We walk into a gym with an air of authority, Luna swelling with pride and power on my right and D'spinas buzzing on my left in anticipation. Between the two of them, I feel invincible, even though my heart is pacing out of control. Dusty's death lingers in my mind and my eyes swell with tears.

I've failed.

I've failed so many times.

D'spinas shoots me a glance.

I have this- No, we have this.
The rest of the gym appears and disappears in a flash of scarlet light. A trainer mouths wordless commands and D'spinas moves without a single signal from me. She is an independent, sleek machine of destruction, although just watching her makes me feel slightly sick and her cold eyes remind me of something I'd rather forget.

They fill with a golden hue as we face stronger adversaries and I guide each attack as if it was an extension of my own hand. When I flash to her, there's a power that I don't feel in my other Pokemon. It's an intangible rhythm but it beats in her wings and in her drills, calling out for the thrill of the battle.

What's your deal, anyways, D'spinas? Did I really raise you to be that eager to kill?

Luna, on the other hand, is downright jovial in her matches. She calls things like "That was a good one! You almost hit me!" and I can't tell if she's trying to be nice or she just really enjoys teasing the other Pokemon there. Either way, the battles end with their faces knocked in. Luna returns to my side, staring up with an extremely attractive grin.

"You must be proud of yourself." I tell her dryly.

"Oh, I am. I am." she says.

My mouth draws back into a snarl as I turn the corner. There she is. She waves to me, only lowering her hand when she sees me approaching, looking just as welcoming as a feral Poochyena.

"Hey! Ready to start... the battle..." She suddenly looks uncertain. Carefully, she takes a single Pokeball from her side. "Aw, forget it. I know what I'm doing! Clefairy, go!"

"Luna!" I call.
Luna jumps forwards and screeches to a full stop, sending dirt scattering around the arena. Defiantly, she lifts her head and stares straight at the fluffy pink Clefairy before us.

"Clefairy, Metronome!" Whitney calls. Metronome becomes Barrier, which Luna destroys with a sweeping kick.

"Metronome again!"

Swift. Several stars hit Luna right in the chest, but she hardly grimaces. She knows she's overleveled for this battle and her chances of fainting here are low. After taking the blow, she moves in and sweeps the Clefairy off its feet.

"Now!" I call.

"Clefairy, dodge!"

The Clefairy slides away from a powerful Double Kick but the second it loosens up the second part of the attack hits it head on. Clefairy chirrups loudly but a second Double Kick silences it. Its health is looking perilously low.

"Metronome!" Whitney calls, knowing this one may as well be her last. The Clefairy blows a stream of embers and Luna takes them without hesitation. A vague reddish glow emanates from her, the telltale sign of a burn.

"Darnit, Luna, you should've dodged!" I call.

Luna shrugs, "I guess you could say I'm on fire today." When no one laughs, she adds, "Thank you. I'll be here all night." The Clefairy embeds another set of stars into her back. She winces, turning around and finishing it off with some weaker looking kicks that barely push it into the ground. Really, it just fell over.

Whitney purses her lips, calling the Clefairy back. "Bubbles, you did your best."

"Alright," I sigh. "Luna, you too."

Luna opens her mouth but is withdrawn in a blast of red.

"Miltank!" The colossus who used to haunt my dreams steps forwards, the sickly shade of pink just as disgusting as ever. I want to shove its own udders down its throat but that's what we call 'bad sportsmanship'. I suppose my Pokemon will just have to talk for me.

I know one teammate who's bad at talking but great at kicking ass. Aww yeah, this is so on.
"Alright, D'spinas!" I call.

The Beedrill steps forwards. Her wings buzz in the air, creating a hum rich with the song of a battle already won. Her beady red eyes peer into the Miltank's and it mooes, docile.
"We'll cut straight to the chase. Rollout!"

D'spinas hovers away, her wings too small to get her too far over but good enough to give her the momentum to move her sideways. The Miltank hits a wall and mooes again in pain. "Whiiiiiitney-" it calls, "I don't want to do this!"

Yeah, like Whitney can speak to Pokemon. Keep dreaming.

"Suck it up, Millie! It'll be quick! Rollout again!"
While I'm busy sitting around with my jaw dropped halfway to the floor, D'spinas manages to deflect the entire hit with her drills. The Miltank's massive body slams up against her drills and slowly stops spinning. She stops and jumps back, pawing the ground. D'spinas's drills rotate at a frightening rate.

Without warning, the Miltank spins again, slamming forcefully into D'spinas's body. She gives an angry buzzing noise, looking back at me, and I yell, "Twinneedle?"

She is happy to oblige. She puts her drills together and a stream of arrows slice the air, only to be deflected by the Miltank as it rolls out again. This time, the hit is twice as solid.

D'spinas falls back, wings twitching. The place where she was hit is turning ugly shades of green and purple. She sure isn't taking another one. I withdraw her, clicking the Pokeball shut with finality.

Shoot.

Clay? Not happening. Ten? Weak to rock types. One hit could kill him. Rose? Way too young.

There's only one Pokemon on the team fit for the job.

"Reginae, go!"

Reginae falls onto the battlefield with a thud. He stares at the Miltank and back at me with a look of mild indignation. This is cut off when the Miltank crashes straight into his side. His eyes bulge but he doesn't quite fall over. Instead, he turns back with a scuff of his foot against the earth and slams Razor Leafs against the Miltank's large stomach. It recoils painfully and I know the hit worked.

