"DOES HE KNOW that we're watching him like creeps?" I asked Dr. Fenix that stood beside me holding his signature black notepad and pen with reading glasses sliding down his nose bridge.

"Amethyst, we are not watching him like a creep. We are observing him for his own wellness." he said with a serious tone and continue to jot down notes on his paper.

I sigh and turn my gaze in front and behind that thick glass is Sage in a room with four white walls and each side of the wall is a large paper with different numbers printed each piece. I'm confused on what's happening and why the hell there's paper with numbers there it's not like we will teach him how to count but Dr. Fenix said it triggers his hallucinations.

It's my first time hearing that someone can hallucinates numbers...

Never heard of that one because mostly they hallucinate seeing or hearing other or unknown people, animals, monsters and objects too. And it was stated that Sage can 'see' and 'hear' numbers and it must have a reason behind it. Surely it's not just because of his mental disorder but also because of something that happened to him in the past that made him hallucinate numbers and talk with them. Though, Dr. Fenix said not everything he hallucinates have something to do with his past and can just be because of the disorder. But in my opinion I believe there is a deeper reason behind it.

"Does he knows that we are observing him?" I ask again.

"Yes. Sometimes his delusions are that someone is always observing him behind the walls. But this sessions only happens every 4 months to see if there is any improvements on the patient." he said and sighs deeply. I nodded and bit my lip returning my gaze at him. Naalala ko unang naming pagkikita at halata na ayaw niya talaga sa mga nurses at doctors dahil ayon sa kanya ay lagi naming siyang pinipilit na uminom ng gamot. Hindi naman siya denial about his disorder pero ayaw niya ng gamot at ng talk sessions with Dr. Fenix meaning ayaw niya tuluyang gumaling. Kaya ang tanong na kailangan masagot don ay Why and What?

Why did he not want to heal?

What is the reason behind his refusal on treatment?

Yesterday after my shift I made my way to Dr. Liam's office to request to change position with Klaire. Thankfully, he agreed because he's easy to convinced and also just because he's nice enough to end Klaire's suffering with Sage. Klaire was so glad when I told her that Dr. Liam agreed that we switch patients. I don't even know why Klaire feared him when he's actually nice. Well, maybe I'll only be saying this because his symptoms didn't resurface when I met him yesterday.

That is why Dr. Fenix brought me in this room because as he said that I should have a glimpse of Sage's condition. They aren't even telling me yet what it is but I'm in no rush so I will ask after the test is finish.

Inside the room with Sage is Nurse David–one of the high ranking nurse–standing far away from Sage.

"For today's observation I will see if there will be difference from his reactions now and before regarding those numbers. He portrays different emotions for each numbers and converse with it." Dr. Fenix stated and signalled Nurse David to continue by using the earpiece they both had on.

"Sage." Nurse David grabbed Sage's attention who's busy scribbling on the paper given to him first thing when he entered the room.

Since his back is facing us my eyes are on the screen in front of me. It's a security camera on some parts of the room so we could see his face even if he isn't facing the one-way glass wall.

I see his eyebrows furrowed and look behind him. Now we can see his face well but he can't see us but he probably felt our stares. I glance beside me seeing Dr. Fenix with a serious expression while staring at Sage.

"Why is a gorilla placed here with me?" Sage mumble with confusion loud enough to reach the microphone in the room and through the speaker in the room I'm in.

Narinig ko ang pagpigil ni Dr. Fenix sa tawa niya pero nang nilingon ko siya ay biglang sumeryoso ulit ang mukha niya.

"One of his most active symptoms are audible and visual hallucinations. Some patients with this disorder have constant symptoms on show but some only come and go." Dr. Fenix explained. My eyebrows furrowed thinking deeply then I ask.

"What disorder does he suffer from?"

"Schizophrenia. He developed it since childhood. It's very rare to have this at a young age but when they develop this disorder it started as a mild one and when left untreated it will get severe. Schizophrenia happens because of genetics, psychological, or environmental. But from my past observations and sessions with Sage it seems that his is both psychological and environmental. It wasn't genetic since his physical and brain examination turned out okay." I nodded and turn my gaze back  on Sage and Dr. Fenix was right about the numbers.

