REMY HAD BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT HIS SLEEPOVER WITH ETHAN. It had been the first one that he had been able to fully get through in almost a year, and it was timed right around when Mark left. Not that he kept track, or anything.

The sleepover, for the most part, was standard, the boys hung out at the park by Ethan's house before coming home and playing video games while eating pizza, Wilma letting them play in the living room while she worked in her room, Treshelle taking the graveyard shift at the hospital.

But, because Remy hadn't gone to a sleepover in quite some time, he wasn't expecting the late night conversations that he and Ethan were having.

"I don't know," he shrugged, glancing down to the phone game the two had been playing as they pretended to be asleep, the humor of the secrecy gone, now only confusion and embarrassment left.

"You can trust me, I won't tell," Ethan pressed, propped onto his arms, and Remy couldn't tell if he was being truthful or if he was just trying to get an answer.

"I don't know," he repeated, because he honestly didn't; considering all that had happened in the past year alone, this wasn't at the forefront of his mind.

"But if you had to choose?" the older boy tried, and Remy honestly had to pause, because now that he got to thinking about it, he couldn't claim he didn't have a clue.

"I mean..." he began, coming to a startling realization that he did, in fact, have an answer, "If I had to choose..."

º º º

The conversation had taken over every aspect of his life. He thought about it as he accidentally fell asleep, when he woke up to the drawings on his body, because he and Ethan agreed that if one of them fell asleep before four, the other had free reign to draw whatever they wanted, but only after after few times they would try to wake the other up, but failed. He thought about it during breakfast and when his mom picked him up, taking him home and letting him sleep, only he didn't sleep, he just thought.

He thought about it at his tutoring session with Peter, not paying attention as he normally did. They got through their homework, but his mind was elsewhere, not realizing that the boy was reporting back to Tony, and had been for a while.

The conversation replayed back in his mind the entire weekend, his thoughts consuming him more and more as he realized the extent of what he had meant, more than what he actually said. It was all consuming and so confusing.

By the time he had to go back to school, he was shaken and almost afraid. He had dragged his feet the whole morning, even going so far as to try and fake sick, but BUDDY had appeared and taken his temperature, reporting back to Birdie that the boy was indeed faking.

That had been something else. The entire weekend, he hadn't spoken to BUDDY. Not once. He had looked over towards his box multiple times, wanting to call him out so they could talk, but he couldn't do it; if he talked about it, that would make it real. It was better he just thought, because even just talking to Ethan about it had been too much talking.

So he went to school and tried to deal with himself, trying not to blush and panic as he partnered with Stephanie Owens, the prettiest girl in his grade with her bright, tooth gapped smile and incredibly curly hair that she wore in two pigtails at the top of her head, she was very smart, but very patient, and even laughed at Remy's lame attempt at a joke.

By the time the bell rang for break, his mind was swimming with so many thoughts and realizations and confusion and fear, and he practically threw himself into Marc, pausing just before he did, just standing in front of him then.

"How was your sleepover?" the boy asked in the same thick accent, looking down at Remy with confusion, "You look sick."

The smaller boy struggled to get enough air, just nodding. "My head hurts..."

Marc tutted softly, lightly taking his arm and tugging him towards the field, the two lying down on the grass and staring up at the sky, and that helped Remy's head for a little bit. He didn't have to look at anyone or focus on anything; he could just close his eyes and try not to think.

Of course, he was never really good at getting his mind to slow down.

"Are you planning something?" Marc asked, because he knew Remy and his plans, and was already preparing himself to be dragged along for the ride.

The boy shook his head minutely, heart pounding and palms sweating. "No. Ethan just made me talk about something."

Marc turned over then, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. "Did he ask you about Tony?"

"No," Remy said, struggling to breathe as he glanced over at the boy, his mind going back to overdrive, "No, it was just..." he paused, struggling to breathe.

Marc simply sat up and held his arms out, patiently waiting. That was something of theirs that, on a regular day, Remy would have happily complied with, craving the feeling of being hugged and held by someone who didn't make his skin crawl whenever they touched him, glad to just sit and talk while the older, larger boy held him close, making sure that he felt safe and warm, like the he did when he was with his parents.

But this was not a regular day, and Remy could only stare at him with wide eyes, heart racing and breath hitching, because he was thinking far too much to be able to even move.

So Marc just did the work for him, scooting closer and pulling him into his arm, needing to wrangle Remy to cooperate, and the smaller boy near stopped breathing altogether, only being able to once he hid his face in Marc's shirt, forcing his body to keep him breathing to stay alive, slow and even breaths, matching the other boy's.

By the end of break, he had calmed somewhat, though his heart still beat rapidly, and by the time an hour had passed, his breathing was growing ragged and his mind was chasing him around, completely missing all his lessons.

Lunch was even worse.

He had had to call his mom at one point, asking her if she knew what was wrong, and she panicked, wondering if was possibly having a panic attack, but while it all seemed to match up, he was able to calm himself at times; in the end, it was just his mind.

"Do you want to go back on your meds?" she had asked, and he just said his goodbye and hung up, mood dampening at the mention of his medicine; he had been able to get away without using them in some time, he didn't want to go back.

So he went to sit with Marc for lunch, only to find the boy talking with Gage and his friends. Marc was still friendly with Gage as they all played on the basketball team, though Remy would be lying if he said he didn't feel a twinge of fear as he saw how happy the boy seemed to be with them.

Maybe Marc didn't want to hang around him anymore.