"Miltank, Rollout!"
"Reginae, Synthesis!"

Reginae deflects the hit easily, enjoying the grass-type resistance, and proceeds to heal away both hits with a flash of his leaves.

"Milk Drink!"
I slam my hand against my face as the darn thing suckles its own udders. Luckily, this is a free shot. "PoisonPowder!"
The air quickly fills with purple pollens and the Miltank draws away from its udders, unwilling to ingest the poison. Unfortunately for it, the poison already managed to settle into its skin.

"Guess we're going to have to try do this the hard way." Whitney says coldly. "Miltank, Attract!"

The Miltank nods and winks, hearts filling the air about it.
"Are you kidding me?" Reginae jeers. "What's that supposed to do?"

The hearts slam into him from all sides and the world freezes up around the two of us. In the invisible world of my own mind, I feel the golden bond between us begin to violently shake like a violin string.

Reginae says something undecipherable beneath his breath. The Miltank ambles forth and jumps up surprisingly high to kick him off his face.

"N-no!" he recoils almost a solid ten seconds later, on his side. He's not even reacting to the attack at all. The Miltank is clearly thrown off but says nothing, kicking him again. Blood wells up beneath the skin.

I reach for my Pokeball. Things are about to get ugly.

"I love you," Reginae says. Attract is setting in. "I don't want this to stop. Please don't let it stop. Stop. Stop. Stop- Stop! Get out of my head!" Reginae cries, recoiling away from the attack. Across our shared connection I can feel his heart throbbing.

I try to withdraw him but it's not working. My hand shivers and I can hear things in my own head now. I choke on a breath and can't seem to draw another.

"I hate- I hate you!" He's sprawling on the ground now. The Miltank draws forth and stomps his body.

"Ravish me." calls a voice. It doesn't sound like him but I can't tell anymore.

"This is perfect. This is perfect." he whispers. The hoof nudges him across the face only to stomp him again and he's crying chlorophyll, his pain is all over my body and it hurts. It hurts so badly and I can't withdraw him and I can't stop.

"Sunny," he stutters out of his delirium at the terrifying foot comes down again. He looks up with a single eye open, bruised across his body. His breath is stuttering now. "Sunny, I-"

That's what breaks me. My eyes flare gold.

Whitney notices but I don't care.

My mind and his come closer but there's a foreign presence, a warp in his perception. It's more powerful than confusion- whatever the Attract did to him, it's more than he can take. I realize for the first time that there are breaks already there. There are scars that this is just filling in.

Reginae whines in pain. "Stop stop stop stopstopstopstop-"

It breaks away and he manages to shove both away. He gets to his feet on his own and lets out out a feral call of pain. Can I not understand what he's saying?

The first barrage of Razor Leaf slams the Miltank full force. It's covered in lacerations but it's still standing. Not good enough. Another sends it crumbling to its feet, huddled in a ball and he round on it.

Reginae realizes that the tables have been turned and reacts without mercy. He gets up onto his hind legs, massive as they are, and brings his full weight down on the huddled figure there, which mourns quietly for its own pain and all that it brought onto him.

Reginae rears up and stomps the body again. Rose screeches and begins wailing at the top of her lungs. There's a cracking noise and Whitney cries in pain and withdraws her Pokemon. Reginae's whole body weight stomps down again on nothing. He turns around and stares me dead in the eye.

"Reginae." I tell him. "It's over."
He calls again and I realize he can't speak at all. He backs away, attempts to run, and my Pokeball dives forward and I only register later that it left my hand. He returns and is silent.

Whitney bubbles up in tears in the background.

"The badge." I say coolly. If I stay in control now, there's nothing she can do to hurt me or them.

"You're such- such a bitch!" she cries. The other gym trainers are beginning to take notice. They cast me disappointed glances, although some of them look more scared than anything. A few come forth to comfort Whitney, who bawls onto their shoulders.

Another trainer taps my shoulder. She holds out a badge. "Please just go." she says. "I know you're angry. I know your Pokemon is hurting, but this isn't the answer. Violence doesn't fix violence."

"Tell her that first. If situations were reversed, she'd still be the one crying."

The trainer doesn't even attempt to deny it. Rates of death are three times higher in gyms than they are in the wild, despite how civilized matches are in theory. My team surrounds me, bound together by fear and shock, and we meander back through the maze. Trainers draw away around me, afraid of what I can do, and Celebi's feral energies blaze around me in an invisible aura, only sparking green at the tips of my fingers.

Time reverses itself. I can feel Bronze about me in mourning, a stocky Nidorino by my other side. Their presence makes me want to cry with relief, even though I know it's just a shadow of a world that used to exist. I look down and see that Dusty lies dead in my arms. I blink and he's gone and I'm swaddling Rose instead.

"Reginuh." she insists. "Reginuh. Regeeeeeeeenuh." She sounds like Pokemon do in other media, constantly repeating their own voice to remind ignorant viewers what their names are (like we'd forget).

"He needs to rest right now." I tell her. "He'll be back soon."

"It's okay, Ashley. You can't blame yourself for what Whitney did." Ten assures me. "No one died, right?"

When I don't answer, he prods, "Will he be better?"

"I don't know- but you're right." I sigh. "No one died."

Not this time.