"–Its been a long time. I missed you... You should visit more often." Sage said with a calm tone and expression. His staring at the at the papers direction. His eyes staring at nothing and only sees things his mind created.

Nurse David tear the paper off and Sage's expression turn into confusion but he didn't became angry to Nurse David because Sage hallucinates in seeing Nurse David as a gorilla. It happens on some patients with hallucination symptoms. They can see someone in total different things it can be another person, an animal, or a monster.

"Why do you push number one away, Gorilla?" Sage ask in total confusion. Nurse David crumpled the paper and shake his head.

"I am Nurse David, Sage. Do you hear me? I am no Gorilla and you are only hallucinating." Nurse David said so gently and calm the total opposite of his manly tough appearance.

Sage doesnt look convinced pero bago ulit magsalita si Nurse David ay lumakad palayo si Sage. Until his eyes landed on the paper with the number 19 on it. He paused and his body became tensed at the sight. His eyes held anger and his tightened.

"Y-you! How dare you show yourself again! I h-hate you! You ruined my life already–" he shouted and he fell on his knees gripping his hair. He groans in pain while holding his head hard. Dr. Fenix grab the microphone connected to the other room and started calling out Sage to grab his attention. Nurse David also slowly walked near him as he shout in pain because of the ache in his head. He's having a flashback of the memory that brought him trauma and the number 19 must have triggered it.

Nurse David and Dr. Fenix's voice didn't reach his ears and I quickly snatch the microphone from Dr. Fenix and called out Sage's name ever so calm and gentle.

"Sage.... Sage? Do you hear me?" my voice is soft and gentle. His actions pause and he slowly removed his hands from gripping his hair. He looks up with his deep blue eyes filled with tears. I felt a pang of sadness seeing him in this vulnerable state. He looks around frantically and slowly stood up with shaking hands and knees. His eyes held confusion and pain no doubt seeking comfort to hush the chaos in his mind.

"Amethyst?" His voice is so gentle as he called out my name.

"Yes Sage it's me. Calm down Sage. It will be gone now. Do you want to go back to your room now?" I ask gently and as I said that Nurse David tear off the paper with the number 19 on it.

He ignored my question and his eyes roamed the room until it fell on the one of paper with the number thirteen. He stares at it for a few seconds and then he blinks and now he stares into empty space.

He sees something again. Something his mind created.

"Thirteen!" He exclaimed and the distress in his eyes was no longer there and now replaced with excitement and joy while he hallucinates thirteen. He steps closer to that direction and stop a few steps away from the wall.

"When will you do it again, Thirteen?" He asks and the light in his eyes got replaced with sadness. A moment passed and he is probably experiencing audible hallucinations at the moment.

"When will you save me again? They're getting to me again, Thirteen... They're invading my mind again... Please bring her back to push them away. Please, Thirteen..." he said begging while looking at and empty space with tiredness.

"End of session." I heard Dr. Fenix said and Nurse David nodded from the other side and tear off all the papers on the wall. Another nurse entered and they escorted Sage back to Room 13 for him to rest.

"Kailan siya nag-umpisa mag-react ng ganon sa mga numbers?" I ask and turn to face Dr. Fenix examining his notepad.

"The observation started on February 13, 2019. I started it because on January 14 at that exact year he had an hallucination. He was talking about something named thirteen. I visited him in his room that time and he was talking about thanking and begging 'thirteen' to bring someone back. It made me thought about it. At how vivid his hallucinations were at numbers and about what is the conversation he had with those.

He wasn't opening up no matter how hard I tried. He wouldn't tell me why he was thanking and begging the number thirteen that time and if he sees other numbers too. He just told me that he didn't want to be addressed as Patient 19–his former tagname–and that he want to change it to 13. I wanted to know deeper about his hallucinations with number and attachment to 13 so I scheduled an observation session with him every 4 months to see his reactions, behavior, and conversation with particular numbers." Dr. Fenix stated as I listened intently.

• • •

schiz·o·phre·ni·a
/ˌskitsəˈfrēnēə,ˌskitsəˈfrenēə/

noun psychiatry

a serious mental condition of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.