Yufa

The shop had several customers upon my arrival. The usual negotiating between my employees and patrons sounded like soft bells against my ears. Merise lifted her eyes towards me and gently nodded to acknowledge my presence. I went straight to my tiny office, deposited my things and joined them outside attending patrons.

Merise closed a deal, settling on a quite lovely price for an engagement ring. After handing the item over to a young gentleman, she turned to me and look at me for what seemed like a very long time. I know she was waiting for me to spill whatever happened between me and Nathan yesterday. A small grin was playing on her lips.

"Don't look at me like that, Merise." I warned her, rolling my eyes further into my skull.

"I won't tell Mr. Rucio, if that's what you are worrying about." She leaned on the wall while crossing her arms.

"No, it's not like that Merise. Rucio knew about him....it's just..." I trailed off, not very sure if it's alright to share with her what is going on between Nathan and I.

"Oh? A long rivalry, perhaps?" She inquired.

"No, no. Merise, it's more complicated than that." I sighed. My situation is more than complicated. My life is still pretty messed up and now I'm losing grip on it. Why does Merise have to remind me about Nathan.

"Miss Yufa, I don't know what circumstances you have had." She started. "I'm not gonna stick my nose further into your personal business. My sincere apologies if you found my asking...offensive."

I didn't find it offensive but it caught me off-guard. What keeps me on edge was the thought of not being able to completely move on from my failures. The taste of betrayal is still bitter on my tongue and Nathan's unfaithfulness keeps haunting me even in my sleep. The menacing look in his eyes, the way he pinned the destruction of his life onto me was too much to bare. There's still the loss of my child which left the biggest hole in my soul. I thought, seeking freedom would grant me the happiness I was looking for. But it cost me another part of my soul which is my family. I thought I will receive support from them but they abandoned me right when I needed them the most. Even if I overlook all of these, still my past will weigh me down just as when I was about to soar high. Nathan is one of the many proofs.

"You deserve a break." Merise continued.

"Pardon?"

"You've gained too much stress, Miss Yufa. You deserve some break.. Here..." Merise handed me two pieces of rectangular paper.

"What is this?" I asked, reluctant to see what was written on the paper.

"Tickets." She beamed. "There will be a ballet concert tonight. Ballet is a good stress reliever."

Looking at the small piece of paper in my hands, I wondered if this is a very good time for ballet. The silhoutte of a tiny ballerina seemed inviting. Merise was right though, I needed some stress reliever. I couldn't remember when was the last time I watched something like ballet. I can't even remember the last time I went to cinema. I smiled to myself.

"You're right. Ballet is a good stress reliever."

***

The hall was packed the time Merise and I arrived at theater. The show says they will start at exactly 8:30PM so we still have time to find our seats without disturbing anyone or blocking their precious views. Merise kept looking around, probably looking for someone or just merely looking for a better place. Later, I found a good seat for us which wasn't too far from the stage. It's odd to find two vacant seats amidst the packed hall, as if the seats itself was reserved for, well, reserved for both of us.

"These seats look great!" Merise exclaimed, not bothering to raise her voice among the murmurings of other patrons.

"If we closed the shop earlier, we would be sitting next to the VIP seats. I'm sure that spot will provide much beautiful views than this." I smiled, trying to argue with her. She insisted on entertaining the last couple who entered the shop saying they will be the last and we can call the night a wrap. But the couple took an hour to decide which ring to purchase and before I knew it, we're already running late.

"Ugh! I half expected they would settle on the silver ring. Turns out they wanted something more than just a glittering piece." She sunk further into her seat.

I bit back my retort since the hosts started announcing something in french which likely meant the show is about to start. Other patrons shifted on their seats, turning their gazes towards the veiled stage. The murmurings died along with the turning off lights. The only lights remaining was those that reflects on the red curtains. Merise was quite on her seat, and was full of anticipation just like me. It's hard to turn my eyes away from the curtains, especially when my anticipation was overwhelming.

One thing I really like about ballet was their pretty outfits. They were so grand and graceful. For me, they looked like butterflies flying over flowers, like flamingos displaying their long legs and flaunting their beautiful feathers. I used to learn ballet at a very young age in hopes to one day, perform in front of a huge crowd such as this one. But unfortunately, my body won't cooperate. Just like every child, I believed that once I enroll to a ballet class, I will eventually learn and in no time, be the best ballerina the class has ever seen. But alas! my classmates learned fast except me. I kept attending lessons for a year and saw very little improvement before I decided to quit. Dancing was never my strongest points. I was more of a glittering-things enthusiast than a dancer.

The show started. I was completely enthralled by the music. The melody seemed like feathers that tickled my weary heart. The slow tempo brought peace and calmness to my senses. The more I listen to the music, the more I felt like floating above the skies. When the the solo performed her piece, my danced along with. Her emotions as well as her every move was properly executed. There was only one word that can describe it, perfection.   How I wish I can just dance away all my burdens, and wash them away by the music.