But then the boy turned and caught sight of him, brightening even more, and Remy couldn't help the flutter in his stomach as relief coursed over him, glancing away when the boy jogged over, scuffing his shoe against the blacktop.

"I'm going to play basketball with them," Marc said, but there was an unspoken understanding that Remy would just sit by and watch, ready to play referee in the event there was some discourse; he had stayed up one night to learn all the rules of basketball so he could keep up with Marc's hobby.

"Hey, Remy," Gage said, coming to stand by them, blond hair shining in the sun and bright smile causing the boy to glance away, cheeks burning and stomach jumping, "How's it going? You sick?"

The smaller boy simply shook his head, not trusting himself to speak; he felt like throwing up, but he didn't necessarily feel bad. Gage didn't seem too believing, but he left well enough alone, pulling the boys over to their table so they could eat lunch together before they started to play.

Remy just ate his food while the other boys talked, glad to have a reason to stay quiet while still being surrounded by enough noise which made it harder for him to think. Of course, he had to struggle to not drown out their voices into background noise, but at least he had something to focus on.

When the boys headed towards the basketball court, falling into teams, Remy went to sit against the fence close by, settling down and starting to fiddle with the cube Peter had gotten for him to help with focusing, smiling as he went around the different sides, messing with whatever repetitive motion there, glancing up every so often to watch them play, eyes trained on Gage and Marc.

"Hey, Remy!"

He startled, turning to see Stephanie waving at him from where she and her friends were making flower crowns. All the girls in the school were making them, bringing fake flowers from the stores, some bringing extras so everyone felt included, giving them to teachers and people who didn't look like they were having a very good day.

"Rachel isn't here today, you wanna help us?" she asked, waving some of the flowers to emphasize her point.

Glancing back over towards the game, then back towards her, he nodded, smiling as he walked around the fence, moving to sit on the side of the hill with them, taking the offered flowers from her, unsure of what to do.

"It's like this," she began, explaining it slowly and carefully, giving him tips and pausing whenever he needed a minute or became too flustered, because these girls had never spoken to him before, and it was all very overwhelming.

"You did it!" Stephanie cheered when he held up his completed crown, and all the girls cheered and clapped, laughing as he blushed a deep red, ducking his head in embarrassment.

"Remy!" one of the boys in the game called out, "I thought you were gonna be our ref!"

"Whoa, wait, you're letting him make a flower crown?" another boy interjected, walking closer to the fence, "You wouldn't let me make one!"

"It's because he'll make good ones," Stephanie explained flippantly, "Here, I'll make one special for you, now go back to playing, you're ruining our flow."

The boy mumbled mockingly, but headed back towards the game nonetheless, tugging the other boy along with him, glancing over his shoulder to give Stephanie a bright grin, letting him know they were okay.

Remy watched the interaction closely, glad to have something to fiddle with as he softly asked, "Do you like him?"

Stephanie paused for a moment, glancing over towards her friends who, after a moment, nodded, and she shrugged. "Maybe. I don't really know, I like a lot of the boys in our class."

"Oh," was all he could say in reply, turning back to making his crown.

She smiled at him for a moment, glancing towards her friends, before holding out a red and gold crown towards him. "If you're gonna be making crowns with us, you gotta have one of your own."

Remy was shocked. He stared at the crown, then up to Stephanie, then back to the crown. She shook it lightly, as if to remind him that she couldn't keep her arm out forever, and he took it from her, placing it on his head, smiling shyly, his stomach fluttering as she reached out and tilted it before nodding and turning back to her work.

By the time lunch was over, Remy had completed a fairly impressive stack of crowns, surrendering them over to the pile which would be distributed later on in the week.

"You can keep that one," one of the girls said, motioning to the first one he had made, "Or you can give it to someone else, but it's yours."

He glanced down at the blue and white crown in his hands, looking around the black top, looking over to Stephanie who was placing a crown on top of the head of the boy from before, Gage grinning as he watched, Marc making his way over to the fence.

"I like this," the boy said, pointing towards the crown on Remy's head, smiling as the boy had to look up to see him, Marc practically leaning over the fence.

"You want this one?" he offered, uncharacteristically flustered, holding out the one in his hands, "We can be matching."

Marc smiled and lowered his head, forcing Remy to stand on his tip toes and place the crown on his head, grinning as he clung onto the fence for balance, looking up at the boy with bright eyes, his stomach flipping.

"Let's go to class," Marc said, jerking his head and heading towards his classroom, Remy walking towards the end of the fence, following closely.

As he neared his classroom, he paused for a moment, heart beating wildly as he waved at Gage who was paused by the hallway to his classroom, smiling brightly, then looking over towards Marc who was still wearing the flower crown that was perched lopsided on his head, the boy glancing back towards him and smiling, then towards Stephanie who was waiting for him to catch up with her, waving him along.

His mind was chasing him and his heart was ready to beat out of his chest and he was sure he had stopped breathing at that point, coming to a final, stuttering realization.

So he might have a crush.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Do you love that I didn't actually mention what that conversation with Ethan was about, meaning that even though I did say that thing in the end, you have no idea who it's actually about? I love it so much, I'm so proud of myself, someone high five me.

Also, I know this is gonna be hard for some of you to believe, but kids can have crushes. There are such things as wholesome little girls who like to hold hands and say they're dating, and in middle school, kids have crushes, no need to make them feel weird for experiencing feelings. (legit, my eight year old brother's best friend has a crush on this girl in their class because she's nice to him, like how cute is that?)

That's all I have to say, so thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!