A/N: I'm sorry for this chapter but it's triggering and it contained self harm.

Henry remembers the time he was making breakfast back in London with his mother. Her eyes are blue like the morning sky and her blonde hair shines like a golden sun. Her skin is pale and he could see the freckles underneath her skin. Henry remembers every details, even her scent, jasmine mixed with honey that he can never find it ever again after her death.

Being here in Alex's childhood home brings back memories of his past. Standing next to Ellen as she guided him to make the American styled pancake that he had grew accustomed too. He could almost see her mother in her, except for the tall part and the accent she has. But her smile, it's almost the same.

They both shared the same colored hair only Ellen had shorter hair than her and she doesn't have much freckles like she does. He couldn't help staring at her whipping the eggs in the bowl then mixed them with colorful colored vegetables. Her hands are worn and Henry could remember how warm they were touching his skin.

But her eyes, hidden plenty of secrets and worries that made her face tiresome. "I heard what happened last night." He starts and Ellen almost dropped the spatula but she caught it in time. She didn't remove her gaze from the bowl and Henry waited for her response.

"Alex is still mad at me about June. I guess he needed some time to heal." She says and Henry sighs. "He was fine before. What triggers it?" He asks and Ellen tried to avoid his question and poured the batter into the pan behind her. It sizzles when it touches the heat.

"He uhm-" she cleared her throat before she continued, "He found June's stash under the bed. I couldn't get rid of it." She says and Henry stayed quiet. He remembers his own stash. The one he hid, taped securely behind the sink so Alex won't find out. He knows Alex found it before and decides to leave it there cause the tape torn and Henry decides to rotate his hiding place. The bathroom, under the bed, in his shoes. Sometimes he had to be more creative since Alex is always in his stuffs.

Henry even understood when Ellen told him that she couldn't get rid of her stash, he knew exactly well how it felt when his mother passed and he still kept her stash that eventually turned into the things that's killing him instead.

"I will try to talk to him." He offered and Ellen shook her head not wanting Henry to be in the middle of this. "It's okay Henry, it's my fault. I just need time to get all of June's stuffs out from that room." She says flipping her pancakes, next to it she had poured the egg batter in and she controls it perfectly. "I know how you felt." Henry told her and this time she turned her head at him sharply. "With my mum." He said and he could see how Ellen's face dropped.

"I remember I hold on to the exact same thing for years till it consumed me. I can't get rid of anything cause I was so scared of losing her again. I still hold on to the fact that she is not gone, she just - lost." Henry breaks at the end and Ellen rushed to his side and hugged Henry close to her chest. "I know better than anyone in this house, I know how hard it is to not let go of things. That everything else in this world moved on except for me."

Ellen pulled Henry away from her hug to face him, she has her hands on Henry's cheek to make sure Henry sees her. "It's not that Henry. Alex is worried that you and June are so much alike. He is afraid of losing you too." She says and Henry couldn't say anything, he was not surprised at it but he was surprised at Alex's thought of him and June alike.

"Mum." Alex called stopping his mother from blabbed further and she looked up towards the stairs and saw Alex is coming down towards the kitchen. He is upset and his hair looks disheveled in the morning and he had his long pants on with his shirt. Henry stood and turned around to face him and Alex can see Henry is upset.

"Is that why you helped me? Offered me a place to stay? Because you think I would end up like June?" Henry said and Alex pressed his lips together trying not to make this situation any worst. He wishes. "I was just trying to help." Alex defends.

"Am I your charity case Alex?" Henry asks and Alex couldn't answer him. He didn't know how to answer him but his silence doesn't make things better. "Oh God. Do you even like me or you just feel sorry for me?" Henry whimpered and Alex can see tears running down his face and tried to escape him from the kitchen but Alex held his wrist strong to stop him.

"You know that I do Henry. I love you and there is nothing that would change that." Alex says and Henry pulled his arm away from him. "You were right about one thing. Me and June, we are alike. But I never ask for someone to save me. I don't need you to save me Alex." He pushed Alex away and stormed out from the kitchen in anger and headed upstairs.

Alex turned his gaze towards his mother by the stove and she had turned off the fire finishing her cooking. "Alex, baby I'm so sorry." She said and she wanted to hug her son but Alex was fuming, he was filled with rage for her and yelled at her.

"Why?! Isn't it enough with June and now you want to destroy my life too?!" He screamed and she held on her tears hard not wanting to aggravate more in him. "I didn't mean too." She whimpered and she can see Alex pulling his messy hair with his finger.

"I HATE YOU!" He screamed and she breaks at his words, "MIJO! CALLATE!" The sound of his father's voice echoed in the house as he walked in to the kitchen. Alex was panting in his breath and Ellen was a complete mess.

"Jesus, this is like endless argument that never changes. It's been years Alex! YEARS! Stop blaming your mother in everything!" He screamed and Alex had his fist gripped on his side in anger. His eyes still burning holes towards his mother.

