'John loves you.' I thought to myself in a mumbled tone as I wiped my eyes.

I wiped my eyes and hiccuped before laying back on Dean's bed. I had been up here by myself for well over an hour and I didn't see myself leaving anytime soon. I didn't feel like dealing with him.

It was a bit strange that the first place I though to retreat to was his room as if we both shared it, but I didn't have anywhere else to go.

I wanted to leave, but I wasn't ready to go.

Dean was just... he was just... wrong.

He didn't know a single thing about John. He didn't know John like I knew John.

John Cena is sweet, kind, thoughtful, caring, gentle, funny, smart, I could go on and on.

John makes me happy. He makes me smile.

So who the hell did Dean think he was to tell me what John thinks, what he does, and how he really feels about me?

What was he? Jealous? Did he wanna be just like John? Did he want what John has?

What he said was just so... unnecessary.

The next hiccup I gave caused my chest to hurt, a groan escaping my lips before I turn onto my side. I lift my head slightly as the sound of the door knob turning.

The door creaked open a tad and from here, I could see Dean looking at me.

"You're decent, right?" I heard him mumble quietly.

"You're looking at me, aren't you?" I asked him while rolling my eyes.

"I can only see you from the waist up." He told me as he opened the door fully, "I would have knocked, but that's dumb because this is my house."

I didn't respond to him but simply turned my back to him and stared at the wall.

"You still mad?" He asked.

"You've never made an attempt to make me less mad." I stated.

"You mean like apologize?" He asked, "You can forget that. I don't apologize. Especially for something I meant."

"Dean you don't know anything about John." I said to him, "It's so wrong to make judgement calls on him when you don't know him. You don't even want to attempt to get to know him."

"And you don't know anything about yourself." He told me, "It's so wrong that you don't hold yourself up to the standards that everyone already sees you at."

"That didn't make any sense." I mumbled.

He was quiet for a minute before sighing.

"You have self confidence issues." He told me, "You think highly of yourself, but your only willing to believe you are only so high and can't go any higher... why?"

I shifted slightly, but never made an attempt to answer him back.

"Why?" He asked again, "Cause your fans see you as one of the best wrestlers in the company. This company sees you as one of their most valuable assets. Our coworkers see you as a hard worker. Why can't you see what they see?"

"Do you see what everyone thinks of you?" I said quietly and he didn't answer for a while.

"Yeah." He responded, "They see the drug headed, dirty, crazy kid that shouldn't be where he is."

"Dean." I say to him while sitting up, but he held up a hand to stop me.

"Thing is with me." He said, "I like proving people right. I'll let them have their opinions, I'll let them form their best thoughts, I don't care. I'm making money while they're typing behind phone screens. You get positive feed back."

I scoffed, "You wish. Balloon Boobies every rung a bell to you."

He snorted and I frowned which only caused him to laugh out.

"Oh come on." He said as he tried to calm hisself, "Its pretty funny."

"Not to me." I mumbled.

"It's funny because that's the best they can come up with." He told me with a laugh as he walked over to the bed and sat down on it, "You gotta learn to take the negative and turn it into a joke. Balloon Boobies isn't bad. I could think of something better."

"Oh really?" I asked but could feel my lips curling upwards.

He thought for a minute, "Yep. The Silicon Sister. Boobs for Brain. Titty Bella-"

"Stop!" I shouted with a laugh as I pushed his shoulder and he laughed.

"See?" He said, "My insults are 300 times better than Balloon Boobies. But nobodies original enough to think of some as good as those."

"They're alright." I said with a small laugh, "I guess."

"Now you take a shot." He told me, "And Dean Flopbrose is so overdone do cancel that one."

"Dean I don't wanna-" I started but he stopped me.

"Just do it." He said to me, "You gotta get mean, geez. Take a shot. Be brutal sunshine."

I looked at him for a moment before sighing and trying to think, "Um... Mean Dean-"

"How were you ever a heel?" He interrupted question and I couldn't help but laugh, "You're too nice Sunshine."

"You didn't even let me get a good chance!" I protested, "It could have been mean."

