"You look so beautiful." I heard my mother comment behind me with a shaky voice.

I avoided trying to look at her through the mirror reflection to avoid crying myself.

"Thanks Mom." I said quietly with a small smile, "Stop crying, your gonna make me cry and my make up is gonna get ruined."

"Ok, ok." She said while fanning herself, "I'm trying to stop. It's just that... it's just... I'm so happy for you. I know you've been wanting this for your entire life-"

I smiled but slowly began to tune her out as she talked. I didn't want to hear her go on again.

I currently stood in a dressing room of the church we had rented for the wedding, but as I stood here, it felt more like a prison sentence than my own wedding.

Everything was perfect.

The decorations? Perfect.

The cake? Perfect.

The flowers? Perfect.

The guest? Perfect.

My bridesmaids? John's groomsmen? Perfect.

John? Perfect.

Everything was perfect. It was too perfect. The only imperfect thing that stood in this building right now was myself.

I felt bad because I wasn't in love with this moment. I should be crying tears of joy, instead I felt like crying tears of sorrow because the man that would stand at the end of that isle isn't the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

John was perfect. He was nice. He was kind. He was so sweet. And he deserves a girl that's going to give him the entire world, and for years I thought I was doing that, but I wasn't.

I wanted the guy that didn't try for anybody.

I wanted the guy that didn't give a damn if there were cameras around or not.

I wanted the guy would tell me the truth about myself, whether it hurt my feelings or not. Then make up with me and tell me stories or play games.

I wanted the the guy that kissed me like he meant it. The guy that would stay up just to make sure I was sleep before he went to sleep himself. The guy that was actually around and not away all the time.

I wanted the guy that's name was Jonathan Good. The guy that was known as the lunatic fringe, Dean Ambrose.

"And I want you to know that if you're not sure, then it's better to say no than to go through years and end a relationship on a bad note." I heard my mother speak and I immediately snapped my attention back to her.

"What?" I asked her.

"You don't have to say anything Nikki." She told me, "I'm your mother, and I know you better than anyone on this planet. I'm not gonna say anything more than that. And I support you no matter what your decision is."

"Mom," I tried to assure her, "I-I love John. I'm not gonna disappoint you-"

"Nikki you could never disappoint me." She said to me, "I just want you happy. That's all. Today is all about you. So think about what's best for you."

I stared at her for a few moments before giving her a small smile, "I will."

She gave me another smile before grabbing my tiara and gently placed it in my hair, and had dabbed a falling tear away from my eye before wrapping her arms around me.

"You make me so proud Nikki." I she said quietly as I hung onto her tightly.

I said nothing as held onto her, only stopping when there was a knock at the door.

I cleared my throat and let her go before answering, "Come in."

Seconds later, in peeped the head of my brother, "Service starts in 5 minutes Nik."

"Thanks J.J." I told him with a small smile before giving a sigh and held onto my mom's hand.

"You ready?" She asked me as she squeezed my hand.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I told her as I linked arms with her and we both walked in the direction of the door, still unprepared to make my final decision.

***

Most people had their fathers walk them down the isle to the alter. It was sorta a symbol of the father giving his daughter away to another man.

But I didn't have my father I was walking with.

Today I stood at the doors of the sanctuary, arm and arm with the woman that tried her best to raise me right and keep my mind on the right track. Having my father walk me wouldn't have been special, even if he had decided to come. She was the one that had always been there for me.

As the organ started to play the traditional wedding song, everyone rose to their feet, all eyes directed on me as I began to walk slowly just like we had practiced in rehearsal.

John stood at the alter with a smile on his face, looking extremely handsome in his white tux and black bow tie.

I attempted to give my best smile at him as I kept my head forward and kept waking. Trying not to look at any body in particular, but it's funny how my eyes landed on everybody except who I expected to see.

When I reached the end of the isle, my mom placed a hand on John's shoulder and whispered something in his ear, causing him to smile. Then she gave me once last hug before I joined hands with John.

"You may take your seats." The minister said to the congregation as John and I walked hand and hand closer towards the alter, then turned to face each other.

The smile on his face was simply breathtaking.

He was happy.

John was genuinely happy and I couldn't help but to at least put a smile on my face for his sake.

"Dearly beloved," the minister spoke, "We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony."

I began to lose my focus as he continued to speak, and my mind wasn't thinking very positively.

The man I had joined hands with was amazing... but he just wasn't the man I needed. And funny thing was, he believed I was the woman he needed.

I sigh internally but keep a smile on my face as best as I could, until I see the slightest shift from within the crowd.

For a split second, I break eye contact and glance into the crowd, my eyes immediately landing on the uncomfortable looking man in the first seat of the second row.

