Five years, five bloody fucking years since Henry left Alex and never looked back. That night, the look on Alex's face in the bathroom after he cleaned up Henry from his drenched clothes had spark something in Henry's heart. He can't continue living like this, he can't continue hurting Alex with his own problem. He knows how selfish his decision is to leave Alex without even talking about it but he knew if he did, Alex would never let him go and the sight of Alex crying would make Henry changed his mind and they would continue their life in a loop of constant battle of sanity for Henry and reminding him that he is worthy for Alex.

Henry left that night with that note telling Alex to forget about him and he would promised himself that he would either. But there is no fooling anyone, there is not one second in Henry's life that he had gone through without thinking about Alex.

That night Henry left the apartment he was clueless. He has nothing with him but he knows someone else who does, his lawyer and so he walked in those blizzard cold to his apartment and as soon as he opens them, Henry collapsed in his arm. His skin is pale and his lips are blue and Henry could feel his heart is slowing down to the rate of him dying from the cold. He remembers the taste of the tea his lawyer had given him that night and forced him to go seek help and he took it.

The fact that his father had invested in some facility in Zurich helps Henry a lot in this situation. They didn't bother packing when Henry barely had anything with him. So they took the next flight to Zurich and headed to the facility so Henry can get the help he needs. He never looked back, he never thought of himself even survived the therapy and he had made peace if he dies there, let his ashes scattered on the ground. He had his lawyer prepped every single document for him that if in case he dies, Alex would inherited everything. Just as he promised.

But after five years, Henry surprisingly still holding on to the hope of seeing Alex back in his life. Hence there he was in Paris packing his stuffs to get ready for the party he had to attend tonight for the donation he had made in helping Alex's old hospital. He doesn't even know whether Alex is still working there or not but he had to try his shot. He had people went to his old apartment but apparently Alex had sold it and move out, no one can blamed him for doing so and Henry felt heartbroken all over again knowing Alex had moved on. He told him too, he wants Alex to move on but why does it hurts him so much.

So his last attempt to make his way back into Alex's life was this. The large amount of donation that didn't even make a dent in his benefactor account that would reconciled him and Alex for the old time sake. He had to see him, he had to know whether Alex is alright. He has to see Alex once before he let him go again in this life.

As he packed his suitcase and his tux for tonight's event, Henry sighed pressing his temple that starts to grow in pain. He can feel the scars over his left eyebrow underneath his fingertips and he used to play with them when he was worrying or thinking. His assistant, Shan knows his tick by now after four years of being beside Henry. "Sir, it'll be alright." He said pulling Henry's wrist down to avoid him from picking on the scars and made it bleed like last time.

Henry remembers well how he managed to get this scar and it wasn't a memory he wanted to remember. A few months in Zurich, Henry lost all his hope and will to survive. He lost his family, he had lost Alex, the one person in his life that loves him and he can't think of another minute of breathing in that place, so he jumped from the fourth floor balcony of their dining area. 

He broke his ribs again, his arm, his shoulder, his hips and he had fractured his skull causing a bleed in his brain and spent another year of recovery. That is how he met Shan, he was hired by his lawyer to be his caretake to help him in recovery. After a year, Henry finally found a footing in his life and he decides to use his inheritance for a good cause. That is how he ended up here tonight flying back to New York as a benefactor and Shan was hired to be his right hand man for everything that Henry needs, physically or emotionally.

He sighed smiling at Shan pressing his lips together while Shan tapped away on his iPad. "Do you think he'll be there?" He asks and Shan didn't even move his gaze from the screen, "I can check if you want. All you have to do is ask." He says and Henry shook his head, "No, I don't want to stress myself all the way in the plane." Shan smiled closing the iPad in his hand and smile at him. "Then the universe will have you two meet again, I'm sure. But for the meantime, here." He handed Henry a couple of pills for his headache. He remembers being so afraid of this little thing due to his addiction and thanks to Shan, he managed to get it under control.

Shan knows everything about Alex and Henry had no secrets with him. All his insecurities, his illness, his trauma, Shan knows every single details of it. He had pledge himself being Henry's assistant to help him guide him in his empire and also his life. Shan has been his rock to hold him on the ground whenever he feels like he is floating away. He was there when Henry had his panic attacks, his pain, his seizure and his fainting attack after his head was bashed in pieces, Henry is not the same person he was before. His past might catch up once in a while but he fought is braver, stronger each day and Shan is proud of his recovery. He knows the only reason he is doing so well is Alex and he hoped that the two will meet tonight. 

