Warning- Self harm triggered

"Is everything alright?" Henry asks as they both stepped out from the cab and Alex already stepped further ahead of Henry and he could barely catch up with Alex's long legs. He just had his cast removed and he didn't want to slip on the ice and broke them again so he stopped Alex. Alex was so deep in his head and he forgets that Henry is barely managing to walk on his own after a month in cast.

"N-Nothing." He said hesitant as he pressed the elevator button rapidly and anxiously. Henry eyed him feeling his head is practically squeezing his brain right now. It's just a headache Henry, he tried to tell himself as he followed Alex towards the elevator.

They both stepped in and Alex literally stood a feet away from Henry and he still had his eyebrow crooked like he always does when he is thinking hard and Henry couldn't tell whether it's about him or he is thinking about something else.

"Alex." He called and Alex hummed still focused on his phone and didn't bothered to glance at Henry. "Can you please talk to me. I know something is wrong when you barely said a word. Usually you couldn't stop yourself and I don't mind that. But I can't handle your silenced." Henry could see Alex sighed leaning his body against the elevator wall and Henry did the same only resting the back of his head against the cold steel behind him, his eyes still kept on Alex.

"I don't know what to say Henry. I thought you promise me not to lie to me." He said and Henry turned his heavy head down and his eyebrow furrowed, "When did I promised that?" He asks and Alex finally turned to look at him.

"When I gave you shelter I expect you won't hide things from me." He says and Henry could feel the pricking headache grew when he starts to see Alex doubled in front of him. He shook his head with an exhaled breath.

"I don't know what you want me to say." He says and Alex turned around again facing the elevator door seeing they almost reached his apartment. Alex kept his silenced again and waited for the door to finally open.

As the door opened, Henry and Alex were shocked to see Miguel stood right in front of the elevator door and Henry could see him smirked before pulling Alex's shirt out from the elevator. Henry followed behind but Miguel had Alex in his grip when they both headed towards the opposite site of Alex apartment. "Alex? Home is this way." He said and Alex still in Miguel's grip by his collar and they both kissed as he pulled Alex along the way.

"You go- here." Alex said in between his kisses and Henry saw him extended his arm out holding his key card to him. "How the hell are you supposed to get in then?" He asked and Alex shrugs, "I have a spare." He says and leaned against Miguel lips and he smiled too only Henry couldn't be bothered to watch them both anymore.

"I thought you're hungry, we're gonna order food remember?" Henry tried to pull him away from Miguel but Alex was lost in his kisses. "Here." He tossed his wallet at Henry and he barely caught it out of surprised and they both already by Miguel's door.

"Order anything you want, I'm not hungry." He says and Miguel nodded in their kisses again. "I'm hungry for something else." He says as he leaned and kissed him again and Henry swore if it wasn't for the headache he is having right now, he would vomit because of what he just witnessed.

They both disappeared into Miguel's apartment leaving Henry in the middle of the hallway with Alex's wallet in one hand and the key card in the other. He couldn't understand why that guy irritate him in such way and he wished he didn't see Alex kissing him at all.

"He's not yours Henry, he'll never be." He whispered feeling the tightness in his chest grew and the knot he had in his stomach made him want to punch himself in his stomach so he wouldn't feel this pain anymore. Instead, Henry gulped his throat and walked back to Alex's apartment, alone.

Henry placed Alex's wallet and his key card over the table by the door where Alex always placed his mail and his keys there. He walked into the apartment finding it silenced as he always does whenever Alex went to work or asleep.

He hated being like this, he hated being too dependent on Alex for his life since they both met. He hate being all alone like this while Alex fucks someone else at the end of the hallway just few feet away from Henry and he couldn't do anything about it.

So instead of ordering lunch as Alex told him too, Henry went to Alex's bathroom instead. He knows Alex's routine including his one hour night time routine just for his hair and Henry loves when Alex is attending to his curls, it was pleasuring to see him tame that hair especially in the morning.

He stood in his bathroom knowing Alex won't be home till late or probably tomorrow since Miguel loves to keep Alex to himself not bothering whether he has work in the morning or the fact he is tired after shifts but Alex never say no to him which angers Henry the most.

As he stood in front of Alex's three way mirror, he opened one of them finding his bottles of skincare and closed them. He opened the next cabinet finding exactly what he was looking for and it was Alex's bags of shaving kit.

He unzipped the bag finding Alex's stocks of razor in packets and he knew Alex is always someone to stock his necessities. His hand shakes when he pulled out the metal blade Alex used to replace the dull one for his razor and Henry knew he won't noticed if he took one since he had few boxes still.

