears that abandoned me, slowly returned to aid my heart. They pooled around my eyes, stinging and biting. Before I knew it, they were pouring from my eyes and an agonizing sob escaped my throat gradually turned into wailing. In my mind, I kept repeating the words that I can never whisper into his ears; I'm sorry.

I don't care if somebody sees me in this pathetic situation. I'm everything besides 'okay' nor will I ever be. I will forever be carrying this pain until my very last breath.

With a heavy heart, I reached for the bundle, touching for the very last time. I whispered my prayers in it, wishing my child would have a beautiful journey towards the afterlife. If ever he will be reincarnated, I pray he will have the most loving family in the world that will love him and take care of him more than I could ever be. He deserves so much better. I finally let go of child, releasing him from my selfishness and kissed him goodbye before setting the bundle into the fire that will burn his misfortunes and pain in his first life.

Nathan

We both lost a child. The agony of losing him is enough to break her apart. I should be there, holding her as she set the remnants of him on fire. But this is all I could manage, watch her sob from my window. The last thing she wants was my presence beside her. I know she hates me and I can't even argue with her if she blames me for our baby's death. No matter which side I take, I will always be the one to blame that's why I kept my distance. I was already here a before they even reached home.

After the fire dies, she gathered the ashes and put it inside a white porcelain and carried it back inside. I listened to her light steps as she walk down the hallway upstairs. She didn't took her bedroom's door, instead she took the door adjacent to her room and closed it. That room uses to be an empty room which she transformed into an infants room. Martha told me about the room and even visited it a couple of times before. I crept closer to the room and listened to her from the outside. As expected she was crying again. I stayed outside and listened. Even if I wasn't by her side doesn't mean I am not saddened by the loss of our baby. We're both mourning from the different side of the room.

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A/n

I'm so sorry for this late short and boring chapter. Please don't hate me. I will edit the whole story once I finish writing it. I already drafted the remaining chapters so  I'm safe to assume that  writing the next chapters will be much more easier.

Grammatical errors again because I'm too sleepy.

Please vote and point out the useless paragraphs amd sentences.

---Maiah