He knows what others don't cause he had spent years with Henry taking care of him. Henry can never lie to him about himself, Shan knows him better than his own. Especially when it gets too cold, Henry would limped due to his broken hip and he would be in constant pain but stubborn as he is, he refused to take his medication so Shan will throw him a bath with salts and essential oil to help him relaxed. When Henry's mind is too busy thinking about trauma past and possibilities, Shan is there to stop him or he'll faints or worse, he would get a seizure. It was the one thing that Shan worried the most since Henry is always hiding it from him.

By eleven in the morning, they already boarded in Henry's private plane and leave Paris for New York. It took them eight hours to arrive and the whole time Henry is fidgeting with his signet ring over his little finger. One of the inheritance he had after his father's. They arrived in New York around two in the afternoon and Henry inhaled the scent of his memories deeply as he stepped on the ground. There's a car waiting to bring them to their hotel and Henry followed Shan after.

The whole time his eyes sets gaze towards the pavement and the buildings that passed through the car window and finally they arrived at the hotel to check in. Shan did everything for Henry as he waited and they both were guided to the hotel room after few minutes later and Shan handed him the card to open his own suite. "Where are you staying?" He asks and Shan pointed to the door by the end of the corner and Henry strained his neck towards the way Shan pointed. "Get some rest, we'll leave in five hours." Shan said and Henry nods softly.

The card in Henry hands brought a lot of memory of Alex old apartment. He remembers it well, considering he lives there for some time. He tapped on the handle and entered staring at the enormous room of his suite. He has his own private living area, a small kitchen and his bed is huge with tall bedpost high up in a ceiling. He noticed the suitcase arrived before he did and he placed it on top of the long chair by the wall. He unzipped them and grabbed his suit to hang it by the wardrobe so it won't wrinkled.

He unzipped one of the compartment and took out his travel pouch and headed to the bathroom. There is a large bath tub in the middle of the bathroom and there is a large mirror by the wall. He stares at himself in the mirror unable to recognize himself from his own reflection. He sighed staring at himself before he leaves the bathroom and headed to the bed.

He didn't even realized he fell asleep and dreamt of Alex right in front of him. He knows that place well, it was Alex's parents home, it was Austin and Alex bare chest is pressing against Henry with a soft smile on his face. But soon his smile changes and Henry can see the rage in Alex's eyes. His soft hands that used to give comfort to Henry is now wrapped around Henry's neck making him hard to breathe and Henry plead for him to let go.

"Please. Alex, stop." He begs over and over hoping Alex would let him go but he swore it only grew tighter and his airway is compressed into a more tighter seal.

"Henry." Alex voice called him but faint and he tried to open his eyes but failed.

"Sir?" The voice called again and he wonders why Alex's voice changed.

"Henry! Wake up!" Shan's voice heard over Henry's face and he jolted from his sleep abruptly.

He coughs few times and felt tears coming down on his face. He climbed down from the bed and sat on the floor holding on to his knees closer to his chest before he sobbed in his own tears.

"Make it stop, please! Please make it stop!" He screamed with his hoarse voice and Shan stroked his arm up and down. "It's just a dream Hen, you're tired. Remember what the therapist said, it will go away. This thing needs time." Shan tried to coax him and Henry had his fingers curled up in his blonde hair and pants. "When?! When will I be free of all of these?! I'm so tired Shan, I'm so fucking tired to keep doing these." Henry cried and Shan exhaled next to him.

"One small step at a time, remember? Talk to me." He pulled Henry from the floor and guides him back to bed.he laid on his side hugging the pillow next to his chest. "Alex's trying to kill me. Tonight is a mistake, I shouldn't have come." He sobs and Shan keep stroking soft circles on Henry's arm. "Maybe. We can pack up and leave now if that's what you want." He said and Henry turned his head sharply behind him to face Shan. "We can go and never to return here ever again. Your choice Henry." He says and Henry sniffed his tears before returning his gaze back to the pillow next to him.

"I need to see him. I have to see him one last time." He cried and Shan nods, "Then get dressed, we are leaving in an hour." He says and Henry wiped his tears with the palm of his hand. Henry obeys although he is the one who supposed to be giving orders but Shan has earned him that much respect and he is part of Henry's life for now.