"This is all a mistake. I should't give you a chance. I shouldn't come back home." He said and tried to leave but his father had him in his grip. "Sit down! Both of you! I am sick and tired of living in this house pretending that you both are the only one that was hurt by June's death."

Alex and Ellen sat by the dining table opposite from each other and he had his arm crossed over his chest clenching his jaw in her presence. "Listen Alex. Enough! Give it a rest. June is dead and there is nothing you can do or any amount of anger you can unleashed towards your parents to prove your point you little shit!"

Oscar hated to use words like this around his family but he had enough of Alex banter over and over in this house and it's always the same argument over the years.

"Listen, everyone coped differently after June left. I tried to remove her stash and I did. I did throw it away and you know what happened? I went back and dig from the trash for her. Even when she is dead, she still had that holds over me and your mother to keep waiting for her to show up through that door!"

Alex can see his father finally shed the tears that he had been holding on for the past years. "Christ!" Oscar says rubbing his palm over his face as he went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. He turned the cap off and gulped down in seconds.

"Do you think Henry and June are the same person?" Alex finally asks his father the obvious question that got him so upset. He sighed before he took a seat next to his wife and saw how Ellen held her tears strong in this situation.

"Absolutely fucking not!" Oscar yelled at him again and Alex looked up to meet his father's eyes. "Henry is haunted by his own past and trauma that none of us, even you could fix. June is just a mess for following a wrong people in her life. If only I could be more helpful and more at home to see it, June would be here right now with us."

The guilt that he felt through his father is killing him inside. "June is old enough to see it when she was using and got herself in trouble, Henry isn't. He was in pain that he needed everything to make it stop paining." Ellen finally spoke and Alex had his eyes lowered to the table in front of him.

"Henry is the best thing that happened to you. Don't lose it." She says and Alex exhaled his long breath in exasperation. "Maybe he is right. I did all of these just because I pitied him. Maybe my feelings for him isn't real after all." Alex slumped into his seat thinking about what Henry had told him earlier.

"Alex, don't be stupid." Oscar told him. "Henry changed you and we both can see that. You are happier. Stronger and more headed into your goals." Oscar couldn't be anymore true, Henry does made changes in his life since they are together and there is no denying it.

"I need to make sure Henry is okay." Alex says and stood up from his seat and she was followed by his parents. "Alex?" Ellen called and he turned with his eyes red in tears. "I'm really sorry. I miss her too and I miss her more when I see you and knowing how it hurts you not having your sister by your side, because of me. I am so sorry Alex." Ellen apologized and Alex breaks. He never sees his mother this heartbroken and especially the grudge that he held inside his heart after all these years had thawed him from inside by seeing his mother this way.

He rushed to her and hugged her in his embrace and she held him tight letting her tears soaked in between them. "I'm sorry for yelling and blaming you for all the years." He said into her ears and she nodded wiping away her tears with helped of her son.

"Go, see if Henry is alright." Oscar told him after he hugged his son. Alex sighed before he climbed the stairs to find Henry in his room.

.

Henry was drowning in his own feeling after he left the kitchen and the look on Alex face kills him from the inside. After he went inside the room and he tried to lock it but obviously, no locks in the door. He was angry, his feeling are mixed and he wanted to get rid of the pain in his chest right now. He sat by the edge of the bed and pants in his own breath.

He went to his bed side and reached from under the bed and found the stash from June's room, the one where Alex had fought with his own mother over. He didn't take all of it just the blade from inside the bag and he hides them in his travel bag where he put his toiletries in.

He took out the blade and it wasn't as big as he used to have, this was a lot smaller and it's more like surgical blade with the sharp end. Henry used to use a razor blade cause it has more grip and easy to control. He sat on the floor by his bed and held on the blade tight in between his fingers.

He rolled up his sleeves on his left arm and saw the faint line scar that almost healed since the last one he had carved. He inhaled and exhaled feeling the need to let the metal blade touches his wrist and his tears fell on his cheek.

"I'm sorry." He whimpered as he let the blade touches his skin and he could see the dark red blood slowly flooded through the line he just created and he felt relieved. Like a swollen pus that was practically begs for him to open and let it be free, that is how he felt. He felt free.

Then he made another, the same satisfaction he had and another till he noticed, the cut was deeper than he had made and it won't stop bleeding even when he tried to stop it.

"Fuck." He cursed and he could feel his body is slowly drifting, light as a feather. His vision was blurred from all the tears and he can see the red that painted his skin has now covered the floor and his legs. He tried to stop it, he tried to grab the towel from the chair and pressed on his wound but he couldn't raised his arm up and he felt so drained.

His head is floating and he could feel himself floating as well. He wanted to sleep right here on the floor and hoped that when he wakes up, it would be better feeling than this. He let his head rested on the bed behind him and his bloody hand fell on his side.

.

Alex was scared to face Henry right now knowing how angry he was earlier but he needed to make sure he is alright. As he stood by his door, he didn't bother to wait for him to answer after he knocked. He let the door opened after he walked in and saw Henry by the other bed side leaning against the mattress right on the floor.