Halfway through the performance, Merise's phone rang loudly, destroying the peace and calmness inside. Someone on the back actually grunted intentionally hoping it would catch out attention. Merise excused herself and gestured outside. I nodded at her, giving her permission to take all the time she needed. I resumed watching the dance, heart singing with the music.

Merise came back shortly but I didn't bothered addressing her or talking to her since the performance was too good to turn my attention away. In return she kept her silence until the show was done. When the lights were turned on, I gathered my bag and my coat. I was satisfied tonight. Somehow, my mind relaxed a bit. Taking a good break from the happenings.

"That was one good show. Don't you think, Merise?" I didn't get response which was odd since Merise rarely kept her mouth shut. I was busy rummaging through my bag looking for my phone.

"Now, I'm starving. Let's grab some food outside, what you think?" I raised my head to see what Merise was doing since she wasn't answering any of mu questions. But instead of a woman, I saw the very familiar eyes staring back at me. My heart start racing again.

What the hell?

"You.." I stopped whatever I was doing before. That's why I kept wondering what was odd since Merise left the hall, it's because she never came back at all. Nathan took her seat and enjoyed the rest of the performance with me and I was oblivious to it. I was too focused on the dance, confident enough that my friend will come back. "Where's Merise?"

"Did you enjoy the show?" He dodged my question, the sided of his lips quirk slightly.

"It doesn't matter if enjoyed it or it bored me! Where's Merise?" I raised my voice higher than usual. I came here to find relaxation and here he is trying to ruin what the ballet had offered me a while ago. Nathan ruined all the fun.

"Calm down, Yufa. I'm here to talk." He glanced around nervously. Some people cast us some puzzled looks but continued evacuating the hall.

"Why should I? My friend is missing and here you are enjoying yourself like nothing is wrong." I hissed.

"She is safe. Alright? She is waiting for you outside. All I wanted was to talk to you."

"I told you, there's nothing left to talk about."

"Please, Yufa." He pleaded. "Things between us ended the way, we both don't want. Don't you think we should both start with a good explanation and a proper closure?"

"Did you trick Merise into this?" This time it was me who dodged his question, never meeting his eyes. There were indeed plenty of things that needs explanation, everything between us is questionable. I needed answers but then again is it worth all the trouble?I already lost everything. I can listen to a few explanation, but proper closure doesn't count at all. From the moment I married him, his doors were already closed.

"Can we talk?" He asked again. I was about to retort, ready to pour out all my frustrations but when I found his eyes I saw them silently pleading. No words came out of my mouth. I just glared at him hoping he would just melt on spot. I hope I won't regret this in the end.

Without waiting for my permission, he stood up and be the gentleman he will never be, offered a way out of the seats. I followed his suit and stormed outside. I kept walking, not daring to look back to check if he followed me or not. When I found a safe spot close to the exit of the building, I turned to look at him.

"Whatever you wanted us to talk about, spill it. Don't waste my time." I hissed at him.

"Don't worry, I won't take too much of your time." He stuck his hands inside his pockets and heavily sighed. Nathan is a man of few words, I'm sure he's having a rough time stitching his thoughts together. But, I'm eager to create distance between us as soon as possible. Too afraid my heart would betray me again.

"Well?" I pretended to be frustrated when all I wanted was to hear what he has to say. He met my eyes and his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out. I blinked twice not being able to comprehend with his words. I waited for further explaination but nothing came.

"That's it? You did all this trouble just to say that useless words to me now? Ha! Try harder Nathan!"

"No! I-I'm really....sorry Yufa." The way he said my name was like a melodramatic music cascading softly against my ears. I longed to hear him say my name without the hatred he was harboring against me. The absence of his icy tone was one thing I wished upon the stars, but that was before everything happened. That was before I lost my child.

"And what? You expect me to forgive you? Is that what you want?!" I grit my teeth against each other.

"No!" He met my gaze, held it for a couple of seconds before he wcontinued. "I am not here to ask for your forgiveness."

His shoulders tensed as soon as those words left his mouth. His jaw twitched more than necessary while balling his fist.

"Then, why are you here?" My voice broke. If he isn't here to ask for forgiveness then why? Why does he have to come back? "Is breaking me not enough for you? I already lost my child, Nathan, what else do you want from me? You said I ruined your life, well we're even now."

"I did not come here to cause you more pain, Yufa." He said. "He is also my child. You lost him, I lost him too. I don't have the right to come close to you but my conscience won't let me sleep. I mourn and grieve with you. It was too late for me to know about our child but I loved him, Yufa. He will always have a piece of my heart no matter what happens. Age will swallow everything in me but that won't take his space in my heart. But his blood is on my hands and I'll forever bare that burden. I could protect him.

"A simple apology won't fix what I've done. I'm not here to ask for forgiveness because I don't deserve it. My sins are far too great to be forgiven. But I wanted you  and our child to know that I am deeply sorry."

***********************

A/n

Been tooooooo long since the last update. So here it is.

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---Maiah😻