Henry zipped the bag and placed them back into the cabinet and closed the door before he went out of the bathroom. His eyes caught a glanced at Alex bedside finding his one and only family photo and Henry wonders about it. There isn't one frame of his family Henry could see around the apartment and even the fridge had polaroids of him and Nora but other than that, there wasn't any.

Henry took the frame in his hand while his other still hold on to the blade with his fingers and saw how young Alex look in that picture. He was hugged by a girl, probably few years older than him and they both shared the same smile. Behind them stood a lady with blonde hair and a guy with dark hair slightly shorter than her and they all smiled. Henry never see Alex smiled this wide and he always envied how perfect his family is.

His thoughts went to his own. How his father and mother used to sing and dance by the fire around this time of the year and his father, Arthur would played the piano while his sister Bea would sing horribly as he remembers.

That memory brought tears into Henry's eyes and it brought more pain in his head. He placed the frame down wiping his own tears before he left Alex's room and headed to his.

Henry closed the door and headed to the bathroom locking himself inside and sat on the toilet bowl still holding on to the blade in between his fingers. He stared into that thin metal that holds more power in his own life. He thought he would stop for Alex sake but today was not his best day to look strong in front of Alex. He probably had his suspicion on Henry by now seeing how his weight was barely increased since the last time he left the hospital, even worst, it dropped further than Henry does before he was admitted.

Henry's mind went back to the night he left London. The night after Phillip told him how he was disowned from his own family for not doing what he was told too. He promised Phillip that he won't be part of this family if he needs to lie about himself and there is no inheritance would changed his mind either.

The fact that Phillip was the one his father trusted to segregate the inheritance once they had come of age made it even worst. He had sole power to deny the responsibilities and Henry didn't mind that. He never wanted his family inheritance, he just want his family. But life is never kinder to him since he was young. His father died when he was fourteen, he was at school when they told him.

He remembers hearing his sister cried over the phone telling his father had passed due to an accident and his mother is beyond besotted. She chose to drown herself in alcohol better than dealing with her own children.

Bea on the other hand was a complete mess and got herself hooked on cocaine and Phillip had told her that if she didn't change or going to rehab, he would disinherited her as well. She listened to him since she needed that money more than anything else. Phillip decides to marry her off to one of his friend and they both lived somewhere in Geneva, last Henry heard.

Henry on the other hand, he refused to succumb to Phillip pleasure of having the power to treat his siblings like his dog. He refused to listen and decides to go to America when he had Percy helping him that time and it made Phillip more infuriated.

But Henry never knew how far Phillip would go in making his point, he made Percy's business went down in the US market and he had to go back to London and work for him just so he couldn't help Henry anymore. The last thing Henry remember about Percy was how sorry he was about all of this and he can't live like this anymore.

Henry remembers when Phillip told him his mother had passed due to drown in her own pool after being completely drunk and he wasn't able to go home and see her one last time. Phillip told him never to step foot in London if he still wanted to sleep with guys. Phillip always the homophobic and the bully in his family but Henry never care for him, he knows him well enough to know there is nothing that would made Phillip happy as long as Henry is alive.

Henry didn't even realized that his tears were dropping on his cheek and fell on his cut arms when he felt the stings of his wound. He looked down and saw the red line dripped with blood and it fell on the floor right beside his bare feet.

It wasn't just one, it's never only one that would suffice him the pleasure of hurting himself. He looked down again and saw three red line dripping with blood and he stops. He gasped as he took the tissue attached to the wall and dapped on his wound. He knew never to use towel for this cause it would leave marks and it's hard to clean.

He took the blade and run them under the water to clean the blood away and hides them underneath the sink just like he used to do back home in London.

He hissed as he pressed on his wound harder to make sure it stopped bleeding before he covers them with a piece of gauze he found in the first aid kit and he cuts them in half. He knew too well never to waste the gauze cause it's very limited and if he had more, he would save them just in case.

Henry could feel the headache coming back as he washed his hand over the sink. His head is spinning and ringing and he wanted to bang his head to the wall to make it stop. He felt his throat dried like sand and he cupped his hand underneath the running water before he took a sip. He coughs badly as he tried to swallow and he could see the blood spurting out on the white sink as he coughs.

Every now and then Henry noticed his coughs would turned badly and blood would still present especially when he woke up middle of the night into a coughing fit.

He cleared his throat again hoping he could take something for it but the only thing he could have is Tylenol and he wished that even he couldn't stop hurting himself, the least he could do was stop taking drugs. It was easy for Henry since after he was in a coma, it was almost like a detox for himself and he wasn't out on the streets being exposed to it making it easy for him not to take it.

Henry could feel the growing pain over the side of his head and he pressed his finger over his temple. He pulled back his sleeves down and headed out from the bathroom hoping a sleep would ease his pain.