"Mean Dean?" He questioned, "Ill take Flopbrose over that any day."

"Flopbrose is stupid." I said while laying back.

"What the hell is a flop anyways?" He asked me as I laid back on the bed, "I'm not really up with Internet talk."

"It means you failed." I said with a shrug.

"Failed at what?" He asked as he laid down next to me.

"Trying to impress them, I guess." I explained.

"The fuck?" He questioned, "Do they not realize that I am not there to impress anyone? I'm just doing my job. And I love my job. And if I make fans, then that's a bonus."

"Some of them just don't see that Dean." I said to him.

"That's bullshit." He mumbled as he shifted, "Well I don't give a flying fuck Sunshine. You let them know that."

I turned to look at him, "Why do you call me Sunshine?"

He was quiet for a moment before shrugging, "I don't know. Sunshine means perfect. Everybody loves Sunshine."

I gave a small laugh, "I actually enjoy Rain a lot more."

He turned he head towards me and gave me a questionable look, "You're kidding?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm not. I love Rain Clouds, I love Rain Clouds, I love Puddles... that's it!"

"What's it?" He asked me.

"Your nickname can be Puddles." I told him with a nod, "Yeah, it's puddles."

"That sounds like a fucking dog name." Dean groaned.

"Well I'm not changing it." I said to him, "You're name is Puddles and mine is Sunshine. Remember, we make up the tag team called the Broken Souls? We're taking over the tag team division."

He gave a small smile and shook his head before the smile faded, "Might wanna let Cena know then."

My smile immediately faded and turned into a frown, "You always mess things up when we're having a nice conversation."

He shrugged, "Were gonna have to talk about it eventually. Rather clear things up quickly. Why'd you get so mad? Don't like truth?"

"I don't appreciate lies." I say to him, "Better yet, I just don't appreciate things you know nothing about."

"I know a lot more than you think because I simply sit and observe." He told me, "And I can just see that you-"

"That I what?" I interrupted.

He turned to look at me for a second and my face softened at the look he gave me.

"Deserve better." He told me, "Yeah I get it. Cena 'loves' you. He makes you happy... but he's just not it for you."

"Then who is?" I asked him quietly.

"You gotta find out for yourself." He told me as he sat up, "I can't point you in the right direction cause I don't know where it is."

"And why not?" I asked as he rose off the bed.

"Because I don't know who-" he started but I stopped him.

"You do know, so just say it." I told him, "You say you speak your mind. So speak it now."

"Nikki-" he tried to reason but I stopped him.

"No." I told him, "You think it's you. You think I'm better off with you than John."

"I never said that." He told me quietly.

"You're right." I told him as I rose up and sat on my knees on the bed, "You haven't. So why haven't you?"

He was quiet before turning towards me, "What are the chances of you leaving him for me anyways? Huh? Remember, I don't love you like he loves you. I don't amount to John and I damn well wouldn't want to."

I was quite for a moment as I watched him walk towards the door.

"Nikki." He told me, "We're just a fantasy. And once you go back to John I'll be nothing more than a thought."

"Dean, stop." I said to him before he walked out of the room.

"What?" He asked coldly.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to find the words to match my feelings, but nothing came out right.

"Nikki I'm not going to stand here all day." He told me, "What do you want?"

"Can you just come here?" I asked him and he gave me a look, "Please, Dean?"

He looked at me for another second before walking back towards me.

"What?" He asked as he stopped in front of me, he still being significantly taller than me, causing me to look up at him.

"You're not John." I told him, "But right now... I really don't need you to be John. I need you to be Dean Ambrose. I need you to be Jonathan Good. I need you to be here for me right now because your all I have right now. John's not here, Daniel's not here, Bries not here anymore and your the only one who's here right now. You have your opinion and I don't agree with most of it, but I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of fussing. I just... I just... hold me. Please, that's all I want."

He didn't hesitate to tightly wrap his arms around me and pulling me closer to him.

I laid my head on his chest and stayed there in silence.

Honestly, I was confusing myself.

There was the man I had, and then there was the man I didn't know what kind of relationship I wanted in with.