Every funeral I've attended,  felt as though it dragged on for hours.

But this one passed by so quickly.

I hardly remember any of it.

I remember my mother, my brother and his wife with their new born baby girl, Daniel, John and I sitting on the first row of the church, all wearing the same expressions on our faces.

Mom couldn't look up the entire service, and though I knew it hurt me more than any pain imaginable, I knew it only hurt her more. I lost a sister, she lost a child.

John sat between me and Daniel, holding my hand tightly as the service went on.

There wasn't a word to describe how Daniel looked, so I knew there also wasn't one to describe how he felt either.

Family, friends, and co-workers all gather for the service. There being so many people a lot had to stand, others had to wait in the hallway.

The entire women's roster was here. All of them having had a special relationship with my sister.

The entire roster itself was here in support. Even icons and legends such as Sting, Bret Hart, Lita, Trish, and Ric Flair showed their faces in support for my family.

But I meant nothing.

It's a bitchy thing I say, but did them being here give my sister life? A new breath?

No. Nothing would.

And it hurt cause that's all I wanted.

I honestly don't know how I'm sane right now.

I always said that if Brie died, I died. We were a team, and as sad as it sounds, that's how I wanted it.

So why am I still here?

It's funny because I actually know the answer to that.

Dean, who wasn't here... he gave me... something to take my mind off away from here. Away from this. Away from everything, without taking my own life away.

Why couldn't John do that...

Here I was comparing them again... but I weighed my options differently.

John had been helping Daniel, and I loved that, but he hadn't been helping me, and that's what I needed.

But Dean had.

He let me sleep on him, let me yell at him, the world. He let me use him as a personal tissue last night.

Hell, Dean was there to comfort me the day Brie passed while John was.... I don't know, maybe with Daniel again.

I really did love that John was helping Daniel. He was being an excellent friend to him and I admired that.

But I'm not Daniel.

I was hurting too. A lot.

Why couldn't he be there for me?

I don't think that's being selfish... I think that's wanting to be comforted.

I now sat in the large waiting room of a expensive house, everyone communing around me as I sat in a chair in the corner of the room.

Usually after funerals, love-ones gather at the house of someone in the family and talk, catch up on each other lives, and eat.

But my home was in Florida and we were currently in Seattle, Washington, so that obviously wasn't going to work. So we had decided to rent out a house for a few hours.

The steady downpour had prevented us from actually burying my sister today, and I think I'm greatful for that. There's no way I could watch my sister be put in the ground... there are just some things I don't want to see.

"You alright?" I heard a voice say and I looked up to see Daniel pulling a chair closer to me then sitting down.

"I should be asking you." I said to him softly.

"Don't ask me." He responded, "Cause I'll give you my honest answer. And I don't want anyone else worrying about me."

I glanced at him and sighed, leaning my head against the wall, "This sucks."

"Couldn't have put it in any better words." He mumbled as I closed my eyes.

"Promise me you won't leave me too?" He suddenly asked and I opened my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Well without Brie.. I'm not really part of the family anymore." He told me quietly, then paused for a minute, "And you guys are all I really have left."

"Daniel." I say to him and don't bother thinking another thought before pulling him into a hug, "Of course. You're always family, understand? Always."

He remained quiet but hugged me back tightly while I quickly wiped a stray tear that had escaped.

"Everything alright over here?" Another voice asked and I looked up to see John giving the two of us a small smile.

"Uh yeah." Daniel said while letting go of me and wiping his eyes, "We're good."

He smiled again then looked at me, "Mind if I steal Nikki from you for a few seconds?"

"Yeah that's fine." He told John.

"Daniel if you need me to stay-" I tried but he stopped me.

"Go talk to John, Nicole." He said while giving me his best smile.

I gave him a small smile before standing and allowing John to take my hand into his own.

He lead me down the hallway and into a small empty bedroom.

The curtains were pulled back, giving the room he exact same depressing bright grey color that was outside.

"You ok?" He asked as I walked over and sat on the edge of the made up bed.

"Yeah I guess." I responded to him.

"You've been distant lately." He told me as he sat next to me.

'I've been distant?' I ask him my head.

"It's just been a lot." I say to him and he wrapped a arm around me and kissed my temple.

"I know it has." He said to me, "I know it hurts."

"Yeah." I mumbled as I leaned onto him. My tears had vanished again. I always found a way to rid of them around John. I guess felt like I had to be as strong as him sometimes.

"I hate seeing you upset." He said softly, "But it gets better babe, I promise."

'Does it really?' I thought to myself. I knew where my mindset was right now. Is it really gonna get better than this? Ever.

I remained quite as he continued talking.

"You're such a strong person Nikki." He told me, "Not just in my eyes, but everyone else's too. You brighten people's day. Make them smile. You make me smile."

He gave my hand a small squeeze, "You made Brie smile. Even when you argued. She loved you."

'Yeah that's what I wanna hear right now.' I thought to myself as I nodded slightly.

"Your a blessing to everyone Nikki, but mostly myself." He told me, "I... I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

"And I've been selfish and stupid in the past..." he mumbled, then sighed, "And I didn't consider your feelings at all... and I'm sorry for that. And now I just... I can't go any longer just calling you my girlfriend, alright?"

"Huh?" I asked and immediately lifted my head, turning towards him as he rose up, "John what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Nikki." He said to be before taking a deep breath and lowering himself onto one knee.

'Oh God.. oh my god, is he really freaking doing this?' I ranted as I felt my nerves bouncing inside of me. My heart rate increasing with every passing moment.

"Nikki you have been apart of some the best times of my life." He told me as he dug into his jacket pocket, "You're beautiful. You're kind. You're nice thoughtful. And I've taken advantage of not calling you mine for a long time. And so now... I wanna ask you something."

"John I..." I started to sat but couldn't find any words as he pulled the small ring box out and slowly opened it, a ring with more diamonds than I could count flashing before my eyes.

"I should have done this a long time ago, but nows better than never right?" He asked quiet with a small laugh.

"Stephanie Nicole Garcia." He spoke, "I had a hard time knowing what love really was for a long time. But I find myself being in it with you... I adore you, I love you, and I want to call you my wife one day soon... will you marry me and let me have the honor of calling you my beautiful wife every day?"

I was honestly speechless.

I could barley breathe, let alone give him an answer.

If he would have asked me this a few months ago, I would have happily answered without a second thought... but now... I don't know...

"John I..." I started, then stopped as I wiped my eyes, "You're so sweet, I... i..."

As much as I was screaming inside just to say yes, my mouth was wouldn't allow it.

"I um..." I mumbled as I stood up, "John I love you so much. But I need time right now."

"What?" He asked confused as he stood up, "Nikki... are you ok?"

"Yeah John baby I'm fine." I say to him him, "I just...I just need time to myself for a few days. Ok? That's all."

"Where are you going?" He called after me as I walked towards the door.

"Somewhere." I tell him as I exited the room, "Know that I'm safe. I'll see you in a few days."

As I walked down the hallway, I kept my mind on getting out of the house.

What seemed like millions of people tried to stop and talk to me, but I simply walked past them and out of the house.

The minute I walked out the door, rain began to heavily coat my skin and clothing, but I didn't mind.

Taking my phone out of my bag, I see that the time is only 11:43.

I quickly press the home button, then navigate to my messages and press on the contact I was looking for.

Nikki: have you left yet?

I sighed and began to put the phone back, only to have it ding. Pressing the home screen, I smiled at the message.

Dean: no.

Dean: guessing you had a change in mind?

Nikki: you could say.

Dean: good. I needed a travel buddy.