Dean looked nothing like his normal self.

His regular t-shirt and jeans had been replaced with a black button down shirt and slacks, a tie hanging tightly around his neck and I saw him loosen it twice within the span of my glance. The only thing normal about Dean was his hair which still hangs messily in his eyes.

I felt my heart rate speed a bit when he glanced in my direction. His eyes filled with sadness and a forced smile on his lips.

I immediately break contact with Dean and look back at John. I could feel my eyes beginning to sting slightly and I fought the urge to let any tears fall.

"John." The minister said after he had finished speaking, "Would you like to have words?"

John nodded and gave my hand a small squeeze. I respond by giving him a small smile, but my mind was elsewhere.

"Stephanie Nicole." He said to me with a small laugh, "You know how I've felt about you from the beginning. And at times, this moment was hard to see. But as I grew in a relationship with you, I began to realize that it's hard to live life without you."

"You are the light in a dark tunnel." He continued, "The sun ray during the storm. You are the diamond in a pile of coal. And you are the light of my world. I thank God for even allowing me to meet you, because you've truly changed my life Nicole. And I've never been more grateful."

I found myself smiling at his words, but I felt as thought it only hit me so deep...

"Nicole." The minister nodded towards me and I took a deep breath.

I opened my mouth to begin, but I found no words coming out when I tried. I let out a small sigh and my eyes couldn't help but wander back out into the crowd.

Landing on Dean again, I saw that he sat on a row next to Roman, who gave a small smile when he saw me look their direction, and to his right was Seth who smiled as well.

But while they smile, Dean simply stared at me, then mouthed three words. Three words that completely caused my heart to stop.

I love you.

I couldn't breath for a moment.

I could feel a lump forming in my throats and tears pricking my eyes.

He loves me? He loves me? He said he loves me?

I felt John squeeze my hand and I couldn't do anything except close my eyes.

"I love you." I spoke in a shaky tone as a tear or two decided to fall, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I don't know what I would do without you. I'm thankful that you've been there. I'm thankful for your company. I'm thankful for having you and I love you."

I felt John squeeze my hand encouragingly as I finished, knowing that he thought the words were for him... but they weren't.

'I can't do this...' I thought to myself as the minister began to talk again.

I really couldn't do this.

I couldn't marry John.

I love him but... I love... I love Dean more.

"Johnathan Cena." I heard the minister say, "Do you take Stephanie Garcia as your lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse. For rich or for poor. In sickness and in health. And to love and cherish till death to you part?"

He gave me a small smile, "I do."

The minister turned towards me, "Stephanie Garcia."

'Hey there Sunshine.'

"Do you take Jonathan Cena."

'Maybe I can't have a happily ever after because my name isn't John Cena. And I'm damn happy it isn't.'

"To be your lawfully wedded husband."

'John doesn't wanna freaking marry you Sunshine.'

"To have and to hold from this day forward. For better or worse.

'You don't have to silent cry.'

"For rich or poor."

'Yeah. I don't have money like Cena, but I'd like to think I'm more valuable. But nobody else sees that.' 

"In sickness and in health."

'You're sick because mind is sad. Don't be fooled, Sunshine, depression is no joke. It'll tear you down. But lucky for you, you got me and I can handle it.'

"To love and to cherish."

'Well I... I just wanna see you happy'

"Till death do you part."

'I wanna see you happy with John... I think it's for the best Sunshine.'

I remained quiet for a second. My mind not letting Dean leave.

I wasn't happy.

I didn't wanna marry John. I changed my mind. I want out...

I looked up, straight into John's eyes before looking out at the crowd again. My silence having them on edge.

My eyes once again landed on Dean who shook his head slightly then mouthed, 'say it.'

He constantly confused me.

Say you love me one minute, then tell me to marry someone the next. It's just like him telling me to go on and marry John in the first place. If he loves me then why... wait.

I stopped for a moment and thought.

Dean didn't like happily ever afters.

He simply didn't believe in them.

And every time one would be presented to him, he would push it away because in his world, happiness is a way to life, and to live would mean you would die, and to die would mean you would loose everything.

A countless number of times, Dean has told me he has nothing to loose. And if he had me... then he would.

Lights and warning signals went off in my head and suddenly everything was falling together for me to see just what was about to happen.

For the first time that day, I looked John in the eye like I meant it.

What I was about to say was about to contradict everything I was about to do.

"I do."

***

I told y'all this book wasn't happy.

I wanna spoil so bad but imma stay quiet because we're almost to the endddd.

homygersh
Can you believe that the next chapter is the last chapter of this book?

I'll have an epilogue though.

Let's get this rollin.