Alex hated leaving Henry all alone in the apartment but he can't face him right now. His mind is too messy and he needed a break from it. As soon as he saw Miguel he immediately pulls him into his apartment and fucks him till his mind forget.

But it was no fooling anyone and not even to Miguel. They both laid on Miguel's bed with Alex still staring into the ceiling of Miguel's bedroom letting him plays with his curls. "Que pasa?" Miguel asks him and he sighs. "Just thinking about stuffs." He says and Miguel snorted.

"Don't tell me Dr Alex Claremont-Diaz is thinking about the boy he kept in his apartment. Lucky bastard." He whispered and Alex shot him a look. "Don't." He warned and Miguel eyed him putting on his clothes while he laid in bed naked underneath his blanket.

"Come one! Just stay, he's fine. He's a big boy, he can handle himself." He said and Alex rushed to put on his pants on. "You don't understand." He says and Miguel sighed again. "You mean he doesn't remind you of your sister?" He could see Alex shot him a look before putting on his shirt above his head. "Don't Miguel, I mean it." He warned and grabbed his phone from the table and checked on the time. "Fuck." He mutters but Miguel pulled him by his sleeves stopping him on his track.

"Stay." He pleaded but Alex pulled his arm away from him and headed towards the door instead. "I thought no strings attached remember? All of this just for fun? Catching feelings is not my forte and I don't think we should do this anymore." Alex says and he could see how it upset Miguel to his core.

"So I'm just here whenever you need a fuck and throw me out like a fucking piece of garbage?" He asks and his voice raised towards Alex.

"I don't have time for this." Alex says and headed out but before he did, he took his spare card key he gave to Miguel and he knows exactly where Miguel had place them. He left Miguel's apartment feeling like a jerk but he had to draw a line with Miguel. He needs to know that Alex is not here for a commitment or relationship and he can't keep hoping for him to change one day.

He went back to his apartment finding it dark and he had hoped Henry would leave the light open since its past eight in the evening. "Henry?" He asks and there was a still silent like he always felt when he came home before Henry appeared in his life.

He placed the key card and saw his wallet and his original keycard is by the table. He checked on his wallet finding everything inside just the way he left them. He knew Henry didn't use his card nor his money for anything which earned him more concerned. "Henry?" He called again raising his voice a little but Henry is nowhere to be found.

Alex went to Henry's room immediately after and knocked on the door waiting patiently but nothing came from the other side. He could feel the tightening feeling he had in his stomach as he turn the doorknob and felt the cold invaded his skin sending shivers running down his spine.

"Jesus." He says and noticed the balcony door was slightly opened so he pulled it close and went to adjust the heater in Henry's room. He saw Henry fell asleep on his bed and slowly went to his side. He saw the paleness in his skin and his blonde hair making his skin paler than usual. His pale lips are dry and he wished Henry would just used the lip balm he had purchased for him.

Henry still hasn't awake when Alex sat and stare beside him which worries him. He placed his palm over Henry's arm since Henry slept on his side and shook him softly not wanting him to be startled like the last time he did.

When Henry didn't budge, Alex couldn't help but to worry so he shook him a little harder and he saw how Henry's face contorted into a grimace. His eyebrows furrowed and his forehead crinkled as he wakes up. He coughs again and Alex could hear the how bad his cough had gotten. He could still see Henry is half asleep only that his face is telling Alex he is half awake.

Alex palmed the back of his hand over Henry's cheek and finding it cold as ice. He runs down his palm over Henry's neck and he shivers in coldness, heat radiating from his inside and he panicked. "Henry, Henry wake up." Alex shook him and this time he groaned.

"Henry wake up." He calls again and this time he pushed Henry's body back and he lay flat on his bed not able to lift a finger. "Henry opened your eyes and look at me." He forced him and cupped Henry's cheek with his palm hoping he would wake up soon.

Slowly he could see Henry's eyes flutter in confusion but weak as hell. "Alex." He whispers and he could hear Henry's voice croaked before he coughs again. Alex ran towards his bedroom and took out some medicine before he ran back to Henry in his room and he was already propped up on his elbow having a coughing fit.

"Here take this." He gave him some water he grabbed from his nightstand and Henry still shaking in coldness and illness couldn't get a grip on the glass and almost dropped them on the floor but luckily Alex caught it and helped him drank a little. "Here, this will help." He handed Henry couple of pills and Henry shook his head pushing his hand away.

"No, no drugs." He says and Alex sighed, "It's just Tylenol, it's fine." He said and Henry shook his head repeatedly before he laid his head back on the pillow. "Henry it would be a lot worst if you didn't take these." Alex tried to forced him but Henry couldn't care less.

"Let it be Alex. I'm so tired." He whispered and Alex wished he could scream at him right now but Henry had fallen back to sleep with him still holding on to the medicine and the glass of water in his hand.