"Hen. I'm sorry, I really am." He starts after he took a seat on the bed with his back facing Henry. He couldn't face him, he couldn't look Henry in his eyes right now. "Please Henry, I couldn't have you mad at me right now. I need you." He said and Henry was silenced.

Alex had enough for Henry silenced and he could smell something familiar in the room. "What is that? What is that smell?" He asks thinking Henry would answer him but he didn't and Alex stood up from the bed. He went around it and saw the blood spilt over the floor by Henry's legs and his wrist is painted red with Henry's head leaning against the bed - unconscious.

"HENRY! MUM, DAD!!" He screamed and went to Henry side cupping his cheek trying to wake him up. "Henry wake up, please wake up. Oh God. Please." He begs and he can see both of his parents literally ran into the room frantic. "Call 911 now!" He ordered and his father rushed to his bedroom for his phone.

Ellen was stunt by the door unable to move her feet and the sight of Henry with his wrist cuts and blood all over the floor had triggered an old memory of June in her. "Mum, focus! Get me towels." He ordered and seeing her mother froze by the door and it brought her attention back into the room. She ran to the bathroom and grab few towels in her hand and handed it to her son.

Alex wrapped the towel around Henry's wrist and he can't stop the tears running down on his face. "Hen, please wake up. Please baby wake up." He tapped on Henry's cheek feeling the coldness of his skin but when he pressed his fingers over Henry's neck, he sighed in relieve, there's a pulse although it's weak but it was good enough for him.

"Baby, please. Please wake up." He tapped Henry's cheek again and hoped he would opened his eyes to him. "Mum, what do I do?" He asks his mother from behind him and she too was too stunned to speak but she pull herself together, at least one of them need too.

"Just keep pressing on the wound." She instructed and Alex did. He saw how the cream colored towel in Henry's hand had turned into crimson red in seconds.

"They're coming." Oscar told them as soon as he walked back into the room after he called for help. Henry is still unconscious on the floor with Ellen by his side pressing on his wrist with the towel. Alex didn't think twice before he lifted Henry off the floor and placed him on the bed.

.

It felt like eternity to wait for the paramedics to come and he wished his father didn't stop him from driving Henry to the hospital. When they arrived, they had replaced a bandage over Henry's wrist and they started him on fluids to replace what he had lost.

The ride wasn't exactly pleasant and Henry still being unconscious with Alex by his side holding on to his hand firmly. His parents decides to meet them at the hospital after they cleaned up Henry's mess and he is glad for not having to see it when he return later.

They took him inside the emergency room and Alex can't help reliving the memories of bringing June here. The same emergency room when she tried to kill herself or the time where they found June overdose and had to bring her here. But this time, it wasn't June and it still feel like it was replayed the same thing over and over.

"Mr Fox? Henry Fox?" The doctor calls in his scrubs and Alex stood immediately to him. The guy is familiar, he thought. "Alex?" He called and Alex still unable to recognize him but took his hand evidently for a shake. "Sorry, do I know you?" He asks and the guy introduce himself as Jared, one of June's friend from high school, not the one who she was hanging out with obviously.

"Wait, so Henry is-" he starts to flip the pages on the folder trying to see his personal information but Alex answered him eventually, "My boyfriend." He said and the guy raised his eyebrow at him. "So, he lost a lot of blood. I assumed he did this before?' He asks and Alex nodded. "He hasn't in a while but something happened at home. I should have seen it."

Jared can see how Alex is shaking right in front of him and he breaks into more tears. He pulled him towards one of the chairs and Alex sobs further into his palm. "Alex, I know this must be hard for you after what happened to June but why would you be with someone who had the same path as June? Aren't you tired?" He asks and Alex shot his eyes at him.

"Because I love him either way. It doesn't matter what he is. I love him, all of him. His worst and his best is what he is." Alex told him and he sighs. "Right, I will refer him to one of the psychiatrist here for an evaluation but he needs to be under suicide watch for at least 24 to 48 hours. Is someone coming to pick you up?" He asks and Alex was confused, "I'm not going anywhere, Henry needs me. I can't leave him." He said standing from his seat, the guy followed him after.

"Alex, he can't see you right now. You're the triggering factor." He said and Alex felt anger running through him. "NO! I need to see him. Henry needs to know that I am here." He shouts and the guy have him in a hold and Alex cries, "Okay, okay. But promise me you stay strong for this." He asks and Alex finally calms and he nods eagerly.

The curtain was drawn and revealed Henry asleep on the bed with his hand bandaged securely over his left wrist. His face is pale, paler than his usual and both of his wrist is tied into a restraint. "Why is he restraint?" He asks and Jared sighed, "Hospital protocol. So he won't hurt himself." He can see how Alex broke beside him and he shook his head.

"No, he is not aggressive, he won't do this I'll make sure of it." He said and Jared placed his palm over Alex's shoulder, "Just for tonight." He said and Alex nodded. He sat by Henry side the whole day waiting for him to finally wake up.